Trial by Fire
by AnEnduringHope
Summary: Sequel to Journey Through the Flames. "A single moment can take a life and alter it wholly and irrevocably… casting us from the highest point of happiness to the lowest pits of despair... one single moment is all it takes to change everything."
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again, everyone! I want to thank you all one more time for your awesome response to Journey. You made my first experience posting here a true joy! I'm excited to get the sequel out here for you. I hope you enjoy it! I've got a lot planned besides the obvious New Moon story line… there are a lot of "missing pages" in this book that I'm looking forward to filling in. :-)**

**As always, please take a second at the end and let me know what you thought. I love writing these stories, but your reviews add so much to the experience for me! **

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Prologue**

One minute.

In the grand scheme of things, a minute is, to all appearances, an inconsequential thing.

A single day is divided into 1,440 minutes – a week into 10,080. A month consists of 43,680 minutes and a year of 524,160.

The average human lifetime consists of over 36 million minutes. They pass without fanfare — most of the time without any notice at all. And when you have an eternity, a minute tends to lack any significance whatsoever.

Some moments stand out in recall more than others, but most simply run together.

Yet there are times in our lives where we are reminded just how important each of those fleeting moments are. Times when we have no choice but to realize how much weight they carry.

One moment can take us from the highest point of happiness to the lowest pits of despair. It can take a life and alter it wholly and irrevocably… leaving us broken and shattered… scattered on the floor where we've fallen – with little hope of ever rising again… and no way to put the pieces back together as they were.

One moment can transform a life – and the lives of everyone around.

One moment… one single moment is all it takes to change _everything_.

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**Chapter 1  
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**Jasper**

Festive was the word that best described the atmosphere in our home this afternoon. It was September 13th – Bella's birthday. This was the first birthday our family had celebrated in over seven decades, and we were all making the most of it.

Esme was in the kitchen decorating Bella's cake… a pink tiered concoction that smelled like dirt to our inhuman noses, but admittedly looked far prettier than it smelled. Over the last several months, Esme had become quite adept at cooking with human food. Despite the stench, she actually enjoyed it.

Esme poured out her mothering instincts on each of us who claimed ourselves her children, loving us and providing for us as much as our individual personalities and situations called for. But having Bella around, with her human frailties and her more numerous human needs, provided Esme with a different kind of outlet for those mothering instincts. In some ways, Bella had almost become the "baby" of the family.

I could hear Carlisle's voice mixing with Esme's as he helped in the kitchen the best way he knew how – by keeping his wife company and staying out of her way.

Emmett and Rosalie were back after having been gone for several months. They'd spent the summer in Africa, returning yesterday with enough stories from their time away to fill a book. Emmett had regaled Edward with accounts of wrestling with "real" lions, and not the puny American variety. They'd apparently had the time of their lives over the last several months, but it was nice to have them home again. Things just weren't the same without them here.

The one drawback to Emmett and Rosalie's return after any extended absence was the time it took them to readjust to having other people around. It was difficult for them to remember that they weren't the only two present anymore.

Thankfully, they'd finally taken their own little private party upstairs after trying to vacuum each other's faces off just moments ago. I'd reminded them not-so-subtly that they had a room upstairs, please use it. Much as I loved the two of them, there were some images that I'd just as soon not have burned on my brain.

I was watching Alice flit around the room now adding the finishing touches to her decorating scheme. Every single flat surface was covered in vases of flawless pink roses ensconced in crystal vases. She'd carefully positioned Bella's gifts on the table where the cake would be displayed front and center. At the moment, she had her forehead lined in concentration as she arranged the delicate pink rose petals on the table itself.

The idea was to make it look like the petals had been scattered randomly along the surface, but she was deep in concentration making certain that they were positioned exactly where she wanted them.

When it came to Alice and her parties, two words came to my mind – obsessive compulsive.

I got up to stand behind her, watching her fascination as she tweaked and perfected.

Amused by her deep concentration, I wondered if she would notice if I reached out and shifted one of the petals at the end of the table… not much, just a little closer to the one on its right.

"Freeze!" Alice commanded before I even had a chance to move. "Put your hands where I can see them, mister."

I burst out laughing. "Freeze, Alice? Really? There's an exceptionally bad joke there when you stop to think about it. And we may need to do something about the amount of time you're spending around the police chief. You're actually starting to sound like him."

She sighed and shook her head. Crossing her arms, she turned around to face me. "Since you obviously don't have anything better to do than aggravate me," she smiled with saccharine sweetness, "that means you have time to help, doesn't it?"

I made a face. _Walked right into to that one, didn't I?_

"The Japanese lanterns still need to be hung. They're already on the front porch. I'll be out in a minute." She said, dismissing me.

"Yes, ma'am."

I went outside to find the mountain of lanterns piled high on the porch. I shook my head. When Alice did something, it was never half-way. I grabbed several and got started, working my way from one end of the house to the other.

Alice came out a few moments later, standing back in the yard and watching. "I'm supervising," she informed me when I shot her a look with my eyebrow raised. "Besides, you're taller than I am; you can reach easier," she said with a smug grin.

When I got down to the last one, Alice piped up from her position on the lawn. "That one needs to go a little farther to the left." I sighed and moved it over as she directed. "Nope, that's too much. Back the other way just a smidge." I did. "I said a smidge, Jasper. It's practically touching the one on the right."

"No, it's not," I protested. "I have excellent eyesight, Alice, and, I promise, it's perfectly centered."

Alice rolled her eyes, shaking her head again. "Never trust an amateur to do the work of a professional," she grumbled under her breath, taking my place and adjusting the lantern exactly where she wanted it.

"Alice! That's exactly where I had it the first time."

"No, it's not," she said, her lips twitching as she fought a smile. "You had it way over here," she said pointing to a spot several inches away from where it was before. It finally dawned on me what she was doing… aggravating me just as I'd done to her earlier.

"Turn about, Jasper," she said in an airy little sing-song voice when she saw the pieces click in my mind, "is fair play."

"Oh, is it now?" I asked with a mischievous glint in my eye.

Alice laughed and sprinted across the lawn an instant before I grabbed for her. She ducked behind one of the massive trees, poking her head around the side. Her eyes sparkled with laughter as I stalked her across the yard.

After so many years of mock-fights with a mind-reader and a psychic, I'd learned to rely on my instincts rather than strategy even more so than ever before. Even still, it was very nearly impossible to fake Alice off. In the split second that I decided on a move, she was already evading it.

The moment I actually made a grab for her, she twisted to the side and flew towards the house. I was right on her heels laughing with her as she raced through the front door and up the staircase.

Her squeal echoed through the hall as I wrapped my arm around her waist, spinning her around and hoisting her over my shoulder before she could slam our door in my face. I kicked the door shut, mindful not to crack it, and tossed her onto the bed. She bounced once, shaking with laughter as I pounced on top of her. I slung one of my legs over her hips, pinning her in place and imprisoning both her wrists with one hand. I showered her face with kisses and playfully nipped her ear lobes and the length of her exposed neck.

"Now what are you going to do?" I teased as she struggled half-heartedly to get free. "I'd say that little plan backfired on you, didn't it?"

"I give," she laughed breathlessly against the onslaught of kisses. "You win. Now let me up. They're going to be here in a few minutes, and I'm not ready yet."

I kissed the tip of her nose one more time before releasing her. She danced into her monstrous closet and slipped into a purple silk dress that hugged her form in all the right places. I sat on the edge of the bed and stared unabashedly at my wife, letting a little of my _appreciation_ seep out so she could feel it.

Alice giggled and flitted back over to the bed, her dress sashaying around her knees. "Have I told you today how much I love you?" She asked, a smile in her eyes, as she came to stand between my knees, winding her arms around my neck.

"You may have mentioned it once or twice," I slipped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer, "but I can never hear that too much." I nuzzled my face in the curve of her neck, kissing the silky soft skin there.

"That's a good thing," she purred, kissing my hair. "Hold on to that thought," she said, lifting my face and kissing me softly. "I have a few last minute things to do downstairs, and I'm running out of time. I laid your clothes out for you in the closet."

I dressed in the black slacks and the button-down shirt that Alice had set aside for me and slid the gray cashmere sweater over my head. Running my hand through my unruly curls, I jogged back down the stairs to see Alice and Esme putting the finishing touch on the living room. The cake had been given its place of honor amid the gifts, and more bowls full of roses had been placed on the outside steps.

"What do you think?" Alice asked, eyes bright with excitement, as she watched me take it all in.

"It looks beautiful," I replied honestly. "Nothing less than what I would expect from you."

Alice beamed at my praise, but then her face fell slightly. "But do you think Bella will like it?"

I snorted and raised one eyebrow. "We are talking about the same Bella, right? The one who's apparently allergic to being the center of attention?"

Alice laughed once lightly, the sound like wind-chimes. "I suppose. I just want it to be perfect for her. After all, she'll only turn eighteen once."

"Relax," I stepped up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. "You've outdone yourself."

The roar of Bella's truck in the distance announced Edward and Bella's impending arrival.

"They're here." Alice called unnecessarily. We could all hear the choking sounds of the decrepit truck.  
I couldn't imagine why Bella wouldn't let Edward buy her another vehicle for her birthday. That rusty monstrosity sounded as if it was going to keel over at any minute. And how could she stand not being able to drive any faster than 50 miles an hour? Living in a family of speed-demons, that was something I just couldn't make my mind comprehend.

Everyone assembled in the foyer as Edward pulled up in the driveway. "All right, don't forget – all together when they open the door!" Alice instructed as she skipped to my side and slid her hand into mine. I soaked up everyone's eager anticipation, just as excited as the rest of them.

Edward got out of the truck and went around to open Bella's door for her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as she slid out of her seat and led her up the walkway to the house. She must have said something funny because Edward was laughing as they walked up the stairs. I could feel Bella's anxiety bubbling as she made her way to the front door. I didn't think I'd ever encountered anyone with such an aversion to attention before.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" we all chorused as they stepped into the foyer. Bella's anxiety increased tenfold as she took in all of Alice's decorations. Edward must have sensed it too, as he wrapped his arms a little tighter around her and leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

How did he do it? I wondered, still a little amazed after all these months. As difficult as it was for me to resist the call of her blood, it was a thousand times worse for him. Yet he did. Every day.

I swallowed the rapid influx of venom to my mouth, pushing the allure from my mind. She'd been in our home enough over the last few months that I'd had plenty of practice doing so.

My admiration for Edward's control was tainted with a certain level of envy as well. As much as he desired her blood, he desired her person more. He was able to push that thirst aside in order to be close to her. He acted as if it was effortless to hold her so close to his side – as if it required no restraint on his part to press his lips to hers. I wondered sometimes if Bella knew just how much it cost him to be close to her. But then again, I didn't see how she could.

The changes in my brother over the last several months never failed to amaze me. The life I saw in his eyes when he was with Bella was something I never tired of seeing. I was glad to see him this happy – he deserved it. And like a chain reaction, the rest of us in the family couldn't fail to be affected by his joy.

Carlisle and Esme were the first to greet Bella. Esme hugged her carefully and kissed her forehead. Carlisle wrapped his arm around Bella's shoulder. "Sorry about this," he stage-whispered, "We couldn't reign Alice in." Alice made a face and stuck her tongue out at him in a motion so fast I knew Bella would have missed it.

Behind them stood Rosalie and Emmett. Rosalie didn't smile, but she didn't glare either. It had been her practice to pretend that Bella simply didn't exist. As far as I was aware, she had yet to even speak a single word directly to her.

Emmett, however, was a completely different story. He had warmed to Bella quickly, finding her human responses – and her clumsiness – quite hilarious. He enjoyed having her around, never missing an opportunity to tease her… just as he did now. "You haven't changed at all," he said with mock disappointment, though humor twinkled in his eyes. "I expected a perceptible difference, but there you are, red-faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot, Emmett." Bella said as she blushed all the more. I pointedly ignored the way the blood pooled so invitingly under the paper-thin barrier of her skin. Venom rushed again to coat my mouth, but I swallowed it convulsively, rebuking myself harshly for even that instinctive reaction. I knew better.

"I have to step out for a second," Emmett said. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone," he commanded, winking conspiratorially at Alice as he spoke.

Alice's excitement was rising by the second. I knew she wasn't going to be able to contain herself much longer, and, honestly, I was a little surprised she'd lasted this long. My impatient little pixie. She let go of my hand and skipped to Bella with a dazzling smile lighting her face. The sheer beauty of her smile, even when not directed at me, still had the power to make my heart feel like it wanted to skip a beat.

I smiled as warmly as I could when I caught Bella's gaze. I knew my distance frustrated her – that she thought that I disapproved of her for some reason. I wished she understood that it was _because_ I cared about her that I stayed so much in the background. I simply couldn't afford to be careless. The stakes were far too high for me to even consider failure. She meant too much to my family.

"Time to open presents!" Alice declared as she took Bella by the elbow and towed her to the table laden with the cake and presents. Bella had the look of a martyr being led to her death. "Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything – "

"But I didn't listen." Alice interrupted her. I almost laughed out loud at Alice's smug expression. Of course she didn't listen. That would mean passing up an opportunity to shop – and that, in Alice's book, constituted one of the seven deadly sins.

Alice took the camera Bella had been clutching since she walked in the door and placed a big, square silver box in her hands – the present from Emmett, Rosalie, and me. Bella tore off the paper and stared, obviously trying to make sense of what it was. She finally opened the box only to find that it was empty.

"Um... thanks." she said. She looked so confused I finally did laugh out loud. Even Rosalie had to smile a little at her perplexed expression.

"It's a stereo for your truck," I explained, erasing her look of confusion. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it." Which happened to be Alice's idea. She knew Bella well.

Bella grinned. "Thanks Jasper, Rosalie." I smiled back at her in welcome. "Thanks Emmett!" She called a little louder, knowing he could hear her. I heard Emmett's booming laugh from the garage.

That little detail – only barely raising her voice, knowing Emmett would hear her from outside – was just one small indicator of how easily Bella had adapted to our world. She never seemed fazed by our extra senses or abilities. She accepted everything in stride – accepted us as we had never been accepted by the human world before. She was an odd little human, but we were all exceptionally grateful for that.

Different though she was, she fit right it, filling a void we'd been entirely unaware of before. It was heartwarming to observe the changes now – to see how our family interacted with Bella like she'd always been one of us.

Edward was the most obvious difference, of course. He was smiling at her now as if she was his whole world – which she was. There was no question about that.

Alice hung on Bella's arm, plying her with the presents – one of the outlets she used to show her love. She had been so impatient for Edward to give her the approval to talk to Bella, and now the two girls were nearly inseparable. I knew Alice loved Bella like her own sister.

Carlisle and Esme had quickly come to think of Bella as another daughter. The love radiating from them as they watched us all together was far more eloquent than words ever could be.

Emmett had from the start treated Bella like his little sister, constantly teasing her. I think it was a kind of game to him to see how often he could make her blush. Even Rosalie, still dealing with her jealousy issues, had stopped being antagonistic. She was by no means accepting, but she had stopped being openly hostile.

The ever-present burn in my throat was bearable – offset by the joyous emotional atmosphere of my family. At times like now, I could almost ignore it if I tried hard enough. I smiled watching the whole family together. Wanting to actually be a part of their fun instead of lingering on the outskirts, I took a few steps closer towards the center of the room.

"Open mine and Edward's next!" Alice was so excited that her voice had become a high pitched trill. She thrust another package at Bella. This one was small and flat.

Bella turned to give Edward a glare that I'm certain she meant to look menacing but which didn't quite succeed. "You promised," she accused. Before Edward had a chance to defend himself, Emmett came bounding through the door.

"Just in time!" he crowed. I moved in even closer as he did, not wanting to be on the outside of my family anymore, wanting to join in and be a participant and not just an observer.

Edward lovingly brushed a strand of hair from Bella's face. "I didn't spend a dime." he assured her. I could hear Bella's heart speed up as he touched her face.

Bella sighed deeply and turned to Alice. "Give it to me."

Emmett chuckled, whether from Bella's resigned expression, or from the fact that her heart was still reacting to Edward's thumb rubbing circles on the back of her neck, I wasn't sure.

Edward had told the truth – he hadn't spent anything on Bella's gift… only his time in making it. He'd spent one night last week at the piano recording onto a CD many of the songs that made him think of her. As opposed as Bella was to gifts, I didn't see how she could object to this one. Alice had seen that she would love it, in fact. The love he felt when he looked at her was almost audible in every note he recorded.

Bella took the little package from Alice's hand, rolling her eyes as she did so. I leaned in with everyone else, wanting to see her reaction to his unique and thoughtful gift. She stuck her thumb on the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape. "Shoot," she groaned.

In a split second, everything changed.

The smell of her spilled blood caught me completely off guard, hurtling into me like a battering ram and immediately obliterating every last shred of control that I had fought so hard for in the last five decades. My vision colored with the red haze that had, at one point years ago, been a daily part of my life. My senses were immediately taken prisoner to the bloodlust that I was defenseless to counterattack.

All it took was a single moment for my family to fade into nothingness around me.

That single moment was all that was necessary to send me right back to the pits of hell that I had worked so tirelessly to escape.

A single moment was all it took to transform me from the man I had fought so hard to resurrect, to the monster I had thought I'd left behind.

In that moment, I did the only thing I could do – the one thing my instincts demanded without mercy.

I lunged.

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**Alice**

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"No, Jasper!" I screamed, but it was too late. I saw the events unfolding in my mind a fraction of an instant before they occurred right before my eyes, barely believing that they could be true.

My love's eyes were crazed, beyond the point of sanity as he hurled himself across the room.

"_No_!" Edward roared as, in a single horrifying instant, he realized what Jasper was doing. He threw himself in front of Bella, knocking her across the table and out of Jasper's path. The table crashed to the floor, scattering the cake, the remaining presents, the flowers, and the cake.

With a sickening crash, Bella landed in the mess of shattered crystal. Now it was no longer just a paper cut. Blood pulsed and gushed from the deep wound in her arm.

Jasper was in a frenzy as he slammed violently into Edward, the crashing sound echoing through the room like boulders in a rock slide. There was another sound too, a deep, grisly snarling sound that came from deep in Jasper's chest as he snapped at Edward's face, desperate to get past him.

I stood frozen in horror as I watched everything Jasper had fought for be razed to ashes in one unguarded instant. I struggled to even make my mind believe it.

_This can't be happening._

It seemed like a lifetime, but in reality it was only a split second before Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind, locking him in his massive steel arms and yanking him away from Edward. Jasper struggled wildly in the prison of his grip.

Somewhere in the distance I heard Carlisle's quiet voice. Always in control – even now in the face of such devastation. "Emmett, Rose, get Jasper out."

Jasper gave no sign of having heard him. His crazed eyes were focused solely on Bella's bleeding form.

"Come on, Jasper." There was no teasing now in Emmett's voice. He tried to wrestle him out the door. He was bigger than Jasper was, but even so Jasper's single-minded focus rendered him not easily moved.

Blood continued to pulse out of Bella's arm, permeating the entire room. Through my own horror, venom began pooling copiously in my mouth as my mind registered the overpowering allure. My heart knew the bleeding girl on the floor was my best friend, but that had no influence on my instincts. My throat still flamed, my body screaming for – demanding – her blood.

Through the terrible burn in my throat, I glanced around the room to see all of us suddenly ravenous – each one of us fighting wildly against the unexpected onslaught of this crippling thirst.

Edward growled a menacing warning again as Jasper continued to fight against Emmett's hold. He crouched down defensively in front of Bella, entirely blocking her from view. Rosalie stepped in front of Jasper, staying as far away from his gnashing teeth as she could, and helped Emmett shove him out the back door.

Finally able to move again, I cast a final, regretful look in Bella's direction. "I'm sorry," I choked, hating myself for having to fight so hard to resist her blood. "I can't…"

_I can't do this._

I had to get out.

I ran outside, breathing deeply of the untainted air, just as my beloved returned to reason. I could see it in his face as he came back to himself, realizing what he had done. His expression was appalled. He shook his head, not wanting to believe that what he knew was true.

Jasper's eyes met mine, and my heart crumbled into little pieces as I watched the play of emotions across his face as he recalled what he had tried to do.

Without a word, he tore his eyes away and turned, fleeing into the cover of the woods.

I glanced up to the rest of my family. Emmett's expression was far more grave that I'd ever seen it before. Rosalie had her arms crossed over her chest, gnawing on her lower lip. There was no condemnation on her face; she was just as disturbed as the rest of us.

But it was Esme's face that broke my heart even more than it already was. Like the rest of us, she'd been tempted as well – and hated herself for it. If her body could have produced tears, they would have been pouring down her face in streams. A sob caught in my chest just looking at her stricken expression.

I wrapped my arms around her, wanting to comfort my mother, yet needing comfort myself. We clung to each other for a moment as we struggled to come to terms with what had just happened. I knew I needed to go to Jasper – he would need me now. But that meant that I had to be the strong one for him… and I didn't know if I could do that.

Esme smoothed her hand over my hair when I pulled away. Her sorrowful eyes spoke volumes, though her lips said nothing. This was one of those times when words were empty – there were no words in any language that I knew that were even remotely adequate for our heartbreak.

And deep down, I feared that it would only get worse instead of better for now… especially for Jasper. It would be a long time before he would be able to forgive himself for this.

Leaving my family on the back porch, I followed Jasper's trail to the Rainier field – the very same field that our family had banded together to save Bella from the nomads only a few months previously. This was the scene that had led to one of Jasper's greatest victories over his nature… but now I knew that victory would forever be overshadowed in his mind by his greatest defeat.

When I saw him sitting so disconsolately in the middle of the field, with his head buried in his arms, I had to suppress a burst of anger quickly before he had a chance to identify it. I knew he'd misinterpret the cause. He'd automatically assume it was directed at him when, in fact, nothing could be further from the truth. I wasn't angry with him… how could I be? Deep in my heart, I knew it could have just as easily been me.

As I looked at my warrior-husband so shaken in front of me, my heart wept the tears my eyes couldn't cry for him. I wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all. Out of all of us, he'd been dealt the shittiest hand in this life.

Jasper was one of the strongest individuals I'd ever encountered in my entire existence. He was a survivor, as each of his scars so plainly showed. When I saw those marks, I didn't see weakness as he did, I saw the strength they symbolized. He'd survived horrors that no one should be able to live to tell about. He'd overcome circumstances that would have left a lesser man annihilated.

He fought the hardest of any of us and had the least to show for it.

Jasper expected perfection from himself, yet at the same time had difficulty believing he could do anything right. He was fiercely loyal… even when that loyalty was to his detriment. He deeply wanted to please those he loved, but nothing he did was never enough to satisfy himself. He had a hard time seeing past his disappointments.

Over the last several months, I had thought we were making progress. After the incident at the ballet studio, I had thought he'd gained some confidence. He'd proven that he could resist even that intense level of temptation. He'd adjusted to Bella' presence in our home far more easily than any of us had dared to dream.

Yet a single unguarded moment was all it took to shatter that newfound confidence into thousands of little shards at his feet.

Just as every time before when we'd thought he'd gained that confidence in himself, something had happened to beat him down again. It was always one step forward and ten steps back.

It wasn't fair.

It just wasn't fair.

He fought too hard to keep being disappointed like this.

I knelt by his side. My heart twisted painfully when he wouldn't even look at me. I knew he was ashamed of himself… so much that he was drowning in it. And I knew there was a part of him that was afraid that he'd see condemnation if he looked in my eyes… even though he should know better than that.

I ran my hand over his hair, tousled by the wind, and scooted closer to him. He turned his head, hiding his face from me, but I wasn't letting him pull away. I wrapped my arms tightly around his shoulders and thought of how desperately I loved him – so much so that my heart almost ached from it – and let that love bathe his bruised heart.

Finally after a long moment, he shifted in my arms to bury his face against my neck with an agonizing groan of defeat. He snaked his arms around my waist, clinging to me like I was the only thing holding him together now.

I would have given absolutely anything to go back in time, even just an hour. I cursed myself for my part in bringing this about. If I hadn't insisted on a party, we wouldn't be here right now. After all, I was the one to put the damn present in Bella's hand. If I hadn't, this never would have happened.

I cursed my stupid second-sight for failing me when I needed it the most. If I had seen the paper cut even a moment earlier, I could have done something…

What good were these visions that made me a freak if they couldn't be used to protect the people I loved the most?

I held tighter to Jasper, burying my face in his hair as we grieved together. In my mind's eye, I looked back to the house. Esme, fully in control of herself now, was pouring bleach into a bucket, preparing to clean the bloodstains from the living room floor. But even that wouldn't be enough to completely do away with the smell.

Carlisle was tending to Bella's wound, stitching up the gash in her arm. She seemed to be all right. It was Edward that worried me though. I could see that he was on his way out here. He wanted to speak to Jasper. My arms tightened protectively around my beloved, afraid of what Edward might be planning to say. So help me, if he did anything to make him feel worse than he already did…

I relaxed slightly when I saw he had no intentions of doing anything like that. In fact, Jasper might just listen to him even if he wouldn't to me. Edward might be the only one able to absolve some of Jasper's devastating guilt. It was worth a shot at least.

I couldn't help but wonder, though, who was going to be able to help Edward. I saw him now, standing at the edge of the forest closest to the house, leaning heavily against a tree. His face was obscured in the shadows, but it was his eyes that frightened me. They were utterly void – drained of all signs of the life that had characterized him over the last several months. He looked defeated. He looked crushed.

The future flashed briefly before my eyes, flickering like a candle flame in the wind. I could see that something was changing… but what I didn't yet know…. and I was almost afraid to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

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**OK, a couple of things real quick before we get the chapter going…****Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Journey Through the Flames was nominated for a TwiTastic Award! Thank you so much to whomever nominated! That's something I still have a hard time wrapping my head around, but wow, what an honor! The voting is going on now, so if you read and enjoyed Journey, I'd love to have your vote. I'll have a link to the site on my profile page. :-D**

**And secondly, I altered the timeline of events in this chapter just slightly. I don't think it'll be noticeable unless you read this chapter in New Moon like yesterday, but I really wanted to wanted to see this particular conversation in here. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 2**

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Alice

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The sound of Edward's approaching steps caused me to lift my face from where I had laid it against Jasper's hair. My arms tightened reflexively around his shoulders as our brother approached. Jasper still hadn't lifted his face – he had yet to even look at me. He was drowning in his shame.

I knew Edward was hurting terribly – I could see it in his eyes – but, selfishly, I wanted him to say or do something that would ease some of Jasper's guilt. I knew he wouldn't listen to anything I could say, but maybe, coming from Edward, he might be able to take it a little more to heart.

Edward came to stand a few feet away from me. Through the grief and lifelessness of his expression, he attempted a smile as I looked up at him with my plea in my eyes.

"Alice, could we have a few moments?" He asked quietly.

Nodding slowly, I slid my arms from Jasper's shoulders, reluctant to let go of him. Gently, I nudged his head up from its hiding place on my shoulder. I cupped his face in both my hands, stroking my thumbs along his cheekbones, and brought his eyes up to mine.

The look there felt like a literal blow to my midsection. I wanted to double over in pain. His eyes were desolate… hopeless like I hadn't seen them in so many years. I had fervently hoped never to see this look in his eyes again. But, in spite of my best efforts, I hadn't been able to do anything to prevent it.

I held his bleak eyes with mine. "I'll be back," I promised solemnly. He made a weak attempt at a nod. With a deep sigh, I lay my forehead against his, hating the thought of letting go of him while he was in so much pain.

I pressed my lips to his in a gentle kiss once… twice. He sighed against my mouth – a painful, shuddering sound – and cupped his hand over mine where it still rested against his cheek. Reluctantly, I released Jasper, standing slowly.

Edward squeezed my shoulder in a silent gesture of support as I stood. Without thinking, I threw my arms around his waist. He wrapped his arms around my shoulder and leaned down to kiss the top of my head.

We were all broken… we all needed each others support and comfort right now… possibly more so than ever before.

With a final squeeze around Edward's waist, I left, leaving my brother to talk to my beloved in some semblance of privacy.

My steps back to the house were sluggish and slow. I was almost embarrassed at the thought of seeing my best friend – my sister – after being so tempted by her blood earlier. I knew she wouldn't be angry. I knew that if we didn't bring it up, she'd never speak of it again – she was just that forgiving. But still…

She was still in Carlisle's office when I walked in the front door. Esme was on her hands and knees cleaning the floor where Bella's blood had been spilled. My throat flamed in response, though my nose burned from the scent of the harsh odor of the bleach, but I considered the flames leaping in my throat a just kind of punishment.

I knew Bella would need something else to wear home. Charlie was certainly used to her coming home injured in some form or another, but it wouldn't go over well for her to return home in her blood-soaked shirt. That would invite questions that none of us had the mental energy to lie to.

Esme was the closest in size to Bella, so I went into her closet to find a shirt similar enough in cut and color that Charlie wouldn't notice the difference. As I passed by the door to Carlisle's office, I spoke too quickly and quietly for Bella's human ears and asked him to send her to me when he was done.

I found what I was looking for and went back to my room, sitting on the edge of the bed and burying my face in my hands. I was trying not to eavesdrop on Jasper's conversation with Edward, but it was difficult to ignore the visions. I was always attuned to Jasper, more so than anyone else, but visions of him were especially frequent when he was hurting or in danger.

There was a part of me, deep inside, that feared someday he'd have enough and decide it wasn't worth this. He hated feeling weak, and that feeling was something he couldn't escape these days. I'd seen the depression that consumed him when he fed the "normal" way. I knew how relentlessly his conscience plagued him when he did. But I also knew how much a failure he felt when his nature prevailed over his conscience.

There was no easy answer for him any way he turned. He seemed to be damned either way he tried. And I hated it… I absolutely hated it for him. He deserved so much better than this.

I pulled myself together when I saw that Bella was coming this way. "Alice?" She called unnecessarily before stepping hesitantly into my room. "Carlisle said you were waiting for me."

"Yeah. I was." I said softly, offering the shirt to Bella in my outstretched arms. I cast a rueful glance at my best friend. I wanted to apologize for my hideous lapse earlier – for even being tempted by her blood – but I couldn't quite find the words.

Bella grimaced, "Good thinking. I guess Charlie would get suspicious if I came home looking like this," she gestured to the ruined shirt she was wearing. "But then again, by this point, he shouldn't be surprised." Her attempt at a smile fell flat.

"Do you need help changing?" I asked as she took the blouse.

She shook her head. "I think I can get it." I turned around, giving her privacy as she slipped the clean shirt on over her head. She grunted in pain a couple of times at the movement, but she managed to get herself changed.

I walked over to the vanity while she worked the shirt over her head and picked up a brush. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I patted the space in front of me for her to sit. She did, without hesitation, and I ran the brush gently through the mussed strands of her hair.

"How's your arm?" I asked quietly as I started stroking the brush through the lowest ends of her long hair.

"It's fine," she shrugged. "I've certainly had worse."

Yes, she had, especially since having met us. At the reminder, I couldn't help remembering the long weeks at the hospital in Phoenix before she'd been well enough to move, and then the weeks after that where she'd needed help with even the most simple tasks. She'd been in bad shape, but at least it hadn't been directly caused by our hands… not like this had been.

We'd fought to save her before. This time she almost needed someone to save her from us.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm _so_ sorry." I whispered lowly, still working through her tangles.

She turned, her hand, blazing hot against my cheek, lifting my downcast face to look at her. "You haven't done anything wrong to be sorry for." She sighed when I didn't respond, "Don't apologize for what you are, Alice. That's not something you can help." With a sigh, she turned back around, letting me resume my task.

I worked in silence for a few moments before her quiet voice broke through again. "How's Jasper?" She asked with genuine concern.

As the image of my beloved's desolate face came to mind again, a jagged wave of pain ripped through my chest. All I wanted was to lay in the floor, curl into a ball and weep. I shrugged instead, biting my lip and absently toying with one of Bella's curls, twirling the strands with the brush.

"He feels absolutely terrible." I whispered, my voice rough with pain. "You don't have any idea."

Bella turned around again and caught one of my hands in hers. "I don't blame him, Alice. I'm not mad at him… not at all." Her quiet voice was earnest and unquestionably sincere. "You'll tell him won't you? I don't know if that will make him feel any better, but it's worth a shot, right?"

My eyes burned with emotions seeking an outlet. Truthfully, she had every right to be angry – even as fiercely protective as I was of Jasper, I knew that. She had every right to avoid him for the rest of her human life… and it would be entirely fair for her to do so. But she wasn't concerned with that. She was so selfless that she was seeking to eradicate his guilt.

"I'll tell him," I promised in a choked whisper. Looking down at her hand clasping mine, marble held by fragile glass, I bit my lip again. "He tries so hard, Bella… and it's so much worse for him than for the rest of us. And then when something like this happens, he… it makes him question everything."

I wasn't sure how much Bella actually knew about Jasper's history. She knew he was the most recent to our way of life – Edward and Carlisle had both told her that. But, as far as I was aware, that was all she had been told. There was _so much more_ to it than that – that was only one small factor in the whole scheme of things. I knew this wasn't the right time to tell her why he struggled so badly, and it wasn't my story to tell anyway, but I wanted her to understand… to know that he _was_ trying.

"Will he be all right?" Bella asked, squeezing my hand with her fragile human strength.

I nodded. "Given some time, yes, he will be."

Bella hesitated, wanting to ask about Edward, though it seemed like she was almost afraid of the answer.

I smiled half-heartedly. "He's blaming himself for it all. You know how he is." Bella and I exchanged a chagrined smile. Yes, we both knew.

"It was an accident… it's not the end of the world. He needs to understand that," Bella said absently.

"I know. But good luck convincing him of that."

Bella sighed, her shoulders heaving. We both knew Edward wouldn't be easily persuaded… if he could be at all. And speaking of whom… I could see him now, heading this way.

"Edward's on his way back. He's ready to get you home." I told Bella in response to her questioning gaze.

She nodded and stood. "Will I see you in school tomorrow?" She asked hesitantly.

"Probably not," I said, shaking my head regretfully. "Jasper's going to need me for a while. I can't leave him while he's like this."

"Okay," she said in understanding. "But you'll call if you have a chance, right?"

"Definitely," I promised.

The front door opened almost silently as Edward ghosted into the house.

"Edward's waiting," I said, pushing a lock of hair over her shoulder. Her arms wrapped around me in a hug, and we clung to each other for a moment. The two of us were in the same boat right now… we both had hard-headed men, intent on wallowing in blame, to talk sense into. And both of us knew it wouldn't be easy.

Bella pulled back after giving one last squeeze which I returned carefully. "I'll see you soon," she said quietly.

"Good luck," I half-smiled, though I was serious.

"Thanks," she chuckled lightly. "You too."

Bella went downstairs then and the front door closed moments later. Her truck roared to life and they were gone.

I glanced into the future, searching for Jasper... he was exactly as I'd left him earlier. His hair, ruffled slightly by the wind, was the only part of him that moved. He wasn't blinking. He wasn't breathing. His body was as still as stone.

With a deep sigh, I opened the window and dropped to the ground, sprinting back out to the field. It was exactly as I'd seen in my vision. His eyes were faraway… his body entirely motionless. His whole being screamed of absolute desolation.

It broke my heart to pieces all over again.

In an instant, I was at his side. His only movement was to take in a deep breath. I knelt beside him and placed my hands on his shoulders, nudging him gently onto the grass. He went without any protest whatsoever.

I draped my body over his, trying to cover as much of him as I could… like I could actually shield him. I wanted to soak up his pain in my body. I wanted to defend him from the despair that clawed at his heart. I wanted to take his doubts and his fears and insulate him against them… protecting him from their vicious blows.

But I couldn't.

So, I simply laid there with him… heart against heart… sharing in his pain.

I was immensely relieved when his arms immediately wound around me – one encircling my waist and the other draped across the length of my back, his fingers tangling themselves in the strands of my hair. He held me tightly to his chest and turned his face towards me, pressing the softest whisper of a kiss on the top of my head.

There was no denying that this situation we found ourselves in was horribly bad, but I had to believe that we would find our way through it somehow.

We just had to.

********

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**Jasper**

.

As I fled from the house, I wasn't entirely certain where I was going. I just let my feet take me where they would. I only knew I had to get away. Like the crushing, destructive waves of a tsunami, the realization of what I had done struck me, devastating me.

I hadn't been prepared against the attack Bella's blood waged on my senses… I hadn't been braced to combat it. I had reacted the way that a century of instant gratification – of blood and death – had predisposed me to. My instincts had ruled me, obliterating my sanity.

When Emmett and Rose had forced me outside – when a wave of unscented air had cleared my head and restored conscious thought – the realization of what I had done razed everything else in its path. I had never, in all my existence, been more ashamed of myself.

I had done despicable, horrible things that stained my conscience… but never anything like this. In one single instant, I had betrayed everyone that meant anything to me.

I finally stopped, finding myself at the Rainier field… how ironic. This was the very site where only months before, our whole family had banded together in defense of Bella. Through the circumstances set in motion here, I had found myself playing the role of body-guard to my brother's fragile human-love. I had deliberately walked through the flames of hell in the ballet studio – soaked as it was in her blood – and had walked out unscathed.

After that, I had been so certain that I could resist any temptation she might offer. I was well aware how much Edward and Alice especially had grown to love her. I'd come to care about her myself… it was difficult not to.

Only months from that, how vast the difference was. Today I was the threat my family had to protect her from. The shock and fear in her eyes as I'd lost control haunted me now – fear of me… a monster in spite of every effort to the contrary.

All my striving and struggling had been for absolutely nothing. In the end, I had failed miserably anyway.

I should have expected nothing less.

If Emmett hadn't been so much stronger than me… if Edward hadn't acted so quickly, Bella would be dead right now. I saw it as clearly as if I was seeing one of Alice's visions… the shock and horror on my family's faces as Bella lay lifeless in my arms, her body crushed and bloodless… my eyes growing crimson with her blood.

I shuddered. My stomach revolted.

I cursed myself, calling myself every foul name I could think of. How could I have done this to my family? How could I have wronged Edward – my own brother – so terribly? And Alice? I would do absolutely anything in my power to keep from causing her pain, but I had failed miserably today.

Each of them had always been unfailingly patient with me and my struggles to stay true to this way of life. They all knew my history… they were witness to my daily battles, yet they never cast blame. They had loved me in spite of myself… supported me unconditionally.

I vividly remembered how strange it had felt to me when Alice and I had joined the Cullens. How foreign it had been to me to be part of a family – to be surrounded by love instead of abject hatred. I hadn't known what to do with the acceptance they offered so generously. It had been so foreign from my experience to be loved for who I was and not to have my worth based on what was to be gained.

In one moment, I had thrown all that to the side like rubbish. I had never done anything that warranted their love and support – I knew that – but never less so than now. I had let every last one of them down, and I was well deserving of their wrath.

I heard the soft padding of Alice's footsteps come into the clearing behind me. I didn't look up… I couldn't. I couldn't bear to look at her when I knew I should see condemnation there. I had seen the devastation fill her eyes at the house when she'd followed me outside. Her eyes had glistened with a sheen of emotions fighting for an outlet… if my shame hadn't been overwhelming before that moment, it had nearly crippled me then. _I_ had put that look there.

I had let her down unforgivably… but still there hadn't been a trace of anger in her gaze. She was far too forgiving for her own good.

Alice had been my constant source of love and my abundant joy since the day she came into my life. She was the only thing that made my existence worth living. She was truly my heart and soul… and the reason for any particle of goodness in me. The thought of hurting her in any fashion was absolutely deplorable.

Without a word, she sat down beside me, wrapping her tiny arms around me and pulling my head onto her shoulder. I resisted at first, knowing that it would be far more fitting for her to rant and rave at me for my monstrous behavior earlier. I had never deserved her in the first place – I had always known that – but this afternoon proved it yet again.

She wouldn't let me pull away, though. She only held me tighter. Rocking me in silence like a child that had been awakened from a nightmare… only this nightmare was of my own making… and one there was no waking up from.

After a few moments, I heard Edward trudging across the field. I buried my face further in Alice's neck, not knowing how I could ever look my brother in the eye again after I had betrayed him today. I wondered briefly if he meant to exact some form of retribution for my misdeeds. Alice hadn't, but that didn't mean Edward wouldn't. If he did, there was no doubt in my mind, I would do nothing to stop him. I more than deserved anything he might dish out.

"Alice, can we have a few moments?" He asked in a low voice. There was nothing threatening or ominous in his emotions… he was as devastated and hurt as I was… and that caused me more pain than any beating he could ever give.

I felt Alice nod beside me. Her hands came to cup my face, bringing it up to hers. The eternal assurance of her love, shining from her eyes, washed over me in a warm, soothing stream. "I'll be back," was what she actually said, but what was unsaid was spoken just as surely… _I'll always be here_… whether I deserved it or not.

Her lips pressed softly to mine, a wealth of love communicated through the simple gesture. My arms felt empty when she stood, and, immediately, my body felt cold from her absence… missing her just that quickly.

Edward slumped down beside me when she was gone. He exhaled roughly, running his hands through his hair, tousling it more than it already was, but he didn't speak.

I didn't know what to say to him. There was absolutely nothing that could even begin to set my wrongs right. I had betrayed my brother in the worst possible way. I didn't see how he could stand to be in my presence, let alone how he could ever begin to trust me again.

There was no way to make this right.

I couldn't help but recall my years as a soldier – more specifically the discipline of army life. In the human army, discipline had been swift and harsh. Defectors and deserters, when caught, were shot or hanged. The sentence was carried out publicly as a warning to others not to follow in their footsteps. In vampire armies, discipline had been even more ruthless. Dissenters were destroyed without question – without having a chance to defend themselves – there were no questions asked… no second chances given…

I'd had my second chance… and then some.

Mercy and forgiveness had been foreign concepts to me for almost a century. Even still sometimes it was baffling. Surely there had to be a limit to be reached… some indefinable line that I would cross someday. It was a mystery to me how I hadn't gotten there already. Someday, surely my family would tire of my relentless weakness. Would there not come a day when they would look at me and say _that's enough… no more… we've had enough? _How was I not there already?

"Stop that," Edward's almost inaudible voice interrupted my musings. He ran his hands roughly through his hair again, making it stand almost on end. "Jasper, what happened today wasn't your fault." His voice was rough with emotion… grief, hopelessness… but not a trace of anger… none of the condemnation I had more than earned.

I laughed bitterly once, scoffing at his impossible statement. "Yes, it was." I remembered again his face as he'd pushed me away, desperately trying to keep me from harming Bella. The memory seared through my mind, branding me and leaving its irreversible mark.

_It _was_ my fault… and it was unforgivable… I know that. If I live for a hundred thousand years, I'll never even be able to begin to tell you how sorry I am… how much I regret what happened. If there was anything at all I could do to go back and erase it, I would do it.  
_  
Edward shook his head morosely, "No. It wasn't your fault." He looked at me finally, enunciating each word carefully, trying to will me to believe it. "It was mine." He looked away again, blinking hard several times. "I had the audacity to think that I could flaunt nature's laws and get away with it. I was wrong. I should never have put you – any of you – in the position that I did. And I'm sorry."

I gaped at him, disbelieving. "That's ridiculous, Edward – quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"It's true," he persisted. "Jasper, you don't understand. I can't possibly be angry with you when I know excruciatingly well how close I've come to killing her myself… so many times. Even today… even though I love her with everything I am, everything I could ever hope to be, I still had to hold my breath. I had to leave the room, because I couldn't trust myself around the scent of her blood." He grimaced, his face a mask of torturous pain. "I could have killed her today just as easily as you.

"I've done nothing but put her in harm's way since the first day I met her. I should have been stronger. I should have stayed away. But I didn't. And now we all have to pay the consequences for my actions."

His words burned a searing hole in my chest. How like Edward to place the blame on himself instead of where it belonged.

Silence enveloped us for several moments. Words were pointless right now. Finally, Edward rose slowly to his feet. "I need to get back," he said, in a voice devoid of any life. "I need to get Bella home."

He sighed deeply and looked down at me again. "Come home when you can," he said quietly. "Everyone's worried about you… Esme especially."

I nodded wordlessly, swallowing the lump in my throat that made forming words difficult. The thought of anyone worrying about me, especially after what I had done, was like heaping coals of fire on my head… it was like killing me with kindness.

As Edward walked, head down, out of the clearing, I couldn't help the feeling that I had plunged a knife in his back. The pain of his grief was overwhelming. I'd never seen him move so slowly… so despondently.

I'd hated myself virulently before, but I struggled to remember any time it had been worse than now.

Only a few moments after Edward had gone, Alice came looking for me again. I breathed deeply of her scent as she stood over me for just a moment – hers was a fragrance I could place absolutely anywhere. It was soothing, even to my ravaged spirit.

Alice's hands nudged me gently onto my back, and she settled herself over me, laying her head in the crook of my neck. I wrapped my arms around her without any conscious thought – it was simply instinct to hold her. I pressed her body closely to mine, drawing what comfort I could from her presence. I brushed my lips over her hair, just breathing her in.

I didn't know how much time passed as we lay there together, and, truthfully, I didn't much care. The sun had long since set, and the moon filtered dimly through the cover of the clouds. Everything was still… too still. My mind was running rampant with the events of the day – from the joyous high that had permeated our home as we'd prepared for the celebration to the desolate low we were in now.

I didn't know what the consequences of this afternoon's disaster would be yet. I had no way of knowing how far reaching they might be. I only knew there _would_ be consequences.

With a sudden jolt, I recalled that the look in Edward's eyes this evening was the same expression that I had been so wary of in the hospital in Phoenix. I had been fearful of it then – of what it might mean – I was exponentially more so now.

I had a terrible feeling growing in the pit of my stomach about what the future might hold for all of us. I didn't know what exactly was going to happen, but I had a dreadful feeling that it was going to test us all as we had never been tested before.

Alice shifted for the first time in perhaps hours, laying a gentle kiss on my collarbone.

"How was Bella?" I asked, slightly fearful of the answer.

"She was fine," Alice responded, tilting back her head to look at me. "She asked about you. She was worried."

I shook my head, overwhelmed, and unable to speak. How could she possibly have cared – much less have been worried about how I might be handling what happened.

"She doesn't blame you, Jasper. She wanted me to tell you that. The only one blaming you is _you_."

What was I supposed to say to that? How was I to respond to that kind of forgiveness from everyone who was justified in their anger? How could I accept that kind of forgiveness and, in turn, forgive myself?

I wasn't entirely sure anymore.

I wrapped my arms tighter around Alice, clinging to her as my one anchor in the midst of my uncertainties. It never failed to leave me awed how tiny and fragile she seemed. I knew she was just as indestructible as I was, but she was just so _delicate_. It was instinctive in me to want to shelter her from whatever pain might come her way… especially when that pain was of my own doing – however unpremeditated it might be.

Her size was deceptive, though. I had yet to encounter anyone with a bigger heart. Small though she was, she had, time and time again, been my sole saving grace. She was the only one who could pull me out my despair. She had done it before many times, and, by her mere presence alone, she was trying to do so again tonight.

We stayed in the clearing for the rest of the night – not talking, just holding each other… taking what comfort we could in the fact that we were together… that no matter what happened, we wouldn't face it alone.

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**Thanks for reading, everyone! Please take a second and let me know what you thought… and don't forget to vote! :-)**

**Nik **


	3. Chapter 3

**OK, I give you fair warning… if reading this chapter affects you in any way like it did to me when writing it, you'll want to have some tissues handy. Angst galore… but this is as low as it gets from here on out… I think! Enjoy… or at least bear with me!****Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.  
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**Chapter 3**

**Jasper**

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The gray fog that hung heavy in the air the next morning was perfectly indicative of my mood. Dreary. Despondent. Surreal. The thick curtain cloaked me as I lay there with Alice draped across my chest. She hadn't moved all night, clinging to me, offering me what comfort she could.

I still couldn't make myself believe what I had done. And I was loathe to face the rest of my family. I knew well that I deserved any reproof that they doled out, but I hated the thought of facing their disappointment and knowing that I was the cause.

It couldn't be put off forever, though, and eventually, I trudged back to the house with Alice holding tightly to my hand. Carlisle and Esme met us at the door. They'd been waiting for our return.

Immediately, I was inundated by the force of their emotions. I felt their sorrow and their worry, but above all, their love was there… still unshaken even now. There was no anger. No condemnation. And that only heightened my regrets.

Esme was the first to reach out, wrapping her arms around me before I'd even stepped all the way inside the door, embracing me with all the tender fierceness of a mother's love. I wrapped my arms around her waist, turning my face into her shoulder and accepting gratefully the consolation she offered.

Carlisle and Alice stepped forward a moment later, joining in on our embrace. I was surrounded on all sides by the people I loved the most – my wife, my mother, and my father – the three people in the world that I least wanted to hurt. To these three, I owed more than I could ever repay. And they deserved so much better than to be constantly disappointed by me.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered brokenly into Esme's shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

"Shhh," she soothed, as all three of them tightened their arms around me, trying to hold me together when I was trying so hard not to fall apart. I felt Carlisle's hand press on the crown of my head, letting me know wordlessly that he was there – that he was grieving with me.

"I can't believe I – "

"Jasper," Esme laid her cheek on my head, "It was an accident. It was terrible, and I know it hurts. But we all know it wasn't intentional. No one's angry with you. How could we be when it could have been anyone of us? What kind of hypocrites would that make us?"

"But it wasn't anyone else," I protested, unable to accept pardon that easily. "It was me."

"This time," Esme said with regret in her voice. "You're not the only one who's fallen."

"That was different. Those were strangers; this was family."

"They were someone's loved ones. Just because they weren't ours doesn't make it any less reprehensible.

"I'm not justifying what happened, Jasper – though God knows, I wish I could. But I know you." She pulled back slightly, cupping my face on either side and lifting my eyes to hers. "I know you, and I know you're going to have to struggle through this on your own until you can find it in yourself to forgive what happened. Just remember this – we love you. No matter what happens, you'll never be able to do anything to change that. And we're here… no matter what you need."

She pulled me close, embracing me tightly once more and then let me go. I was reluctant to turn around and face my father – the man who was everything I was not. He was the only one – save Rosalie – who could condemn me without condemning himself. He was the one who would be entirely justified in casting that first stone.

But he chose not to.

He put both hands on my shoulders. The compassion and understanding, so undeserved, in his gaze penetrated any feeble defenses I might have had, reaching right into my broken heart.

"Don't give up," he said simply.

"I'm not ever going to beat this," I whispered in a pained voice, hanging my head. I'd always struggled, but I'd assumed that the longer I fought the easier it would get, until eventually I'd reach the same level of tolerance that the rest of my family had. But after all this time, when I finally thought I was making progress, I was proven in an unmistakable way that I had been wrong.

"Yes, you will. Don't let this undermine everything you've fought for. You've come too far to be let yourself be defeated now."

"How can you say that?" I looked at him in disbelief. "I'm no better now than I was when I started."

"If that were true, then you would be feeling no remorse now. But you are – and that repentance is real. I know that.

"You stumbled, Jasper. You're not infallible no matter how much you wish you were. But Bella is fine. Nothing was done tonight that can't be healed with time. Take the lesson and learn from it – let it make you stronger. Just don't let it hinder your growth in the future."

I nodded, not quite able to believe him though I wanted to.

Alice slid her hand back into mine, leaning her head against my arm. "Come on," she said softly. "Let's get out of these damp clothes."

I followed her without protest as she led up the stairs. Halfway up, we passed Emmett and Rosalie.

Emmett clapped me on the shoulder, his expression unusually sincere. "Hang in there, man. We're gonna get through this."

I braced myself for some self-righteous response from Rosalie, waiting for her to hold her spotless record over my head. But she didn't. She half-nodded as Emmett spoke, looking at me briefly yet saying nothing. She followed Emmett down the stairs without a single negative word in my direction.

Once in the semi-haven of our room, I collapsed onto the edge of the bed, laying my head in my hands with a groan. No one had held what happened over my head. From every single one of them forgiveness had been offered freely before I even asked. That kind of mercy was beyond my comprehension.

Alice stepped in front of me, standing in between my knees. She kissed the top of my head, weaving her fingers through my hair and raising my face gently. The pain in her eyes made me physically flinch.

"I hate seeing you like this," she said, caressing my cheekbones with her thumbs. "What can I do? Tell me."

"There's nothing," I shook my head. "Not unless you can turn back time."

"I would if I could," she sighed deeply. "For you, I would if I could." She placed a kiss on both of my palms, winding my arms around her waist. Her soft lips rained gentle kisses on my face, bathing my forehead, my temples, my cheeks, and my nose with the soothing warmth of her caresses. She laid my head down on the soft curve of her breast and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, holding me tightly.

I wasn't aware of how much time passed, but when I heard Edward come in the front door, going to his room to change for school, I lifted my head, trying not to flinch at the agony that he brought inside with him. "You should start getting ready. You're going to be late," I told Alice when she gave no indication of moving.

"I'm not going. I'm staying with you today."

"There's nothing you can do here, darlin. You might as well go."

"Like hell I am," Alice's voice, though quiet, was adamant. "I'm not leaving you."

I didn't feel like arguing. When I laid down on the bed, Alice followed, tangling our limbs together.

The sun drifted across the sky, the light shifting from one end of the room to the other. Neither of us moved. The only movement in the room was the gentle tracing of Alice's fingers along the ridges of my spine – up and down, back and forth, over and over again in a gentle rhythmic stroking.

I could feel Alice drifting in and out of awareness as day turned into night. Finally, hours after our last words had been spoken, I asked, "What are you seeing?"

I was almost afraid to find out. I knew there would be repercussions on some level for what had happened. Whether Edward blamed me or not, I knew he wouldn't be foolish enough not to take measures to make sure nothing like this ever happened again. I just didn't know what form those changes might be in.

"Just little flashes of different things. Nothing definite."

More hours passed. The clouds cleared, and the silvery light of the moon filtered in through the windows. Finally, Alice spoke again.

"Edward's on his way home. He'll be here in a couple of minutes." She ran a hand through my hair. "We should go down."

I nodded, knowing I couldn't hide in here forever.

Alice's anxiety was rising as she went to the closet, choosing a change of clothing for both of us. We hadn't changed before when we came up. That had obviously been an excuse on her part, knowing that I wanted an escape. Her eyes were unfocused as she grabbed something almost without looking.

Lines of apprehension creased her forehead as we slipped into the fresh clothes.

"Alice?" I asked, becoming worried when she didn't respond right away.

"I'm not sure yet," her voice was strained.

We walked down the stairs, finding the rest of the family except for Edward gathered in the family room.

"Is everything all right?" Esme asked, concerned. They'd all heard our exchange upstairs.

"He's not thinking clearly," Alice said, staring at something only she could see. "He can't be." Panic started welling in her emotions, seeping into her voice.

"About what?" Dread filled my stomach causing it to sink. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

"No," Alice whispered, still caught up in searching the impending future. Anxiety swelled, morphing into shock, and then to horror as we heard the sound of Edward's approaching footsteps. She shook her head like she was trying to shake loose what she was seeing. "No, no, no… he can't do this," Alice cried, her eyes coming back into sharp focus as Edward opened the door. "He can't!"

Five pairs of eyes watched with burgeoning fear as she gaped at Edward with her broken heart visible in her eyes. "What are you _doing_?" She wailed, her eyes glistening with emotions. "Please tell me I'm seeing this wrong. _Please_ tell me it's not true!"

Edward's whole demeanor – his posture, his voice, his eyes – were defeated. Like the life had been sucked from him. "It's true."

"Why!" Alice cried.

"You know why," his voice was barely audible.

"Edward?" Carlisle questioned, outwardly calm, though inwardly as worried as everyone else. "What's going on?"

Alice's panic reached a crescendo as the desperate pleas fell from her lips. "There's another way, Edward. There _has_ to be another way. We _can't_ just leave. Please!"

"Leave?" Emmett said, stunned. "Wait, what's she talking about?"

Edward's eyes were dead – absolutely hollow. His shoulders were slumped forward, barely able to stand up under the burden of his grief. His pain overwhelmed me, almost knocking me off my feet. I walked to the window and leaned my head against the pane. I couldn't bear this.

We were leaving… and it was my fault.

Edward slumped onto the couch, laying his head in his hands. "Alice, please. I've wrestled with this all night. This isn't something I take lightly, but it's what's best for Bella. I can't stand to see her constantly in danger because of me."

Esme sat down next to Edward and wrapped her arm around his shoulder. "Edward?" she questioned, concern radiating from her every word, "Talk to me. What is it?"

"We need to leave." He slowly raised his head and made eye contact with all of us one by one. "It's too dangerous for Bella to be continually exposed to our world, and I will not keep putting her in harm's way. It's best for her... safer, if we leave. I'm asking all of you to make the sacrifice and leave Forks with me now." Though his voice was heavy with grief, he was decided. There was no wavering in his determination to see her safe. I knew there would be no changing his mind.

Everyone stared at him for a long moment, absolutely speechless. Emmett was the first to recover, and when he did, his voice was horrified. "You're actually serious," he said, trying to make himself believe it.

Carlisle steepled his hands in front of his face, deliberating. "I think," he said hesitantly after a moment, "that we should discuss this before you make any rash decisions."

"There's nothing to discuss," Edward shook his head. "I _love_ her," Edward said fiercely, his eyes agonizing in their pain, "more than my own life. I want what's best for her, and no matter how much I want that to be me, I know it's not."

"That's not your decision to make, Edward," Alice's voice was sharp. "Especially not without talking to Bella first. You can't make those kinds of decisions for her. Relationships don't work that way."

"She's so young, Alice. Too young to know what she might want ten or twenty years from now. My presence in her life takes away her chance to live a normal, happy human life.

"She deserves to the chance to keep her parents in her life, to graduate and go to college, to marry and have children… to live her life without constant danger of being killed by the one who loves her. Those are things she can't have with me, Alice… it tears me apart, but this is the only way I can give that to her. The most loving thing I can do for her is to let her go."

Carlisle sighed deeply, "Edward, we're your family, and we'll support you whatever you decide. But you need to be absolutely sure about this."

"I'm sure," his voice was pained but resolute. "I will not continue to have her in danger because of me."

Those words were like a knife cutting into my back. He wasn't the one putting her in danger. I was.

He wasn't the one who almost took her life. It was me.

It wasn't fair for him to have to leave his beloved because of my weakness. It wasn't fair for Alice to have to say good-bye to her best friend because I couldn't control my thirst. My family should not have to uproot themselves for me. They were happy here.

They weren't the ones who should have to leave. I was.

I was the one who had failed miserably. I was the one who brought this on.

Could I leave? Could I tear myself away from my family if that was what was best for them?

"No, Jasper. You can't do that. I won't allow it." Edward's firm voice answered my unspoken thoughts. "This isn't about you. You are not ultimately the one putting her in danger. I am. I have from the very first day that I saw her.

"From the moment I saw her body broken on the floor of that ballet studio, I knew that I was a selfish beast for staying with her. I am not what is best for her," his voice broke. "I'll never be what's best for her. But that has nothing to do with you."

I shook my head, my forehead still pressed against the glass. "You weren't the one who almost killed her, Edward. That day in the ballet studio you tasted her blood and _left her alive._ You didn't hesitate to protect her yesterday when her blood was spilled all over the floor. You love her too much to ever hurt her that way. It's not fair for everyone to leave because of my mistake. You stay here. Let me leave."

"No!" Alice flashed to my side in an instant, horrified. "No, Jasper, don't you _ever_ say that again. You can't go anywhere. You're not leaving me – I won't let you! Look at me," she demanded.

I couldn't. Either way she was going to be hurt because of me. I couldn't stand that. I was supposed to be her protector. She should never, never have to suffer because of my actions.

"Look at me, Jasper!" She demanded again, growing desperate.

When I still didn't respond, I felt her leap onto me and wrap her legs around my waist. Her hands grasped either side of my face and forced it around so that we were eye-to-eye. "You will not say that again. Ever. Do you hear me? You are not leaving me."

"It's not forever, Alice," I said, my heart crumbling at even the thought of being without her, no matter how short a time. "There's only a few more years that we can stay in Forks anyway. The rest of you can finish out your time here, and I'll join you when it's time to move again."

"I don't care if it's only for a week, Jasper; it's not happening. Where you go, I go. That's not negotiable. And I'm not going to let you send yourself into exile because you feel guilty about what happened."

"She's right, Jasper; listen to her. Your leaving helps no one."

This was wrong. This was so wrong.

"Will you even be able to leave her? She's your soul mate, Edward. I can feel how much you love her – how much she loves you. How will you possibly be able to stay away?"

The thought of being away from Alice even for a short time was enough to cause me an actual physical ache; the thought of never seeing her again was the most excruciating kind of agony I could imagine. I would want to die.

"I have to."

"Edward, you know this is going to tear her apart." _The way it's tearing you apart right now._

"She's human. Her memories will fade in time. She'll get over me and move on. It's better for her this way."

_And what about you? You'll never get over her. Are you sure you can do this?_ "Edward," I hesitated, "would it not be better just to..."

"No." Edward's voice was fierce. He leapt from his place on the couch and paced the length of the room several times " I will not steal her life, and I refuse to destroy her soul. I love her too much to let that happen."

"Edward," Carlisle spoke again, his voice grave, "I know your motivation is your love for Bella, and your desire for what is best for her, but please consider all of the consequences before you act. This separation would be very, very painful for both of you. You need to be certain that this path is what is actually best. But if your decision is still to leave, then we will respect your wishes"

"I have decided." His voice rang with finality.

Silence pervaded the room for long moments as we all tried to absorb what this meant. The voice that broke the silence was perhaps the most surprising.

"For what it's worth," Rosalie spoke in a subdued voice, "I think you're making the right decision." For once she spoke to Edward with no animosity in her eyes. "She deserves better than this."

Edward's face contorted in pain, but he nodded at her words.

"I'll go," Emmett said solemnly, "but, Edward, you're going to regret this."

"Is there no changing your mind?" Esme's voice trembled, her compassionate mothering heart breaking at the position she now found herself in – the thought of leaving her newest daughter behind, of Edward's pain as he separated himself from his heart. Her family was pulling apart at the seams, and she was helpless.

"It's for the best," Edward said.

Carlisle sighed, grieving but resigned. "When would you like for us to leave."

"As soon as possible. Today or tomorrow if we can."

Alice's head snapped up at his words. "What? Why so soon?"

Edward looked at her in regret, knowing this was hurting her as well. "It's better if we make a clean break, Alice. It will only be more painful for everyone if there are long good-byes. It's for the best for all concerned. I'll tell her tomorrow after everyone else has gone."

"_After_ we've gone?" I could feel Alice's disbelief morph into heartbreaking sorrow as she processed what he had just said, "You mean I – I don't get to say goodbye before we go?" Alice's voice broke. "You're not even going to let me say goodbye at all?"

Her eyes filled with a sheen of emotion, "You can't do that! I promised! I promised I'd call her… and _you_ promised, Edward… you promised you wouldn't leave her!"

"Alice," he breathed, closing his eyes, his heart breaking at the sight of Alice's pain. "I promised I'd stay as long as it was what was best for her… and I've already broken that promise. She's better off in her own world.

"And there's one more thing, Alice." Edward spoke very softly, hesitantly. He didn't want to hurt Alice either. "I want you to promise me you won't look for her future. It needs to be for her like we never existed. We have to sever all ties... make it a clean break. Her healing will be easier that way."

Alice's eyes widened as he asked for her promise. Her face crumpled, and she buried her face in my chest, her body shaking with tearless heaving cries. I wrapped her tighter in my arms, walking to the couch and sitting her in my lap. She clung to me as the force of her sobs shook my body.

"No," she whispered, choking, "no, I won't."

Edward walked slowly to where we sat, kneeling in front of Alice and placing both his hands gently on her knees. "Alice," his voice was barely a whisper, "Alice, I need you to promise me this. Please. For me."

She raised her head for a moment to look him in the eye as they communicated in their silent way. A reluctant resignation filled her heart. "I promise," she breathed unwillingly. A fresh wave of sorrow overtook her at the realization of what she had just agreed to. She turned her face back into my chest as her grief doubled and the sobs wracked her small frame again.

I couldn't stand to see her hurting so badly. It was unbearable. I closed my eyes and released a wave of tranquility around the room. Alice's sobs quieted though they didn't stop. I was grateful that even though I was the root of the grief, at least I could provide some measure of ease, even if it was temporary.

"Thank you, Jasper." Alice whispered from my chest. I knew this only dulled the grief, but at least we could think rationally while we made our plans to leave.

The next afternoon, Emmett and Rosalie were packed and ready to leave shortly after Edward came home from school. It was very strange to see Emmett so reserved. He was always the crazy one, always able to find the humor in any given situation – a trait that often made us want to strangle him, but one that usually found a way to make us see the lighter side of things. But even Emmett couldn't find a silver lining this time.

Standing in front of Edward, as they were preparing to leave, Emmett's mouth opened and closed several times as he visibly struggled for words. In the end, he just pulled Edward into a bear hug and pounded his back a couple of times. Emmett, with all his strength and prowess, was just as helpless as the rest of us.

Alice and I were the next to leave that evening. Carlisle and Esme would be following us in the morning after Carlisle took his leave from the hospital. He would be telling them that he received a job offer that was too good to pass up, and give them his regrets for leaving so quickly, but this opportunity just wouldn't wait. The job, supposedly, was in Los Angeles. Bella would know that would be last place that we would go. Edward was leaving no clues for her to follow.

Alice wrapped her tiny arms around Edward as we said our goodbyes. "It's not too late," she choked. "You could still change your mind about all this."

I wondered if I would ever forget the burning, haunted look in my brother's eyes. "I can't do that, Alice." He squeezed her and pressed his cheek against the top of her head. "I'm sorry," he breathed into her hair. He released her then and turned to me.

_I'm so sorry, Edward. If there was any way to go back and undo what I've done, I would do it._ In response to my thoughts, he took me by the shoulders and looked me straight in my eyes.

"Jasper, this is _not_ your fault. Don't keep blaming yourself." His attempt at a smile tore at my silent heart. "Take care of my sister."

"You know I will. We'll see you soon." I embraced him, and we turned to leave.

As Alice and I pulled away from our Fork's home, I wondered if we would ever come back. There were so many memories here. But the house looked silent now, like a tomb. As we drove away, I couldn't help but recall how things had been only two days before – we had all been happy and whole… laughing and complete.

How quickly everything had changed. I wondered now if anything would ever be the same.

Alice and I drove straight through to Ithaca, New York. We held tightly to each others hands as the country passed us by, needing that link with each other when it seemed that everything else was falling down around us.

We met Emmett and Rosalie at our new home, and Carlisle and Esme joined us the next morning. We were a somber group as we set up housekeeping. We all worried about Edward.

I couldn't imagine how painful this goodbye must be for him. How terrible to find the love of your existence only to lose her so quickly – to discover the joy of loving someone with your entire being only to have them torn away.

Days passed and there was still no sign of Edward. We were all growing even more worried. Alice had seen him leaving Forks, but she couldn't see where he had gone. There was nothing after that initial decision to leave.

After an entire week, she finally saw him driving this way. When we heard the sound of his engine on the driveway, we all went to meet him outside.

Before he even opened his door, Alice was there. She threw her arms around him as soon as he stepped out. "Edward, I was so worried about you! I saw you leave Forks but I couldn't see where you were. I was starting to get scared. Edward? Are you alright?"

He had mechanically returned Alice's hug, but his eyes were glazed over. There were no signs of life. He just stood there, staring at nothing.

Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, and I just looked at each other in bewilderment. None of us had ever seen him this way before, and none of us were sure what to do.

All at once the dam holding in his emotions cracked. The wave of his blinding agony ripped through my body, searing through every cell of my being. I fell to my knees, unable to stand up under it. I could only imagine this must be what it feels like to be ripped limb from limb and thrown into the fire. How was he going to live through this?

Edward crumpled to the ground in the same moment I did, his body wracked with tortured, heaving sobs. Alice knelt down by his side, her gaze flashing back and forth between us, distraught. Her eyes pled with me to do something to help.

I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate around the agony, fighting with all my strength to find relief from the torturous pain. Edward's sobs slowed slightly, but didn't stop.

Carlisle went to where Edward lay and helped him to stand. With Carlisle supporting him on one side and Alice on the other, Edward stumbled into the house. Emmett leaned down, reaching for my arm and helping me to stand.

Edward collapsed on the leather sofa in the living room, soundless sobs still shaking his body.

I knelt beside him and placed my hand on his shoulder, a partaker in his soul-wrenching sorrow. _Edward, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish there was something, _anything_ that I could do._

We all gathered around him, hoping that somehow just being here for him would offer him some small measure of comfort. I didn't try to tamper with his emotions now that he was inside. That was only a temporary fix. I could only sit here and share in his grief.

It took hours for his sobs to eventually slow and hours more for them to stop altogether. When he was finally silent we sat for long moments, no one knowing what to say.

"You're not staying are you?" Alice finally whispered.

"I can't." Edward's voice was as lifeless as his eyes. "I need some time."

Still kneeling beside me, Carlisle spoke, "Do whatever you feel you need to do, son. Just know that we love you, and we'll do whatever is in our power to help you." He placed his hand on Edward's shoulder. "We'll be here when you return."

One by one we filed out of the room. Esme leaned in to her first son, smoothing his hair back and softly kissing his forehead. "Come back to me, my son. I'll miss you," she whispered.

Later that evening we heard Edward leave again. We could only wonder when he'd be back.

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**What did I tell you? I cried like a baby all throughout the chapter… but the next one isn't as angsty I promise. I think we all need a break from that! Chapter 4 will be up in the near future. :-)**

**Please take a sec and leave me some love. Let's get through this one together! Thanks for reading.**

**Nik**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks so much to all of you who have been reading, reviewing and favoriting… that means the world to me! I do a little fangirl squee every time I get those notifications.**

**And just a reminder… this story **_**is**_** rated M… you know what that means. ::wink:: And that rating does come into play in this chapter. It just seemed to me like it was about time for a little lovin'. ;-)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Alice**

Over the next couple of months, we struggled to return to some semblance of normalcy, difficult as it was. Our world had been ripped apart at the seams, and I think we all felt a little bit lost.

Carlisle was able to obtain a position teaching nights at the nearby Cornell University as well as being hired on at the hospital. Esme was quick to find a vintage home a few miles from the house in need of restoration, and she poured herself into that new project.

Emmett and Rosalie stayed for a couple of weeks and then decided that they were going away again. Instead of returning to Africa, they were going to Europe this time.

The house was far too quiet these days. As if Edward and Bella's absences weren't bad enough, now Emmett and Rosalie were gone as well, and Carlisle and Esme stayed as busy as they could.

Jasper enrolled in the university in effort to stay occupied. He chose to study philosophy this time and threw himself vigorously into the curriculum. Our room became littered with not only his textbooks but many other philosophical works as well.

For a while, I almost felt like I had been set adrift. So much of the time, Jasper and I were the only ones at home with all our siblings scattered as they were and Carlisle and Esme occupied with their individual projects. I missed them all terribly. Nothing was the same now, and I didn't see a return to normal any time soon.

Even Jasper was distracted, trying to keep his mind busy and not dwell on what happened. I sat with him a lot while he read, listening to him think aloud at times, letting him bounce his thoughts off me. But that wasn't a topic I was especially familiar with – or even very interested in – which made the conversations mostly one-sided.

Honestly, I was a little distracted as well. I had been throwing around the idea of finally trying to search out what I could find about my past. But I was almost afraid to – I was afraid of what I might learn… or that there might be nothing out there for me to find at all. I was almost as afraid that it might be a dead-end search. I wasn't sure which scenario was worse.

It was one afternoon in November before I finally convinced myself that it was time to see what I could discover. I really didn't have much to lose either way, and it was just going to keep chafing at me until I knew one way or the other.

I was sitting tucked into Jasper's side on our loveseat as he pored over the complete works of Henry David Thoreau, ironically enough a contemporary of his. Thoreau's philosophy of Transcendentalism had just been growing in popularity around the time that Jasper had been changed.

It was a little funny to me to see my Southern man – a former Confederate officer at that – voluntarily reading the works of an abolitionist. A hundred and sixty years ago it was something he never would have given serious attention to except to debate against. Time and distance from the issue had changed his thinking considerably.

His forehead was drawn in concentration, the wrinkle between his eyebrows forming as it did when he was contemplating deeply about something. I tilted my head back where it was resting on his shoulder and just watched him for a long while. It didn't matter how long we had been together, my breathing still sped a little when I looked at him. It still thrilled me just as much now as it had sixty years ago to realize every day that this man was _mine_.

Finally, he felt the weight of my gaze on him and tightened his arm around me, leaning down to press a kiss on my forehead.

"What are you thinking about so hard over here?" He asked with a tender smile.

"You, mostly," I said curling into his lap when he put the book aside and made a place for me. He wrapped his arms a little tighter around me and tucked my head into the curve of his neck.

"Only 'mostly?'" he teased with a smile before turning serious again. "What else are you thinking about. You feel a little bit distressed."

"I think I'm finally ready," I told him hesitantly, peering up at him.

"Ready?" There was a question in his voice, but he had a good idea what I was referring to. We'd talked about it often enough lately.

"I'm ready to know." I said, shifting closer to him.

"All right, then," he said, immediately and unquestioningly supportive. "Do you want my help?"

I nodded, "Yes. I'm not sure where to even begin. It's a little overwhelming when I think about it."

"Let's start with what we know."

I snorted, "That's a short list."

"Humor me," he said, holding me closer as he felt me start to grow upset.

"To the best of my knowledge, I woke up in Mississippi. But I don't know how far I was moved before I was changed. It could be that whoever changed me had moved me to get me away from James.

"I believe my name is Alice, but even that I don't know for sure. It could very well be that that name is a product of my own imagination.

"It was roughly 1920 when I was changed, and our best guess is that my physical age is somewhere between sixteen and twenty, but there's no way of knowing that for certain either. And to top it all off, we have no way of knowing how old I was when I was 'admitted.' That's a fount of information to work with, isn't it?" My voice grew bitter the more I thought about how little I knew about myself. It was so discouraging… and more than a little upsetting.

"You're right," Jasper said in his most calming tone, though I knew him well enough to catch the stress hidden there. "It's not a lot to go from, but that's where we're going to start. Let's make a list of all the… hospitals…" he hesitated on the word, not wanting to speak it out loud.

"Asylum, Jasper. Call it what it is. I wasn't sick; I was insane." I bit off the word, just as hurt by it now as I had been earlier in the year when I had found out.

Jasper sighed heavily and leaned his forehead against mine. "Darlin, are you sure you're ready to do this?"

I nodded again, regretting already taking my frustrations out on him. "I need to know. It just hurts."

"I know," he said. "It hurts me so badly to think of you like that, Alice. It's so hard… _so damn hard_." His voice was pained.

We sat silently together for several moments, leaning on each other, steeling ourselves for the task we were about to undertake.

"Okay," he said finally, lifting his head from mine. The tone of his voice alone let me know that he was taking charge for the moment. "Make me a list of all the… asylums…" he almost choked on the word, sounding literally pained by it before he recovered, "in the state of Mississippi that were open beginning in the late 1800s. We'll go from there, all right?"

"All right," I agreed, grateful that he was here to help direct my search. I got the laptop, settling beside him again, and did as he suggested. Over the next few days, I wrote down every one of them that I could find and gave him the list when I was done.

"Now what?" I asked when I had finished.

"Now you let me work a little magic on the computer." He took the laptop from me and looked at the first institution on my list.

For the next half-hour, I watched as his fingers flew across the keyboard, bypassing firewalls and effortlessly breaking through any security that protected the hospital's records. With a mischievous grin, he passed the computer back to me with a listing of every person that had been admitted since the year 1895.

"So much for patient confidentiality," he said with a wink, looking every inch a scoundrel.

I gaped at him momentarily, a little stunned how easily he'd been able to access the information. "I'm married to a hacker," I said under my breath causing him to throw back his head and laugh. "A hacker and forger of legal documents." I said, shaking my head.

"Hey," he interjected, feigning offense. "I don't forge my own documents."

I rolled my eyes. "No. You pay someone else to do it for you – which makes it so much more legal."

One corner of his mouth lifted in a roguish grin. "We've all got to make a livin' somehow, babe."

We went through the institutions on my list one by one. It was time consuming and frustrating, to say the least. I could only work on it for so long at a time before I had to step away and distract myself with something else.

I was beginning to wonder if I was just wasting my time. It didn't appear that we were ever going to get any leads. Based on what James had said, I had to assume that I'd been in that place for years before I'd been changed. Nothing seemed to add up to meet all the criteria of my search, though, and I was quickly wanting to just call it quits. It just hurt too much.

It was the middle of December when I saw something that made my breath catch in my throat.

"Jasper!" I cried, the sound coming out strangled.

He was at my side in an instant, his hands on my shoulders. "Are you all right? What happened?"

"Look," I whispered, unable to tear my eyes away from the computer screen. Jasper lifted me gently, sitting down in my seat and settling me safely on his lap.

On the screen was the admittance record of six year old Mary Alice Brandon to the East State Insane Hospital in Meridian, Mississippi from the year 1908.

The dates, the location of the facility… everything matched our search criteria.

A cold feeling of dread settled in the pit of my stomach and I turned my face into Jasper's chest, trying to hide myself in the safety I only found inside the circle of his arms.

I heard his fingers typing on the keyboard, looking up the name we had found, trying to see where that would lead us. He went several different routes before he found a birth announcement for Mary Alice Brandon in a Meridian newspaper from an internet archive.

I looked up almost fearfully. A surreal feeling enveloped me as I read the birth announcement for this stranger that might be me. She had been born in 1902 to John and Mary Brandon.

Jasper saved the page and then slowly, seemingly hesitantly, searched for the names John and Mary Brandon in the same archive.

He swore roughly under his breath a moment later.

Gathering up my courage, I looked at the screen again. Jasper's search had produced an engagement announcement for John Brandon and Mary Hughes. Looking at the picture that accompanied the announcement, I had all the affirmation I needed to know that we had found what we were looking for.

My resemblance to the woman on the screen was undeniable.

Staring blankly at the screen, I felt shell shocked.

I had a name.

I had an identity.

I was Mary Alice Brandon… or at least I had been.

The significance of what I had learned crashed over me. A tightness built in my chest, causing breathing to be a challenge. When a wrenching sob caught me by surprise, I didn't even try to fight it.

Jasper saved that page as well and shut down the computer, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in my hair. He rocked me back and forth gently, saying nothing. There was nothing to be said right now.

Night fell and we still hadn't budged. Jasper made no move to go to class, and I didn't pressure him to. I needed him too much right now. I didn't want to be left alone with the ghosts of my past that had been so recently unearthed.

"Are you all right?" He asked, stroking a lock of hair away from my cheek.

"I think so," I whispered, leaning into his touch. "I'm just trying to process."

"What can I do?" He leaned his cheek against the top of my head.

"Exactly what you're doing now. Hold me… just hold me."

I spent a few days trying to reconcile my mind to what I had learned. It wasn't an easy task. After a week, though, I had decided that I needed to know more. I needed to go back to Mississippi and see where my life had ended. I needed to retrace my steps, in a manner of speaking.

Jasper agreed that I should make the trip but asked if I would wait until his classes were over so that he could go with me. I was more than willing to make that concession. I didn't want to go without him.

When his last exam was over, we packed our luggage in the car and headed south to Mississippi. With every passing mile, my anxiety grew. I wanted to know, but, at the same time, I _didn't_ want to know. It was confusing.

Jasper felt every tremor of uneasiness I had. His hand reached across the console, searching for mine. I took his hand readily, feeling calmer just from his touch even when he wasn't manufacturing that calm. He didn't have to – he was my anchor… my haven. I always felt safe when he was near.

We made it to Meridian, Mississippi in the early morning hours. It was an unseasonably cold winter for the South; the sky was overcast and threatening snow flurries. Jasper drove to the hotel, dropping off our luggage first at my urging. Now that we were here, I was incredibly nervous – so much so that my stomach felt like it was churning.

When we had unloaded the car, Jasper climbed back into his seat next to me. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, stroking my cheek with his fingertips. "We can always turn around and head right back home. There's no rush."

"No," I shook my head, trying to convince myself as much as him. "I need to do this."

"Okay." He leaned over the console and pressed his lips to mine, lingering there, brushing little butterfly kisses over my lips in quick succession. His hands cupped my face, his thumbs stroking my cheekbone. "I love you," he said fervently.

We followed the directions to the East State Hospital – the place where my life had ended. I reached for Jasper's hand as we drove by the first time, almost afraid to look out the window.

With a wave of reassurance from Jasper, I worked up enough courage to look. The outside of the big brick building looked inoffensive enough. The drive was lined with huge Magnolia trees that, during the warmer months, I'm sure looked beautiful. There was nothing in its outward appearance that would make me think it was anything other than a normal hospital.

But all the same, knowing what this was, my stomach sank, and rough edges of panic began clawing their way through me. I felt like a weight had been clamped on my chest making it hard to breathe. Seeing that place – finally putting one of the pieces of the puzzle together – made all the rest of my unknowns come swarming into my mind.

Jasper bypassed the building, parking the car in an empty lot a couple of blocks away. I didn't realize that I was crying until he opened my door and lifted me out, taking my seat and placing me in his lap.

"You're tearing me apart over here," he breathed into my hair, wrapping me up in his arms.

I buried my face into the wool of his coat which was saturated with his scent. "I'm… being silly…" I rasped into his shoulder, fighting to breathe.

"No, you're not. Don't even think that." His hand made a circuit over my shoulder blades. "We both knew this was going to be an emotional trip. Everything you're feeling is only normal." He just held me for a while as both of us prepared ourselves mentally for the next phase of the trip.

When I had calmed enough, we stepped out of the car and walked the few blocks back to the institution. I held tightly to Jasper's hand the whole way. I knew it was irrational, but there was a part of me that was afraid that he'd vanish – that once again I'd find myself in the darkness this place represented.

As we got closer, though, I had a moment of blinding panic as Jasper let go of my hand. Immediately I saw that it was only to draw me closer, but even still he had to help me calm down again. He wrapped his arm securely around my shoulder, holding me against his side. With my arm clinging to Jasper's waist like he was my lifeline, we walked slowly past the building again.

I didn't truly know what I had expected from seeing this place. I think maybe I had hoped that the sight of it would trigger some long-lost memory… memories I didn't know I had. But it didn't.

I remembered no more now than I did yesterday.

Maybe it was a subconscious reaction, or maybe it was just a product of my own imagination now, but I felt fear like I never remembered feeling before. The feeling of abandonment swept through me. All I could remember was the darkness… no matter how hard I struggled to peer through it, there was nothing but darkness.

I closed my eyes, wracking every last corner of my mind, trying to remember something that had led me to this place as a human… as a child… a six year old child.

I tried to remember the faces of my parents and tried to imagine what they might have felt bringing me to this very door and leaving me… walking away without me… returning to a home I had no memory of and picking up their lives without me… their daughter.

I fought with every cell of my being to recall what had happened to me within these very walls. I was so close… within yards of my worst nightmares… and no closer to finding answers than I had been before.

Even from out here, I could hear the sounds of the hustle inside the hospital – the doctors and nurses in the hallways, the patients in their rooms, some of them crying out unintelligibly.

Had that been me at one time? Those pained, wordless cries?

Just how unstable had I been? How far had my mind been broken down before I had been changed?

I'd had to relearn everything when I'd awakened. Nothing at all had been familiar… not even the simplest things. How bad off had I truly been?

James's words came back now to haunt me… words I'd tortured myself with many times since watching the video that first time…

_She'd been stuck in that black hole of a cell for so long. A hundred years earlier and she would have been burned at the stake for her visions. In the nineteen-twenties it was the asylum and the shock-treatments. When she opened her eyes… it was like she'd never seen the sun before._I wasn't unaware… I knew what those shock treatments were like, even if I didn't remember them.

The pain in my heart was excruciating as I stood there trying to remember… as different scenarios ran rampant in my mind. Had my family known what would be done to me? Had they left me here knowing what I would be subjected to?

My brain was starting to hurt in a strange headachy feeling, and my stomach felt like it wanted to be sick. A sense of panic wove through my mind… I was starting to feel trapped… like the darkness was closing in on me again. I felt like I couldn't breathe… like I wanted to scream but wasn't able to.

Jasper's arm tightened convulsively around me, bringing me around to rest fully against his chest. "Alice, please," his voice was taut, the tension thick in every word, "please let's get out of here."

I nodded against his breastbone as eager as he was to make an escape. I'd stood here long enough. And my poor Jasper… he was struggling with all of this himself on top of what he felt from me.

I had to suppress the urge to run as far and as fast as my feet could take me. Even Jasper was desperate to get away. His grip tightened on me even more as we fled, like he was trying to make sure I wasn't going to be taken from him… like he was afraid I was going to disappear.

We went back to the car but didn't get inside. As soon as we reached it, Jasper spun me around and pulled me into his arms, holding me almost too tightly… and yet not tightly enough. I hadn't anticipated just how painful this trip would be… and we'd only just gotten here. There was still so much more I needed to know. I only wondered how many of my questions it would even be possible to find answers to.

Jasper urged me to take a break and go back to the hotel – to take time to process things – but I didn't want to do that yet. I had to keep going because when I stopped and really took time to think, I was going to fall apart. He didn't push the issue.

We spent the whole of the afternoon at the library, searching through their microfiche newspaper articles. Between the two of us, we were able to find the engagement announcement we had seen before for my… parents – it was still strange to think of anyone other than Carlisle and Esme being my parents – and my birth announcement.

Jasper's face, if possible, paled even more than normal when he found the death announcement for the six year old Mary Alice Brandon. I watched the taut muscle in his jaw twitch as he fought to keep himself under control. Mercifully, I felt myself becoming detached from everything for the moment. It all felt unreal… like I was living inside a dream.

"The date…" he choked out with his jaw still rigid, "it's the same."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. He reached down and fumbled in my purse, pulling out the admissions sheet we'd filched from the asylum's archive. He laid it on the table, pointing to the date of admission… September 24, 1908… the same date shown on my obituary.

They told people that I was dead.

I shoved the hurt to the back of my mind, and pressed on. I'd deal with it later.

My parents weren't mentioned very much. Apparently, they were thoroughly middle class and didn't mix much with high society. The next mention we found was another birth announcement from two years later.. for Cynthia Brandon… my sister… I had a flesh and blood sister.

It would appear that not only did they discard me, telling everyone that I had died rather than acknowledge me as their daughter, but they replaced me as well.

Through my hazy mind, we scanned through the rest of the articles, finding an engagement announcement for Cynthia… birth announcements for her two children… and obituaries for both my parents and for Cynthia, her husband, and her eldest son as well.

There was no mention of her daughter's – my niece's – death, and when I searched her name on the computer, it appeared that she was still alive and now living in Biloxi. A little bitterly, I couldn't help but wonder if my only living relative had any idea that I'd ever existed. Given everything we'd found out today, I would highly doubt it.

Jasper thought very seriously about protesting when I searched the internet for any historical graveyards in the city – he knew exactly what I was looking for – but he decided not to say anything. I found what I wanted, and, with the sun hanging low behind the thick curtain of clouds, Jasper and I walked hand in hand down the streets of Meridian.

A vision flashed in front of my eyes of the two of us standing over a grave. At least I knew we were going to find it.

We found the cemetery we were looking for and walked up the steps and through the wrought iron gate. There was a cluster of trees at one far corner of the cemetery that looked like what I had seen in my vision so that's where I went first. On some level, I knew there had to be something kind of ironic about two vampires wandering around a graveyard after dark, but, at the moment, I didn't much see the humor.

Jasper and I scanned the names on each of the tombstones, some of them in better repair than others. When I spotted the one that was an exact replica of what I had seen, I came to such a sudden stop that Jasper, distracted as he was, nearly ran into me.

He looked at me in concern before his eyes followed the path of mine, trying to see what had grabbed my attention so completely. I heard his sharp intake of breath as he reacted to seeing my tombstone for the first time. He reached for my hand at the same time I reached for his, both of us bracing ourselves as we walked closer.

There were no words to describe how strange it felt to stand over my own grave… no words even came close to conveying all the myriad of thoughts and emotions whirling at dizzying speed through my mind.

_Mary Alice Brandon  
March 6, 1902 – September 24, 1908  
_  
There were no flowery inscriptions, no superfluous words engraved… just my name and the dates of my birth and death almost completely hidden behind the growth of grass and vines. It didn't look like anyone had been here in years… I'd been tossed away and forgotten.

Jasper's fingers tightened around mine. I tore my eyes away from the macabre sight of my grave and looked up to see his face contorted in shades of agony as he stared, almost seeming in a trance, at the headstone. Stepping closer to him, I reached up and stroked the side of his cheek with my fingertips. His eyes snapped to mine, the depth of his love and longing laid bare in the golden orbs.

He caught my hand in his and pressed his lips to the center of my palm, "I don't know what I would have done if – " he whispered huskily, his lips brushing against my palm with every word. "I can't bear the thought of my life leading up to anything but you."

"Come on," I whispered, "let's go." He nodded, a look of relief passing over his features as we turned and left the little grave behind us.

Little by little the clouds had thinned until the soft glow of the moon illuminated our hotel room. Neither of us bothered to turn on the light when we went inside. I went straight to the bed, curling myself into a ball as Jasper shut the door behind him and went to the dresser to empty his pockets. I heard him turn his cell phone off and the clinking of his keys as he laid them on the dresser. He slid his coat off his shoulders and laid it across the chair before coming to the other side of the bed.

I felt the mattress dip as he sat down on the edge of the bed. He just sat there for a long moment, elbows on his knees, his head buried in his hands. Finally, he heaved a sigh and laid down next to me, pulling me towards him. His arm wrapped around my waist as he fitted our bodies together, my back against his chest, his cheek resting against the crown of my head.

In the stillness that followed, all the events of the day came crashing in on me just as I had known they would… all the things that I had learned and all the things I'd never know. Everything came together, whirling through my mind so furiously that I thought I was going to lose my mind… again. There were so many questions I wanted to ask… so many things I needed to know that I'd never had a chance to ask. The only people who could give me those answers had died years ago.

I wanted to know what I had done that was so terrible that the people who had given me life felt the need to disown me so completely that they'd told people I had died rather than acknowledge me as theirs. What had I done to make them stop loving me? Weren't parents supposed to love their children unconditionally? What had happened to lead them to that place? To think that leaving me there at the mercy of strangers was the best option for anyone? Had they ever thought of me again? Had they missed me at all or had they been glad to be rid of me? In all the years that followed, did they ever wonder what happened to me? Did they ever come to visit me? Had they even wanted to?

The same feeling of panic I'd experienced in front of the asylum came rushing back. The walls were closing in. My lungs burned, but I couldn't breathe. Fear clawed at my insides, but I couldn't scream. The need to escape was strong, but I couldn't run. I couldn't move at all. I was trapped.

A sense of calm slowly pervaded me, easing the rough edges of panicked terror that had held me so ruthlessly in its grip. Jasper curled his body even closer around mine, murmuring into my hair, almost crooning to me.

With effort, I pushed everything else from my mind save for him… the way his arm wrapped around my waist, his hand splayed on my belly, his thumb stroking repetitively along the curve of my ribcage… the way our bodies fit so perfectly together, each curve and plane aligning like they had been fashioned specifically for the other… the way his chest rose and fell against my back with his deep, rhythmic breaths – even something as simple as the slow, steady cadence of his breathing was soothing.

His scent enveloped me, that blend of fragrances that never failed to calm me and draw me towards him. There was the fresh, woodsy scent of sandalwood – a fragrance used in parts of the world to treat anxiety, which I had found wildly ironic the first time I had learned that – something spicy like cinnamon, and the particular musky, masculine smell that was incomparable to anything else besides Jasper.

I rolled over, now face to face with the other half of myself. His hand came up to brush the hair from my cheek, stroking my face gently with the back of his fingers.

"I hate seeing you like this," he breathed, leaning his forehead against mine.

"I'm just glad you're here," I whispered. "I couldn't do this by myself."

"You shouldn't have to." He looked deeply into my eyes seeing all the way through me as only he could. "You'll never have to be alone again as long as I'm alive. I'll always be here, Alice. Always. There's nothing and no one in this world that's half as important to me as you."

I closed my eyes, snuggling in closer to him… but it still wasn't close enough. I burrowed my face into the curve of his neck, brushing my lips over the skin there and breathing deeply, filling my lungs with him… but it wasn't enough.

"Jasper," I breathed, tangling my legs with his, "I need you."

"I'm right here," he soothed, wrapping his arms tighter around me.

"No," I shook my head, "I _need_ you."

He pulled his head back just slightly to look at me, searching my eyes. "Are you sure?"

I knew the riotous blend of my emotions was confusing to him. I was distraught and confused. I was hurting and afraid. But I needed this… I needed him. He was my anchor when nothing else made sense. In his arms was the one place where I knew I'd always have a safe place to rest.

The joining I needed now wasn't about satisfying passions… it wasn't about seeking pleasure… it was about need – needing to feel whole, needing to feel safe and secure, needing the sense of belonging that only came from him. And I needed that in the most basic and primal way possible.

"Yes," I whispered. "I don't want to think about anything… I don't want to _feel_ anything but you."

His eyes softened, filled with love and understanding. He nodded, our noses so close they brushed against each other with every motion of his head. "Come here, sweetheart," his voice was infinitely tender as he pulled my body flush against his.

His head shifted, closing the slight distance between our lips. He brushed his mouth over mine several times, and the teasing whisper of his lips, full and smooth, against my own further incited my need for him. An involuntary sigh passed my lips and into his mouth when he molded our lips together, parting mine just slightly.

His hand caressed my cheek and over my jaw as his tongue peeked out to taste the inner surface of my lower lip. He teased and withdrew several times, each time going just a little bit further than before, until I'd finally had as much as I could take. On the next pass, I caught the velvet surface of his tongue lightly with my teeth, drawing him back inside, stroking my tongue along his.

The kiss deepened as we gave and took from each other. His hands left my face, stroking over my arms and making a course up and down my sides. My hands were drawn to the breadth of his shoulders, tracing the flex and play of the muscles in his back, delighting in the strength inherent there. The thin fabric of his shirt did nothing to hide the warmth of his body or the definition of his muscles, but it was still a barrier keeping his skin from mine… and that was unacceptable.

My hands came around to his chest, finding and releasing the buttons there, greedy for each new inch of skin that was uncovered. Our kiss didn't slow as he shrugged his shirt off and brought his hands to the hem of my blouse. My hands raked over the warm skin of his back as he raised my blouse slowly, his knuckles brushing softly against my sides. For him to lift it over my head, though, he'd have to part his mouth from mine… and that simply wasn't an option I was willing to entertain.

When he tried to pull back, I tangled one hand in his hair, holding him in place. I nipped his lower lip, soothing it immediately with my tongue and brought one hand down to rip the fabric that separated me from him. It shredded easily, and I tossed it heedlessly to the floor.

One of Jasper's hands snaked around my back, releasing the clasp of my bra and sending it the way of my unfortunate blouse. I moaned in relief when his chest came to rest flush against mine, giving me the skin to skin contact that I'd craved.

I rolled onto my back, bringing him with me so that his body rested fully on top of mine. I reveled in the feeling of his weight pressing me into the bed, though he balanced most of it on his forearms, trying not to crush me.

I stroked along his back, pressing him closer as I did. After all our years together, after all the times we'd loved each other with our bodies, I had every facet of his body memorized. I knew each ridge and groove of his spine, I knew the placement of each and every scar he had… his body was infinitely familiar to me, yet somehow each time felt like the first… like I was discovering him all over again.

Our love was familiar. It was comforting. The music of our sighs and moans was a song we'd danced to innumerable times in the past. And each time was even more thrilling than the last.

Our kiss grew more urgent as my hands traced over the planes of his chest and down his stomach, feeling the muscles there clench as I reached lower, seeking the button of his jeans. He raised up enough for me to remove the unwelcome fabric, baring his body fully to me.

I whimpered in protest when his lips parted from mine, but he didn't go far. He pulled back just enough to look into my eyes… the love, the desire, and the passion simmering in his gaze stole my breath just as it always did.

His hands and lips traced a path down my neck and over my shoulders, the heat of them searing into my flesh and deep into the marrow of my bones, marking me as his. His hands cupped my breasts, and my back instinctively arched into his touch, offering myself unreservedly to him. The touch of his hands were replaced a moment later by the warm wetness of his mouth enveloping my breast. I felt the drawing sensation in every cell of my body as he suckled deeply at first one and then the other causing the familiar tightening to begin building deep in my belly.

He didn't linger long, continuing down, his lips and tongue laving a trail of fire down both sides of my abdomen. I cried out when his teeth nipped lightly at my hipbone. I'd been so caught up in the myriad of sensations consuming my entire being that I hadn't seen that coming. The unexpected caress sent a renewed surge of pleasure throughout my body, causing my need for him to become almost painful.

He looked up then, his eyes capturing mine. The fire of the passion smoldering in his gaze made it impossible to look away as he slowly peeled away every last piece of fabric that hid me from him, dropping them to the floor.

His eyes were dark and feral as they raked over my body, lingering on my chest, heaving as I drew in unnecessary oxygen. Every breath was tinged with him, with us. I could almost taste our mingled desire in the air.

His eyes made a course over my body, the heat of his gaze feeling almost like a tangible touch on my flesh. The gold of his eyes was almost entirely swallowed by the black pools of his pupils as they drifted back up to hold my gaze again. His arms formed a cage around my body, his forearms resting next to my head, as he lowered his body to mine once again.

I couldn't stop my eyes from rolling back in my head as finally, _finally_, his body covered mine completely with nothing separating us. There was nothing to keep me from feeling my breasts crushed against the smooth plane of his chest, nothing barring me from feeling the warmth of his skin as our legs tangled together, nothing between us to hinder the joining of our most intimate places.

I pulled his face back down to mine, pressing my lips frantically to his as his hand traced from my hip, down my thigh, to my calf. He tugged my leg gently, hitching it up over his hip, creating a cradle for himself between my thighs.

My body jerked when I felt his fingers stroking and gently probing at the part of me that only he had ever seen… that only he had ever touched. My hips lifted of their own accord, seeking more than the light touches he was giving me.

I wrapped my leg tighter around his hip, urging him wordlessly closer to where I wanted – no, needed – him to be. His lips devoured mine hungrily as I felt his body slowly sink into mine, stretching me, filling me.

This was what I had wanted so desperately. He was surrounding me, enveloping me. He was all around me… inside me… every cell of my being was consumed in him.

Nothing else existed for me in this moment but him as our bodies climbed together, straining for completion… as he moved inside me, whispering words of love against my lips, urging me on to my pleasure which was building to almost unbearable heights… as I tilted my head back to watch through the haze as he surrendered himself to his pleasure... as he released inside my body… as his pleasure, his passion, and his love overflowed their bounds like a breaking dam rushing over me until I felt all of his emotions coupling with mine… swelling and multiplying several times over.

The pleasure was all-consuming, almost frightening in its intensity as our lovemaking reached its climax. Jasper's hand stroked through my hair, his hips still moving against mine, as I rode through the waves, clinging to him as an anchor throughout. It went on and on, my body spasming beyond my control, manipulated expertly by my lover, until finally I collapsed beneath him, still feeling the remnants of bliss coursing through me.

Jasper smiled tenderly, intimately, as his lips brushed against mine lazily. He was about to pull out of me and roll to his side, but I wasn't ready to lose that connection with him yet.

"No," I shook my head, looping my legs around his waist. "Don't leave me. Please," I whispered, kissing along the column of his neck.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said. There was a weight – a promise – to his words hidden behind their face value. He knew me so well… knew the fears and insecurities that tortured me before I even voiced them. He saw me better than anyone else… sometimes even better than I saw myself.

"I'm right here, Alice… right here with you. Right where I'll always be."

He kissed me tenderly once more and rested his face against mine on the pillow. I knew the rest of the world would come creeping back in soon, but, for this moment, I clung to the sense of wholeness and belonging – the contentment – of lying here with my husband… my lover… my best friend… and the one who caused my world to make sense. Everything else could wait… for now.

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**Thanks for reading! Please take a second and leave me some love… reviews most definitely fuel my creative juices! ;-)**

**Nik**

**P.S. How many of you were as blown away by Jasper in Eclipse as I was? Holy crow... I think I forgot to breathe when he was on the screen!**


	5. Chapter 5

_**As always, your encouraging and supportive response to this story blows me away... I know I sound like a broken record, but I'm truly thankful for all of you who take time out of your lives to read my stories... and especially to those of you who fill my inbox with your amazing reviews! That's such an awesome feeling for me! :-)**_

_**I tried so hard not to be too repetitive in this chapter, but I know there's some carry-over from the last one. I really wanted to get Jasper's thoughts on all of this, so I apologize if it reads as a repeat at all. Hopefully it will be enjoyable anyway!**_

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Chapter 5

Jasper

.

This had undoubtedly been one of the longest days of my life… and quite possibly one of the hardest.

I wondered sometimes how it would be to live in a world where I felt only my own emotions and not everyone else's as well. The influx of emotion could be exhausting sometimes, particularly when dealing with deep sorrows and grief.

Over the course of my life, especially for the first century, it had become second nature to me to shy away those experiencing that level of emotional turmoil. It was just too draining to feel that from anyone.

But this was Alice… and feeling this from her was a thousand times worse than from anyone else. Her emotions felt so much stronger to me than others – her pain cut me so much deeper because this _wasn't_ just anyone else – this was my wife… my heart…

Alice's joy was the most potent drug I could ever imagine, drawing me irresistibly towards her. And she was one of the most naturally vibrant people I had ever encountered. Considering the way I absorbed the emotional atmosphere around me, Alice was truly my ideal eternal companion. She was one of the most _pleasant_ people I had ever encountered, making it a joy to be in her presence. She was just exactly my perfect other half. She balanced me.

But the other side of that meant that I felt her sorrows that much more potently as well. It didn't help either that it was such a rarity to see her grieving like this. Nothing kept her down for long.

And as if that weren't bad enough, I struggled with the issues of her past as well. I hurt for her and all that she endured apart from what she herself felt. I understood why she wanted to pursue her past, and I would never deny her that. But it was incredibly painful. For both of us.

I loved Alice with a fierceness that was almost alarming sometimes. She was my entire world, and nothing in this life meant anything to me without her. I wanted her safe. I wanted her happy. And I wanted her whole. I wanted everything good for her, and there was nothing I wouldn't do for that end.

If that meant relearning a century's worth of conditioning and training, then so be it.

If that meant altering my lifestyle to better fit hers, then I would do it no matter the cost.

Her needs came first. And I derived my greatest joy from making her smile… from making her feel as loved as I possibly could.

She made me a better man… and made me want to continually strive to be even more. I wanted to be everything she ever needed. To provide for any need she could ever have.

But right now, I felt more helpless than I ever had before.

There was nothing I could do for her except to be here… to promise to always be here.

I was glad I hadn't known ahead of time how it would feel to stand in front of _that place_. I was glad I hadn't known how the deluge of my own emotions combined with Alice's would nearly drive me to my knees.

It was absolutely unbearable to me to think about Alice being abandoned there. I was inundated with images of her as a small child being guided by the hand, completely unaware of what she was being led into. She was so small now – even in her indestructible state looking as delicate as a little china doll. How much more fragile and _breakable_ she'd been then. How easy it would have been to shatter her beyond the point of return.

I saw images of her hidden away in the darkness, alone and crying for help. Calling for the parents who'd walked away, turning their back on her cries.

I was tormented by thoughts of Alice strapped to a table and rendered helpless while hundreds of volts of electricity were surged through her tiny body. I'd seen from Carlisle's medical books how shock treatments had been used for those believed to have "psychiatric diseases." I knew the so-called therapy more often than not caused seizures, brain damage, and even death in those they were supposed to treat.

Standing there in front of that place, I had almost been able to hear her screams as they shocked her...

And they tortured me.

Morbidly, I couldn't help wondering just how bad Alice's condition had been before she was changed. As fragile as she must have been physically, to have had her frail body put through that kind of torture, she _must_ have had lasting effects from it. How much had her mind been broken? How much irreparable damage had been done to her in the name of "curing" a disease? It seemed most likely to me that she remembered nothing of being human because her mind had been all but destroyed in the name of medicine.

If James had not pursued her, if the nameless one who had saved her had not acted on her behalf, how much longer would she have been able to survive? The thought alone made me wrap my arms tighter around her, like I could protect her from what might have been.

At that moment, I was fervently glad that her parents were long since dead. With the overpowering rage flooding my emotions right now, I would have killed them myself had they been standing in front of me… and done so gladly.

It was unfathomable to me how anyone could _not_ love, Alice. As warm and loving, as bright and happy as she was, how could anyone with any compassion whatsoever hurt her? As delicate and small as she was, how could anyone not feel the desire to protect her? To shield her and keep her safe?

I couldn't make sense of it.

And it ripped me apart inside to feel her fear. The sheer terror she'd experienced when I'd released her hand in front of the asylum had pierced like a rusty blade into my heart… she'd honestly been afraid for a split second that I'd leave her there. Her feeling of desertion had cut all the way through me, leaving a gaping wound.

With my immortal memory, it was impossible for me to forget anything, but there were certain moments that would haunt me for eternity. Standing over Alice's grave was one of those moments. Seeing her name inscribed on that stone had forced me to consider all the what-ifs… and they were terrifying.

There were no labels for the emotions that had raged inside me. I'd felt cold. I'd felt sick… rooted to the spot when all I'd wanted was to lift Alice into my arms and flee as far and as fast as I possibly could. But it was almost like an unseen force had welded me to the ground, holding me in place. I couldn't move.

For a moment, I was forced to imagine the course my life would have taken if that piece of soil really had held her body captive… if she hadn't danced into my life in that diner so many years ago, filling my entire existence with warmth and love and joy.

What would have been the point of my life without the woman at my side who had been clinging so desperately to my hand? I knew the answer to that without even having to consider. There would have been no point. My life would be futile without her.

She _was_ my life.

Now, back in the hotel room, our limbs were still intertwined, our bodies still joined. Alice had protested when I'd attempted to withdraw from her after our lovemaking, unwilling to lose that connection. And, truth be told, so was I. Not wanting to crush her under my weight, I'd placed my hand on her hip, holding her in place, and rolled to the side, taking her with me.

She'd been uncharacteristically silent ever since. She clung to me like she was afraid I would vanish, laying as close to me as she possibly could, but she said nothing. Morning came and went, bathing the room in sunlight. Alice didn't stir.

I wished I could see what was going on inside her head. Futilely, I wished there was something I could actually do to help her. I hated feeling so helpless when she was hurting.

But I was so emotionally weary myself. I hadn't fully realized the effect this trip would have on me. Being continually forced to confront Alice's painful humanity had been absolutely draining. Just thinking about everything that most likely had happened, and all the things that could have happened, was like tearing my heart into pieces one bloody strip at a time.

Alice lay so still and silent in my arms with her eyes closed that, if I didn't know any better, I would think she was sleeping… or worse… especially since she wasn't even breathing. I hated every minute of it, but I wouldn't have chosen to be anywhere else… not for anything in the world. She needed me… and, God knew, I needed her.

Feeling her emotions as we'd gone through the microfiche articles had been excruciating. All things considered, she'd held herself together very well, but I had felt her emotions slipping lower and lower as each new piece of the puzzle was uncovered. I'd watched those emotions flicker through her eyes in a constant stream. I'd felt her betrayal, her shock, her grief, and her loss… and my own emotions had been almost a mirror image of hers… save for the anger.

I was livid at the ones who had given Alice life only to deny her for something she had no control over. I hoped with every fiber of my being that they had been eaten alive with guilt for what they'd done to their innocent child… someone who had deserved their unconditional love and protection. I hoped they'd suffered in full measure the same pain they'd inflicted on her.

It was beyond my understanding how anyone could be so blind as not to see how incredibly precious Alice was. They obviously hadn't seen it… but I did. In the midst of my rage, even knowing that I would never be able to forgive them for the pain they'd caused to their own flesh and blood, I still had to realize that without them I would never have had her. It was because of them that I had the one thing that made my existence worthwhile.

I'd never know what circumstances had led them to leave Alice at the mercy of strangers. I'd never know what had influenced their decision to take her to that place.

I hated, with a burning passion, the very idea of Alice being in pain. I would willingly, would _gladly_, bear her pain in my body so that she wouldn't have to experience it… but in spite of all that, I knew without a doubt that if her life hadn't taken the course it had, I never would have known her. I would have lived the rest of my life without her…

No, that wasn't true. If not for her, I would have died years ago, embracing death with open arms.

Without Alice, I had no reason to continue existing.

I would never wish suffering of any kind on Alice, and I would do everything in my power to keep her from pain, but the very idea of a world without Alice was unthinkable. I hated the circumstances that brought her to me, but, perhaps selfishly, I was grateful at the same time. I would have given anything to have suffered in her place had that been possible… but it hadn't been.

I felt like a monster for thinking in such a way, knowing how much the darkness inside her mind troubled her, but I was fervently glad that she remembered nothing of that time in her life. However bad it was now, I could only imagine how much worse it would be if she remembered anything other than the darkness. Perhaps her vacant memories might actually be a blessing in disguise.

The reds, oranges, and golds of the setting sun filled the room with their glow before Alice finally moved. Her left hand reached up to tangle in my hair, the liquid gold of her eyes finally meeting mine. She applied the lightest of pressure, nudging my face down, but that slight touch was all the encouragement I needed.

My lips met hers readily, melting into their soft warmth. I communicated the depth of my love for her in the best way I knew how, cradling her face in my hands, caressing her lips with mine. Words weren't required, but I gave them anyway, whispering my love for her against her lips, breathing it against the silk of her skin as I kissed a path along the length of her jaw and down her neck before she silenced me by seeking my mouth with hers.

The sound of our increasingly ragged breathing was the only noise in the room as we took comfort from each other in this most basic way. Alice wound her leg over my waist as she rocked her hips against mine where we were still joined so intimately, causing desire to unfurl in the very core of my being.

Our hands traced lazily over the curves and lines of flesh that we knew so well. We were unhurried in our movements… almost as if we were defying the fate that came so close to keeping us apart. We were together… and nothing was ever going to change that.

When the climax of our lovemaking came, it wasn't the overpowering tidal wave of sensation that it had been earlier. This time it was like the gentle lapping of continual waves of pleasure – unrushed, languid, and achingly, poignantly sweet.

When the last wave passed, Alice pressed her lips against my collarbone, wrapping her arms tighter around me. "I love you," she whispered desperately, her lips still pressed against my skin, "_so much_…" her voice choked.

"Shhh…" I soothed, kissing both of her eyelids and the tip of her nose. "I'm right here. I've got you." I assured her, feeling the dark waves of anguish creeping into her emotions again.

"I don't know what I'd ever do without you," her voice was barely a whisper.

"You won't ever have to find out." I breathed into her dark hair. "Never again, Alice. You'll never be alone again."

She burrowed her face into my chest, her hands tracing idle patterns on my back as her emotions slowly, gradually, quieted. I was glad for the steady rise and fall of her chest, feeling it against me as closely as we lay together. I counted her every breath, letting each one soothe my troubled mind.

"I don't understand it, Jasper," she whispered at length. She didn't have to elaborate. I knew our minds had been working on the same track all day.

"Neither do I," I stroked her cheek with the backs of my fingers. "I've been laying here trying to _make_ myself understand, but I just can't. I can't make sense of it."

Alice laughed once under her breath, the sound angry and uncharacteristically bitter. "You know, I think I almost hoped that coming here, that seeing this place, might trigger some forgotten memory. But I think the only thing it did was raise more questions. And I'm not ever going to know the answers to any of them.

"I'll always have to wonder what I did wrong… what I did that was so terrible to make my own parents think that I would be better off dead… aside from the fact that I wasn't _normal_." Alice bit off the word like a curse.

"Alice," I said gently, hesitating, not entirely sure how to help and a little unnerved by the deep-rooted bitterness that was present in every word. "I know it hurts. I _know_ it does, and I hate it. But thinking like that is only going to make it worse. You did nothing wrong… you were a child. It wasn't anything you did, and you're only going to make yourself hurt more by taking the blame for what happened."

"I just wish I could remember," she said fervently. "Everything is so dark, no matter how hard I try to see. It's like there's a gaping hole where my memories should be." She fell silent for the space of a few breaths. "Doesn't it bother you," she questioned tilting her head back to look at me, "remembering so little about your family and where you came from?"

I thought hard about what I was about to say, considering my words very carefully and trying hard not to upset her anymore than she already was. "Alice, from the moment I realized that I loved you, I knew you were going to be what gave definition to my life. My past didn't matter to me anymore as long as you were in my future. My past is just that – the past. I can't change it any more than you can change yours. And no amount of worrying or agonizing about that is going to make it any different."

She lifted up, propping herself on her elbow. "But doesn't it make you feel like there's something missing? Don't you feel cheated?" She persisted.

I shook my head, knowing that what I wanted to say would most likely anger her. "To be very honest – " I began, but she didn't let me finish.

"You can't mean that," she pushed against my shoulder, lifting the top half of her body and looking at me in utter disbelief.

"Yes, I do," I said quietly, looking up at her incredulous face. "I would prefer remembering nothing at all than remembering just enough to taunt me. Alice, to be very honest, if there were a way for me to erase my memories until the moment I met you, I'd do it without a second thought."

Alice stared at me, mouth agape for a long moment. "How can you say that? How can you possibly say something like that knowing what I would give to be able to remember anything at all. At least you remember being loved by your family… at least you remember being wanted by the people that gave you life."

"Yes. But I think if anything that only makes things worse."

Alice huffed, shaking her head. In one fluid movement she left the bed, scooping up my discarded shirt from the floor and wrapping it around her small frame. She pushed her arms through the sleeves that were far too long for her and crossed them over her chest. "How exactly does being loved make things worse, Jasper? Please explain that one to me if you can."

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and scrubbed my hand over my neck. "Because those memories are only a reminder of what I lost – and what a terrible disappointment I would have been to my family had they known even a fraction of the things that I've done. And because I know how much better they would have expected me to be than what I became.

"Alice, you know most of what I remember are impressions. Knowing that I loved someone… seeing flickers of their faces but not quite being able to recall for certain who they are… or who they were to me. From that alone, I feel like I've betrayed them… that if I loved them, I ought to be able to remember them.

"I can recall my parents with slightly more clarity. I remember their characteristics and beliefs and values they instilled in me. Sometimes I think I can almost barely remember the scent of my mother's perfume… or my father's pipe. And, yes, I remember that I loved them both… deeply.

"But most of all, I remember how I ran away. And how I didn't give them the chance to say goodbye."

Dim, faded memories of another life flickered through my mind… just enough to tease me… just enough to chafe… like blisters rubbed raw from ill fitting shoes. Faces that I knew had once been so familiar and _dear_ were blurred and murky in my memory… faces of the people who had meant more than anything else in the world to me at one time.

I could remember that night more clearly than most, but even still, it was like peering into a muddy river, trying to see the bottom. I'd been weeks away from my seventeenth birthday – a boy with high ideals that fancied himself a man. I'd burned with patriotism, believing it my duty to protect my family and my home from the Northern invaders.

I'd been sheltered as a child, I knew that much. I remembered my shock at the crudeness of camp life. I'd never experienced the world in quite that light before. I'd had no idea what I'd been walking into, and I'd had no concept of the hell that I would be putting my family through.

"Alice, I hugged my mother. I kissed her cheek. And that night I left a note on my pillow telling them where I had gone. I thought I was doing the right thing… fighting for what I believed in. But I imagine that was little comfort to them when I went missing two years later… and when I never came home.

"When I stop to think about that… about what they must have gone through," I shook my head, fighting back the pain. "I'll always have to wonder what happened to them… who took my place in caring for them as they grew older. They were _my_ parents, Alice. I was their son… that was supposed to be my job.

"I can only wonder if our home survived and how much loss they faced as devastated as the economy was in the South after the war. I can only hope they had their needs met. There were so many out there who took advantage, who preyed on the South's weakened condition… and I was one of them." I hissed through teeth clenched in shame. "I was one of the monsters who did."

"Instead of repairing and rebuilding as I should have been doing… instead of fighting for those unable to defend themselves as I had pledged to do… I was tearing down and destroying – taking full advantage of the chaos that was left behind. I became the very thing that I had despised. And I know it would have killed them to know that."

Alice hadn't said a word. She was staring out the window with the moonlight reflected on her face. In the glass, I could see her reflection, the deep lines that were etched in her forehead and between her eyes and the sadness contained in their golden depths. Even in the midst of her troubled mind state she was still so perfect, so beautiful, that it made my heart hurt.

Like I was being drawn by an invisible cord, I stood and went to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and leaning down to press a kiss to her shoulder, feeling the warmth of her skin even through the fabric.

My chin was resting on her shoulder when I spoke again. "Looking back, I can see every single mistake I made. I should never have left home the way I did. I should have waited until I was of age to enlist. If I had, there's no way of knowing how differently my life might have turned out. I never would have encountered Maria on the road that night. I might have actually survived the war and been able to return home afterwards. I might have been there to be the son that my parents needed to depend on when they couldn't take care of themselves anymore."

Alice's hands moved slightly to rest over my arms, her fingertips stroking absently, though she still remained silent. The gentleness of her touch sent streamers of warmth penetrating my skin and shooting through my limbs. I pressed my lips to the crown of her head, my words whispering through the silk strands of her hair.

"But even knowing that, there's no doubt in my mind that if I was handed the opportunity to go back and live my life again, I would do nothing differently. I would still make the same decisions… because every choice I made was one step closer to you."

Alice's face contorted at my words, her emotions anguished. She pushed lightly against my hold, and I released her, watching her walk to the bed and sink down on the edge with her shoulders stooped. I took the three steps required to close the distance between us and knelt down in front of her.

"Alice, everything I had before I would gladly give up. Yes, I have regrets. I've done things that I hate. But I can't possibly bring myself to resent the course my life took. Because this – _you_ – " I cupped her face tenderly in my palms, "the life I have with you is the only thing that matters to me. It's all I want."

Her eyes slid shut, torment written on every one of her features, twisting her face into a pained grimace.

"Would you change all of that, Alice?" I questioned in a desperate whisper, when she made no move to speak. "If right now you were handed the chance to go back and live your life over again without your extra sight, would you take it? Would you give up everything you have now – your family and your life– for that? Would you, Alice?"

I waited for some denial on her part. But she said nothing. She was deathly silent.

And her silence screamed deafeningly in my ears, reverberating and echoing through my mind.

Defeat settled like a crushing weight in my chest, making it impossible to breathe. There was absolutely nothing in this world that I would deny Alice if it was in my power to give… but this was not something I could change.

No matter how much I loved her, I couldn't give her what she wanted.

Overcome, I laid my forehead against her knees. This was like seeing my worst fears come to life… the one thing she wanted right now, I was powerless to give. My best wasn't enough… I was not enough.

"No," she said in a whisper so low that I wondered at first if I had imagined it – if my mind had conjured up the assurance that I had so desperately needed to hear. "No," her voice was stronger, more certain, the second time. "I wouldn't."

I felt her tiny hands frame my face, lifting it up to look at her. There was a burning sincerity in her eyes when she spoke. "Nothing… absolutely _nothing_ is worth that. You're all I ever wanted from the first moment that I remember. You're my whole life, Jasper, and you're everything I could ever need."

She slid off the bed and into my lap, winding her arms around my neck. "If I made you think anything else for even a second, I'm sorry." She nudged my head down to rest in the curve of her neck, leaning her cheek on against my hair. "I'm so sorry." She sighed, her breath ruffling through the strands of my hair.

We just sat there in the floor for a while, holding on to each other. On top of everything else Alice was coping with, now regret was added to the turbulent blend of her emotions – grief for hurting me.

It wasn't often that Alice and I disagreed on anything of any importance, but this was one of those times. I didn't honestly see how she could actually desire to remember anything from her short, painful life, and I didn't think it would be good for her if she did. I wanted to try to persuade her that it was better this way, but I hesitated to bring it up again. Alice, being Alice, didn't wait for me to.

She cupped my chin in her hand again, nudging my face upwards. Her lips ghosted over my eyelids to my temple. "I'll listen," she said simply. "Go ahead."

I shifted her in my lap so that she was turned towards me. She was so near that her every breath fluttered over my face in a gentle caress. "Alice, you _know_ that I would do absolutely anything for you. I'd cut open my chest and carve out my heart for you if that's what you wanted. And I _hate_ the thought of you being hurt. As painful as it is for you now not remembering what happened, I can only imagine how horrible it would be if you did.

"Darlin, I know it doesn't feel like it, but, in all honesty, I can't help but think that having your memory cleansed of all that was a gift. What happened to you was terrible, but when you were changed," I traced my finger over her forehead to her temple, "inside your mind, it became like it never existed. You were given a fresh start… your slate was wiped clean. That's an opportunity that none of the rest of us had."

Her eyebrows crossed as she contemplated my words, not angry this time, but truly considering them.

"Alice, all this anger and this bitterness that you're experiencing isn't like you. And, I have to admit, it worries me. I know it's not easy, but I'm pleading with you to find some way to reach peace about your past. If you don't, that bitterness will eat you up inside… and you are so much better than that."

I took her hand gently in mine, kissing her palm and placing it over the multitude of raised marks on the side of my face. "Our pasts leave us with scars, Alice. There's no denying that. They'll always be there, but, somehow, we have to find a way to live around them… to not let them define us."

Alice's thumb traced over my cheekbone, and she nodded, her eyes glistening. "You're right," she whispered in a tiny voice, "I know you are. But how do you do that? How do you live around them when they hurt so much?"

"One day at a time, darlin. That's all we can do."

She nodded, her eyes sorrowful and distant.

I'd known before now, of course, that Alice had been hurt by her past, but I'd never truly considered the fact that she'd been actually scarred by it… just as I had been scarred by mine. Her scars weren't so easily visible, but that didn't mean they weren't there.

So many years ago, on the night that I'd surrendered my all to her, Alice had lain with me and tenderly traced my every scar, loving away the pain. I couldn't erase her scars any more than she had been able to erase mine, but just as her loving touch had soothed away my pain, making my past nothing more than a bad memory, now, I could only hope that I could do the same for her.

I placed my hand over hers where it still rested against my cheek and leaned my forehead against hers. "Come back to bed with me?"

A loving smile tugged at the corners of Alice's mouth, and she nodded, covering the sparse distance between our lips and brushing her mouth against mine.

I stood, lifting her effortlessly and laying her on the bed. I slid in beside her, propping myself up on my elbow and just gazing at her, amazed anew at just how perfect she was. She left me breathless. From the tips of her toes to her spiky black hair, there was not one inch of her that could be improved upon. She was perfect... and she was _mine_.

She reached up, running a hand through my hair. "I love you." Those three simple words were colored with a love almost unfathomable… almost too much to bear… and too much to be contained inside the confines of our bodies.

Sometimes words weren't enough. They were weak, finite things trying to give definition to the infinite… a poor approximation of the real thing.

Alice hadn't bothered to button up my shirt when she'd put it on earlier, and it fell open now revealing the flawless alabaster of her skin. I placed my hand over the warm satin of her flesh right above her heart and focused on the overwhelming love coursing through every fiber of my being, letting it flood through her, leaving no room for anything else.

At the same time I could feel the depth of her love mirroring mine – feeding it, fueling it. It grew and swelled in my chest until I thought my heart would burst from the intensity of it.

As if learning her all over again, I traced over her features, starting from the ends of her dark hair, running the silken strands between my fingers, to her perfectly arched brows, her tiny pointed nose, the delicate shell of her ears, to her perfect, full lips. I followed my fingers with gentle, caressing kisses. I hovered over her lips for long moments, savoring them, brushing back and forth before finally melding our mouths together.

Alice's soft sigh of pleasure passed from her lips to mine before I released her mouth, kissing a path over her jaw and along the graceful line of her neck. Her skin was the softest silk as my hands and lips caressed her shoulder, sliding away the fabric of my shirt as I went, slipping it down her arms. I paused to kiss the delicate skin of her inner wrists, stroking my way back up her arms.

I took my time, cherishing her body with hands and lips, lingering on the places that brought her the most pleasure and treasuring her every breath and sigh. Her rapid breathing was a counterpoint to mine as the moments passed and our urgency grew. Passion simmered as I kissed my way back up her body to take her mouth with mine again. We gave and took from each other, our tongues dancing together in a familiar rhythm.

At Alice's moan, the fire that had been smoldering in my core burst into flames. My legs tangled with hers, parting them as I pulled back just enough to look into her eyes which were glazed and unfocused with desire. I held her gaze with mine as I slowly, so slowly, joined my body with hers, entering her warmth. Our connection was so deep, so incredibly intimate, that I wasn't entirely sure where she ended and I began as our bodies moved fluidly together, pleasuring and being pleasured.

The immeasurable love that flowed and pulsed between us was an indissoluble cord binding us together. Even in the most trying, uncertain times, it was the one thing that we knew would never waver.

It was an enduring hope… an eternal love. 

* * *

_There's a life inside of me that I can feel again  
It's the only thing that takes me where I've never been  
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known  
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight  
Your arms feel like home_

_You're home to me_

"Your Arms Feel Like Home"  
by 3 Doors Down

* * *

_**Thanks for reading! Please take a second and leave me some love! :-)**_

_**Nik**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for keeping you waiting for this one! I had a bit of a block for a while, but, to make up for it, look for the next chapter sometime later this week… it's just about finished already. ;-)**

I'm not entirely happy with this one, but I've got my fingers crossed that it's just my nasty perfectionism rearing it's ugly head, and hopefully you'll all enjoy it anyways. I'll be anxious to hear your thoughts at the end.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Alice**

.

It was after New Years when Jasper and I headed back home. We'd stayed in the hotel for a little more than a week as I tried to come to terms with everything I'd learned. It wasn't easy, and even now I knew I wasn't nearly there yet.

I was so glad that Jasper had been there with me; I couldn't even imagine what I would have done had I made the trip by myself. He could read me so well. He knew when I needed to talk, and he knew when I just needed to be loved… and he was there for me in both cases.

His words about wishing he could forget his past still lingered with me. He was glad that I couldn't remember… he thought it would only hurt me more if I could. I understood his reasoning for thinking as he did, and, on some level, I knew he was right. But that didn't mean I liked it.

I knew how difficult it was for him to watch me wading through all of this on my own. I'd often accused him of being overly protective of me, and it was something he couldn't deny even if he'd wanted to. His natural instinct was to fight my battles for me, and, I had to admit, it was one of the things that I loved him for. I knew that I could count on him no matter what – even when we didn't agree a hundred percent. But I knew it hurt him to realize that, no matter how much he loved me, there were things that he couldn't protect me from.

This was one week I was happy to put behind me, and, as we drove closer to New York, my desire to be home grew stronger. Jasper drove with one hand while the other rested comfortingly on my knee. We'd kept some form of physical contact between us at all times for the bulk of the week. I was finding myself being a little more clingy than normal with everything I was trying to process, but he didn't seem to mind.

As soon as we pulled into the driveway, I felt a wave of relief. I'd never been so glad to see home before in my life. Jasper pulled into the garage, and I slumped back into my seat, feeling a little bit of the tension of the last week fade away. Here I felt safe again. The ghosts were still with me, of course, but at least now there were several states between me and the place where my nightmares had taken place.

Jasper took the keys out of the ignition and leaned over the console, catching my chin gently between his thumb and forefinger. "I love you," he whispered pressing his lips softly against mine before we got out of the car.

When we went inside, Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us in the kitchen, just inside the door to the garage. I let go of Jasper's hand and was immediately enveloped in Esme's warm hug. I wrapped my arms tightly around her, burying my face in her shoulder. "Welcome home," she said, kissing my hair and rocking me back and forth. "We missed you," she pulled back and cupped my face in both her hands. "Both of you."

Carlisle wrapped his arm around my shoulder as Esme reached up to hug Jasper who had been standing in the doorway, watching us with a smile on his face. Briefly, though, I noticed that something seemed a little off in his smile… something didn't seem quite right. It seemed almost strained. But, in spite of whatever it was that was bothering him, he returned Esme's hug with obvious affection.

"It was strange having all of you gone at the same time," Carlisle said. "Much too quiet," he kissed my hair and laid his chin on the top of my head.

"I felt like I had an empty nest," Esme agreed, her face twisted in a frown. "I didn't care for that at all."

Carlisle smiled and nodded at her sentiment. "As much as I hate to run out the door right after you get home – " he began apologetically.

"You have to go or you'll be late." I finished for him. "It's all right. We'll fill you in when you get home later. And don't take the interstate. There's going to be an accident; traffic will be backed up."

"Thanks for the warning." He squeezed my shoulders in a hug. He kissed Esme and clapped Jasper on the back on his way out. As soon as his car had pulled out of the driveway, Jasper slipped out the door, retrieving the bags from the trunk and taking them upstairs.

"I was just getting ready to go work on the house for a while," Esme said, wrapping her arm around my shoulder again. "I'd be glad for the company if you'd like to come with me."

I nodded, glancing at the stairway where Jasper had just disappeared. "You can go ahead. I'll follow you in a minute."

"All right," she said. As I headed up the stairs to find Jasper, I heard the soft click of the door as she closed it behind her, leaving us alone.

Inside our room, the bags were dropped haphazardly on the floor, and Jasper was standing in front of the window staring blankly outside. Concerned at his unusually vacant expression, I went to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Are you okay?" I asked as his hands automatically came up to rest over mine.

"I'm fine," he painted on a smile, but I knew him much too well to miss the strain in his eyes that he couldn't quite hide.

"No, you're not. What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," he insisted, turning to wrap me closely in his arms. "I'm alright," he said in response to my skeptical look. "Esme's waiting for you. You should go."

"Did you want to come with us?"

"No," he shook his head. "I'll stay here. Get things unpacked and maybe read for a while. I'll be fine," he assured me again when I hesitated. "Go ahead. She's missed you."

I pulled his face down for a kiss, still concerned but not wanting to push since he obviously didn't want to talk. "I'll be back later." He nodded. I noticed, though, that as soon as I had reached the door, he was staring outside again, the weight of whatever was bothering him reflected in the glass.

I followed Esme's trail down to the house that was her newest project, the smell of fresh paint growing stronger the closer I got. She'd left the front door propped open for me, and I walked inside, taking note of the progress she'd made just since we'd been gone. She was in one of the upstairs bedrooms when I got there, painting the base color on the wall in slow, even strokes.

"Do you want any help?" I asked, pausing in the doorway.

She shook her head with a smile, "I'm fine, but thank you for offering. Just talk to me for a while?"

"I can do that," I said, folding myself on the floor out of her way. "The house is really taking shape. It's going to be beautiful. But that's not exactly a surprise."

"Well, thank you," she chuckled lightly, "for both compliments. I'm pleased with the way it's turning out."

For the space of several breaths, I watched the clean color of the paint take over the wall under Esme's sure brushstrokes. "Have you talked to any of the others this week?" I asked at length.

"You mean you don't know?" she glanced back at me with a hint of humor in her eyes.

I smiled wryly, "Considering the week I've had, it wouldn't surprise me a bit to find that I've missed some things."

Sympathy immediately replaced everything else in her eyes. "I can only imagine," she said softly. "I talked briefly to Emmett the day after Christmas," she told me. "He and Rose are both well. They've decided to extend their trip a little while longer. They were in London for a few more days when we spoke, and he said they were heading to Vienna next."

"How did he sound?" I asked, wondering if he and Rose were coping better than the rest of us.

She glanced back at me with a half-smile on her face. "Like Emmett. It was good to hear his voice, though," she said. "Like you, Emmett has a special way of cheering up everyone around him."

With a half-smile, I glanced down at the floor and picked up one of Esme's extra paint brushes, running my fingers absently through the soft bristles. "Have you heard anything from… Edward?"

Esme's brush paused mid-stroke, and a flash of pain stole over her face. "No," she said barely in a whisper. It sounded like tears were gathering in her voice. "Nothing." She ran a hand over her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut before she resumed her motions with the paint brush. "Have you… seen… anything?" She asked almost reluctantly – fearful of the answer.

I paused, searching for his near future. It was blurry and ill-defined which usually meant that firm decisions hadn't been made. From what little I could see, he looked like hell. His face was smudged with dirt, his hair was far more disheveled than normal, and his clothes were ratty and filthy. He was just sitting, not moving, not breathing, not even blinking. He looked like a corpse.

Edward and I had always had a special relationship. Between his mind reading and my visions, it was like we shared the same mind sometimes. We'd always stuck together, both freaks in this already unnatural world we lived in. Edward understood me better than anyone aside from Jasper. And I missed my brother terribly. I absolutely hated seeing him so miserable.

And then, triggered by those thoughts of Edward, visions of Bella came filtering into my mind. I'd tried not to look for her just as Edward had asked, but I didn't go seeking them – they just came to me. And I almost wished they hadn't. She looked almost as bad as Edward. Just as unmoving. Just as empty. She was miserable too. Edward was an idiot for putting both her and himself through this.

"No," I lied to Esme. "I haven't seen anything." I hated deceiving her, but it would only be worse for her if she knew.

Her hand with the paint brush faltered momentarily, and I was glad I hadn't said anything about what I had seen. She was hurting enough without knowing that. "How was your trip?" She asked quietly after a long, strained silence.

"Hard," I said simply. "Very, very hard."

Esme wiped off her paint brush and laid it down, coming to sit beside me.

"I felt bad for Jasper," I admitted, still toying with the paint brush I held just for something to keep my hands busy. "I'm not so sure it wasn't actually worse for him than it was for me. At least I only had to deal with my own problems. He had to cope with it from both sides."

She brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. "As much as he loves you, I know that was difficult for him to see. I think he'd fight his way through hell to keep you from being hurt at all."

"I know," I said, laying my head on her shoulder. "I know he would."

She wrapped her arm around me, resting her cheek against the top of my head. "Were you able to learn anything else?" She asked softly.

"Some. We saw the asylum. We found my… grave. But there wasn't a whole lot to find in the newspaper articles at the library. Although we did learn that I had a sister – Cynthia – and that she has a daughter living in Biloxi." I chuckled bitterly, "I have a flesh and blood niece still alive. But it's not like I can exactly go up and introduce myself to her. And, based on everything we know now, it's more than likely she wouldn't have been told anything about me to begin with.

"So, basically, I have a whole hell of a lot more questions than I have answers, and, somehow, I have to find a way not to care about any of it… because there's no way I'll ever know. And I don't know how to do that… I don't know how _not_ to care." I fought back the angry sobs that threatened with every word.

"I know," Esme put both arms around me and rocked me back and forth. "I know it hurts."

"I want to ask them… I want to ask my parents how they could just leave me like that. I want to _make_ them tell me how they could act like I didn't exist. How they could just go on and pick up their lives like I'd never been born. I want them to have to explain to me why they left me there… why they let me be hurt like that… why… they didn't love me enough to…" my voice broke as the sobs won, and Esme pulled my head down, cradling it in the crook of her neck and making little shushing sounds as I cried.

"That's something I'll never be able to understand no matter how long I live," Esme said, holding me even tighter. "I'll _never_ be able to understand how a parent could hurt their child.

"Life is incredibly unfair sometimes, isn't it?" Esme said, her voice thick with emotion, too. "Those who have no business taking on the responsibility of caring for another life are given children, while those of us who would do anything to have a child are denied even one.

"One thing I'm certain of, though," she said when my sobs quieted. "Their loss was our gain. You're _my_ girl now. And I love you like my own flesh and blood. Our family needed you, Alice. Don't ever doubt that."

I curled closer into her side, letting myself be comforted by the only mother I'd ever known. "May I ask you something?" I asked quietly after a while.

"You know you can," Esme smoothed her hand over my hair.

"If you could choose to remember nothing at all from your human life, would you do it?" At Esme's look of confusion, I explained. "That was the one thing that Jasper and I disagreed on. There's a part of me that wishes I could remember, to at least know what I can only guess at now. But Jasper said that if he could choose to have his memories erased, he'd do it. We're quite a pair, aren't we?" I chuckled darkly. "I want to remember, and he wants to forget."

Esme didn't say anything for a few moments, her face pensive as she thought about what I'd said. "Considering Jasper's history, I think I can understand why he would feel that way. And I can also understand why he would think it best that you remembered nothing. But, no, I wouldn't make that choice for myself.

"There are certainly things that I would just as soon never think of again," she said with traces of bitterness in her voice as, I assumed, she recalled the worthless excuse for a husband she'd had. "But I can't stand the thought of not being able to remember my son. Bittersweet as those memories are, I wouldn't give them up for anything. The three days I had with him were a precious gift, and those memories were meant to be treasured.

"We all cope with our pasts differently, though, and we all come from different places in life. So I don't think it's wrong at all for Jasper to think the way he does. It's just not what I'd choose for myself."

"Did you ever regret Carlisle saving you?" I asked. Maybe it was too personal… maybe it wasn't any of my business. But I felt like I needed to know. I tried to imagine how different all our lives would be if he hadn't acted to save Esme, but I couldn't even stand to think about it. We all needed her too much.

"Alice, I've come to firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. So, no, I can't regret that. It's amazing to look back and see how all the trials we go through, all the circumstances we don't understand at the time, work together to make us who we are. How they bring us to where we're supposed to be."

A soft smile of remembrance lit her eyes when she spoke next. "You know that I fell in love with Carlisle when I was sixteen years old. I'd fallen out of a tree and broken my leg. He was the one there to put me back together," she smiled lovingly as she recalled her first memories of Carlisle. "I'd never known anyone like him before, and he was always the man I dreamed about, even then. But when my marriage fell apart – when it turned out to be nothing like what I'd thought it would be – I thought the love I had always dreamed about was just that… a dream… the fantasy of a little girl who didn't know any better."

I watched the play of emotions on her face as her memories flowed through her mind. When her hand came to rest unconsciously on her stomach, I knew exactly what she was thinking of before she even decided to speak.

"Alice, when I knew that I was pregnant, I wanted my baby more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. I'd dreamed about being a mother since I was still a child myself. But I know now, that if I hadn't lost my little boy, I never would have jumped from that cliff. I never would have had Carlisle. I never would have known the kind of love I'd only ever dreamed about.

"The circumstances still hurt, and there's a part of me that will always grieve for what I lost. But all of that – all of the hurt – was part of a bigger plan that I couldn't even begin to imagine at the time." She cupped my chin in her hand, looking deeply into my eyes. "Sweetheart, there are some things we'll never truly understand. But in spite of that, I can't help thinking, for all of us, the loves that we have now were what we were always meant for. So much so, that it transcended all the years and the distance that would have kept us apart otherwise."

Esme smiled a little self-deprecatingly, "Maybe that's still the dreamer in me talking, but that's what I choose to believe." She laid her cheek on the top of my head, tightening her arms around me. "I got what I always wanted," she said softly. "Just not quite how I'd imagined it."

Safe inside the circle of my mother's embrace, with her words resounding in my head, I was at last able to start finding reconciliation with my past. I was able to realize that, in going to Mississippi, I'd been looking for all the wrong things. I'd been looking for my family – but my family was always right in front of me. Not in the people who had given me life, but in the people that I'd chosen to build my life with.

I went there looking for myself. But that life wasn't the one I wanted to define me. There would always be a part of me that wondered what truly happened, but, in the end, I knew it really didn't change anything. I was still _me_. And I was where I belonged.

Everything I needed was right here all along. I'd just needed a little push to see that.

* * *

**Jasper**

.

Pain. Grief. Sorrow.

Guilt.

Overwhelming, mind-consuming _guilt_.

That was what swamped me as soon as I walked into the house. The pain, the grief, and the sorrow were Carlisle and Esme's, bleeding over into even their joy at seeing us home again, though they both tried valiantly to hide it. But it was inescapable. When you've had your heart turned inside out and trampled on, the pain is impossible to ignore.

But the guilt was mine.

Wholly and entirely mine.

The depth of their grief cut into me like a double edged sword… because it was my fault. Every iota of the pain they experienced was doubly potent because I knew it was ultimately of my doing… however unintentional it had been. Even now that the house was empty save for me, the residual lingered, hovering over me like a dark cloud blotting out the sky.

I didn't fight it, though. It was nothing more than what I deserved.

The house was quiet – much too quiet – over the next couple of weeks. Alice and Esme spent most of their time at the house Esme was refurbishing. Alice worried about my increasingly morose state of mind, and I knew she would stay with me if I asked her to. But I didn't. The two women needed each other right now – Alice needed Esme's mothering influence, and Esme took some much needed solace from Alice's presence.

Carlisle was working more now than he ever had in the past, going from long hospital shifts to teaching at the university. Everyone was trying to stay busy, trying to ward off the oppressive sorrow that was never quite put aside.

I wasn't certain which was worse, the times when the house was empty save for me and the cloud of guilt that constantly hovered, or the times when the other three were home and trying to mask their grief, attempting some semblance of normalcy. It was an attempt that failed miserably, however.

There was no question in my mind that if there was absolutely anything that I could have done to return to that afternoon in September – to rewrite the events that occurred – I would have done so gladly… no matter what the cost might have been. Instead of healing, the wounds from that day only festered and grew more inflamed as time went on. And none of us knew how to heal.

It was mid-January when, sitting and staring listlessly at the pile of books that held no interest for me, I felt a mass of very conflicting and confusing emotions – joy and relief tempered with worry, grief, and a crippling agony. Flinching against the sudden intrusion of pain, I went to the window to see Alice and Esme walking up the path to the house, both with an arm around Edward.

This was the first time any of us had seen him since he left in September, and looking at him now, I knew exactly why their relief at seeing him was marred with anxiety. He was haggard, and, while I knew it was impossible for our immortal bodies to physically change, I would have sworn he was gaunt. His eyes were pitch black, the shadows underneath a dark purple. He looked _terrible_.

Alice must have called Carlisle when she saw Edward coming home because his car pulled into the driveway just as they reached the house. I could hear their voices carrying upstairs, but, with everyone's compounded pain, it made even the idea of walking downstairs to join them seem like an overwhelming feat.

The next few days were agony. Between dealing with Edward's searing torment and everyone's grief at seeing his pain, I felt entirely drained. The cloud hovering over us was oppressive. Everything in me screamed for escape – to run as far away from this degree of pain as I could – but I knew, no matter how far I ran, it would follow me. This wasn't something I could escape from. I'd made a horrendous mistake, and now I was paying for it… and not only me, but everyone I loved as well.

No… there was no escaping that.

Edward was withdrawn and distracted, often sitting and staring vacantly into space. There were several times we had to repeat questions to him before he would hear us. It was more than obvious that his mind was elsewhere – his thoughts were always in Forks… as was his heart.

Esme fussed over him, trying to bring him out of his shell, working in vain to see some spark of life in his eyes again. She was torn between the thrill of having her son home and grief at his desolate state. Alice and Carlisle were much the same way. They all strived to engage him in conversation, and I could tell Edward was trying hard when they were in the room. But he wasn't fooling anyone.

His attempts at a smile were actually painful to watch. Many times he would start to say something and in the middle of his sentence his voice would fade and his blank stare would fall back in place. He was a hollowed out shell of the man he was before, not only empty but shattered as well. I could feel his internal conflict, on the one hand wanting to be immersed in the familiar comfort of his family but at the same time being constantly reminded of what he had lost.

When we, as immortals, found our mate, it was almost as if we ceased to exist as separate beings in a sense. Our minds and our hearts were so entirely intertwined that to destroy one would be to destroy both. The bond that was formed was irrevocable and absolutely unbreakable. It was an eternal union that could never be severed.

But, foolishly, Edward was attempting to sever his… or at least to ignore it.

He'd told us his reasoning, and I knew, in his heart, he believed he was doing what was best for the one he loved more than his own life. And, in actuality, that was exactly what he'd sacrificed for her… his life.

He'd let her go, thinking that she would be better off without him, but, in the process, he'd given up his life for her. He'd never be anything other than this broken, burning man as long as he existed without her. He'd sentenced himself to a living hell with no hope of reprieve.

As I sat on the stairs observing the covert glances Carlisle and Esme passed between themselves… as I saw the concern and regret etched on Alice's face… as I witnessed the unbearable agony of a soul ripped in two when I looked at my brother… and as I absorbed every facet of their collective and individual pain… I knew that this was the only future we could expect.

There was no escape from it… for any of us.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please take a second and let me know what you thought! :-)**

Nik


	7. Chapter 7

**Two chapters in two days? Does that make up for the waiting period I put you through? LOL**

**Many thanks to all of you who commented on the last chapter… apparently my fears were just me being my silly perfectionist self which was very good to know!**

**Really quick before we get started, I wanted to let you all know that my stories and I have been nominated for several different categories in the Glove Awards… I'm up for Best Author. **_**Journey Through the Flames**_**, **_**Trial by Fire**_**, and **_**Awake and Alive**_** are up for Best Jasper. And **_**Awake and Alive**_** has been nominated for Best Alice and also for Best Title. If you should care to vote, the link can be found on my page. Voting begins on August 5****th****. :-)**

**OK, on with the chapter… enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**Jasper**

.

Edward had been with us for four days before Alice was able to convince him to come hunting with us. It was very obvious by his pitch black eyes that he'd been neglecting himself. I had to wonder how long it had been since he'd fed at all. It had taken a lot of persuading on Alice's part before he agreed to come, and, even when he did, his consent was reluctant.

When the three of us came upon the scent of a herd of deer, I gestured for Alice to take the lead. "Ladies first," I said with as much of a smile as I could muster. She winked at me, squeezing my hand affectionately just before she gave herself over to her instincts and crouched to spring.

Her body was fluid in its movement as she flashed through the forest, pursuing her prey, inherently graceful even in the hunt. I admired the lithe grace of her movements as she effortlessly brought down a doe, remembering the first time I had watched her hunt – and how shocking it had been. She'd opened doors for me that I'd never known even existed. Following this path wasn't without cost or difficulty, but neither was any other option when weighed against it.

The herbivores' blood smelled just as unappetizing today as it always had, but, as I set my sights on my own prey, I recalled once again all the reasons why this was the path I had chosen – the first and foremost of those reasons only a few yards in front of me, sating her thirst.

I let my predator instincts take reign and pounced quickly, snapping the neck of a large buck in one swift motion before he had time to realize what had hit him. As I lowered my head to feed, a very small part of my mind noted that Edward's actions were sluggish and distracted. It was obvious that he didn't really care about hunting – he was just humoring us. I drained the buck and pounced on a doe that had been fleeing into the forest, the blood wet and warm, quenching the fires that burned in my throat and providing momentary relief.

When I had finished, I looked up to see Alice staring at Edward, her arms crossed over her chest and her brows knit to form a line across her forehead. Edward was standing over the body of a deer, his eyes now a soft golden color, but vacant. He was unmoving as a statue.

I walked to Alice's side and felt as her grief morphed into frustration. She fought an internal battle as we stood there and watched him as he stood seemingly oblivious to our scrutiny. Finally, I felt her anger flare.

"Edward, why the _hell_ are you doing this to yourself?" She demanded suddenly.

Edward's face shot up at her tone, his eyes blinking several times in attempt to reorient himself. He obviously hadn't been paying any attention at all. Alice never caught him by surprise. No one did.

"This is ridiculous," she said, shaking her head in exasperation. "You are deliberately putting yourself through hell – and for what?"

"Alice, you know why," Edward's voice was weary and resigned. "It's better this way."

"Bullshit," she spat angrily, her eyes flashing fire. "That's bullshit, Edward Cullen, and you know it! Better for who? Tell me that. Not you obviously. And, despite what you think, it's not better for her either. You asked me not to look for her future, and I haven't, but I can't help what I see, Edward. This is tearing her apart too."

"Don't, Alice," his voice was strangled, his eyes shut tight against the onslaught of pain.

"You're a wreck, Edward. A walking, barely functioning corpse. You don't think this is affecting her the same way? You don't think that one day she might do something stupid to stop the pain?"

Edward shook his head vehemently, his face contorted. "She promised she wouldn't do that – she promised. It hasn't been very long. Give her a little more time, she – she'll move on. She'll forget and be able to live her life the way it was meant to be."

"And you?" Alice pressed on, relentless. "Do you honestly think you'll ever get over this? You and I both know that isn't going to happen. It's not possible – our natures are very unforgiving that way. She changed you so completely that you're never going to be the same until you give up this foolishness and go back to her. And the sooner the better. Don't keep doing this to yourself or to Bella."

At her name, Edward flinched as if Alice had struck him a physical blow. "Alice, please don't," He pled through clenched jaw.

"I miss her, Edward. We all do." Alice's anger faded away as her voice became beseeching.

"Alice... stop…" The muscle in his jaw twitched spasmodically.

"We can go back, Edward. She _wants_ you to come back. Bella needs you – the same way you need her, and time isn't going to change that. Don't keep on hurting her by thinking you're doing her a favor. Bella needs – "

"_Stop_!" Edward's fierce roar echoed through the forest as, in an instant, his composure snapped, his emotions livid. His hands balled into fists, and he crouched as if to spring at Alice. His eyes were wild, sparks of anger flashing from them, a clear testament to his rage.

With an instinctive defensive snarl, I yanked Alice behind my back, shielding her with my body. Edward's emotions were wildly unstable, and just now I didn't trust him to be anywhere near her. He wasn't thinking clearly, and she'd pushed him too far.

I bared my teeth, growls ripping from my chest, alerting him to just how far out of bounds he'd stepped. No one spoke to Alice like that… no one threatened her in my presence and got away with it. He'd have to spread my ashes through the farthest reaches of the earth before I'd let him raise a single finger against her, especially in this kind of temper.

Alice tugged on my arm, trying to free herself from my protective cage. But I wasn't about to budge. "It's okay, Jazz," she tried to assure me, "he wasn't going to – "

"Alice, I'd like to talk to Edward by myself. Go back to the house, please." If he wanted a fight to relieve his pent up emotions, then so be it. I'd give him the fight of his life. I'd even let him pound on me if that made him feel better. But Alice would not be anywhere nearby when it happened.

"Jasper..."

"Alice, now." Though I didn't break my glaring match with Edward, I could feel Alice's initial shock morphing to anger as I spoke to her with that forceful tone. I didn't have to see the future to be certain we'd be having words about that later – or rather that she'd have a few choice words for me – but I'd deal with that when the time came.

I felt her angry gaze burning a hole in my back, but she finally did turn around with a huff and headed back towards the house.

When she was out of earshot, I took another step closer to Edward, my hands clenched into fists at my sides. I only had a couple of inches on him, but I took full advantage of them now, standing over him at my full height. "If you want to pick a fight," I hissed in his face, "you do it with me, but you'd damn well better leave Alice out of it. She's been through enough without you using her as your punching bag."

Edward's rage passed as quickly as it came, his emotions plummeting back to his now normal state of depression. His shoulders stooped once again, his posture screaming defeat. "You're right," he said in a voice that was barely a whisper. "That was inexcusable behavior. I'm sorry." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed deeply. "I'll apologize to Alice when we go back to the house."

My limbs slowly uncoiled as our fight was averted. I studied my brother's face as his eyes fell to the ground again. The spark of life that his anger had kindled was extinguished, and the wretched hopelessness that I had all too much experience with was back in place.

With a deep sigh, I sat down on a fallen tree and motioned for him to join me. I couldn't stay angry with him when he was like this, and it was pointless to anyway. Difficult as he could be sometimes, he _was_ my brother, and fighting with him didn't help either one of us.

"Talk to me, Edward," I said as he slumped beside me, laying his head in his hands. With his depression back in full force, I sent a wave of calm through him, relaxing him in the hope that he might decide to talk to me. It wasn't good for him to keep so much pain bottled up inside.

"I should probably resent the fact that you're manipulating my emotions to make me talk." Edward said, one corner of his mouth tipping up in a smile that resembled more of a grimace.

"Do you want me to stop?"

Edward shook his head. "No, this is the first time the pain has been even remotely bearable." With that affirmation from him, I doubled the calm I was directing towards him, laying my hand on his shoulder to aid it. When I did, his back straightened, and the lines that had seemingly been permanently etched in his forehead smoothed. He almost looked like himself again.

"You're right, you know." His voice interrupted my assessment.

"About what?"

"I am a wreck." He said with a dark chuckle that quickly turned into a sigh.

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Edward? It's not working. You're miserable. She's miserable. We're all miserable."

"I know," he said, looking over at me with regret heavy in his eyes. "And I hate that. I hate that you're all suffering for my poor choices. None of you deserve that. If I'd made the right decisions… if I'd stayed away from the beginning as I should have… none of this would have happened."

"No," I shook my head. "I don't think it would have made that much of a difference, honestly. Even when you took off to Denali that first day she came to school, it wasn't all that much different around the house then than it is now.

"You have a special sort of bond with Carlisle and Esme because of the years you spent with them before the rest of us joined the family… we're all aware of that. It hurts them deeply when you're gone – or when you're in pain. They want you home, and they want you happy. We all do.

"Edward," I spoke cautiously, hesitant to push him too far again. "Wouldn't it be better to just go back and make whatever adjustments we have to so that you can be with Bella again? Everyone misses her… Alice especially. And we miss you."

"I can't do that," he shook his head with grief-filled eyes. "Jasper, I _can't_. Nothing has changed, and I won't put her through this again."

"Tell me, Edward, why are you so set against having her changed? It's what she wanted."

He ran his hands through his hair, causing it to stand on end. "It's what she _thought_ she wanted. She has no idea what this existence is really like – she can't. She's so young, Jasper… her life has barely begun. She can't know now what she might want ten years down the road. It's bad enough that I let her sacrifice as much of her time with me as she did. The thought of letting her waste her life with someone who couldn't give her the life she deserved was bad enough, but I refuse to take her soul from her on top of that."

"What makes you so certain that she would forfeit her soul?"

"We're the eternally damned, remember?" his chuckle was dark and humorless. "That doesn't speak very highly for our souls."

I shifted to face him more fully, my voice intent. "Edward, tell me, what is a person's soul if not the essence of what makes them who they are? We don't lose that when we're changed, it's only strengthened. Take Carlisle for instance.

"Have you ever met anyone, human or immortal, with such compassion? He's used his enhanced abilities to save countless human lives, constantly repressing his own natural desires for the good of the people he helps. And you know better than anyone that there's no pretense there; he really does care about each of them.

"You know as well that he believes that our souls are still intact, and based on his life, I must admit, he makes a very compelling case. Edward, where would that compassion come from if he has no soul."

The corners of Edward's mouth twitched. "I'd forgotten you were studying philosophy now. It sounds like you're enjoying it," he said wryly.

"I am. Now, don't change the subject." His lips twitched again. "If you don't think Carlisle is proof enough, then what about Esme? You see her thoughts, Edward. I see her heart. I've never met anyone, mortal or immortal, who loves as wholly and completely as she does. Her love for her family is so consuming and so pure that she would do quite literally anything to keep those she loves safe and happy, even to the point of sacrificing her very life. Where does that love come from if she can be nothing more than a soulless monster?

"And then there's Alice. Can you honestly sit there and tell me you don't believe she has a soul? That Alice, who's like a light to those around her with her vibrant joy and her fierce, unconditional love… that _Alice_ is eternally damned?"

"I don't know," he groaned, his head falling forward into his hands. "I don't know what to think. I don't know anything anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't _make_ myself care about anything now. It's like all the light has been sucked out of my world and nothing makes sense… nothing means anything anymore." His face twisted into a grimace. "Do you want to hear something funny?" His tone suggested that it was anything _but_ funny, though.

"What?"

"I told her that our kind were easily distracted. _Distracted_." he snorted harshly. "There's not a single second of the day where I don't see her face in front of me. I hear her voice, her laughter in the wind, and sometimes I think I'm losing my mind."

"Then do something about it, Edward."

"I can't. Even if I could believe in the existence of our souls, I could never condemn her to this life –to the constant battling of our natures. None of us had a choice in becoming what we are, but Bella does. She deserves better than this. She deserves life the way it was meant to be lived… a normal human life with a husband and children. Normal human worries and cares. Not a constant thirsting for blood and a fight to keep from killing every human you cross paths with. I won't do that to her. I can't."

"Edward – "

"Jasper, please." He held up his hand, cutting off my words. "I know you're trying to help, but this isn't something I can change now. I want what's best for her, and, as much as I want that to be me, you and I both know it isn't." I could feel his pain battling its way to the surface again. I redoubled my efforts to keep him calm, offering the only comfort he would allow.

A silence stretched between us, lingering as the moments passed. Edward was the first to break it.

"Jasper, I'm leaving again tomorrow," he said quietly, looking over at me again. "My presence here is doing more harm than good. But, for tonight, would you keep doing what you're doing? I'd like to have one more night with my family without my… despondency… bringing everyone down."

I'd known he wasn't back for good, and I'd figured his stay wouldn't last much longer. But, in spite of that, I wasn't prepared to hear of his plans to leave so soon. "Of course," I answered him solemnly. I knew the rest of the family would be heartbroken. And I'd do whatever I could to make these last few hours we had together as a family easier… anything that made the pain more bearable. "I'd be happy to."

"Jasper?" I looked up to meet his intent gaze. "Thank you." He said simply, but we both knew that he was communicating so much more with those two words… it was a brother's love, his regret, his wish that things could be different. He knew that, and I knew that though the words weren't said out loud.I nodded and clapped him on the back, not even trying to speak.

Back at the house that night, all five of us gathered in the living room. Movies played on the television, though none of us were paying attention to them. We made small talk occasionally, but, by unspoken agreement, we all avoided topics that would be painful. For just one night, we were pretending that everything was alright… even though we all knew it was far from it.

Edward sat on the couch between Alice and Esme, in the very center of our family. Perhaps our positions showed our subconscious desire that he would remember the love surrounding him and that it would provide him with hope in the dark hours ahead.

I sat at Alice's feet, resting my head on her knees as her fingers continually stroked through my hair. I kept comfort wrapped around each of us like a blanket, keeping our pain safely at bay for now. We all knew we'd have to endure through it tomorrow... and the next day... and the next...

I could almost feel the clock ticking down, mocking us. Emmett and Rosalie should be here. This was our last night, our last chance to be together as a family for God only knew how long.

With every tick of the grandfather clock in the corner of the room, I could feel each of us fighting panic at the separation we knew was all to close. With each sway of the pendulum it became harder to maintain our calm. I found myself wanting to throw something at the antique clock, to scream for it to stop… to do something to cease the passing of time and freeze in this moment, because all too soon our family would be severed once again.

Despite each of us willing it otherwise, the sun eventually broke over the horizon. And it was as if the sunlight brought with it the sounding of a death knell, signaling the time for our mourning to begin. The calm facade I had maintained throughout the night slipped away as each of us gave up the fight and surrendered to our sorrow.

Esme lowered her face in her hands and tried to stifle her tearless weeping. Edward wrapped his arms around her and laid his cheek on her hair, his shoulders trembling with his own repressed sobs. "I love you, Mom. No matter what happens, that will never change," he whispered in a voice choking with emotion.

Slowly rising from my place at her feet, I took Alice's hand and led her from the house, leaving Edward to say his goodbyes to Carlisle and Esme in some semblance of privacy. We waited for him in the front yard, neither of us speaking, just clinging to each other.

When he finally came out, his face was tortured. Alice let go of me to reach for his hand. "You're not coming back." It wasn't a question.

He shook his head slowly, his heart twisting at the pain in her soft voice. "No. At least not for a while. I'm not exactly fit company for anyone right now. And I think I'm only hurting them more when I'm here."

Alice didn't argue. We all knew there was no point. "I saw you put your cell phone in your pocket. Don't forget to use it." Alice's voice trembled, and I could feel her sobs starting to build in her chest. "I'll miss you."

Edward stroked her cheek with his knuckles and pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "I'll miss you too. You know that." With a gentle kiss to the top of Alice's head, he released her and turned to me.

Looking at his grief-filled eyes, my wrongdoing came back to haunt me mercilessly. I couldn't see his pain without remembering that it was ultimately my fault. All of this came back to rest solely on my shoulders.

Hearing my thoughts, Edward shook his head gravely. I knew he didn't blame me for what happened, he'd already told me that, but that still didn't ease my tormented conscience. I embraced my brother for the last time, not knowing when I'd have the opportunity to do so again, clapping him warmly on the back.

"Take care of yourself, you hear me?" I said as I stepped back.

He attempted a smile, though he didn't quite succeed. It didn't escape my attention that he made no promises as he turned to walk away. At the end of the driveway, he turned around once more, and, with a final wave, he was gone.

Alice leaned into my chest as he disappeared, and I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my chin on the top of her head. From upstairs, I could hear Esme's sobs and Carlisle's soft murmurings as he comforted her, setting aside his own heartbreak to be the rock that his grieving wife needed.

As I stared at the place where Edward was last seen, I recalled my words to Bella in response to her fear when James had been pursuing her – fear not for herself, but for us.

_Bella, our family is strong. Our only fear is losing you._

How right we had been to fear that. I don't believe any of us fully realized how deeply she had woven herself into our lives. How ironic that the loss of a frail human girl had set a chain of events into motion that had all but decimated our family.

Bella was a fragile thread in the tapestry of our family, but, once she was ripped from us, that tapestry had fallen around our feet in tatters. All we could do now was attempt to pick up the pieces the very best we could, even knowing that, despite our best efforts, we would always be broken.

.

.

.

After Edward's departure, our home had become a quiet, somber place, almost like the tomb one would expect to find us, as vampires, living in. Alice was the only bright spot in our lives. After Edward's visit she became convinced that it was only a matter of time before he returned to Bella.

"We just have to wait him out," she had said. "You saw him, Jasper. He could barely function. He's curled himself into a ball, and he's letting the misery eat him alive. He can't live like that forever. Give him a little more time; it won't be too long before he goes crawling back to Bella on his hands and knees, begging her to take him back."

I wasn't nearly so certain, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that.

My heart broke repeatedly every time I looked into Esme's eyes, shadowed with her pain. She was such a gentle, loving woman, it was heart-wrenching to see her grieving so hard for her absent son. Esme had been made to be a mother. Her heart was uniquely fashioned to be filled with the love of each of her children, and, when one of them was missing, it left a gaping emptiness that nothing could fill.

Alice was spending most of her days with Esme, keeping her company while she once again threw herself into her renovation project. It was strange having the house to myself so much. With Esme and Alice immersed in their project and Carlisle not only working at the hospital but teaching a full course load as well, I was spending more time alone than I had in many, many years.

In this family, the problem had always been finding enough quiet time to hear yourself think. Now there wasn't much I wouldn't have traded to hear Emmett's boisterous laughter rebounding from the walls or even to be on the receiving end of Edward's dry humor. There was no laughter anymore… not from any of us.

I had never consciously noticed when, but, somewhere along the way, I had become very accustomed to being part of a family. All this alone time was an unwelcome reminder of my nomadic existence before Alice had found me – an unwelcome reminder of being alone and unloved.

One afternoon when I was feeling particularly down, I decided to go hunting. I was fortunate enough to come across a large mountain lion that was looking for a fight. I was only too happy to oblige. It would have made Emmett proud the way I had him all riled before I decided enough was enough.

In the end, it only made me miss my brothers more. I didn't often hunt alone. If Alice wasn't with me usually one or both of them came along. My brothers could drive me to my wits end at times, but my life was lacking color without them. By the time I returned to the house, my depression was back in full force.

As I walked in the front door, a wave of grief hit me so hard I stumbled back a step. Confused, I walked upstairs where the emotions seemed to be emanating from – Carlisle's study. I stopped at the open door.

Carlisle was sitting at his desk with his head buried in his arms. I recognized the picture he was clutching in his hands – Edward's first graduation from medical school. Edward was in his cap and gown standing between Carlisle and Esme with an arm around each of them. His smile stretched from one ear to the other, and both Carlisle and Esme looked the very epitome of proud parents.

Seeing Carlisle broken like this shook my foundations. Carlisle was and always had been our rock. He was the force that kept us all grounded. He was, in every way that mattered, a true father.

A single, anguished sob shook his frame. On some level I'd known how much he was hurting – I'd felt it with him – but seeing the evidence of it was something else entirely. He'd kept it hidden so well, maintaining a strong exterior for the rest of us.

Since he had taken such pains to ensure that none of us saw how deeply this affected him, I had felt like the best thing I could do for him was to leave him to grieve in privacy, and, as wrapped up in his grief as he was, I didn't think he'd noticed my presence at all. I didn't think I'd ever forget how it felt to see him raw and aching, though. That was something that would stay with me for the rest of my existence.

January had turned to February, and February to March. There was little variation in our routine. Every day was just the same as the one before.

Edward had called a grand total of three times since his last visit. Each time he had sounded more distant, lifeless. I felt like he was slipping away from us more and more with every day that passed. The last time he had called he was in South America, though he wouldn't say what he was doing there. That was over a month ago, and we hadn't heard anything since.

Time had ceased to have any meaning for me over a century ago. When you have an eternity, the passing of time doesn't hold much significance… until now. Every day seemed never ending. If we could only know for sure that there was a light to look forward to, some hope we could cling to, perhaps it wouldn't have been so difficult to keep going.

But there was no relief in sight.

* * *

**GAH! Difficult to believe at this point, I know, but I promise the story does have a happy ending. Please take a second and let me know what you thought of the chapter. And, if you'd like, come play with me on Twitter… you can find me as AnEnduringHope. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Nik  
**


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks so much to all of you who voted for me in the Glove Awards! Awake and Alive won for Best Alice… I was so psyched! Especially considering what stiff competition there was! You guys are the best. :D

On that note, I wish I had a happier chapter to give you… this is another rough one. But I did try to lighten things up a bit down there at the end. Sorry about the multiple POV changes this time around… I don't particularly like doing that, but it would have been downright mean to cut it off. You'll see what I mean. ;)

Enjoy… maybe! LOL

(Again, I'm so sorry you're getting more than one email update. is screwing up the format every time I try to post. :/)

* * *

There's gonna be some ups and downs,

But with you to wrap my arms around, I'm fine.

You know you keep on bringing out the best in me,

And I need you now more than the air I breathe.

You can make me laugh when I wanna cry.

This will last forever, I just know.

So, baby, hold on tight, don't let go.

Hold on to the love we're making,

'Cause, baby, when the ground starts shaking,

You gotta know when you got a good thing.

"When You Got a Good Thing"

By Lady Antebellum

* * *

Previously:

Time had ceased to have any meaning for me over a century ago. When you have an eternity, the passing of time doesn't hold much significance… until now. Every day seemed never ending. If we could only know for sure that there was a light to look forward to, some hope we could cling to, perhaps it wouldn't have been so difficult to keep going.

But there was no relief in sight.

.

**Chapter 8**

**Jasper**

.

The first week of March brought the arrival of Emmett and Rosalie. I'd hoped their return would bring some sort of balance back to the emotional climate of our home, but just the opposite had occurred, in fact. After the first few days, I could see a marked difference in Emmett. This was not the laughing, boisterous brother I remembered. His decline was almost visible as he sunk deeper and deeper into depression, caving to the darkness that hovered like a storm cloud over our home. And it affected Rosalie as well. It bothered her immensely to see Emmett so uncharacteristically down.

One afternoon after Emmett and Rosalie had been home for a little over a week, Carlisle called us all into the dining room for a family meeting. He sat down at the head of the table with Esme on his right, holding tightly to his hand. The rest of us took our seats, but the one empty chair on Carlisle's left seemed to dominate the room… the voice of the one who was missing seemed to speak louder than that of those who were present.

Carlisle sighed heavily, looking at the empty chair and then each of us in turn. "We can't continue on like this," he said, voicing the thought that had weighed on all our minds as we'd watched our family crumble and break apart. "We have to do something."

He lifted his other hand, placing it on top of Esme's, enveloping her hand in both of his. Both of them wore pained expressions as he continued. "As you all know, the university's spring break is this coming week, and I think would be good for us to take advantage of that. I believe it might do us all good to get away for a while – to have a change of scenery and some time set aside simply to regroup."

"I think that's a good idea," Alice agreed from her place beside me.

"Where do you have in mind for us to go?" Rosalie asked in an uncharacteristically subdued voice, glancing at Carlisle.

"Carmen and Eleazar have been urging us to visit for some time. I spoke to them this morning, and they said they would be happy to have us stay with them next week."

Carlisle moved to wrap his arm around Esme's shoulder, looking at each of us with poorly disguised pain both in his voice and on his face. "I know the last several months have been just as difficult for all of you as they have been for us – perhaps in some ways, even more so," he said glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. He sighed deeply, as he struggled to tamp down on the grief rising to the surface. "But, for this week, I would like to see all of us try to put aside everything else and concentrate on what we have instead of what we don't."

We all nodded, knowing that, in theory, what he said would be for our good, but each of us knew that the application of it would be much harder. And Carlisle knew it too. This wasn't something we could just set aside or forget. But, by this point, we were all willing to try anything to break this oppressive cycle of despair that held us in its grip.

The rest of the week passed slowly as we made our preparations to leave. Bags were packed, airplane tickets were bought, and loose ends were tied up around the house. The night before we left, Emmett and I went hunting. It was odd hunting with Emmett being as down as he was. There was no horsing around either with me or with his food on this trip. I wasn't in the mood to deal with that kind of frivolity anyway, but there was still a part of me that missed it. Everywhere I turned there were reminders of how much damage had been done to our family. This was just one more example.

I gorged myself that night, feeding until I could feel the blood sloshing inside. But, once we boarded the plane that next morning, my precautions didn't matter anymore. As soon as I stepped inside, the scent hit me with the force of a battering ram.

I despised flying – I always had. It was torture to be stuck in a plane full of humans. It was difficult enough to control my bloodlust on the ground, but at least I knew if it grew to be too much, I always had an escape… I could always get away if I just couldn't handle it anymore. Not so when you're thirty thousand feet in the air. I knew my family would be there to stop me, but not before our cover was blown.

Even though the first class area was only about half-full, the cabin was permeated with the intoxicating fragrance of human blood. I held my breath as I took my seat, but not before the alluring scent filled every crevice of my lungs, awakening the bloodthirsty fiend inside. I sat, not breathing, fighting against the temptation whispering in my ear and desperately wishing for a wave of fresh air unscented with the burn of human blood. I hated having my senses cut off. I felt vulnerable, which only compounded my misery.

I didn't realize how tense my posture was until Alice reached for my hand, smoothing my tightly clenched fist so she could interlace her fingers through mine. "Relax, Jasper. You're going to be fine. If I'd thought you'd have any trouble, you and I would be driving to Denali. Nothing's going to happen," she soothed. "Trust me."

I nodded, still unwilling to take a breath. I tried to concentrate on relaxing one muscle at a time as the flight attendants walked up and down the aisles preparing the passengers for take off. As we taxied down the runway, I focused on the patterns Alice was tracing on my wrist… the soft sound of her humming… anything at all to take my mind off of the fires scorching my throat.

I cursed myself silently, calling myself by every foul name in every language I knew. Had I not learned anything at all from my mistakes? Had my lack of control not caused problems enough? I was appalled by the fact that I was even tempted… disgusted with myself that even a fraction of my mind contemplated the idea of how good it would feel to soothe my desiccated throat in that way.

I heard Emmett and Rosalie talking softly in the row behind me, and, in the row across the aisle, I could see Esme and Carlisle taking their books from their carry-on bags. All four of them were oblivious to the battle raging inside my head, and seemingly equally oblivious to the lure of blood that was calling my name like a siren's song.

Once we were in the air, I felt Alice stir beside me, releasing my hand. I thought perhaps she was tired of my silence and was going to sit with Esme for a while. It would serve me right if she did. I was no kind of company right now.

Instead I felt her soft weight settle in my lap. She snuggled in, making herself comfortable and nuzzled her face into my chest, sighing in contentment. I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her hair, taking my first tentative breath since boarding the plane. As soon as I did, I regretted it. Flames seared their way up my throat. It was agony.

I was immensely grateful for the angel in my arms. This was just one more time that she proved to be my only saving grace… my anchor when I needed it most. I took another hesitant breath, trying to focus my senses on Alice's sweet fragrance.

With each cautious breath, it became a little easier to fight back the beast as I became somewhat desensitized to the smell of the blood. And finally, about halfway through the flight, I felt my body relaxing. Securing my arms a little tighter around Alice, I laid my head back on the seat and closed my eyes. I almost chuckled to myself thinking that, to the passengers on the plane, Alice and I now looked like nothing more than a young couple napping together during the flight. Not one of them had any idea of the fierce battle for their lives that had been waged in the quietness of the closed cabin.

As the plane descended, I felt my relief growing. I had made it all the way through without snapping. I'd kept the beast inside locked away inside his cage in spite of his screeching to be free. From her place at my chest, I felt Alice's smile spread across her face.

As passengers stood to deplane, she lifted her head, her smile bright and triumphant. "I told you so."

I merely kissed her on the forehead, thanking her wordlessly for her faith in me – a faith I really didn't deserve of late. Together, we rejoined our family and, to my relief, left the plane behind us. Already, though, I dreaded the return flight home. I wasn't looking forward to putting myself through that again.

That week, Eleazar and Carmen proved to be once again the perfect hosts. There had been a long-standing relationship between their family and ours, and it was quite obvious that the Denali coven considered us part of their extended family. They spared no effort to be certain of our comfort there.

It didn't take long before I felt their distress for Carlisle and Esme begin to seep through, though. Eleazar and Carmen couldn't completely mask the looks of concern they passed back and forth. Seeing them now through their eyes, the change in my mother and father – and all of us, really – from only six months ago was startling.

We'd been locked away in our individual prisons of despair. It had eaten away at each of us on the inside until we were all shells of ourselves, in a way. The life was gone… we were simply going through the motions, too consumed with pain to do much of anything else. We all felt a bit disconnected from each other, and none of us seemed to be quite sure how to change that.

Esme and Carlisle were much too gracious to do anything but put on a good front when they were around the others, but a front was all it was. I wasn't the only one who noticed that neither of them ever once laughed, and their smiles didn't quite reach their eyes.

Alice and Rosalie spent most of the first several days catching up with Kate, Irina, and Tanya. I caught a whisper of disappointment from Tanya when we arrived, presumably because Edward wasn't with us. Irina as well seemed to be a bit preoccupied, though she never said why.

I'd hoped that being around others would help lift Emmett out of the depression that had enveloped him since he had been home, but it didn't seem to have any effect at all. It was incredibly strange not to have him cracking jokes all the time or to hear his laughter booming in the halls. I hadn't realized how much I would miss that until it was gone. His fun-loving personality was such a part of who he was… he just didn't seem like himself anymore. And, because of that, I almost felt like I had lost two brothers instead of one.

I think we'd all hoped that this trip would be some kind of turning point for us. As Carlisle had suggested, we'd tried very hard to lay everything else aside, but having all of us together had only emphasized once again how terribly different everything was… and just how broken we were. Our disconnection from each other was only made more obvious, and seeing that only made things seem more hopeless than before.

The constant depression had become almost unbearably oppressive to me. I knew that I was quickly approaching my breaking point. I honestly didn't know how much longer I could stand up under the weight of everyone's combined misery before I snapped altogether, crushed beneath it.

I knew something had to give.

And soon.

* * *

**Alice  
**

.

I was trying my best to hide it, but I felt like an absolute failure.

The dysfunction that had overtaken our family was bad enough – that alone was hard enough to cope with – but it was like a virus, infecting every one of our relationships. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn't seem to get back to the way things were… it was proving to be impossible.

Carlisle and Esme had left only moments ago on a hunting trip, just the two of them. I truly hoped that the time alone would help them to regroup. They needed it. And Emmett and Rosalie had disappeared somewhere not long ago as well. So, now, I went to find Jasper.

_This_ was where I felt the worst kind of failure.

Over the last several months, I'd watched Jasper slip deeper and deeper into himself. It was a self-defense mechanism that he only employed when he couldn't cope with the emotional atmosphere. The grief had worn on him during the last six months – grief and guilt both – until he'd retreated so far into himself that I was having difficulty reaching him anymore.

I felt helpless.

I'd always been able to draw him out before. This time, though, I wasn't sure how. I'd buried my head in the sand like an ostrich, spending time with Esme – though, that wasn't entirely selfish, we'd been able to provide each other with a small measure of comfort that we'd both needed. But, in all honesty, it was easier to share her grief than Jasper's. His hit me so much harder… it cut me so much deeper.

We'd always had an intensely intimate emotional bond. As private as he was, he shared his heart with me in a way that he'd never allow anyone else to see. But a little more each day, I felt like there was something separating us – like there was a thin sheet of glass between us…

I could see him though it, I could hear him, I knew he was _right there_… but I couldn't quite reach him. And I hated it.

I found Jasper in the sitting room, flipping channels on the television, though it didn't appear that he was even paying attention to what was flashing on the screen. His eyes were blank, his expression vacant. Seeing the look on his face broke my heart all over again. He was miserable, but I didn't know how to help him.

I'd thought about the two of us going off on our own for a while, but the family was broken apart so much already that I hated to do that. It would make things that much more difficult for Carlisle and Esme, and I knew it wouldn't really help Jasper anyway. No matter how far away we went, his unnecessary guilt would follow him. He was holding himself prisoner to it. It wouldn't matter how much distance we put between us and them, he still wouldn't let it go.

I was torn now trying to decide what was the right thing to do. My first priority was Jasper, there was no question in my mind about that – there never had been – but I was conflicted as I tried to weigh the consequences of the choice in front of me.

Could I further hurt the people I loved as my parents in a course of action that wouldn't ultimately provide Jasper with the relief that it was intended to? Would it actually end up hurting Jasper more knowing that we were adding to their pain when he already felt responsible to begin with? Would that separation actually do more harm than good for all of us? Would it end up making the rift in our family that much worse in time?

I didn't know the answers to any of my questions, and I felt so trapped. I wanted to do something… anything… but _what_?

The only thing I knew for certain was that I'd had enough of the emotional distance between the two of us. I missed Jasper… even though physically he was right here. The other day on the plane was the closest I'd really felt to him since we'd come home from Mississippi. That was the first time I'd felt like I was actually doing something for him, something to help him. Snuggled against his chest with his arms wrapped so tightly around me, I'd realized all over again how dreadfully I'd missed him.

There really was nothing truly obvious for us to fix… we weren't fighting or even disagreeing about anything. We were just… drifting. We'd been ignoring the way things were because we couldn't really change anything. We'd been pretending that things were all right when, in reality, they were anything but.

We couldn't do it any longer, though.

I was beginning to feel like I was losing him… like the man I loved was getting lost to the depression that wouldn't let him go. He'd reached the point where he rarely spoke anymore unless he was directly spoken to, he didn't seek out anyone for company… he was just going through the motions, but it was obvious he didn't really care about anything.

I'd seen this haunted look in his eyes before, but it had been years since the last time – not since _her…_ not since Maria. And he'd left her when he'd reached that point of suicidal depression.

I knew he'd never leave me. Though that fear might whisper in my ear occasionally, in my heart, I knew without a shadow of doubt that he would never physically leave me. But he was shutting down… he was starting to cave under the incessant pressure of grief.

And I had to do something.

Knowing that I was standing in the doorway, Jasper turned his face towards me. A smile pulled up the corners of his mouth, but it didn't come anywhere near his eyes. My feet moved towards him almost without any conscious thought on my part. He opened his arms to me when I went to sit on his lap, drawing me down and settling me comfortably against his chest.

I sank into him, burrowing as close to him as I could, breathing him in. My hands clung to him as my eyes began to sting. He was comfort… he was home. But I felt almost… desperate… knowing that things were less than perfect between us… that there was anything between us at all.

"What's wrong?" he whispered into my hair, sensing the anxiety in both my emotions and my grip on him.

"Everything," I said in a quiet voice, trying to get closer still. He didn't say anything, just held me tighter. "Jasper, we can't keep doing this."

He was silent for so long I began to wonder if he was going to reply at all. But when he did, his voice was only barely audible… and absolutely defeated. "I know."

"I don't know what to do," I admitted to him, dry sobs gathering in my chest as the desperation took hold even further. "I feel like every way we turn someone's going to get hurt… and we're all hurting enough as it is. We can't take anything else.

"But I can't just sit here anymore and watch this tear you apart a little more each day… watch you try to pretend that it's not destroying you little pieces at a time. I can't just sit doing nothing and watch you slip away from me. I feel like I'm losing you," I whispered into the fabric of his shirt.

"I'm not," he protested, tipping my chin back. "I'm not going anywhere… and you're not losing me." His words said one thing, but we both knew that, no matter how much we willed it otherwise, there was some truth to my fears.

"Maybe," I said hesitantly, watching his eyes carefully, " maybe you and I should leave for a while… just the two of us."

He shook his head before I even got the words out of my mouth. "No. Running away isn't going to do anything. And I won't do that to Esme and Carlisle. They've got enough on their plates as it is."

"Then what do we do?"

"I don't know, Alice… I just don't know."

Hearing the utter defeat in his voice, my heart twisted. I stood suddenly, holding out my hand for his. "Come with me," I said as an idea took shape in my mind.

He took my outstretched hand, trusting me implicitly though confusion filled his eyes. "Where?"

"Carlisle wanted us to use this time to regroup, so that's what you and I are going to do. Just for today we're going to leave everything behind, everything that's happened in the last six months. The only thing you and I are going to think about right now is us. When we walk out those doors, everything else ceases to exist."

A weary smile stretched over Jasper's face. "You're talking about heaven, you know."

I squeezed his hand in mine as he stood. "Then what are you waiting for? Let's go."

And we did. Hand in hand, we ran through the Alaskan wilderness. With the wind whispering against our faces, we ran, fleeing back to a time before all of this happened… back to a time when there was only the two of us. Our muscles pumped, our feet propelling us forward as we watched the scenery fly past us in a rush. It felt freeing as, with every step, we left our troubles and our fears a little farther behind.

We finally stopped at the peak of a snow covered mountain overlooking a glacial pond. With the sunlight breaking over the horizon, painting the sky in the blazing colors of the sunrise, reflecting them in the water below, Jasper wound his arms around my waist from behind, resting his chin on top of my head.

As the sun rose higher in the sky, a rainbow arched across the heavens, the light glinting from the glaciers below and shimmering brilliantly against our skin. We stood silently together, taking in the breathtaking scenery. I let the awe that the view around us commanded and the contentment I felt from being in my beloved's arms radiate from me, hoping that it would help to chase away the darkness that had hovered over Jasper for so long. I felt the deep rise and fall of his chest against my back as he simply breathed. And I matched my breaths to his.

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

With each of Jasper's deep, concentrated breaths, I felt him relax a little bit more as he let the grief of the last half-year fall like shackles to the ground. For the first time in months, a sense of peace pervaded the both of us.

We made a conscious effort to put everything else from our minds. For right now, there was only _us_. I welcomed the tranquility that we had sorely missed, but I wanted more than that.

I stepped outside of the circle of Jasper's arms and smiled when he opened his eyes in question. Squeezing his hand, I took a few steps back, noticing with relief how he seemed to stand straighter now… taller. His shoulders had been stooped for far too long under the weight of the burden he'd been carrying. The lines of stress had been erased from his face… and now I wanted to see him smile again. I wanted to hear him laugh.

I bent down, collecting a handful of snow and packing it into two separate balls. I knew he could feel the burgeoning of my mischief, and before he had the chance to turn around, I threw one squarely into the back of his head. He whirled around with eyes widened in surprise, and I let another one fly, hitting him right in between the eyes.

Jasper blinked rapidly, wiping the snow from his face. I giggled at his shocked expression, grinning impishly and daring him to fight back. He didn't say anything at first, he simply bent down and packed his own fistful of snow, tossing it deliberately from hand to hand as he turned his eyes back to me.

"Darlin," his voice was slow and soft, belying the mischievous intent behind his eyes. "You have no idea what you've just gotten yourself into."

"Oh, I think I do. And do you know what I say to that?" I asked with a gleam in my eye. He cocked his head to the side, waiting. "I say bring it, soldier boy. Give it your best shot," I taunted him, still grinning.

He reared his arm back, hurling the snowball in my direction. I saw the exact course it would take before he even threw it, so, of course, I stepped easily out of the way, watching it disintegrate as it hit the tree behind me.

I faked a yawn, picking at my nails and pretending boredom. "Oh please. Was that the best you can do?"

Jasper's eyes widened, and he barked a laugh at my audacity. The sound of his laughter – the first time I'd heard it in months – made my heart leap into my throat. I'd missed it _so much_.

With a playful growl, he crouched, his eyes sparkling as he prepared to spring at me. I leapt out of his way a fraction of a second before he could grab me, laughing as I ran behind a tree. "You're going to have to do better than that, Jazz. Catch me if you can!" I teased him, knowing that he most certainly would catch me… he always did.

He caught onto my playfulness quickly, chasing me around and around the mountain. He'd stop every once in a while, scooping up more snow to toss at me. He managed to hit me twice, making one decision and then changing his mind at the last possible second.

For the moment, though, he was definitely on the losing end of this fight. His clothes were covered in patches of snow from where I'd nailed him repeatedly. But, based on the future that flashed before my eyes, I knew that this was one battle we were _both_ going to win in the end.

* * *

**Jasper  
**  
.

Alice's squeals and laughter were the sweetest kind of music to my ears as we played like children in the snow. I'd missed this carefree atmosphere even more than I'd realized. The sounds of her happiness were a balm to the wounds the last few months had left on my soul. All the sorrow and pain that had been inflicted receded from my mind as Alice and I played our game of cat and mouse over the mountain.

The sound of my own laughter was almost startling at first – it had been so long since I'd had anything to laugh about. But I couldn't keep it in. For the moment, we were forgetting … and doing so thoroughly.

Alice repeatedly taunted me by letting me get closer, but when I would reach out for her she would leap gracefully out of my way, and our game of chase would begin again. Her breathless laughter rang in my ears, one of the most beautiful sounds in my world.

Finally after numerous circulations, I managed to grab Alice around her waist. I knew she could have evaded me quite easily if she'd wanted to – but she wanted to be caught. I wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted her off her feet, spinning her around and around to the sound of her delighted squeals.

But I wasn't quite done yet. I wasn't about to let her off so easily after she had mercilessly pelted me with her snowy missiles. I held her prisoner in my arms after our spinning stopped, my intentions unmistakable in my gaze.

Her eyes widened until they were the size of the saucers in Esme's favorite china. "Oh no. Jasper, you wouldn't."

"I wouldn't what, darlin?" I drawled in a slow Texas twang. She knew exactly what was coming. With a roguish grin, I tumbled us both to the ground and pinned her underneath my weight, holding both her arms securely above her head with one hand.

"Alice," I began, still using a very deliberate drawl, "How many times did you manage to hit me? Hmmm?"

"I wasn't counting," she said with wide, innocent eyes.

"No? Well, I was. Do you want to know?"

"You're going to tell me anyway."

"Yes, I am indeed. Thirty-six times, Alice." She tried to bite back her laugh at hearing that number but didn't quite succeed. "And how many times did I succeed in hitting you?"

"Ummm, twice?" She phrased it as a question, but I knew better.

"Yes, darlin. Twice. I think we need to even up those numbers a bit, don't you agree?"

With my free hand, I gathered a large handful of snow. Catching her wide-eyed gaze with my own, I proceeded to smear the snow across her face, from her ear across her cheek. She squealed as the wetness trickled down her face.

I reached for another handful and smeared this one down her neck, letting it trickle below the collar of her shirt. She laughed and squealed, trying to buck me off as I proceeded to give her the same treatment with handful after handful of wet snow, until her clothes and hair were just as covered in the snowy crystals as mine.

When I felt that our score had been evened out to a sufficient degree, I stopped, gazing at her, memorizing the sight of her face lit up with exhilarated laughter. The feel of Alice's delicate body as it bucked and squirmed under mine with her every laugh caused heat to spread and blaze throughout my frozen veins. It had been too long since I'd felt her this way. And I wanted her… with every cell of my being.

Alice's laughter stopped as she registered the passion simmering in my gaze, and the movements of her body became provocative instead of playful. Answering desire immediately filled her own eyes, letting me know that this had been her intent all along. She wanted this as much as I did.

Time stopped as she reached up to tangle her fingers in my hair and pulled my face down to meet her eager lips. Fire scorched my body as our mouths molded hungrily together, but this wasn't the agonizing burn that assaulted me when I smelled blood. No, this was like being licked with flaming tongues of pleasure.

Sixty years Alice and I had spent together, but my desire for her had never faltered even once in all that time. Instead it had only grown stronger with every day that passed, every kiss we shared.

Her soft, smooth lips moved fervently against mine now, her warm tongue snaking out to tease the inner surface of my lips. I angled my head, parting her lips further and eagerly meeting her tongue with mine as we began our familiar dance. As our breathing sped, I wondered now how I had ever lived a day of my life without her. I devoured her mouth ravenously as if she was the sustenance I needed for my very survival, and she, in turn, did the same to me.

I ran my hands through her hair, down to stroke my fingertips over her face. I knew her every feature as well as I knew my own – better, perhaps. My fingers moved from our feverishly joined lips, down to her neck, across her collarbone, skimming down to cup the soft weight of her breast in my palm.

Her low moan fueled the fire burning through my core. My world shrunk to only this moment… this woman… our love. Nothing else in all the world existed.

I resisted the urge to rip the clothes from her tiny frame. We had nothing else to change into up here, and there was no way in hell I was letting Alice walk back to the house like that. That would be fodder enough for Emmett's teasing for the rest of eternity. The thought of such a scenario was adequate incentive to break through the haze of my passion long enough to allow me to release each clasp cautiously.

As I carefully removed Alice's clothing, she relieved me of mine as well. With our clothes finally shed, our hands and lips raced over each other, touching, stroking, inciting our shared passion to ever increasing heights. I caressed her every dip and curve, glorying in the warmth that permeated every cell in my body under her touch. We both reveled in the joy and pleasure we could bring to each other in this way… love the way it was meant to be.

The snow around us should have sizzled and melted under the heat of our passion. But I never would have noticed. I was consumed in the need of the moment. When I could hold back no longer, I slid into Alice's welcoming warmth and brought us both to ecstasy.

We loved each other continually throughout the night, pausing every now and then sometimes to talk, and sometimes just to lay together in silence. In this moment, I was entirely complete. I was untouched by all the trials that had buffeted me. It seemed like a different world now with my pixie wife nestled so contentedly in my embrace.

I could never say that Alice was my other half. That didn't go nearly far enough. She was the very center, the sum and total of my existence. My very reason for being.

In this moment, my world was perfect.

But all of that was about to change.

* * *

So, baby, hold on tight, don't let go.

Hold on to the love we're making,

'Cause, baby, when the ground starts shaking,

You gotta know when you got a good thing.

* * *

::insert ominous music:: We know all hell's about to break loose in the next couple of chapters. I hope you enjoyed the little break beforehand, though… I think we all needed that!

Thanks so much for reading. Please take a second and leave me some love… you know I love hearing from you! :)

And don't forget, you can follow me on Twitter now for story teasers, spoilers, and just randomness in general… AnEnduringHope, if you're interested. ;)


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Jasper**

.

With the sun high in the sky the next day, I reached down to trace the dark shadows under Alice's eyes. She hadn't hunted before we left New York, and it was more than two weeks now since she'd fed. "You need to hunt, darlin," I said, kissing the strands of her hair. "Your eyes are pitch black."

I felt the sighing of her breath from her resting place on my chest. "I know, but I don't want to move. I'm comfortable right where I am." She snuggled closer, nuzzling her face against the curve of my neck

"Me too," I said, tightening my embrace around her. I wasn't ready to let go of this contentment yet. I knew reality would intrude soon enough, but I wished we could hang on to this peace for just a little while longer. "As much as I'd like to stay right here, though, we do need to make sure you're taken care of. You're going to start getting weak soon if you don't hunt."

"Well, we wouldn't want me to get weak, now would we?" She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

I laughed at her wanton expression. "You're insatiable."

"That's your fault. And you love it," she teased, propping herself on her elbows to look at me with sparkling eyes.

"True." I kissed the tip of her nose and then her lips one more time. "Now, I hate to say it but you and I have to get dressed."

"Fine. Be that way," she pouted as she rolled off my chest. We reached for our clothes which were scattered across the snow.

"Yuck!" Alice groaned, holding up her shirt. "Everything is soaking wet! That's _d__isgusting_."

I fought back the urge to laugh at the absolute distaste on her expression. "Look at the bright side – wet is better than in pieces."

She grimaced. "You have a point, I guess. But I'm _not_ wearing wet clothes all day. We'll go back to the house and change before we hunt. It can wait at least that long."

I slipped back into my clothes, glancing at Alice when I was done. Seeing the martyred look on her face as she put her wet clothes on, I couldn't help the laughter that escaped me. She paused in the act of buttoning her shirt and quirked one eyebrow at me, "What exactly is so funny?"

"You."

"Me?" She asked as her eyebrows flew up.

"Just a little bit," I teased with a smirk. "You're awfully cute with your nose all scrunched up like that."

"Cute?" she exclaimed with mock indignation. "I'll give you cute!" With a playful growl, she lunged at me. I let her topple me to the ground, and we rolled in the snow again, wrestling.

Over and over we rolled, until finally, once on top again, Alice slung her legs over both sides of my waist. With an impish glow in her eyes, she took my face in her hands and fastened her lips on mine. My laughter cut off abruptly as she took control of the kiss, sliding her tongue between my lips. Every other thought vanished from my mind as our mouths began moving feverishly together, the fires kindling under my skin once again.

Suddenly, with a wicked chuckle, Alice hopped off my chest, leaving me panting in the snow. "How's that for cute?" She smirked, like the evil little imp she was.

It took a second for my mind to catch up with her sudden absence, but when it did, I laughed incredulously. "Darlin, you're not playing nice. You need to get back over here and finish what you started."

"Make me." With a taunting grin, she was off and running again. In a split second, I leapt up from the snow, chasing after her again. It looked like our game from yesterday was not quite over yet after all.

"You asked for it this time, darlin. Just wait and see what happens when I catch you this time. You're in all kinds of trouble now."

Alice laughed breezily, but no sooner had the playful threat left my mouth than her laughter abruptly stopped, her eyes glazing over with a vision. I froze mid-step when I heard her sharp intake of breath, all playfulness immediately forgotten. With that heart-stopping gasp, she stumbled to her knees in the snow, a look of sheer horror etched on her face.

Instantly, I raced to her side. Kneeling down beside her, I grasped her shoulders. "Alice, darlin, what do you see? What's wrong?"

She didn't answer. Her body was trembling violently, her head shaking back and forth in utter disbelief. I was truly frightened by the multitude of emotions that were rolling off of her in waves. Shock, horror, incredulity, panic, crippling terror...

"No, no, no, please, no..." she whimpered in a small voice.

"Alice, please, talk to me. What do you see?" I pleaded desperately, pulling her trembling form into my arms as if I could bodily protect her from whatever she was seeing.

Fear for my family consumed me. My first thought was for Edward. As brokenhearted as he was, as distracted as he'd been, I was afraid that something had happened to him. And there was a part of my mind that had almost feared that he would do something idiotic to make the pain stop. Alice's stunned incoherency wasn't doing anything to allay my fears. Something was terribly, terribly wrong.

Tremors still wracked Alice's body, her mumblings almost incoherent. "No… no, no please, Bella..."

Bella? She hadn't said anything about Bella in weeks, and I knew she hadn't been looking for her future. She promised she wouldn't. I was trying so hard to be patient and wait for the vision to be over, but not knowing what she was seeing now was quickly making me feel crazy.

"Alice, _please_, what's going on?"

I could see her face straining as she fought to see the events of the future that were as yet only visible to her. "_No_!" Her sudden, anguished cry shook me to my core. Her body shuddered with deep, wracking sobs as she covered her face with her hands.

"Jasper... it's Bella," she gasped through the midst of her hysteria. "I saw her… on a cliff. She… went under..."

"Bella fell off a cliff?" I questioned, frantic to understand what had caused this reaction from Alice, but her broken words made little sense.

"No, Jasper. She didn't _fall_. She _jumped_!" Alice was screaming, her face panic-stricken. "I saw her jump. I heard her scream when she fell." Her words tumbled out faster and faster as her hysteria grew, "And I watched… I watched, but she never came back up. I kept waiting but she _never came back up_! Her whole future just _disappeared_!" Alice was beyond distraught. "_Bella_ disappeared!"

I wrapped my arms tightly around her as she buried her face in my chest, still sobbing uncontrollably. I hadn't known until this moment just how much I had counted on Alice's prior optimism that everything would eventually work out. I hadn't allowed myself to admit it, but there was a part of me that had been holding on to the hope that Edward would indeed return to his senses and go back to Bella.

That he would then come home to us.

And that our family would be whole again.

That maybe, just maybe, some of the damage that had been done could be repaired.

But that hope was shattered now.

Bella was dead… or she soon would be.

And Edward… this would destroy him.

Any hope we had of happiness returning to our family had perished the moment Bella had taken her last breath… before plunging to her death.

I buried my face in Alice's hair fighting the grief that threatened to overwhelm me again. I could almost feel it as our last faint flicker of hope was extinguished, plummeting us into an abyss of depression that we had no hope of climbing out of.

"Why?" Alice asked in a broken voice. "Why would she do that? How could she?"

"I don't know," I said absently. I was still trying to wrap my mind around the hell that was about to be released on our family… one that there was no escape from… ever.

I had no idea how much time passed as we sat on the ground just holding each other. But eventually I felt a solid determination radiate from Alice. "I'm going back to Forks," she declared, no room for argument in her tone. "I'm going now. I have to." Her voice was still shaky as she jumped to her feet, turning towards the house.

"Alice, darlin," I tried to reason with her as I followed her down the mountain and back to the house. "You saw her jump. By the time you get there it will be too late to do anything."

Her eyes clenched shut against the pain as she flew up the deserted staircase and into the room that we were keeping our things in. I hated speaking so bluntly and causing more pain, but she wasn't thinking clearly. She was allowing her emotions to rule and not her mind.

"I know that. But I have to go… I just have to. I don't have a choice, Jasper." She was darting around the room, changing into dry clothes and throwing her things into her bag.

"Alice, I know you're hurting, but you need to be reasonable about this. There's nothing you can do there. And you promised Edward you'd stay away. We all promised we wouldn't interfere. If he finds out that you went back – "

Alice's anger flared. "Screw, Edward. He can be mad at me all he wants later, but she's my _sister_, Jasper. I love her. And I have to know for sure. I have to see her grave with my own eyes before I'll ever be able to make myself believe that this is real. Please try to understand that."

I sighed, scrubbing my hand over the back of my neck in frustration. "Alice, I can't tell you not to go – "

"It wouldn't do any good for you to try," she interrupted me, zipping up her bag and slipping it on her shoulder. "I'm not changing my mind."

I caught her arm as she turned to the door and spun her around again to face me. "As I said, I can't tell you not to go," I said, trying to keep my voice even, but not quite succeeding. "You obviously aren't going to listen. But I am _asking_ you not to. I'm asking you to reconsider this. You're not thinking rationally right now, Alice, and that worries me."

"I'm sorry," she shook her head, "but I'm not talking about this anymore. There's nothing to discuss. I'm going." She pulled her arm out of my grip and flew down the stairs.

"It's not your place to interfere," I tried again, following closely behind her retreating form, "especially since there's nothing you can do to change anything." I grabbed her shoulder as she reached for the handle to the front door. "Alice, don't," I attempted one last time to make her to see reason. "Think about the consequences of what you're about to do."

She turned around, wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing her lips briefly to mine. "Goodbye, Jasper," she said firmly. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Before I could say anything else, or even start to return her embrace, she was gone. As I stood there in the doorway, watching her vanish into the trees, I felt a strange sense of foreboding settling in the pit of my stomach. There was no reason for me to feel this way, I told myself. Alice was just going to Forks – she would only be gone for a few days at most.

I tried to tell myself that the uneasiness I felt was simply because of the way we'd parted – that it was solely due to our disagreement. And I knew we'd work that out when she got back. We'd disagreed before… it wasn't the end of the world.

My fears were just me being overly protective as always. There was no substance to them… they were ridiculous.

Weren't they?

I was still standing in the doorway, my eyes focused on the place where Alice had disappeared when Emmett and Rosalie came in the door from the back porch, confusion and a bit of concern prominent in their emotions.

"What's going on?" Emmett questioned for the both of them. "Where's Alice going?"

I sighed and turned around slowly to face my brother and sister, hating the fact that I had to be the one to pass on this news. "Emmett, do you have your phone on you?" I asked. Mine was still upstairs in my bag.

"Yeah, I do. What's – "

"Could I use it please?" I interrupted him, holding out my hand.

He reached in his pocket and, without further question, placed his cell phone in my waiting hand, though his face was lined in confusion.

"How about we skip the theatrics and you just tell us what the problem is. Something's obviously wrong." Rosalie snapped, growing aggravated that I wasn't talking yet.

I didn't even respond to her as I gestured for them to follow me into the living room. Getting this news out once would be hard enough. I didn't want to have to repeat it. With dread pooling in my stomach, I dialed Carlisle's number on Emmet's phone and listened to it ring.

Carlisle picked up on the second ring. "Emmett?" he questioned, concern evident in his voice. "Is everything all right?"

"It's Jasper," I told him, wishing there was someone else to break this news to everyone. I didn't want to be the one to do it. "And no, I'm afraid everything's not all right," my voice came out as almost a croak.

"Jasper, what's wrong?" The apprehension in his voice doubled.

"Is Esme with you?" I asked, slumping into one of the chairs and laying my head in my hand.

"Yes, she's here."

"She needs to hear this too."

I heard her speaking quietly in the background. "I'm right here, dear. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." I spoke softly, hating the fact that I was about to give her something else to add to her already overwhelming grief. But I had no choice. "Though, I do have bad news."

I struggled to find the words to break the news of Bella's death to my family. There was no easy way to tell them, and I desperately didn't want to be the one to do it. I wanted to run away, to disappear –anything but hurt them again.

"Jasper, just spit it out." Rosalie's impatience finally got the best of her.

"Bella… Bella died this morning." I stumbled over the words. Immediately, silence filled the room. Not a sound came from Carlisle's end of the phone, and both Emmett and Rosalie's emotions were numb as they processed this information. A part of me wished that I could get a gauge on how Esme and Carlisle were handling this unexpected revelation, but another part – probably the saner part – was glad that there was some distance between me and their grief right now.

"Wha – what?" Carlisle asked after a lengthy silence. I could hear the absolute disbelief in his voice.

"No!" Esme half-gasped, half-sobbed.

"What happened, son. How do you know this?"

Emmett and Rosalie still hadn't stirred.

"Alice saw her," I whispered, knowing that what I was about to say was going to cut them even deeper. "Bella jumped off a cliff… she killed herself."

"Oh no," Esme's heartbreaking sobs sounded in the background. I knew, for both her and Carlisle, this would bring back painful memories of a time when she herself had jumped from a cliff as a way to bring an end to her own unbearable pain.

Emmett buried his face in his hands, a gut-wrenching moan issued from his lungs. But Rosalie sat as still as a statue. I couldn't get a good read on her emotions.

"You're sure about this?" Carlisle asked, his voice sounding strangled.

"I was there when Alice saw her jump. She said that Bella's whole future disappeared into thin air immediately after that. What else could it mean?"

"I can't believe it," Carlisle's voice was staggered. "I just can't believe that Bella, who was one of the most unselfish people I've ever encountered, would do something like this to her mother and father. That's not like her at all."

"No, it's not. But we obviously underestimated the permanence of her love for Edward." I had known the intensity of her feelings both for Edward and for the rest of our family as well, but I hadn't dreamed that she would be unable to move on – she was _human_. Unlike ours, human affections were changeable… or they were supposed to be.

I was hesitant to mention Alice's departure, but they did have a right to know that as well. "Alice left for Forks a few minutes ago," I told them reluctantly. "She was determined that she needed to see this for herself and not just in a vision."

"She did what?" Carlisle asked, sounding stunned.

"Yes. I know Edward will be upset when he finds out, but I couldn't very well stop her from going. This was something she felt that she needed to do." I wasn't going to point out the fact that I didn't agree with her. They didn't need to know.

I paused, taking a deep breath, "But Carlisle, about Edward – I don't think we should tell him. At least not yet. We don't know how he'll react when he hears, and I believe it would be better for us to wait."

"I agree," said Carlisle without hesitation. "He'll have to know eventually, but I believe you're right. We should wait until he comes home again so that we can be there to help him through his grief." His voice cracked on the last word, and he paused to collect himself for a moment. "Do you need us to come back now?"

"No, that's not necessary. Maybe I should have waited until you returned before I told you, but – "

"No, son, I'm glad you didn't. Terrible as it is, we needed to know. Are you going to be all right?" He asked gently.

"I think so."

"Emmett? Rosalie?" He questioned, knowing they were listening.

"Yeah." Emmett's hoarse voice sounded anything but all right. He still hadn't lifted his head from his hands.

"Yes." Rosalie's voice was quiet, her emotions subdued. I thought I detected a faint whisper of grief, but it passed before I could be sure.

"All right then," Carlisle sighed deeply. "Don't hesitate to call again if you hear anything else. You three hang in there. We'll be back soon."

"We will. See you soon." I disconnected the phone, and the three of us sat in silence with our thoughts. I couldn't make myself believe it. This just didn't make sense.

Bella was dead.

I tried to reconcile my mind to the fact that none of us would ever see her again.

She'd never blush at Emmett's teasing.

She'd never walk arm in arm with Alice, laughing at something silly she'd said.

She'd never sit with Edward on the piano bench as he played her lullaby.

She'd never need Carlisle to fix up her scrapes.

She was gone. Forever.

I was actually afraid for Edward to find out. Deep down, I knew what would happen when he did. Leaving her had crippled him. He'd lost his very identity. His whole reason for living.

When he knew that his Bella was dead – and not only that, but that she had taken her own life – what was left of his life would end as well.

I only knew that I could not be the one responsible for giving him the news that would effectively cause his destruction. I wanted him home before he found out, so we could attempt to restrain him from doing anything foolish.

Because there was no doubt in my mind... he would kill himself.

* * *

**Alice**

.

I raced to the airport, catching the first flight to Seattle. It wasn't a long flight, but it seemed never-ending. It was so hard to sit still as my mind still whirled with the images I'd seen only a short time ago. I felt frantic. I'd tried so hard to keep peering into the future, hoping that maybe I'd get a glimpse of Bella again… that maybe I'd see something to disprove the horrific vision I'd had earlier. But there was nothing… absolutely nothing at all. She was gone.

When the plane landed, I was the first one out the doors. People eyed me strangely as I pushed my way to the front. I knew they must have thought I was incredibly rude, but I didn't care. From Seattle, I ran to Forks as quickly as my feet could take me. It was much quicker than trying to catch a cab.

My first stop was our Forks home. I knew no one would be at the Swan's when I got there, I could see that, but it would still be wise for me to take one of the cars. The distance wasn't one that a human would walk, and I didn't need anyone asking questions about how I got there.

As soon as I came in view of the house, a wave of nostalgia hit me. I could feel the sobs building in my chest, but I pushed them back. Everything looked so familiar and yet so different, too. I didn't linger, even though some sentimental part of me wanted to. Instead, I raced upstairs to find the keys to Carlisle's Mercedes that he'd left behind. When I had them, I ran into the garage and climbed into the driver's seat.

The engine started with a purr when I turned the key, but the understatedly powerful sound did little to excite me today. The road passed by me in a blur as I flew down the familiar streets to Bella's house.

All the lights were off in her house when I pulled up in front. I knew no one would be there, but it still hurt to see it just the same. Waves of grief swamped me as I sat there, working up the courage to go inside. I laid my head against the steering wheel, biting back sobs.

The grief didn't abate, so I finally just got out of the car. Without even thinking about what I was doing, my feet carried me to the tree in front of her window – the tree that Edward and I had both used to get to her room. I climbed up the branches, swinging myself through the open window.

The wave of her scent inside the small room struck me like a blow. The thirst was there, reminding me that I hadn't hunted before I'd left. But much stronger than the burn in my throat was the ache in my heart.

Bella was dead… she was really and truly dead.

The realization of that made my knees feel like they were going to buckle. I didn't even fight to stay upright. I let my legs give out and slid to the floor beside her bed, curling up into a ball and wrapping my arms around my knees. With a heavy groan, I surrendered to the sobs, letting each one rip through me.

Even through Bella's scent, I could still catch a whiff of Edward's lingering in the room as well. The thought of that, as well as fear of how he was going to take this news, made the sobs come even harder until my whole body shook. This was going to kill him. We'd all but lost him before, but we'd lose him for certain now.

I hadn't really thought that things could get much worse. I'd actually thought that if we could just wait him out, things would eventually get better. That was a vain hope now. Bella was gone. And we were never going to recover what we'd lost.

Now that I was here, rational thought starting filtering back in through my grief. What was I doing? What was I hoping to actually accomplish by being here? I'd acted impulsively. I hadn't taken time to think. I just knew that I needed to get to Forks. I was here now… so what, realistically, was I supposed to _do_?

I wanted to pick up the phone and call Jasper – he was always my rock when I was uncertain about things. He was always my voice of reason when I didn't know what to do. But he'd made it very clear that he wasn't happy about my choice to come here, and I hadn't listened. I'd been much too frantic. He'd been right, though – I should have waited… I shouldn't have acted so rashly.

I knew Jasper would never tell me 'I told you so' even though he had a right to. He'd never intentionally make me feel bad about what I'd done. But he'd tried to make me see reason, and I'd bluntly refused. I'd actually run out the door on him. I knew I should call and apologize, but I didn't want to do that on the phone.

What I wanted right now was for him to be here with me, holding me and telling me that everything was going to be all right… even if it was a lie.

In the distance, I could start to hear the unmistakable roaring of a truck – Bella's truck. No other vehicle I'd heard before managed to make quite that kind of noise. I almost wondered if I was imagining things at first, even though I knew that was impossible. But I didn't see anything in the future… even when I closed my eyes and strained to. I couldn't see anyone driving the truck.

The noise got louder and louder as it came closer, until the racket almost shook the house. Curious as to why I couldn't see it in my visions, I went to the window to peer out – as if that would give me any answers to my faulty sight.

What I saw on the driveway made me truly question my sanity… again.

There were two figures inside the cab of the truck, huddled very close together. One was distinctly male and no one I recognized… but the other…

My eyes were playing cruel tricks on me. They had to be.

What I was seeing in front of me just wasn't possible…

Was it?

* * *

**Sooo… does it still count as a cliffhanger if you all know what's coming? ;)**

**As always, thanks for reading! And please take a second and let me know what you thought of the chapter. You know I love hearing from you!**

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**Nik**


	10. Chapter 10

This one will no doubt look very familiar to all of you. I did try not to be too repetitive or redundant, but, in this chapter, a little of that was necessary. All the recognizable dialogue in this and upcoming chapters is taken verbatim from New Moon, and _no_ copyright infringement is intended. It's not mine… we all know who it really belongs to. And I'm sincerely grateful to Stephenie Meyer for creating such wonderful characters for all of us to love. :)

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Alice**

.

I had to be seeing things. I just had to.

I'd seen Bella jump of the cliff. I'd seen her go under the water. But I'd never seen her come back up.

She'd drowned.

And yet there she was, sitting in the cab of her truck very much alive.

I blinked rapidly, wondering if all the depression had finally gotten to me… if all the grief had left me delusional. I couldn't quite make my mind process this unforeseen twist.

Bella opened her door to get out, but, from the other side of the cab, I heard the young man next to her swear roughly, snatching her door handle and slamming it shut before she had a chance to get out. The engine started up abruptly, the tires squealing in protest as he quickly backed out of the driveway, and started speeding down the street.

I could hear their voices, raising as if in argument, but it was like listening through a bubble. I heard them, but the words didn't quite register in my mind. Feeling like I was in a trance, I ghosted down the stairs, enveloped in the lavender light of the night, and came to a stop in the front hallway… waiting… barely able to believe that this could be real.

I heard the voices outside growing louder with a heated undertone of disagreement. The car door slammed noisily, and, a moment later, the front door was wrenched open.

Bella stood in the dark entryway, breathing heavily. Her hand reached for the light switch, but it froze in mid-air. Her heart thundered in her chest, the pulsing sound echoing in the otherwise empty house. Staring at her face, which was frozen in an indecipherable expression, my hand raised of its own volition to flip on the light.

Bella jumped, blinking rapidly to adjust her eyes to the light. Her eyes snapped to me, and a whirling vortex of emotions flew over her face.

"Alice, oh, Alice!" she cried in a strangled voice. With my mind working at such a sluggish pace, I barely had time to prepare myself before her warm, human body slammed into mine.

"Bella?" I croaked, my own emotions a strange mixture of relief and confusion. Bella was undoubtedly alive… I had the proof of it right in front of me. I just couldn't imagine how it could possibly be.

With all the strength her fragile, human body possessed, she wrapped her arms around my neck, clinging to me like she thought I was going to disappear. The rhythm of her breaths were jagged and rough, quickly turning to hysterical sobbing. Not knowing what else to do, I led her to the living room couch and pulled her down into my lap, trying to comfort her.

Bella buried her face in my shoulder, her hot breaths washing over my neck. Her heartbeat echoed in the room like the sound of a jackhammer. The wet, pulsing sound so close reminded me quite forcefully that I hadn't had a chance to feed before I left. I knew I wasn't in any danger of losing control and hurting her, but the alluring sound coupled with her scent made the burn in my throat flare painfully. Though, mixed in with her mouthwatering scent was a stench that I'd never smelled before. It was disgusting… but didn't quite manage to staunch the thirst.

I turned my face away, trying futilely to get some distance from the source of my temptation, but all the while I kept my hand moving in soothing circles on her back.

"I'm… sorry," she whimpered in between cries, her tears raining a searing path down my neck. "I'm just… so happy… to see you!"

"It's okay, Bella. Everything's okay." I tried to keep my voice as even as possible, swallowing against the sudden influx of venom pooling in my mouth.

"Yes," she bawled, wrapping her arms tighter as her body trembled with her weeping.

When her cries slowed almost to a stop, I sighed, wincing at the sweltering burn in the back of my throat. "I'd forgotten how exuberant you are."

"Oh," Bella puffed, noticing immediately my strained posture and knowing exactly what it meant. She scurried back, trying to give me some distance even though it didn't really help. "Sorry," she apologized like she was at fault for the fires scorching my body.

"It's my own fault," I told her, easing her unnecessary guilt. "It's been too long since I hunted. I shouldn't let myself get so thirsty. But I was in a hurry today. Speaking of which," I glared at her, letting every ounce of worry and fear and grief I'd felt over the last several hours seep into my gaze. "Would you like to explain to me how you're alive?"

Bella swallowed loudly. "You saw me fall." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"No," my eyes narrowed at her guilty expression. "I saw you _jump_." There was no "falling" to it. I'd seen that in painfully clear detail. "I told him this would happen," I spat, not talking to Bella now, but just spewing out some of the frustration that had eaten at me for hours, "but he didn't believe me. 'Bella promised,'" I mocked Edward's voice. "'Don't be looking for her future either, we've done enough damage.'

"But just because I'm not looking doesn't mean I don't _see_. I wasn't keeping tabs on you, I swear, Bella. It's just that I'm already attuned to you… when I saw you jumping, I didn't think, I just got on a plane. I knew I would be too late, but I couldn't do _nothing_. And then I get here thinking maybe I could help Charlie somehow, and you drive up."

I shook my head, still not quite able to believe what had happened. I turned an accusing glance back at Bella who was just sitting there, looking as stunned as I'd felt a moment ago, her mouth slightly agape. "I saw you go into the water and I waited and waited for you to come up, but you didn't. What happened? And how could you do that to Charlie? Did you stop to think what this would do to him? And my brother? Do you have any idea what Edward – "

Bella shook her head, cutting me off. "Alice, I wasn't committing suicide."

Her denial did nothing to convince me. I knew what I'd seen. "Are you saying you didn't jump off a cliff?" I asked bluntly, giving her the chance to deny it.

"No," she admitted, grimacing, "but… it was for recreational purposes only. I'd seen some of Jacob's friends cliff diving. It looked like… fun, and I was bored… I didn't actually think about how the storm would affect the currents.. Actually, I didn't think about the water much at all."

Bella's voice trailed off as she took in my skeptical expression. Her explanation left quite a lot to be desired. I knew her too well to think that was something she'd ever want to do without some kind of motive. And she knew that.

Biting her lip, she asked, "So, if you saw me go in, why didn't you see Jacob?"

The unfamiliar name caught me off guard, and I cocked my head at her, curious as to who she was talking about. I didn't recall hearing that name mentioned before.

"It's true that I probably would have drowned if Jacob hadn't jumped in after me," Bella said. "Well, okay, there's no probably about it. But he did, and he pulled me out, and I guess he towed me back to shore, though I was kind of out for that part. It couldn't have been more than a minute that I was under before he grabbed me. How come you didn't see that?"

"Someone pulled you out?" I asked, not quite able to believe it.

"Yes. Jacob saved me."

I didn't mean to accuse Bella of lying – and I saw no reason why she would be. But as closely as I'd been watching, as hard as I'd been trying to see, I would never have thought I could miss someone being there to pull her to shore. And yet, here she sat. Someone had to have intervened.

But why hadn't I seen it? That's what I didn't understand.

Nothing quite like this had ever happened before.

My mind was whirling, trying to come up with some reasonable answer for the events of the day. There had to be more to this than met the eye.

Bella sat there silently, watching me carefully. The nasty odor that I'd noticed before still clung to her clothes and hair, catching my attention when she shifted. My instincts told me that the new smell was related somehow, but I couldn't see quite how it would be.

I leaned in, getting closer to the stench and sniffing it, trying to figure out what it could possibly be. Bella's body tensed, well aware of my black eyes and thirst. I fought the urge to roll my eyes at that.

"Don't be ridiculous," I muttered, still sniffing the odd odor.

"What are you doing?" she asked, confusion coloring both her face and her voice.

"Who was with you out there just now?" I asked, ignoring the question. "It sounded like you were arguing."

"Jacob Black. He's… sort of my best friend, I guess. At least he was…"

Black.

The name sounded familiar, and I searched my mind for where I might have heard it before. Nothing immediately came to mind, though. I felt like the answer I was looking for was obvious… but just out of reach.

"What?" Bella asked, searching my face carefully.

"I don't know. I'm not sure what it means." And I didn't like this feeling of not knowing. I wasn't used to it… and it grated at me… badly.

"Well, I'm not dead, at least."

I did roll my eyes this time. I wasn't even slightly amused by her attempt at humor. "He was a fool to think you could survive alone," I said under my breath. "I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy."

"I survived," she said, sounding slightly affronted at my blunt statement. But that only led me to my next question.

"So, if the currents were too much for you, how did this Jacob manage?" I asked, glancing pointedly at her.

"Jacob is… strong," she said, but the reluctance in her voice was obvious. There was much more than she was telling me. I raised my eyebrows, waiting for her to expound on that.

Bella gnawed on her lip, obviously trying to decide what to tell me. "See, well, he's… sort of a werewolf," she admitted in a rush. "The Quileutes turn into wolves when there are vampires around. They know Carlisle from a long time ago. Were you with Carlisle back then?"

My body locked down as her explanation made all the pieces fall into place.

Jacob Black.

Black.

Ephraim Black.

Quileutes.

Werewolves.

Treaty.

"Shit," I swore under my breath far too low for her human ears to hear. "Well, I guess that explains the smell," I muttered, raising my voice just loud enough for her to hear now. "But does it explain what I didn't see?" I frowned, still trying to make myself understand why I'd missed the latter half of her aquatic escapade today.

"The smell?" she asked, confused again. There seemed to be a lot of that going around between the two of us.

"You smell awful," I told her absently, still twisting my brain. "A werewolf? Are you sure about that?"

"Very sure," she told me. "I guess you weren't with Carlisle the last time there were werewolves here in Forks?"

"No. I hadn't found him yet."

Suddenly, a realization broke through the muddled mess of my thoughts. I turned back to Bella with wide, shocked eyes. "Your best friend is a werewolf?" She nodded. "How long has this been going on?" I demanded.

"Not long," she said, sounding defensive at my tone. "He's only been a werewolf for just a few weeks."

I glowered at her, stunned at her oblivion to how dangerous that was. "A young werewolf? Even worse! Edward was right – you're a magnet for danger. Weren't you supposed to be staying out of trouble?" I didn't have any right to talk to her this way, I knew that. We'd removed ourselves from her life, reluctant though it had been, but the thought of her being so incredibly reckless frightened me.

"There's nothing wrong with werewolves," she grumbled, glancing at the carpet, her face cross.

"Until they lose their tempers." I interjected, shaking my head sharply, almost wanting to shake _her_. "Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find."

Bella shook her head, looking back up at me. "No, Alice, the vampires didn't really leave – not all of them, anyway. That's the whole trouble. If it weren't for the werewolves, Victoria would have gotten me by now. Well, if it weren't for Jake and his friends, Laurent would have gotten me before she could, I guess, so – "

Rage, white-hot and consuming, roared through my veins at her explanation. "Victoria?" I hissed, through tightly clenched teeth. "Laurent?"

Bella nodded, obviously alarmed by what she saw in my eyes. She pointed at her chest. "Danger magnet, remember?"

I shook my head again, not acknowledging her second attempt to lighten the mood. "Tell me everything – start at the beginning." I demanded, needing to know everything that I'd missed by not watching out for her.

She did, without any further prompting. I didn't like her thin explanation about the cliffs and boredom at all, but she skipped over that quickly. She told me about the strange flame she'd seen on the water and what she thought it meant.

Victoria.

I was furious as I listened to her explain. Not at her. Not even remotely. I was livid that she'd ever been put into that situation in the first place. I wanted to throttle Edward and his twisted sense of doing what was "best" for Bella. I was livid with myself for ever agreeing to it. And I would have gladly torn Victoria to shreds for her determination to kill Bella for something she had nothing to do with. She'd been the victim of James' sick hunt… and she'd had no hand in his death… but neither had Edward, when one was being technical about it. Jasper and Emmett had killed him – Edward played no part in it.

I was mortified by how oblivious we'd all been to what was happening to one we loved… to one that we'd intended to protect.

The signs had been there. We just hadn't seen it. If nothing else, we'd known that Laurent had been with the Denali coven. We'd noticed his absence, but no one had thought to question it. We'd been to caught up in our own misery to even think about it.

But that didn't even truly matter, because I should have seen it. I should have seen all of this.

And yet I hadn't.

I didn't say a word until Bella finished. She fell silent, watching me intently. I looked up at the girl I'd considered my sister, my heart twisting at what she'd been left to face alone… and how helpless she must have felt.

"Our leaving didn't do you any good at all, did it?" I murmured, contrite.

Bella laughed once, a slightly hysterical sound. "That was never the point, though, was it? It's not like you left for my benefit."

Her words didn't add up to me… of course we'd left for her. Why else would we have gone? But I didn't pursue it. I'd pushed her enough for one conversation.

I scowled at the floor for a moment, debating what I was supposed to do now. I was confused, reeling almost. "Well…" I said finally, "I guess I acted impulsively today. I probably shouldn't have intruded."

Jasper had been right.

Immediately when I spoke, all the blood drained from Bella's face, leaving it as pale as bone. "Don't go, Alice," she whispered frantically. Her fingers locked around the collar of my shirt as she began to hyperventilate again. "Please don't leave me."

My eyes widened at her frenetic heartbeat, her obvious panic. "All right. I'm not going anywhere tonight." I promised, enunciating each word with slow precision. "Take a deep breath."

The air wheezed in and out of her lungs as she struggled to breathe. It was several moments before her panic receded enough for her to breathe normally again. I watched her, pained again by just how different she appeared.

There was a new kind of maturity in her eyes… a sorrow that went deeper than anyone her age should have to know. She was thinner than she'd been before, and her coloring was off. She didn't look well. The effects of the time apart were visible on her face and in her eyes.

"You look like hell, Bella." I told her, without stopping to think, after she'd calmed down.

She laughed dryly – humorlessly. "I drowned today."

"It goes deeper than that," I told her, softening my voice this time. "You're a mess."

Even still, she flinched. "Look, I'm doing my best."

"What do you mean?" I questioned, waiting for her to elaborate.

"It hasn't been easy. I'm working on it." She toed the carpet, not quite meeting my eyes.

"I told him," I said to myself. _I'd told him_. But he hadn't listened. How much of this could have been avoided if we'd only known…

"Alice," Bella sighed quietly. "What did you think you were going to find?" I mean, besides me dead? Did you expect to find me skipping around and whistling show tunes?" she shook her head. "You know me better than that."

"I do," I admitted. "But I hoped." Nothing I'd imagined had prepared me for this.

"Then I guess I don't have the corner on the idiocy market."

Her quiet comeback silenced me. She was right.

I wanted to apologize for my part in this. I wanted to do something to make it better. I just didn't know how.

The shrill ring of the telephone split the air before I could say anything at all. "That has to be Charlie," Bella said, staggering to her feet and reaching back to grab my hand, not wanting to give me the chance to disappear while her back was turned, I supposed. I let her pull me up and drag me with her into the kitchen.

"Charlie?" she said, answering the phone.

"No, it's me." I recognized the husky, male voice as belonging to the young man that had been outside with Bella earlier… Jacob Black, I now knew his name was.

"Jake!" Bella's voice sounded too relieved – too excited to hear him. And deep inside, if I was being honest, I had to admit that I didn't like that at all.

"Just making sure you're still alive," said the angry voice on the other end of the phone.

"I'm fine. I told you it wasn't – "

"Yeah. I got it. Bye," he cut her off abruptly, cutting off their connection.

Bella hung her head back, staring at the ceiling. "That's going to be a problem," she said under her breath, sighing.

I squeezed her hand – she still hadn't let me go. "They aren't excited I'm here." I was trying to be understanding… I really didn't have the right to be anything else.

"Not especially," Bella said, turning back around to face me. "But it's none of their business anyway."

I had to smile at her tone – angry on my behalf. I released her hand and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. "So what do we do now?" I said to myself as we meandered back into the living room. "Things to do. Loose ends to tie."

The others needed to know about Victoria. We'd need to take care of that little "problem" before much more time passed. And I honestly wanted to track Edward down now. I wanted to force him to sit and listen to reason this time – to beat it into him if necessary. It was obvious now that Bella needed us. It was too dangerous to leave her defenseless any longer. And I wasn't about to trust the mutts on the other side of the treaty line to do the job any longer.

"What things to do?" Bella's voice broke into my thoughts.

Quickly, I masked the intentions from my gaze. She didn't need to have her hopes rising for Edward yet… that conversation would be difficult in the extreme… and I didn't think she'd particularly appreciate my opinion about the… werewolves.

"I don't know for sure. I need to see Carlisle." That was probably the safest answer. And it was true. I wanted his opinion about this. Like a true father, he was always the most calm and impartial, the most prudent, in situations like this. And I desperately wanted his input now.

"Could you stay?" Bella begged, clasping my arm again. "Please? For just a little while. I've missed you so much," her voice broke, breaking my heart right along with it. The damage we'd done to her was glaringly obvious, and it almost tore my heart to shreds.

"If you think that's a good idea," I hedged. I was already in enough hot water for being here, but I didn't really see how a little more time would hurt. At least I could keep an eye on Bella and make sure she was safe if Victoria still happened to be in the area.

"I do," Bella said, nodding fervently. "You can stay here – Charlie would love that."

"I have a house, Bella," I reminded her gently. I felt odd imposing at this point after being away for so long. Charlie might not approve.

Bella's face fell, but she nodded anyway. Seeing the hope dashed from her face like that, my decision was made instantly. I couldn't deny her this if it meant that much to her… and it obviously did.

"Well, I need to go get a suitcase of clothes at the very least."

Her face lit up again just that quickly, and she threw her arms around my neck, embracing me fiercely. "Alice, you're the best!"

My throat flamed in excruciating agony once again at her sudden close proximity. "And I think I need to hunt. Immediately."

"Oops," Bella said simply, dropping her arms and taking a step back.

"Can you stay out of trouble for one hour?" I asked skeptically. Before she could even answer, I held up one finger, searching her future. Opening my eyes a moment later, I answered my own question. "Yes, you'll be fine. For tonight, anyway."

I made a face. It really was uncanny how one person could not only be so accident prone but also attract every possible danger in the vicinity… but somehow Bella managed.

"You'll come back?" she asked in a small voice.

"I promise – one hour," I assured her, knowing I could easily do what I needed to do and get back in that time.

I couldn't help but laugh as Bella immediately glanced to the clock over the kitchen table. Holding my breath briefly, I leaned in to quickly kiss her warm cheek. I flinched against the burn in my throat, and fled out the back door an instant later.

I had a promise to keep.

As quickly as I could manage, I flew into the woods, glad for the chance to finally hunt. The fires dimmed in my throat when I'd finished, and I ran back to my house, finding the bag of clothes that I'd dropped in the middle of the foyer when I'd been here earlier. I slipped into a fresh change of clothes, and grabbed something else to change into later.

It was a little more than forty minutes after I'd left that I slipped in through Bella's back door again. She'd been busy as well while I'd been away. The smell of her dinner still lingered in the air as well as the warm, humid air scented with her strawberry body wash. And in the living room, laid out across the couch, was a blanket and a pillow for me.

I folded myself onto the makeshift bed to wait for her. But it wasn't a moment later that Bella's footsteps tromped down the stairs. She did a double-take when she saw that I was already there waiting for her.

"Thanks," I said, patting the pillow.

"You're early," Bella said, obviously elated. She plopped down beside me with a happy sounding sigh and leaned her head on my shoulder.

I put my arms around her and sighed into her hair. "Bella. What _are_ we going to do with you?"

"I don't know," she said, sounding dejected again. "I really have been trying my hardest."

"I believe you."

There was a moment of silence as Bella debated back and forth about asking about Edward. "Does – does he…" she stuttered, taking a deep breath. "Does Edward know you're here?" she asked quickly, a pained look passing over her features as she spoke his name.

"No."

"He's not with Carlisle and Esme?" she asked, sounding surprised.

I shook my head, thinking about how long it had been since I'd actually seen him… all the long months we'd spent worrying about him. "He checks in every few months."

"Oh." I expected Bella to ask more questions about that, but she let it drop, changing the subject instead. "You said you flew here… Where did you come from?"

"I was in Denali. Visiting Tanya's family."

"Is Jasper here? Did he come with you?" she asked.

I shook my head, a knifing pain cutting into me at the reminder of the tension Jasper and I had parted under. I hated having him upset with me. I knew we'd work through it when I got back, but still. "He didn't approve of my interfering," I said, putting it mildly. "We promised…"

A sudden vision halted my words, distracting me from a conversation I didn't really want to have anyway. "And you think Charlie won't mind my being here?" I asked, slightly worried that he wouldn't appreciate company when he was grieving the loss of a close friend… much less having a Cullen in his home. His reactions were uncertain to me at the moment – most likely due to his grief-hazed mindset – so I wasn't entirely sure what to expect.

"Charlie thinks you're wonderful, Alice," Bella assured me.

"Well, we're about to find out."

The cruiser pulled into the driveway only a few seconds after I'd spoken. Bella jumped up from the couch and hurried to open the door for him. She stood in the open doorway, watching him trudge up the sidewalk. His eyes, cast to the ground, didn't even see Bella until she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. His normally stoic face contorted at the gesture of affection, and he wrapped his arms just as fiercely around her in return.

I heard Bella consoling Charlie and his gruffly emotional responses to her – I couldn't _not_ hear them – but I felt like I was intruding on a very personal family moment. It only made me feel more out of place than I did already.

"Um, Dad? You'll never guess who's here." I heard Bella say eventually.

Charlie's head swiveled around, catching a glimpse of the Mercedes I'd parked across the street. I took that as my cue to make my presence known. I was standing in the doorway of the living room by the time he turned back around.

"Hi, Charlie," I greeted him in a subdued voice, taking note of the lines of strain and grief etched around his mouth and eyes. "I'm sorry I came at such a bad time."

"Alice Cullen? Alice, is that you?" he asked as if he doubted what his eyes were telling him.

"It's me," I assured him. "I was in the neighborhood."

"Is Carlisle…?" he started to ask, but I cut him off before he finished, shaking my head.

"No, I'm alone," I told him in a quiet, reassuring voice. We all knew he wasn't really asking about Carlisle anyway.

Bella interjected then, "She can stay here, can't she? I already asked her."

"Of course," Charlie said mechanically. "We'd love to have you, Alice."

"Thank you, Charlie. I know it's horrid timing," I ducked my head, sincerely feeling bad about that.

"No, it's fine, really. I'm going to be really busy doing what I can for Harry's family; it will be nice for Bella to have some company," he said graciously, easing my worries.

"There's dinner for you on the table, Dad," Bella told him, squeezing him around the waist one more time.

"Thanks, Bell." He gave her one more squeeze in return before shuffling toward the kitchen, leaving me and Bella still standing in the front hallway.

I made my way back to the couch, and Bella followed silently. We were both still affected by such unusual emotional from Charlie. We settled back on the couch again, and this time I was the one to pull Bella's head down to my shoulder.

Hearing her sigh, I told her, "You look tired."

"Yeah. Near-death experiences do that to me," she shrugged, obviously not wanting to talk about that. "So what does Carlisle think of you being here?" she asked, changing the subject.

"He doesn't know. He and Esme were on a hunting trip. I'll hear from him in a few days when he gets back."

"You won't tell him, though… when he checks in again?" Bella asked hesitantly.

I paused for a moment, "No. He'd bite my head off," I told her, honestly thinking he might do just that. I didn't know what I was going to do now… I really didn't.

Bella laughed once, but the sound was more pained than humorous. She sighed, then, and, gradually, her breathing pattern slowed in the deep, even cadence of sleep. I sat there for long moments, listening to the sounds Charlie made in the kitchen, finishing up his dinner, and to Bella's peaceful breathing. Before he came back into the living room, I gently lifted Bella's head from its resting place on my shoulder and laid her down on the couch, tucking the blankets around her.

Looking like he was asleep on his feet, Charlie whispered a goodnight to me, telling me to make myself at home, and trudged up the stairs. When the house was quiet, its two human occupants sound asleep, I curled myself in the recliner and buried my head in my hands.

I was so confused.

I didn't know what the right thing to do now was… I didn't know how best to handle this new information that I'd learned. It was a tricky situation any way I handled it.

Edward had a right to know about what Bella had been through and the danger she was in. He thought he was doing what was best for her, but he needed to know that she was only suffering because of it – and that it actually had the potential to be fatal for her. I knew he'd be furious with me for interfering when I'd said I wouldn't, but if that led him to try to repair some of the damage we'd done, his anger towards me would be a small price to pay.

I knew Jasper would be against my involvement, though… he already was. He wasn't one to pry into others' business, and I knew he'd tell me I was meddling in things that were none of my concern. I hated that kind of discord between the two of us, but I just didn't agree with him this time… what happened with Edward and Bella affected all of us, not just the two of them, so I felt that meant it _was_ my concern in some way. He wouldn't see it that way, though.

I didn't know where to turn, or what to do.

I was confused. I was discouraged. I felt helpless. And, for the first time in a long time, I felt alone.

* * *

Poor Alice. :(

I'm going to do my best to get the next couple of chapters out fairly quickly. *fingers crossed* We're _finally_ to the part of the story that I've been itching to get to for a loooong time. Fasten your seatbelts… things are about to get bumpy. :D

As always, thanks so much for reading! Please take a second and let me know what you thought of the chapter!

Nik


	11. Chapter 11

I'm not gonna lie… I'm not super happy with the way this chapter turned out. There were a lot of questions I was trying to answer in this one – why some things that would have made sense didn't happen and so on – but I felt like there were some things that still didn't quite add up. I still felt like it all fell a little flat. That only proves even further that I'm not SM. I'm only imitating her genius, and I'd have loved the chance to ask her some of those questions! LOL

All recognizable dialogue is taken verbatim from New Moon. I'm only borrowing it, and I take no credit for it. Also, the conversation between Rosalie and Alice below is adapted from an extra scene that is found on SM's website… this also belongs solely to her. If you haven't read it, I'd encourage you to do so. It's a very interesting look inside Rosalie's head. ;)

I'm gonna hush now and let you get on with the chapter. I've got my fingers crossed that you'll all be more forgiving of me than I am of myself. I do hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Alice**

.

That night seemed incredibly long, the minutes ticking by slowly. Several times I picked up the phone to call Jasper, but every time, I changed my mind before I could connect the call. He was already upset with me and knowing that I was staying in Forks, in the Swan's house no less, under these circumstances, he was only going to be more so. He wouldn't understand that.

I felt, in a manner of speaking, it was easier to ask forgiveness after the fact than to try to justify it to him while I was here… especially over the phone. That conversation wouldn't end well, and I'd just as soon put it off for the time being.

And I wasn't going to call Carlisle before I talked to Jasper. Much as I wanted his input and advice, I didn't want to talk to my father before I talked to my husband. That would just give Jasper more reason to be ill with me.

Jasper wasn't one to lash out and argue – especially not with me. That wasn't his personality. But he didn't actually have to say anything. Just knowing he was disappointed, that he was upset with me, was more than enough.

I hated this.

I hated feeling this tension that settled like a weight in the pit of my stomach every time Jasper and I were at odds. I was grateful that it didn't happen very often, but that infrequency almost made it worse when it did happen.

I was sure if I'd been human I'd have an ulcer by now from all the worries and uncertainties and the stress that was gnawing away at my insides. I didn't like unknowns, and the future was full of them at the moment.

Charlie woke up before Bella. I heard him moving around upstairs, and, when he was on his way down the steps, I got up, folding the extra blanket that had been laid out, making it look like I'd just gotten up.

"Well, good morning," he whispered to me, keeping his voice low so he wouldn't wake Bella.

"Good morning, Charlie." I returned his greeting, laying the blanket over the back of the recliner.

"Did you sleep all right?" He asked, gesturing towards the chair. "That couldn't have been very comfortable for you."

I smiled. "It didn't bother me. I sleep about the same no matter where I am."

"That's good," he said, nodding. "You hungry? I'm going to make some breakfast before I head out."

"Thanks. That sounds good." It didn't, of course, but I had some things I wanted to ask him – some things I felt like I needed to know – and this might be my only opportunity with Bella still asleep.

"Eggs and toast all right?" he asked as I followed him into the kitchen.

"It's fine with me. I'm not a very picky eater." Actually, as he cracked the eggs in the bowl, I didn't think I'd ever seen any human food look less appealing than the runny yellow globs. Human food was nasty in any form, but that looked downright disgusting.

Instead of thinking about the repulsive-looking meal taking shape in front of me, I looked over at Charlie. He looked only marginally better this morning than he did last night. The lines of grief and strain were still obvious on his face, and my heart hurt for him. Loss in any form was hard to take. I knew this from recent experience.

"Charlie?" He turned to look at me. "Bella, umm, told me about what happened. I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry for your loss."

"Thanks, kiddo" he said with a half-smile that went nowhere near his eyes. "He was a good friend, that's for sure. I'm gonna miss him." There was a sheen of moisture in his eyes as he spoke that probably wouldn't have been visible to a human observer, but I saw it.

He poured the runny yellow mixture into the pan on the oven. The sound of the spatula scraping on the bottom of the pan was the only noise in the room for several moments as I worked up the nerve to ask what I wanted to know.

Finally, I took a deep breath and spoke. "Could I ask you something?"

"Sure thing," he answered immediately.

I bit my lip, almost afraid of the answers I was about to get. "When we left… what happened with Bella?" His eyes hardened slightly when I asked, remembering, no doubt. "How bad was it, Charlie?" I asked softly.

He sighed deeply. "Real bad."

"Tell me about it," I requested, still speaking softly. "I want to know exactly what happened when we left."

He reached into the cupboard, getting the salt and pepper, and turned the stove off, scraping the eggs onto two plates.

"I've never felt so helpless," Charlie began slowly, glancing at me. The pain in his expression told me far eloquently than his words just how bad things had been, confirming my worst fears. "I didn't know what to do. The first week – I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic,' but I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her."

He grabbed a couple of forks from the drawer and brought the plates over to the table, placing one in front of me. I was too disturbed by what he was telling me to pay much attention to the squishy texture of the human food or the slightly charred odor.

"She snapped out of it, though?"

He sat down, moving the food around with his fork for a moment. "I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one…" he grimaced, "if she had to go to a hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help. But when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury."

Everything he told me – every bit of it – was worse than I ever imagined. He told me how distant she'd been, how she'd shut everybody out. He told me about how she'd avoided anything and everything that reminded her of _him_… about how she'd just been broken inside. Between what he was actually saying and the pain on his face as he spoke of it, guilt twisted in my stomach, making me feel sick.

"I'm so sorry, Charlie," I whispered when he was silent again.

"It's not your fault," he assured me. "You were always a good friend to her."

"She seems better now, though," I said. Different though she'd looked to me, she didn't appear to be anything much like what he'd described to me in the last few minutes.

"Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I've noticed a real improvement. She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, some light in her eyes. She's happier." He paused, taking a bite.

"He's a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of him as a friend, but I think it's something more now, or headed that direction, anyway," he told me. The tone of his voice became almost belligerent as he spoke. I knew he was telling me this as a not-so-subtle warning that he hoped I'd pass along to my brother.

"Jake's old for his years," he told me in the same tone. "He's taken care of his father physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally. It matured him. He's a good-looking kid, too – takes after his mom's side. He's good for Bella, you know."

"Then it's good she has him." It almost galled me to say anything nice about the boy-turned-mutt, but I didn't want to antagonize either Charlie or Bella. And if he'd been there when she needed a friend, then maybe he wasn't entirely without any redeeming factors… maybe.

When I didn't make a fuss about Jacob's place in Bella's life, Charlie let out a big gust of air. "Okay, so I guess that's overstating things," he admitted, glancing down at his plate. "I don't know… even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in. It's not normal, Alice, and it… it frightens me. Not normal at all. Not like someone… left her, but like someone died.

"I don't know if she's ever going to get over it – I'm not sure it's in her nature to heal from something like this. She's always been such a constant little thing. She doesn't get past things, change her mind."

I almost wanted to laugh… almost. "She's one of a kind." Bella wasn't a typical human. As easily and openly as she'd embraced my family, knowing what we really were, she couldn't be. Her reactions, her thought processes were unique. And the constancy of emotions, the way Charlie had described it, sounded more like how it was for us as immortals rather than the typical growing, changing human emotions.

"And Alice…" he said, hesitating. "Now, you know how fond I am of you, and I can tell that she's happy to see you, but… I'm a little worried about what your visit will do to her."

"So am I, Charlie," I told him honestly, "so am I. I wouldn't have come if I'd had any idea. I'm sorry."

I wondered how it was going to be for her now after I left. Would she go back to that emotional devastation, having been reminded of what she'd lost? Was I going to set her right back where she'd started, erasing all the meager signs of healing that the months had brought? I could only hope not.

"Don't apologize, honey," Charlie soothed. "Who knows? Maybe it will be good for her."

"I hope you're right."

There was silence for several long moments as Charlie ate and I pretended to, tucking the food into the napkin on my lap and moving it around on my plate.

"Alice, I have to ask you something," Charlie said awkwardly. I knew exactly what that was. He'd been thinking about it ever since our conversation had ended before.

"Go ahead."

"He's not coming back to visit, too, is he?" I was sure he intended to hide the resentment and disdain from his voice as he spoke of my brother, but he didn't quite manage. I couldn't fault him for that, though. He had a right to be angry, and, truth be told, I was angry with Edward too right now.

"He doesn't even know I'm here," I promised him, keeping my voice as calm and reassuring as I could. "The last time I spoke with him, he was in South America."

"That's something, at least." He said, obviously relieved that he wasn't going to have to deal with the issues Edward's return would bring. He snorted, contempt on his face. "Well, I hope he's enjoying himself."

The memory of Edward's face as I had last seen him flashed into my mind – broken, lifeless, and absolutely hopeless. "I wouldn't make assumptions, Charlie," I said, my voice coming out sharper than I intended for it to.

Charlie stood up then, his chair scraping loudly on the floor. He went to the sink to clean his plate, scraping off the remnants into the trash. As he did, the creaking of the couch springs sounded in the other room, effectively ending our conversation.

Bella yawned loudly and groaned. "Alice?" she called in a raspy voice.

"I'm in the kitchen, Bella."

She padded into the kitchen, her face still flushed from sleep, and grabbed a glass from the cupboard, pouring herself a glass of milk. Charlie excused himself to finish getting ready. He poked his head through the door a few moments later to let us know he was gone and headed out then to help with the funeral arrangements.

Bella and I settled back on the couch after he'd gone. We spent the bulk of the day just talking, catching up. I told her a little bit about what each member of my family had been up to – everyone except for Edward. It seemed to be an unspoken agreement between the two of us not to mention him. And I carefully avoided saying anything that hinted about how miserable we'd all been. Bella, being Bella, would find some ridiculous way to feel guilty if she knew just how much this separation had split our family… and I wasn't having that. She didn't need the knowledge of that to add to her burden.

I told her about the pieces of my past that I'd been able to discover… after all, it was because of her that I'd had any clues to go on in the first place. Her eyes went wide when I mentioned what I'd learned. "My name was Mary Alice Brandon," I said, the name still sounding strange to me… like I was speaking of someone else and not myself. "I had a little sister named Cynthia. Her daughter – my niece – is still alive in Biloxi."

"Did you find out why they put you in… that place?" Bella asked hesitantly, her voice quiet.

I shook my head, still wrestling with ghosts that hadn't been completely exorcised after all these months. "I couldn't find much about them. I went through all the old newspapers on microfiche. My family wasn't mentioned often; they weren't part of the social circle that made the papers. My parents' engagement was there, and Cynthia's. My birth was announced… and my death. I found my grave. I also filched my admissions sheet from the old asylum archives. The date on the admission and the date on my tombstone are the same."

Bella squeezed my hand but said nothing. It was obvious she didn't know quite what to say to that, and I changed the subject so she wouldn't have to. We stayed with lighter topics for the rest of the day, avoiding anything that might bring us down again. I'd missed Bella terribly while we'd been gone, and I was determined to just enjoy this unexpected time with her, not sure when I'd have the chance again.

I wasn't at all certain what the future held for any of us right now, and I wasn't going to waste this time thinking about all our unknowns. We'd all have to deal with them soon enough.

It was after dark when Charlie came back, and exhaustion was painted heavily on his face. He ate quickly and then headed immediately up to bed. Bella bunked on the couch downstairs with me again. We talked well into the night until she just couldn't keep her eyes open any longer.

Unlike the night before when she'd slept peacefully, she tossed around in her sleep, her face pinching in a pained expression.

"Edward," she mumbled. "No, Edward please don't… don't go…" Her unconscious whimpers turned to quiet cries, tears leaking from the corners of her closed eyelids and trailing down her cheeks.

Unsure what exactly to do, I slipped out of the recliner and knelt beside the couch, running my fingers through her mussed hair and murmuring softly to her. It seemed to work after a few moments, and she calmed back down, sighing jaggedly once more.

I laid my head on the edge of the couch cushion, hurting for Bella and everything she'd gone through… and feeling terribly guilty, even though I knew it wasn't really my fault.

And I still didn't have the first clue what I was supposed to do when I got home. I still wasn't sure what the best course of action for everyone was… what would do the least amount of damage for all concerned. There was no easy answer to that… no one solution that would fix everything.

The rest of the night passed uneventfully. Charlie came downstairs before the sun was up, wearing an old suit that was a size too small. His jacket hung open emphasizing the tie he wore which was much too wide for current fashion.

Bella stirred when the steps creaked, but she kept her eyes closed, just as I did, pretending to still be asleep. Charlie tiptoed to the door, trying to be quiet so he wouldn't wake us. The door closed with a quiet click behind him.

Bella's eyes popped open as soon as the cruiser's engine sounded, and she looked over at me.

"So, what are we doing today?" I asked, sitting up and sliding my blanket to the side.

"I don't know – do you see anything interesting happening?" she asked, her voice still slightly raspy from sleep.

I smiled and shook my head in the negative. "But it's still early," I told her, earning a smile.

After breakfast, Bella decided to catch up on some of her chores. She cleaned up her breakfast dishes and then started on the bathroom. She declined my offer to help, so I stood leaning against the doorframe, talking to her while she worked.

I asked questions about what the others at the high school had been up to in the last seven months. Her answers alone would have made it obvious to me that she'd cut herself off from her friends even if Charlie hadn't already told me as much. She had very little information to offer, and my questions seemed to make her a little edgy. I kept my face smooth, but I knew she was aware that I wasn't entirely thrilled by the way she'd isolated herself from all of her friends.

The sound of footsteps coming up the driveway followed by the shrill pealing of the doorbell surprised me. I hadn't seen anyone coming… even when I peered into the future now trying to see who was there when Bella answered the door I could see nothing. The future was completely blank. The stench pervading the air from the open windows gave me one very good clue as to who it was outside. Anger boiled just under my skin from the idea alone.

"Hold on!" Bella shouted in the direction of the door, getting up and hurrying to rinse her arms off.

"Bella," I said, some of my frustration seeping into my tone. "I have a fairly good guess who that might be, and I think I better step out." It wouldn't do at all for me to stay in the house while the mutt was here. With the seething resentment stirring in my veins, I didn't think it worth the risk, and I didn't want to upset Bella.

"Guess?" Bella's face betrayed her surprise at my odd choice of words. I didn't _guess_ – I never had to – and the fact that it was a necessity now made me even angrier.

"If this is a repeat of my egregious lapse in foresight yesterday, then it's most likely Jacob Black or one of his… friends."

"You can't _see_ werewolves?" she asked incredulously.

"So it would seem," I bit off. The doorbell rang again– buzzing twice, quickly and impatiently. So rude. Apparently manners were in short supply in the kennels these days.

"You don't have to go anywhere, Alice. You were here first." Bella's statement distracted me from my fuming thoughts.

I laughed at the sentiment that was so like Bella. She really didn't have any idea. "Trust me – it wouldn't be a good idea to have me and Jacob Black in a room together," I told her.

With a quick kiss to her cheek, I slipped out, leaping to the ground from Charlie's bedroom window just as the doorbell rang again. Still seething, I had to make myself resist the urge to go back and teach the damn mutt a few much-needed lessons in patience. I huffed my way though the forest, kicking rocks out of my path, just killing time until the dog left again.

It had been so long since I'd had a vision, between the canine interference here in Forks and pushing aside the ones of my family, that I was a little taken aback by the ones that filtered in now. They didn't make sense at first – just little flickers that weren't very clear – but they quickly took shape… becoming more nightmare than vision.

Edward on the phone. Edward's face paling – the life draining away until it was like looking directly into a tomb. Edward running through the street. Edward on a plane.

They whirled through my mind in a hurried stream until it paused on a scene that stole my breath and made my stomach drop to my feet.

Edward standing in front of three figures that I'd never actually seen before and yet recognized instantly. They were the three men from the painting that hung in Carlisle's office… they were the Volturi… and Edward was asking them to kill him… to end his life.

That was where the vision abruptly ended. With trembling hands, I snatched up my phone and dialed his number quickly. It rang and rang, but no one answered. When it sent me into voicemail, I hung up and dialed again. Four times I did this until a man's voice finally answered. But it wasn't Edward.

Quickly I asked the man on the other end of the phone where he was and where he'd found the phone. Answering in Portuguese, he told me that he was in Rio de Janeiro, and he'd heard the ringing of the phone in a garbage can on the side of the road. Feeling more frantic by the moment, I described Edward and asked if he'd seen anyone that fit that description in the last few minutes. He answered in the negative, which I should have known to begin with, but I'd dared to hope. I hung up abruptly, my mind racing as I tried to determine what I needed to do.

I had to stop Edward before he could get to Italy – before he could get himself killed – but that was the only thing I knew. And even now, I realized that there was a very good chance that I would be too late. I couldn't do nothing though.

But even if I showed up in Italy, by some miracle making it to Edward in time, I knew he'd hear me coming. He wouldn't let me get close enough to reason with him – to tell him that Bella was alive… that he didn't have to do this – before he'd do something stupid. I couldn't stop him alone. I needed help… I needed Bella's help. But would she be willing to do that after everything that had happened?

I raced back to her house, flinging the front door open, all but oblivious to the stench of dog that permeated the entire house. I stopped at the foot of the stairs, trembling as another vision of Edward flickered in front of my eyes – his head downcast, the same lifelessness in his eyes as he pleaded with the robed figures for death.

"Bella," I choked when the vision released me from its grip, though the panic still gripped my heart in a vise.

There was a flurry of motion as Bella and Jacob realized my presence which ended with Jacob spinning around abruptly and inadvertently knocking Bella off her feet. "Shoot. Ow!" she yelped, scrambling back to a standing position. I saw it happening, but it barely registered in my mind. All I could see was my brother's life coming to an end right before my eyes.

"Alice, what's wrong?" Bella cried, her eyes wide in question. I heard her voice, but it was as if through a fog. When I didn't answer immediately, she put her hands on either side of my face, and, somewhere in my mind, I knew she was trying to help calm me down, but I was past the point of caring.

My eyes focused once again, looking at Bella's worried expression. "Edward," I said simply. My mind was too frantic to think of anything else at the moment.

Immediately, Bella's face went pale as bone, and she crumpled to the ground. Jacob scooped her limp frame into his arms before she could hit the floor. Hissing a stream of profanities, he carried her to the couch and laid her down.

"What did you do to her?" he demanded, hovering over her trembling body as if to protect her.

Not bothering to respond to his question, I turned to Bella. "Bella? Bella, snap out of it. We have to hurry."

"Stay back," Jacob warned, his lips pulling back in a snarl as his body vibrated with anger.

"Calm down, Jacob Black," I ordered, finally forced to acknowledge his presence. "You don't want to do that so close to her." I had enough to worry about without having to fear an unstable werewolf phasing that close to Bella.

"I don't think I'll have any problem keeping my focus," he retorted, but his voice was a bit cooler. He couldn't deny that it was a legitimate concern.

"Alice?" Bella's voice was a weak whisper. "What happened?"

"I don't know," I wailed, my panic rising with every passing moment. "What is he thinking?"

My mind felt like it was whirling, spinning inside my head. I felt sick at the thought of what Edward was planning… I _had_ to try to stop him. I _had_ to try to intervene.

I hadn't seen any catalyst to Edward's decision, but I knew there had to have been one. I was positive that there had to be something I was missing – some reason why Edward wanted to die so suddenly.

Frantically pulling my cell phone from the bag slung over my shoulder, I dialed the house in Denali, needing to speak to someone… to talk to Carlisle to get some sense of direction. But I was running out of time. I could feel the minutes ticking by… each one bringing the death of my brother just a little bit closer.

To my surprise, it was Rosalie who answered the phone before the first ring had finished. "Yes?" she said shortly.

"Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle _now_."

"He's still hunting with Esme. What – "

"Fine, as soon as he's back," I cut her off, not giving her time to ask.

"Do you want me to have him call you back?" Her voice was hesitant now, finally registering that something was wrong.

"No, I'll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edward?"

"I just spoke to him a few minutes ago, actually," she admitted, sounding reluctant. I heard her take a deep breath, and then she spoke quickly, her voice defensive. "Jasper and Carlisle weren't going to tell him about Bella, so I did. I knew he wouldn't appreciate being lied to, so I called him. I called him until he answered his phone."

"Why?" I gasped, trembling, appalled and horrified at what she'd done. "Why would you do that, Rosalie?"

"Because the sooner he gets over it, the sooner things can go back to normal. It wouldn't have been easier with time, so why put it off? Time isn't going to change anything. Bella is dead. Edward will grieve, and then he'll get over it. Better he begins now than later."

My whole body shook with anger at Rosalie's callous words, and I struggled to keep my voice even. "Well, you're wrong on both counts, though, Rosalie, so that would be a problem, don't you think?" My voice dripped with venom despite my best efforts to stay calm.

There was a long pause as Rosalie processed the meaning of what I'd said. "You mean… Bella's… alive?" her voice was barely more than a horrified whisper.

"Yes, that's right." I said shortly. "She's absolutely fine."

"Fine? You saw her jump off a cliff!"

"I was wrong."

"How?" Rosalie questioned, her voice almost a howl.

"It's a long story." And one I didn't have time to get into now.

"Well, you've made quite a mess," Rosalie growled now, channeling her shock and embarrassment into anger. "Edward is going to be furious when he comes home."

"But you're wrong about that part, too," I told her coldly, "that's why I'm calling."

"Wrong about what?" Edward coming home? Of course he will." She laughed, the sound clearly mocking. "What? You think he's going to pull a Romeo? Like some stupid, romantic – "

"Yes," I cut her off, my voice little more than a hiss, "that's exactly what I saw."

There was a shocked pause on the other end of the phone. "No," she whisper-moaned after a moment. "He's not that stupid. He – he must realize that – " I could hear her breathing becoming more labored, her voice rising in pitch. "I – I didn't mean it like _that_, Alice. I just wanted him to come home!"

"It's a bit late for that, Rose," I snarled, in no mood to listen to her try to explain something so indefensible. "Save your remorse for someone who believes it." With that, I snapped the phone shut and turned back to Bella who was sitting and staring at me with an indescribable expression on her face.

"Alice," she blurted quickly before I could speak. "Alice, Carlisle is back, though. He called just before…"

My stomach sank further, a feat which I would have though impossible a moment ago. I knew something wasn't right. I hadn't seen him making that call, and Rosalie said he was still gone. Bella's voice trailed off at my expression. "How long ago?" I asked in a voice that sounded hollow to my own ears.

"Half a minute before you showed up."

"What did he say?"

"I didn't talk to him." Bella's eyes flickered towards Jacob.

I glared at him, causing him to flinch, but held his place with Bella, sitting awkwardly as if he was trying to shield her. "He asked for Charlie, and I told him Charlie wasn't here," he snapped at me, his voice clearly resentful.

"Is that everything?" I asked icily, having the distinct feeling that there was more than he was telling me.

"Then he hung up on me," Jacob spit back, glaring at me in return.

"You told him Charlie was at the funeral." Bell interjected.

Her statement hit me like a physical blow, leaving me feeling like the air had been knocked from my lungs. I jerked my head back towards Bella. "What were his exact words?"

"He said, 'He's not here,' and when Carlisle asked where Charlie was, Jacob said, 'At the funeral.'"

Icy coldness like I'd never felt before swept over my entire body, weighting my limbs. My stomach churned, and I knew if I could vomit, I'd do so now, so great was my horror. As it was, a moan that was wrenched from deep within passed my lips, and my legs gave out beneath me. I collapsed to the floor, feeling the crushing weight of loss and defeat.

"Tell me, Alice," Bella whispered, horrified and afraid at my reaction.

It took every ounce of strength that I possessed to open my mouth and speak. "That wasn't Carlisle on the phone."

"Are you calling me a liar?" Jacob snarled.

I ignored him, focusing on Bella's bewildered face. "It was Edward," the words came out a choked whisper. "He thinks you're dead."

Understanding dawned on her face. "Rosalie told him I killed myself, didn't she?" she sighed then, her body visibly relaxing.

"Yes. In her defense, she did believe it. They rely on my sight far too much for something that works so imperfectly. But for her to track him down to tell him this! Didn't she realize… or care…?" My voice trailed away as I once again tried to fathom why or how she'd been able to do such a thoughtless thing.

"And then when Edward called here, he thought Jacob meant _my_ funeral," Bella said in a strangely steady voice.

I was confused by her reaction. I'd expected anything but this calm, cool reaction to this news. "You're not upset," I whispered.

I looked back and forth between her and Jacob, wondering if I'd misjudged the nature of their relationship. She was clinging to his arm, and he was still leaning over her, his posture protective. Had I been wrong about her lingering feelings for Edward? Had she really moved on as he intended for her to do?

"Well, it's really rotten timing, but it will all get straightened out. The next time he calls, someone will tell him… what… really…" Her voice trailed off as my face twisted with both pity and horror. No, I hadn't misjudged anything… but Bella obviously had. She didn't yet understand the full extent of what this meant.

I watched the fear spread over her face as she took in my expression. "Bella," I whispered. "Edward won't call again. He believed her."

"I. Don't. Understand." She mouthed, her voice unable to quite form the words.

"He's going to Italy." I told her simply, trying to decide how best to break it to her what he intended for her to do there.

It was deathly silent in the room for the space of a single heartbeat as I searched for words… but I didn't have to say anything.

"NO!" The half-shrieked denial was so loud after the silence that I jumped, noticing out of the corner of my eye that Jacob did too. "No! No, no, no! He can't! He can't do that!" Bella yelled, frenzied now.

"He made up his mind as soon as your friend confirmed that it was too late to save you." I told her.

"But he… he _left_! He didn't want me anymore! What difference does it make now? He knew I would die sometime!"

Her words twisted my heart. If only she knew how untrue that really was. With her human heart and emotions, Bella could never be able to understand just how deeply rooted and powerful our love for our mates ran as immortals. It was too much for her finite mind to comprehend.

"I don't think he ever planned to outlive you by long." I told her quietly.

"How dare he!" Bella screamed, irate, jumping to her feet. Jacob rose uncertainly, trying to put himself between the two of us.

But Bella wasn't having it. "Oh, get out of the way, Jacob!" she elbowed him in the ribs impatiently, pushing him out of the way. "What do we do?" she turned to me with pleading in her eyes. "Can we call him? Can Carlisle?"

I shook my head. "That was the first thing I tried. He left his phone in a trash can in Rio – someone answered it…"

"You said before we had to hurry. Hurry how? Let's do it, whatever it is!"

"Bella, I – I don't think I can ask you to…" I trailed off in indecision. I knew Bella was the only one who really had a chance to stop Edward, but the danger she'd be putting herself in…

"Ask me!" she demanded, her eyes wild with panicked haste.

I put my hands on Bella's shoulders, holding her in place and steadying her trembling form. I saw Jacob tense as he watched, but I paid him no mind. "We may already be too late. I saw him going to the Volturi… and asking to die." Both of us cringed as I fought to say those words aloud, but Bella's were the only eyes who could actually fill with tears – and they did, immediately. "It all depends on what they choose. I can't see that till they make a decision.

"But, if they say no, and they might – Aro is fond of Carlisle, and wouldn't want to offend him – Edward has a backup plan. They're very protective of their city. If Edward does something to upset the peace, he thinks they'll act to stop him. And he's right. They will.

"So, if they agree to grant his favor, we're too late. If they say no, and he comes up with a plan to offend them quickly enough, we're too late. If he gives into his more theatrical tendencies… we might have time."

"Let's go!" Bella tried to shrug away from my hands, barely able to hold her body still.

"Listen, Bella!" I urged her, needing her to understand exactly what kind of danger she was walking into. "Whether we are in time or not, we will be in the heart of the Volturi city. I will be considered his accomplice if he is successful. You will be a human who not only knows too much, but also smells too good. There's a very good chance that they will eliminate us all – though in your case it won't be punishment so much as dinnertime."

"This is what's keeping us here?" she questioned incredulously. "I'll go alone if you're afraid."

"I'm only afraid of getting you killed."

Bella snorted. "I almost get myself killed on a daily basis! Tell me what we need to do!"

Sensing that she wouldn't be swayed – and, deep inside, grateful for that – I told her, "You write a note to Charlie. I'll call the airlines."

"Charlie," Bella gasped, her eyes widening with fear of another kind.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to Charlie." Jacob said in a low, rough voice. "Screw the treaty,"

Bella's face transformed from fear to gratefulness in an instant, but we didn't have time to waste. "Hurry, Bella," I urged.

I flitted through the house, gathering everything I'd brought with me, and finished just as Bella was laying the note to her father where he would see it.

"Get your wallet – you'll need ID," I told her hurriedly, ready to be on the move. "_Please_ tell me you have a passport. I don't have time to forge one." She nodded quickly, much to my relief, and raced up the stairs.

I started towards the door, but Jacob was there, his arm blocking my exit. I glared up at him, not at all surprised to see the venom and hatred seething in his eyes.

Anger burned through my veins. Antagonism, swift and fierce, itched along my skin. My reaction to him was just as irrational as his was to me, but there was little I could do about it – I was face to face with my natural enemy, and my instincts screamed to destroy him.

"Get your arm out of my way," I snarled, "before I do it for you."

He moved his arm, backing away though his glare didn't relent. "Who the hell do you think you are, leech? Coming back after all these months just to put her in danger again?"

"I'm not coercing her into anything. You heard her. And I'd like to hear you try to get anywhere talking her out of it."

"If you and your _family_," he spat the word hatefully, "cared anything about her the way you say you do, you'd leave now and stay out of her life for good this time… _before_ you have the chance to hurt her again."

"That's not my decision to make," I spat back.

"The hell it isn't! You might control yourself on occasion, but these leeches you're taking her to – " he hissed in a furiously accusing voice.

"Yes. You're right, dog." I matched his snarl. "The Volturi are the very essence of our kind – they're the reason your hair stands on end when you smell me. They are the substance of your nightmares, the dread behind your instincts. I'm not unaware of that."

"And yet you take her to them like a bottle of wine for a party!" He shouted, his eyes narrowing to slits, his whole body shaking with anger.

"You think she'd be better off if I left her here alone, with Victoria stalking her?"

He bristled, "We can handle the redhead."

"Then why is she still hunting?" I hissed through clenched teeth, balling my hands into fists as aggression, irrational and intense, surged through my body.

Jacob growled low in his chest, and a shudder ripped through his torso.

"Stop that!" Bella shouted, hurrying down the steps and into the front of the house with her backpack slung over her shoulder. "Argue when we get back, let's go!"

I needed no further prompting. Turning my back on the dog, I fled out the door to the car, hastily cranking the engine to life. Back at the house, I could hear Jacob begging Bella to stay. She shook her head and threw her arms around his waist, hugging him. I revved the engine impatiently, feeling the minutes slipping away frighteningly fast.

Bella released him then and spun around, racing for the car. I had the passenger door open and waiting when she got there. Quickly throwing her backpack over the headrest, she slammed the door behind her.

"Take care of Charlie!" She shouted out the open window as she buckled her seatbelt, but Jacob was nowhere in sight.

The moment the buckle snapped into place, I stomped on the gas, the tires screeching like the screams I was trying so hard to hold inside. I spun the car around to face the road and sped down the street as quickly as it could go.

I was engaged in a furious race with time now, but the future was much too dim to know yet which of us would win.

* * *

I'll be over here holding my breath to hear your comments on this one! And, just so you know, that little confrontation with Jake was super hard to write! LOL I haven't had any experience before trying to get inside his head, so that was quite interesting. ;)

OK, please, please take a second and let me know what you thought. Thanks so much for reading!

Nik


	12. Chapter 12

I just want to take a second and thank all of you who are reading and reviewing. I'm very, very lucky to have such wonderful, encouraging people supporting me. And I do appreciate you all. :)

Thanks so much for your responses to that last chapter. I'm very glad that you're all more forgiving of me than I am of myself! (Perfectionist that I am! LOL) Enjoy the chapter… and please see my note below!

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**Jasper**

.

The two days following the news of Bella's death seemed to stretch on interminably. If we had tried to imagine a worst case scenario, this would have been it. There was no recovering from this – no way to ever return our family to the state it had been in before.

Bella was dead. And that was going to kill Edward.

We'd all gone our separate ways after speaking with Carlisle and Esme. Emmett and I had gone to our respective rooms, just needing some time to think and grieve. And Rosalie had disappeared to God only knew where. I hadn't heard her back in the house since we'd gotten off the phone. The Denali coven had graciously given us space, expressing their condolences and letting us know they were there should we need anything.

But what I needed right now was something no one else could provide… I needed Alice.

I missed her dreadfully. Anytime we were apart I felt hollow, like she had actually physically taken my heart with her. I was listless and miserable now without her. I realized after she'd gone that I hadn't even had the chance to tell her goodbye… I hadn't been able to hug her or kiss her before she left. We'd argued and then she'd gone… just that quickly. That bothered me now. I still didn't agree with her – I still thought she'd acted hastily – but I regretted the way we'd parted.

I'd picked up the phone several times to call her. I'd had my finger on her number in my speed dial, but I'd changed my mind every time. She'd call me if she wanted to talk, and I thought it best for the moment to give her the space she needed to grieve for the loss of her best friend, someone she'd loved as a sister.

I knew Emmett was in the next room, but, uncharacteristically, not a sound penetrated the walls from his room to mine. The only way I knew he was still there was the steady waves of his grief that washed over me, adding to my own.

And Rosalie. Yes, there had been some flickering of sadness and remorse when she'd learned of Bella's death, but I had expected better of her than that. Their differences aside, Bella was still essentially a member of our family, and it bothered me that Rosalie couldn't find it in herself to even grieve for her death. I wondered if she'd truly considered how far-reaching the effects of that would be for all of us. Given the way her mind worked, I doubted it.

I had learned to accept Rosalie for who she was a long time ago. Well aware of my own faults and the gracious way each member of my family loved me in spite of them, I had tried to look past her flaws and love her for who she was regardless. She was my sister, and I loved her as such, but just now I was truly disappointed in her.

Shortly after sunrise on Saturday, I had heard Emmett open his window and leap to the ground below. I tried to read for a while after he left, attempting to keep my mind occupied, but it hadn't helped in the least. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't block out the thoughts of how this was going to tear our family further into shreds in the coming days.

And if that weren't bad enough, I couldn't stop the memories of our one almost perfect summer before everything had fallen apart. I could recall so vividly how happy everyone had been, how it had thrilled us all to see the changes in Edward – how completely different he'd appeared.

During that summer, I had lost track of the times I had seen Alice and Bella sitting with their heads together, just talking and giggling. The friendship between the two girls had strengthened with every day that passed. I had been pleased to see Alice so happy, so, consequently, I couldn't see Bella's human presence in my home as the intrusion I'd once thought it would be. I had even been fool enough to think after a while that I was growing somewhat desensitized to her scent after all the time she had spent with us.

I'd been shown in a devastating way just how terribly wrong I had been about that.

Edward and Bella's love had visibly blossomed throughout that summer. The strength of his feelings for her had astounded me at first. Despite the fact that I could feel it firsthand, I hadn't been able to understand how he could feel so deeply for a human. And it had actually seemed unwise to me – the odds against them were stacked much too high. Yet, it had seemed for a while that they were going to be able to beat those odds.

The emotional climate in our home had been one of the most pleasant environments I'd experienced before. Edward had walked around with the glow of a man madly in love all summer long. It was difficult to get him to talk about anything other than Bella. She had become the center of his universe, and it was quite apparent that she felt the same way about him. And we'd all rejoiced in his newfound bliss. He'd been alone for so long.

Between the completion she brought to my brother and the companionship she gave to my Alice, it had been impossible for me to resent Bella's place with us. I had stayed in the background of course, it was too dangerous for me to do otherwise, but I thrilled in the perpetual happiness that had filled our home that summer.

And yet in one thoughtless, unguarded moment, I'd been the one to rip all of that away. I'd been the one to destroy every ounce of happiness that we'd had. If I'd had better control of myself none of this would have ever happened.

The memory of Bella's face when I'd lost control flickered in front of my eyes in perfect, haunting detail. I could see the shock and the fear in her eyes… and I'd been the sole cause of that.

_I_ had been the reason Edward had decided to leave Bella, despite his every denial of that fact. And Bella had killed herself because she couldn't or wouldn't live without him. If it hadn't been for me, Edward would never have left Forks, and Bella would still be alive.

Edward had stopped me before I could hurt her that day, but, in the end, it hadn't mattered. _I_ had killed Bella… and, by default when he found out, I would have killed Edward as well.

This was my fault. All of it.

With that realization screaming in my ears, I felt like the walls were closing in around me. I almost felt like I couldn't breathe.

I had to get out. Now.

I jumped up from my seat in the floor and went to find Emmett. I didn't want to be alone right now. I needed some sort of distraction before I went insane from the guilt.

I found Emmett perched on a boulder a few miles from the house, staring with unfocused eyes into the distance. His shoulders were slumped, his whole posture dejected.

I shuffled forward, hands in my pockets. "Mind if I join you?" I asked quietly.

He shrugged wordlessly and scooted over to make room for me beside him. I sat and placed my hand on his stooped shoulder, feeling at a loss. Dealing with my own guilt and sorrow was one thing, but it was just so wrong to see big, brawny, fun-loving Emmett this way.

"Are you okay?" I asked after several long moments.

He shook his head, his grief spilling over. His eyes were glassy as he looked at me, as if there should be tears welling there. "I keep seeing her jump, Jazz. And it's killing me." He shook his head as if trying to shake away the thought. "She was so little – so helpless – what was she thinking?"

"I don't know. I wish I did."

He looked away, his hands clenching into fists. "Do you – do you think she suffered very much?" he whispered, his voice choked.

"I don't know that either. I hope not." But Alice had said she heard her scream. Had that scream been one of fear or pain? It had been so long since I'd needed oxygen to survive, I didn't know if it would be a painful way to die.

"We're going to lose him, aren't we?" Emmett asked, his defeated voice breaking through my thoughts.

"Who?" I asked, even though I already knew what he meant.

"Edward. That's why you didn't want to tell him yet, isn't it? You're afraid of what he'll do when he finds out."

"Yes." I said simply.

Emmett finally turned to face me again. "This is going to kill him." It wasn't a question, it was a statement of terrible fact.

"I know." I turned to meet my brother's gaze, not bothering to hide the grief in my own eyes.

"Do you think we'll be able to stop him?"

"We're going to have to try..." I shrugged letting my words trail off.

"But you don't think we'll be able to." Once again, it wasn't a question.

"Emmett, if you lost Rosalie would any power in the world be able to stop you from ending your own life if you knew you had to live without her?"

Emmett shuddered in horror at the image my words evoked. His eyes clenched tightly shut and he shook his head. "No."

"No," I repeated. "I don't think we'll be able to stop him, but we have to try anyway."

"This is sick." Emmett ran his hands through his hair in disgust. "Jasper, how the hell did things get so screwed up?"

I hung my head. "I think we all know just how things came to be this way and who is responsible for it. None of this would have happened if I hadn't – "

"No," Emmett cut me off. "Don't even start that, Jasper. None of this is your fault."

"But if I hadn't –"

"Hey, listen to me," he interrupted again, his voice adamant. "You aren't the one who made the decision to leave. In fact, you tried your best to get Edward to change his mind. What happened at the party was an accident, and it wasn't your fault. I know it feels like it, but it wasn't. It could have been any one of us, and we all know that. Nobody blames you for it. You can't keep thinking like that, Jazz. You have to know better."

"Some part of me knows that, but I still can't help the guilt. There are so many 'what-ifs' running through my head. _What if_ I'd been stronger. _What if_ I'd had the resistance to ignore her blood, or even just to leave the room like everyone else. If I had, would Edward still have left?

"What if we'd stayed, Em. Edward wouldn't be running all over the place, trying to run away from his pain. Esme's heart wouldn't be broken. Carlisle wouldn't be grieving for his first son. _And Bella would still be alive._

"You tell me, Emmett, how that doesn't all fall back on me. I'm responsible for all of it. And there's no way out of this mess now. It's over. Bella's gone, and any hope of our family being whole again is gone with her. We can't win any way we turn now."

"That still doesn't make it your fault. You can't keep blaming yourself, Jasper. You're only going to make yourself more miserable than you already are – "

Just then, a heart-stopping cry split the air, echoing through the woods. It came from the direction of the house.

"Emmett! Emmett, _help_!"

Rosalie.

Before the last cry had left her mouth, Emmett and I leapt from our seats. He was two steps ahead of me as we raced through the trees towards the place where her scream had sounded. He was frantic, afraid for her. I was too. Hearing such a sound from Rosalie who was always so unshakable was startling. I couldn't imagine what it was that could have possibly prompted such fright from her.

She was running towards us with a look of panic on her face. And for the first time in a very long time, I felt very genuine fear emanating from her.

She ran to Emmett and grabbed him by the arms. "Emmett, you've got to help me!" she cried, clinging to him.

"Rose, what's wrong, babe?" His worried eyes searched over her quickly, making sure she was unharmed. Like me, his first thought was that she was in physical danger. Satisfied that she was all right, he scanned the surrounding area, looking for the threat that had the usually imperturbable Rosalie so afraid.

My senses were on heightened alert, preparing for anything. I didn't hear or see or even smell anything out of the ordinary, though. There was nothing that I could sense in the immediate vicinity that would give her such cause for alarm.

"Are you all right?" he asked, putting his hands on either side of her face.

She bit her lip and shook her head miserably. "No. I… I did something… something terrible." She wouldn't look either of us in the eye.

A nagging sense of dread weighted my stomach. "Rosalie, what's going on?" I asked, still not sensing any immediate threat. If she wasn't being attacked, then I couldn't imagine what would cause this kind of reaction from her… and, quite frankly, this uncharacteristic emotion was worrying me. "What did you do?"

Her eyes lifted to dart back and forth between us, then dropped back to the ground. Her lips moved soundlessly as she struggled for words.

"Rose?" Emmett asked again, his face a mask of confusion.

"I – called Edward." Her voice, when it came, was almost a soundless whisper, but the weight of her confession nearly sent me to me knees.

My mouth fell open, and I struggled to believe what I'd just heard. "You did what?" I hissed.

Beside me, Emmett was stunned. He dropped his hands from her face and took a staggering step back. "Oh, Rose, you didn't."

Rosalie hung her head, her shame almost palpable as it poured from her.

"_Why_? Why would you do that, Rose?" Emmett's voice was absolutely horrified.

"I thought he deserved to know." She glanced back and forth between us. "It's not like we could have kept it from him. Eventually he would have found out, and he would have been furious with us for keeping something like that a secret."

Of all the twisted, convoluted logic I'd ever heard… "So you thought it was _kinder_ to call him and tell him on the _phone_?" I roared at her, my shock rapidly transforming to anger. "Don't even try to kid yourself, Rosalie – you damn well aren't fooling me. You weren't thinking about anyone other than yourself!"

"That's not true!" she shouted back. "I miss him too. I want him to come home as much as you do. Is that so impossible to believe? He's my brother too, you know!"

"Well, you sure as shit have a strange way of showing your love, Rosalie," I snapped. "What did you think he was going to do? Come home and thank you for being the one to give him the news that will ruin his life?"

"I knew he would grieve for Bella. I'm not stupid, I knew he loved her. But I thought he'd get over it and come home."

She paused, shaking her head. "I didn't think – he doesn't want her _changed_, Jasper," her eyes flitted back and forth between me and Emmett who stood silent and stunned by our exchange. "He doesn't _want_ her to be immortal. So I thought if he knew that she was dead, he'd grieve for her, but then he'd move on. He knew she was going to die someday. And he _needs_ to come home. I'm tired of living like this!" Rosalie's voice had risen to a high-pitched wail.

"I'm tired of Esme always grieving and Carlisle working all the time, always second guessing himself now." She gestured to Emmett, "I'm tired of you moping all the time. Emmett, I've watched your joy drain away with every day we've spent home, and I can't take this anymore. Nothing is the same now. I just wanted everything to go back to how it was. I want our family to be the way we were before."

I scrubbed my hand over the back of my neck, fighting to keep my temper in check. "Well, it looks like it's up to me to be your reality check, Rosalie." My voice was cold, frozen as the snow around us. "Edward is not going to come home." I emphasized each word slowly, stepping closer as I did so until I was hissing the last word in her face.

She hung her head again. "That's what Alice said."

Her words felt like ice water injected into my veins. I felt sick. "You talked to Alice? When?"

"Just now." She wouldn't look at me, gnawing on her lip again.

"What did she say?" I demanded, my hands clenching into fists at my sides.

She flinched, whispering. "She saw him. He's… he's going to… kill himself," she stuttered.

"What else did she say? What is he going to do?" Fear and fury fought for prominence in my emotions, as I waited for her response.

"She didn't say. Just for us not to call back… that she'd be on a plane."

I stumbled back a step as if she'd struck me, all the pieces falling sickeningly into place.

A plane flight.

Italy.

"The Volturi." Just two words… but with those two words a sense of foreboding doom fell over us. There was no question about it...

Edward was going to die. And we would be too late.

"Rose..." Emmett groaned, pressing the heels of his hands into his temples. "How could you?"

She wrapped her arms around her chest like she was trying to fold up into herself. "That's not all." Rosalie's eyes fell to the ground again, her shame doubled. "Bella's not dead."

My head whipped back around to her. This time I knew I couldn't have heard correctly. "What… what did you just say?"

"Alice was wrong. Bella's fine."

I clenched my eyes tightly shut as I processed this information. Bella was alive. She was unharmed. And Edward believed her dead. He was on his way to kill himself right now. We didn't know where he had been or where he was starting from. There was no way we could get to him before he got to the Volturi. And he was doing it for nothing. His Bella was alive.

Helpless rage built inside until I thought I was going to explode. I trembled, my vision coloring to a red haze. I whirled around and yanked a tree behind me right out of the ground, hurling it through the forest so that it shattered three other trees in its path to splinters. My rage still not exorcised, I spun around to slam my fist into a boulder in front of me, crushing it into gravel sized pebbles.

I whirled back to Rosalie with a seething glare. "Of all the heartless, selfish, inconsiderate things you've ever done…" I yelled in her face, nearly incoherent with this crazed fury. "I never would have _dreamed_ that even you could stoop so low as to do something this despicable. I hope you can live with yourself for the rest of your life knowing that you were the one who killed your brother."

Rosalie's eyes glassed over, almost as if she wanted to cry. Her lips moved as if to speak but no words came out. To my surprise, she didn't try to fight back. She just stood there, head hung, letting me rip into her, not saying a word.

Emmett, however, was a different story. I had felt his shock and a certain measure of anger from him at what Rosalie had done, but seeing my frenzied rage directed at his wife was too much for him.

"Hey!" Emmett snarled, shoving hard at my shoulders and pushing me backwards, away from Rosalie. He stepped in front of her, blocking her from my view. "Stop it now! You're not helping anything. Let's worry about who's fault it is later, but, for now, let's figure out what we're going to do."

I clenched my eyes shut, fighting down the rage enough to speak without yelling. "Emmett, what you're going to do right now is get your _wife_," I spat the word, "out of my sight before I do something that I _might_ regret later."

Wisely, he said nothing, nodding once and taking Rosalie by the arm. Turning her around, he lead her back to the house… safely away from me.

When they were gone, I took several deep, steadying breaths, trying to regain control of my emotions.

I was scared. No – I was terrified. And I was helpless. My brother was going to die… and there was nothing I could do to stop him.

The only thing I knew for sure was that I needed to talk to Alice. Regardless of what Rosalie had said about Alice being on a plane, I snatched my phone from my pocket, nearly ripping the fabric in my haste.

For the first time in days, I dialed Alice's number. It sent me directly into voicemail. I tried again. And again. I knew that it was useless and that I was being irrational – Alice would answer her phone if she was able, and, if it was off, it was for a reason – but I didn't care. I felt desperate to speak to her.

Finally, I gave up, slumping to the ground and laying my head on my knees. I worked to calm myself down, to regain control, but it wasn't easy. After I felt that I had regained at least enough sanity not to do anything stupid, I picked myself up and went back to the house.

It was quiet in the house when I walked in. Kate seemed to be the only one there. She was standing in the front room gazing out the window, a hand over her mouth. Her expression and posture clearly conveyed her concern.

She looked up as I walked in the room. "Oh, Jasper, I'm so sorry. Emmett and Rosalie told me about Edward." She spoke quietly, her voice thick with emotion.

I nodded, not certain what to say.

She sighed softly, "I can sympathize all too well with how it feels to lose someone you love." Shadows flickered through Kate's eyes. I knew she was remembering her mother's tragic death… also at the hands of the Volturi.

She knew firsthand the kind of pain that had ripped our family apart.

Waves of grief crashed over me anew as I had to realize that it was a very real possibility that I'd seen my brother for the last time. "Thank you, Kate."

She looked over to me in sympathy. "I do hope Emmett and Rosalie can stop him before it's too late." She sighed and shook her head slowly back and forth. "This is terrible. So very terrible."

"Wait," I stammered, shocked. "What did you say?"

Kate cocked her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Did you say Emmett and Rosalie..." My words trailed off as I realized what she meant.

"They left just a moment ago. Emmett was quite adamant that they weren't going to sit and wait. He wanted to try to stop him."

I couldn't believe I hadn't see this coming. How blind could one man be? Of course they were going to try to stop him!

I swore under my breath and dashed up the stairs, grabbing my wallet and passport before flying back down. Kate looked a little surprised by either my reaction or my abrupt departure, but I didn't quite care at the moment. And I was sure she could figure out on her own where I was going.

I flew through the forest as I strived to catch up with Emmett and Rosalie. I had to catch them before they got to the airport. There was no way I was going to let them go without me.

My phone vibrating in my pocket stopped me abruptly. I had it clutched to my ear the second it sounded.

"Alice!" I cried, knowing exactly who it was. "Where are you?"

Her voice, too calm, too even, sounded in my ear as soon as I asked the question. "I'm on a plane right now. Bella and I are on our way to Italy."

"Bella's going with you? Is she all right?"

"Yes. Other than freaking out about Edward she's completely fine. I was wrong, Jazz." I could hear the consternation in her voice. Being wrong was not something Alice was used to.

Innumerable questions swirled through my mind at the moment. There was so much more that I wanted to know, but it would all have to wait. The most pressing thing at the moment was Edward.

"What's he going to do, Alice? What are you seeing?"

"I can't be entirely sure. I keep seeing him do different things – he keeps changing his mind. He's thought about a killing spree through the city, attacking the guard, lifting a car over his head in the main square... mostly things that would expose them – he knows that's the fastest way to force a reaction."

"Listen, darlin, I'm heading to the airport now. I'm going to meet you in Volterra."

"No, you can't, Jasper..."

"I'm already on my way there. Emmett and Rosalie are just ahead of me. We're all coming. You know Emmett's not going to sit on his hands and wait, he's going to do something."

"Tell Emmett no."

"It's too late. They're already on their way."

"Well, go after Emmett and Rosalie and bring them back."

I shook my head even though she couldn't see it. "Alice, there is no way I'm letting you walk into this by yourself. We're coming. End of discussion." I spoke firmly.

She sighed into the phone. "Think about it, Jasper," Alice pleaded with me. "If he sees any of us, what do you think he will do?"

She had a very valid point – I knew she did – but I absolutely hated it. We both knew exactly what would happen if we were all to try to stop him. "He'll know that we're there, and he'll act that much faster." My voice sounded defeated to my own ears as I answered.

"Exactly," Alice said, her tone almost an echo of mine. "I think Bella is the only chance – if there is a chance... I'll do everything that can be done, but prepare Carlisle; the odds aren't good."

And then, a thought far more terrifying to me than my brother's possible demise registered in my mind. "Alice," I choked, the words themselves a cruel kind of pain. "Alice, you do realize that we've broken the Volturi's cardinal rule, don't you? Bella knows all about us – she knows what we are."

Alice laughed, but there was a very distinct catch in her voice. "I've thought of that."

I clenched my eyes shut, my whole body screaming against the very idea of that happening.

"Alice, please, _please_ promise me that you'll be careful – that you won't take any unnecessary risks," I begged. I felt absolutely sick that she was walking into such grave danger while I was on the other side of the world… and there was nothing I could do to protect her. I could do nothing for her.

"Yes, I promise." Her voice was soothing as she tried to reassure me. But it wasn't working.

The strategist in me understood her logic and even agreed with it. If Edward heard our thoughts before we could reach him, he'd act immediately. We'd never be able to get anywhere near him to stop him.

Yet on the other hand, this was my _wife_. How could I just sit here knowing that she was putting herself in such danger?

I couldn't. Strategy be damned. I had to be there.

"I can't stand this, Alice. It's too dangerous. I have to come. I have to be there with you."

Alice's voice was pleading again. "Please, Jasper, listen to me. I'll be fine. If the three of you come that only increases the danger. There's nothing you could do even if you left right now. Bella is the only one who has a chance to stop him. Please trust me. Don't follow me, Jasper. I _promise_, one way or another, I'll get out."

I could already feel a jagged hole ripping into my heart at her words. Again she was right – my presence there would only put her in more danger than she was already in.

There was nothing I could do to help her. Nothing.

I felt a weight crushing my chest, making it difficult to even breathe. "I'm holding you to that promise, Alice. You have to come home to me." My voice cracked. "I love you, darlin."

"And I love you." She spoke the last words fervently… and with that she hung up the phone.

* * *

OK, this is my first time to do this, but I have a fic rec for you! I've had the pleasure of prereading my good friend koko23cat's new story "Take My Hand." I would highly encourage all of you who enjoy a great story (especially a great Jalice one!) to check it out. You most certainly won't be disappointed. It's ah-may-zing right from the very first chapter! You can find the link on my page under my favorites.

And if you don't follow me on Twitter, you missed quite the visual teaser for this chapter. I can't post it here, but, if you missed it and want to see it, it'll be on the Trial story thread on FFFW. I'll have a link for that on my page shortly after the chapter goes up. :) And find me on Twitter as (at) AnEnduringHope for future teasers and all other randomness that is Nik. LOL

Thanks so much for reading! Please take a second and let me know what you thought! :D

Nik


	13. Chapter 13

I'm so sorry for the delay with this chapter! If you follow me on Twitter, you know life has been kind of up and down for me lately.

And, for those of you reading Awake and Alive, don't worry, I haven't abandoned it. I've just been struggling with some major writer's block in getting the last couple of chapters transferred from my head to the written word. Bear with me just a little while longer.

Without further ado now, I hope you enjoy Chapter 13…

* * *

Chapter 13

Jasper

.

I stood staring at the silent phone in my hand for a long moment. Alice's voice echoed in my ear long after our connection had been ended. She was going to Volterra… and I had to let her go alone or risk putting her life in even more danger than it was in already. Letting her go without me had been one of the most difficult choices I'd ever had to make in all of my existence.

It took several moments for me to be able to continue pursuing Emmett and Rosalie. And even then, I had to force my legs to move as I followed the path they'd taken. When I finally caught sight of them, I yelled for them to stop. They whirled around and waited for me to catch up.

But instead of joining them and racing to Italy as had been my plan only moments ago, I spoke the words that nearly ripped my heart in two – words I had no choice but to say.

"We have to go back."

They both gaped at me for a split second as if doubting that they'd really heard what I'd said.

"You're not serious," Emmett said, incredulity written on his face.

"We have no choice."

"No choice? Are you crazy?" he shouted. "We can't go back. You know what Edward's going to do!"

"I know. But I also know what he'll do if he hears us coming. We would be the ones to force his hand. We'd push him over the edge." My voice was defeated.

Rosalie opened her mouth to argue but then stopped as she realized the truth of my words. She turned to Emmett, placing a hand on his arm. "He's right. We'd never make it to him in time. He'd hear us coming."

"That doesn't matter. We have to try. That's my brother out there, and there's no way I'm sitting here doing nothing while he tries to kill himself."

"Emmett," I hissed, angered by the fact that he seemed to think this was my choice. "My wife is out there, and she's just about to put herself in more danger than she's ever been in… do you really think I want to stay here? Do you not understand how much it's killing me to just wait?"

"Then let's go!" he urged, sounding a mere fraction of how desperate I felt.

"But we can't! I'd give anything to be able to do something to help her – to help them – but there's _nothing_ we can do!"

Rosalie looked back and forth between us, torn. Finally, she placed her hand on the side of Emmett's face and made him turn to look at her. "How _exactly_ do you plan to stop him, Emmett? You can't sneak up on him and when he heard you coming he'd just do something stupid that much faster," she attempted to reason with him.

He squinted his eyes closed, frustrated. "I don't know! I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'll think of something when I get there."

"No, Emmett," I shook my head, feeling my anger fade, helplessness seeping into my very bones. "There's nothing we can do. Bella's the only one who can help him now," I sighed wearily. "All we can do is trust her to do for Edward what we can't."

Rosalie leaned her head against Emmett's arm. "Please, Emmett, listen to him."

His face plainly showed his indecision – the same indecision and powerlessness that I was wrestling with – before he finally gave one jerky nod, his jaw tense. He knew we were right; he couldn't fight with our logic, but he hated it all the same.

Rosalie sighed and turned back to me. "What do we do now?"

"We let Carlisle and Esme know what's happened… and then we wait."

Rosalie bit her lip and shrunk back a little at the thought of having to tell Carlisle and Esme what she'd done. But, while Rosalie had her flaws, cowardice wasn't one of them. "Do you want me to call them?" she asked, her voice slightly tremulous. "If we call now, they'll be back at the house when we get there."

I shook my head. "I'll do it."

My anger and resentment towards Rosalie for what she'd done was slipping away quickly. I could feel the depth of her remorse and her willingness to shoulder the blame for what she'd done. She had been wrong, there was no question in my mind about that, but anger towards her was a wasted emotion at this point. And I had much more important things to worry about.

Emmett and Rosalie stood there silently while I dialed Carlisle's number and waited for him to answer. The thought of what I had to tell him made me almost physically ill.

He picked up on the first ring. "Jasper?" I could hear the anxiety in his voice. He knew I wouldn't be calling again unless something else was wrong.

"Carlisle, I need you and Esme to come home," I told him with no preamble, unable to disguise the agony in my voice.

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. "What happened?" His voice sounded sick.

"I can't tell you over the phone. Just please come home. Quickly."

I could hear a whooshing sound as they started running. "We're already on our way." Without another word, he disconnected his phone.

It felt so wrong to turn my back towards the direction of the airport – to turn away from my need to be with Alice. It was quite possibly the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life. I felt an almost irresistible pull to run to her. I felt like I was abandoning her when she needed me the most. I felt like I was breaking every promise I'd ever made to keep her safe… even though I was doing exactly what she'd asked me to do.

From beside me, I felt Rosalie's hesitation as she took in my tortured expression. Slowly, she reached out and laid her hand on my shoulder. I was shocked at the comforting gesture – they were few and far between with her. She was rarely affectionate with anyone aside from Emmett.

"She'll be okay, Jasper." Her voice was a soft whisper as she squeezed my shoulder comfortingly. Unable to push my overwhelming fear and anxiety aside, I simply nodded wordlessly.

It might very well have been easier to rip off my skin than to take those first steps back the same direction I had come. I felt more and more numb with each step that led me away from Alice. I could almost feel my life draining away.

This was wrong. So very wrong.

By the time we returned to the Denali house, the hole that had started eating away at my heart from the moment Alice had told me not to follow her had spread to engulf my entire being. The jagged edges of despair threatened to consume me.

Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us in the living room, watching for our return. As soon as we walked in the door, their fear and dread merged with my own internal agony, becoming almost more than I could bear. I wasn't even sure if I would be able to actually form the words to tell them what had happened.

Sheer horror spread over Carlisle's face as he took in our expressions. I should have known that words wouldn't be necessary. The truth was written on all of our faces.

"He knows." It wasn't a question. It was a statement of terrible fact.

One word. I could manage one word.

"Yes."

A matching look of dismay etched itself on Esme's face. She shook her head violently, clutching Carlisle's arm for support. "No. _No_, that can't be true! How?"

Rosalie hung her head in shame, and Emmett wrapped his arm a little tighter around her waist. "I told him." Her voice was barely audible, but her words shattered what little composure Carlisle and Esme were clinging to.

Carlisle sunk to the couch, burying his head hopelessly in his hands. Esme dropped down beside him, her eyes still wide… stunned. The single anguished cry that fell from her lips broke my heart into even smaller pieces than it was already lying in.

"It's my fault," Rosalie's eyes were glistening, her face twisted in genuine sorrow and remorse. "This is my fault," her voice cracked and turned to bury her face in Emmett's chest as her own heartbroken sobs began. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry."

Emmett lifted her in his arms and carried her to one of the chairs, trying to comfort her as much as he could. He stroked the hair back from her face and wrapped himself around her like he could shield her from the effects of what she'd done… and I knew he would if he could.

Carlisle raised his head to look at us one by one, his eyes blank but his emotions reeling. "What can we do?"

I shook my head. "Nothing." That one word reverberated in the room like a death sentence. "There's nothing we can do… He's gone to the Volturi."

Carlisle and Esme's gasps sounded in unison… and then Esme's sobs began in earnest.

"No! No, Edward... Edward..." She buried her face in Carlisle's shoulder, muffling her cries.

"Alice and Bella are on their way now to try to stop him." Emmett spoke for the first time, seeing my nearly comatose expression. I still felt his frustration and helplessness at not being able to do anything but wait – that was so very contrary to his nature.

Carlisle's head snapped up to look between Emmett and me. "Bella?" His voice was disbelieving, but it was backed by a faint glimmer of hope. "She's alive?"

Emmett nodded, speaking for me again. "We don't know what happened, but somehow Alice was wrong."

Carlisle's emotions warred between a desire to hope and the very real fear of the danger that our loved ones were in. "Do you think there's a chance that they'll make it in time?"

I fought to push the engulfing despair aside long enough to find the words that I knew were supposed to answer his question. "Alice said that they'll do everything they can, but – " I paused, not wanting to voice the words, feeling that somehow saying them made the danger that much more real. "But she told me to prepare you. The odds aren't good."

Carlisle's arms contracted tighter around Esme as her cries increased in volume, her shoulders shaking under them. His voice was thick with grief when he spoke, "Then I suppose we wait, and… hope for the best." He buried his face in Esme's hair and choked back his own emotion.

The hours ticked by slowly, the silence in the room almost deafening as each of us sat with our own thoughts. I tried my hardest to remain calm, to not assume the worst that could happen. I tried so hard, as Carlisle had said, to hope for the best, but my rebellious thoughts made that impossible. Against my will, my mind conjured up every possible scenario that would end in Alice's death.

I knew all too well how very unforgiving the Volturi could be. They prided themselves on maintaining strict adherence to their rules… at any cost. There was a reason why they had been the ruling family of our kind for so many millennia.

To those who broke their laws, the name of the Volturi was enough to strike fear deep into their hearts – it was enough to make the strongest of immortals tremble in terror like a child afraid of the dark. I had seen the brutal massacres that had taken place when those of our kind had tried to make their own rules. They had all been annihilated mercilessly.

And our family had broken the most sacred rule of all – we had exposed the secret of what we are to a human.

Bella was a human who knew far too much, and she was walking right into the heart of the Volturi.

I knew that even if by some miracle she was able to find Edward before he acted to bring down their wrath, they were all still in grave danger. If the Volturi threatened Bella, Edward would fight them. And he would lose. And Alice...

With that train of thought, a sudden realization sent my world careening wildly out of control.

_She had lied_.

Alice had lied to me. She had promised that no matter what, she would find some way to get out. But I knew she had no intention of walking away if she saw Edward engaged in a fight. She would fight with him. And she would be killed.

My mind whirled, and my stomach twisted as waves of nausea flooded me. Panic rose to the surface, above every other emotion, strangling me. The walls seemed to be closing in, trapping me inside as my breaths came in shorter bursts.

Feeling the terror coursing through every cell of my body, I looked up to the rest of my family. But it felt like a brutal blow to my midsection to see them together.

Carlisle and Esme sat close together, holding each other, their faces blank as they waited for news of their children... all three of them.

Emmett cradled Rosalie in his lap, soothing her with soft murmurs and gentle kisses to her hair as she sat miserable in her guilt.

My own arms and chest ached with an agony I hadn't experienced since my transformation. The need to have Alice safe in my arms had manifested itself in a physical ache.

Would I ever be able to hold her again? Kiss her? Would I ever have another chance to tell her that I loved her?

I hadn't done any of that before she left, and the memory of that haunted me now, eating away at my insides like virulent acid. I hadn't kissed her… I hadn't embraced her… and that might have been my very last chance to do so… ever.

If I were to lose her, having parted from her like that…

I couldn't stand the thought.

I would have given absolutely anything to go back and change that. I would have given anything – done _anything_ – to have insisted that I go with her, or at the very least, been understanding of why she felt that she had to go in the first place.

But I hadn't done any of that.

I'd argued with her.

I'd let her walk away.

And I might never have the chance to make that right.

I couldn't sit any longer and watch my family members with their mates. It was more than I could stand with my own loss hanging so closely over my head. I vaulted from my seat in the corner of the room and flew out the door. I didn't realize where I was going at first, I just ran as quickly as I could away from the house.

When I finally stopped, I realized that I was in the meadow where I'd spent my last night with Alice. The snow still bore the imprint of our bodies from where we'd lain together, loving each other.

Her scent still lingered faintly in the air, and I breathed deeply, filling my lungs with the familiar fragrance. I fell to my knees, my hands clenched into tight fists as if I fought to hold on to the faded scent… to somehow make it stronger… as if that would bring her back.

Agony such as I had never felt before pulsed through me. This pain was not borrowed, this torture was all my own. Alice was walking to her death, and I was absolutely powerless to save her. Anguish built and swelled inside until it consumed my entire being. I couldn't see past it. I couldn't feel anything around it.

I slumped forward until my forehead rested on the ground, unable to hold myself upright under the onslaught of pain.

And I didn't even try.

In my heart, I knew that I would be able to tell the exact moment when Alice's life came to an end – I would feel it the very moment her light was extinguished.

And I knew, when that happened, darkness would fall over me like a shroud, obliterating all remnants of the humanity that I had fought so hard to regain in the last sixty years.

If the Volturi took her from me, I would become a living nightmare. Hell's own fury would pale in significance to the raging monster that their destruction of my wife would unleash. Without Alice's influence, I would now become the very thing that she had saved me from... a soulless monster, whose sole purpose was destruction.

I wouldn't go to the Volturi and _ask_ to die. No, I would go and annihilate as many of the despicable murderers as I possibly could before they were able to stop me. I would rip them limb from limb, and take pleasure in every second of it.

I could already smell the fires as they burned. I could hear their shrieks of agony as I inflicted on them shards of the torture that was eating me alive right now.

I would leave them no choice but to stop me... permanently.

I could feel my body being ripped apart joint by joint, limb by limb. I could feel the flames licking over me, consuming me. I could feel them turning my body into ashes.

And I knew I would welcome the pain.

No pain that death might bring could possibly compare to the torturous agony searing through every cell of my being right now. My arms clenched tightly around my chest, trying to hold myself together, but it felt like a losing battle.

I was falling apart… coming completely undone.

I had promised Alice that I would protect her – that I would always be there when she needed me. And that promise came back now to mock me in my misery.

I had never deserved her in the first place, but never less so than now. I had failed. I had failed my beloved in the worst way imaginable.

It was because of my own weakness that I was going to lose her.

I had been the one to set in motion the chain of events that took her from me now. My inability to maintain control of myself had ultimately caused the death of the one I loved with every fiber of my being. I would have willingly – would have gladly – laid down my life to keep Alice safe. But instead, I had caused her death as surely as if I had been the one to cast her into the flames myself.

My body burned in agony, writhing there on the ground in debilitating anguish. I surrendered to the pain, not trying to fight it… I deserved every second of it.

There was nothing that I would ever be able to do that would make this right. I had sworn to love and protect her, and I had failed.

The only small ray of hope that I could cling to was the knowledge that this would come to and end soon. Either by some miracle, the Volturi would decide to be uncharacteristically merciful and Alice would come home to me, or I would end this miserable existence myself. Either way, there was only so long this could last.

And if Alice died, I would die soon after. There was no doubt in my mind of that fact. I wouldn't live a moment longer than I had to in a world that she no longer existed in. There was no point to a life that didn't include her.

I was nothing without her by my side… less than nothing, in fact.

Briefly, I tried to imagine what would happen after my death. Would I be reunited with Alice in some other realm? Or would it simply be like falling into a deep, dreamless sleep? I hadn't slept in well over a century, but now I would welcome the oblivion – the absence of pain.

Those questions would soon have answers. It was all too possible that my life could be numbered in a mere matter of hours now.

With those thoughts, a voice spoke out of nowhere, sounding as if it was right behind me. The very voice I ached to hear.

_Jasper, __please__, stop this!_

Doubting my sanity, I leapt to my feet and whirled around to the sound of Alice's voice.

Nothing. There was nothing there.

It was my imagination, just as I had known it would be. But for a split second, I had allowed myself to hope that she would be standing there, waiting to tell me that this was all a nightmare – some sort of strange vampiric hallucination.

After that first surge of hope, the agony fell over me twice as thick as before. I moaned from deep within my chest, surrendering to the misery once more.

Out of the corner of my eye, then, I noticed a splash of color that hadn't caught my attention before. There, lying on the snow, was the jacket that Alice had left behind in her mad rush to get to Forks. Fearing that it too was a hallucination, I pounced on it like a drowning man would take hold of a rope – my last tenuous link with sanity.

I buried my face in the damp fabric, letting the rich fragrance that was uniquely Alice fill every crevice of my lungs. Once again, I laid down in the snow, clutching this last piece of Alice to my silent, breaking heart.

I expelled a jagged breath from my lungs, followed by a gasping breath in. The ripping sounds coming from my chest startled me at first. It was with some shock that I realized that I was sobbing – uncontrollably. My whole body shook as I let the intense anguish take over me. I didn't even try to slow the wracking cries.

I hadn't told Alice before she left that I loved her. She knew that I did – I knew that. I never let a day go by without telling her, or showing her in some way, that I loved her with my life. But had it been enough? Did she know, did she _really know_ how very much I loved her? Words could never come close to expressing how deep and wide and all-consuming the love I had for her was.

More than anything else, I wanted one more chance to look into her eyes and tell her I loved her. Just one more time...

As the sobs continued to batter my frame, memories flooded my mind. Memories of Alice dancing towards me that day in the diner – the first day I had truly lived.

Alice as she so patiently taught me how to live – how to trust – again.

Alice's wide-eyed awe and wonder as she'd learned about the world around her, letting me see things through her eyes, like I was seeing them for the first time… allowing me to unlearn everything I'd been trained to believe before.

Alice's joy as she'd broken through my walls a little bit at a time… her delight as I'd given myself to her… her absolute trust as she'd given heart, mind, and body into my keeping, entrusting me with everything she had to give.

Alice walking down the aisle in her flowing white dress, her face wreathed in a radiant smile that rivaled the sun for brilliance… the fervency in her voice as she had pledged herself to me as my wife for eternity.

Our first moonlit dance as husband and wife… the breathtaking feel of her delicate, soft body swaying against mine.

Her constant support as I had struggled for so many years to alter not only my diet, but my worldview along with it.

Her patient cultivating of the humanity that she had so firmly believed was lying dormant inside me.

Every smile, every touch, every kiss we'd shared had been stored in my mind in flawless detail to be retrieved now… a bittersweet pleasure.

Alice was my heart, my soul. Without her, I had nothing and no reason to continue in this existence. With the phone clutched in one hand and the other tangled in Alice's jacket, I let each treasured image take me where it would, following the seamless succession of memories wherever they led me.

Time meant nothing now. I was only waiting to know for sure that Alice was either safe, or taken from me.

One way or another, this misery would all be over soon.

* * *

Angst overload, huh? Anyone else dying to hug Jasper and reassure him that everything's going to work out just fine?

Thanks so much to all of you for reading! Please take a second to let me know what you thought. One of the downsides to taking so long between updates is that I don't get to hear from you! And I miss that. :)

Until next time…

Nik


	14. Chapter 14

So sorry about the wait… again. Real life interfered… again. LOL I'll try to do better next time. ;)

As always, all recognizable dialogue is taken verbatim from New Moon. I make no claims on any of… it's all Stephenie Meyer's genius. I'm just borrowing because I can't seem to leave her characters alone! I tried not to be too repetitive in this chapter, but most of it is going to be very familiar, I'm afraid. You'll have to tell me how I did. I'm hoping you'll enjoy it anyway!

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**Chapter 14**

**Alice**

.

Bella and I had made the flight with only seconds to spare before takeoff. We took out seats and buckled up, both still buzzing with fear and anxiety. Bella bounced nervously in her seat, and I had to struggle not to mirror her actions. It took all my restraint to sit still and not betray my intense apprehension.

I'd placed my hand on Bella's shoulder, stilling her movements, though we were both past the point of being calmed. "It's faster than running." I reminded her. She simply nodded mutely in response.

As soon as the plane was in the air, I'd called Jasper, hating that I had to relay this kind of news to him but knowing that I had no other choice. I hadn't seen Rosalie tell Emmett and Jasper what she'd done, but I was still fairly certain she had. I knew they had to be frantic. The fact that Jasper answered before the first ring could even sound just proved my suspicions correct.

My heart had broken into thousands of tiny pieces as I'd told him not to follow me. I could hear his fear and worry giving way to desolation as I'd made him promise to stay where he was.

And it hurt. It absolutely tore me apart.

There was a part of me that wanted him here by my side, helping me get through the hard times just as he always did. But the larger part of myself screamed to protect him. No matter the cost.

There was no knowing exactly what we were walking into, and I couldn't bear the thought of dragging him into this danger too. I needed to be sure he would be safe. And if that meant lying to him to ensure his safety, then so be it. That was the only thing I could do.

Returning his fervent declaration of love, it was with a weighted, broken heart that I hung up the phone.

_Was that it?_ I wondered. After everything we'd been through, was that rushed conversation our last goodbye? I knew that if things ended badly in Italy that could very well be that last time I ever spoke to him.

I'd never see him again… I'd never hold him… never kiss him. I'd never have the chance to truly say goodbye. Would I ever so much as hear his voice again? I had no guarantees of that anymore. Not now.

Fighting against the waves of grief and agony, I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes, doing my best to keep my face smooth so I wouldn't give away the depth of my anguish to Bella.

"I hate lying to him," I breathed.

"Tell me everything, Alice," she begged, turning in her seat to face me. "I don't understand. Why did you tell Jasper to stop Emmett, why can't they come help us?"

"Two reasons," I whispered, still keeping my eyes closed. I didn't want her to see the turmoil raging inside. "The first I told him. We _could_ try to stop Edward ourselves – if Emmett could get his hands on him, we might be able to stop him long enough to convince him you're still alive. But we can't sneak up on Edward. And if he sees us coming for him, he'll just act that much faster. He'll throw a Buick through a wall or something and the Volturi will take him down.

"That's the second reason of course, the reason I couldn't say to Jasper. Because if they're there and the Volturi kill Edward, they'll fight them, Bella." I opened my eyes then and looked at her, beseeching her with my gaze. "If there were any chance we could win… if there were a way that the four of us could save my brother by fighting for him, maybe it would be different. But we can't, and, Bella, I can't lose Jasper like that."

I just couldn't.

Maybe it would help to have him there. Maybe there would be a better chance of stopping Edward if we were all there together. But those were only maybes. The risk was too great. I couldn't risk having him in Volterra. I couldn't gamble with his life like that.

I felt like I was choosing casualties in a way. I felt like I was making the choice between my brother's life – and Bella's life – for Jasper's. But if that was the choice I had to make, I knew the only option I'd be able to choose.

If it was a choice of their life or Jasper's… _my_ life or _his_… there was no decision to be made.

I'd always choose his.

Always.

Bella nodded, her eyes showing an understanding I had no right to ask of her. She knew, though. In making the choice to come with me, she was placing her own life at risk, knowing that she might not walk away, but finding the risk worth it to save Edward.

"Couldn't Edward hear you, though?" she asked. "Wouldn't he know, as soon as he heard your thoughts, that I was alive, that there was no point to this?"

"_If_ he were listening. But believe it or not, it's possible to lie with your thoughts. If you had died, I would still try to stop him. And I would be thinking 'she's alive, she's alive' as hard as I could. He knows that."

Bella glanced down at her hands, picking at a nonexistent thread on her jeans. She sighed quietly.

Looking at my fragile friend sitting next to me, knowing what I was asking her to put herself through, my conscience pricked in my chest.

"If there were any way to do this without you, Bella, I wouldn't be endangering you like this. It's very wrong of me."

"Don't be stupid," she protested, looking back up at me. "I'm the last thing you should be worrying about." Her head shook impatiently. "Tell me what you meant, about hating to lie to Jasper."

Her attempt to redirect the conversation brought us back to a topic that made my heart sink even further. I smiled bleakly. "I promised him that I would get out before they killed me, too. It's not something I can guarantee – not by a long shot." My voice was undeniably grim by the time I finished. I looked unblinkingly at Bella, willing her to understand just how much danger she was placing herself in.

"Who are these Volturi?" Bella demanded in a harsh whisper. "What makes them so much more dangerous than Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and you?"

Her voice was low, but it was fervent enough to attract the attention of the man sitting on the end of the aisle closest to Bella. I glared darkly in his direction as he not so subtly eavesdropped. Bella's forehead creased in confusion, and she glanced over her shoulder to see what I was glaring at. The man immediately swallowed uncomfortably and looked back to the computer in his lap, opening it up and very conspicuously putting the headphones in his ears.

Bella leaned in closer to me, and I placed my lips near her ear, speaking only barely loud enough for her to hear. I couldn't chance anyone else overhearing this. We would be in enough trouble with the Volturi now without accidentally letting anymore humans in on our secret.**  
**  
"I was surprised that you recognized the name," I admitted. "That you understood so immediately what it meant – when I said he was going to Italy. I thought I would have to explain. How much did Edward tell you?" I asked, curious about just how much he might have told her about them. It wasn't like him to tell Bella anything that could alarm her if he had a choice not to. But then again, she rarely had a typical human reaction to anything we revealed to her.

"He just said that they were an old, powerful family – like royalty. That you didn't antagonize them unless you wanted to… die." Her voice faltered at the end, anguish written on her features at the thought of Edward's death.

"You have to understand," I said in a slow, measured voice, "we Cullens are unique in more ways than you know. It's… _abnormal_ for so many of us to live together in peace. It's the same for Tanya's family in the north, and Carlisle speculates that abstaining makes it easier for us to be civilized, to form bonds based on love rather than survival or convenience. Even James's little coven of three was unusually large – and you saw how easily Laurent left them. Our kind travel alone, or in pairs, as a general rule. Carlisle's family is the biggest in existence, as far as I know, with the one exception. The Volturi.

"There were three of them originally, Aro, Caius, and Marcus."

"I've seen them," Bella mumbled under her breath. "In the picture in Carlisle's study."

I nodded. "Two females joined them over time, and the five of them make up the family. I'm not sure, but I suspect that their age is what gives them the ability to live peacefully together. They are well over three thousand years old. Or maybe it's their gifts that give them extra tolerance. Like Edward and I, Aro and Marcus are… talented."

Bella's forehead wrinkled, and I continued quickly before she could ask, not wanting to get sidetracked on that now. "Or maybe it's just their love of power that binds them together. Royalty is an apt description."

"But if there are only five – "

"Five that make up the family," I corrected. "That doesn't include their guard."

Bella took a deep breath, obviously trying to digest what I'd told her. "That sounds… serious."

"Oh, it is. There were nine members of the guard that were permanent, the last time we heard. Others are more… transitory. It changes. And many of them are gifted as well – with formidable gifts, gifts that make what I can do look like a parlor trick. The Volturi chose them for their abilities, physical or otherwise."

I wasn't exaggerating. I'd never met and of the Volturi guard face-to-face, and I'd just as soon keep it that way. But I'd heard about some of their abilities. They were feared with very good reason.  
**  
**Bella opened and closed her mouth, the furrows still etched in her brow. I nodded again. "They don't get into too many confrontations. No one is stupid enough to mess with them. They stay in their city, leaving only as duty calls."

"Duty?" Bella questioned.

"Didn't Edward tell you what they do?"

"No."

I looked over Bella's shoulder, ensuring that no one – the eavesdropping businessman on the other end of the aisle especially – was paying attention to us, and put my lips back to her ear. "There's a reason he called them royalty… the ruling class. Over the millennia, they have assumed the position of enforcing our rules – which actually translates to punishing transgressors. They fulfill that duty decisively."

Bella's eyes popped open. "There are _rules_?" she asked in a shrill whisper, her voice much too loud for our current location.

"Shh!" I hissed in her ear, glancing around again quickly.

"Shouldn't someone have mentioned this to me earlier?" she whispered angrily. "I mean, I wanted to be a…" she cut herself off, looking over her shoulder, "to be one of you!" she corrected. "Shouldn't someone have explained the rules to me?"

I chuckled at her ire. "It's not that complicated, Bella. There's only one core restriction – and if you think about it, you can probably figure it out for yourself."

She thought for a moment, squinting her eyes in concentration. "Nope, I have no idea," she said finally.

I shook my head, a little amused that she hadn't been able to come up with it. It was so incredibly obvious. "Maybe it's too obvious," I said. "We just have to keep our existence a secret."

"Oh," she mumbled, clearly surprised that it was something that simple.**  
**  
"It makes sense, and most of us don't need policing. But after a few centuries, sometimes one of us gets bored. Or crazy. I don't know. And then the Volturi steps in before it can compromise them, or the rest of us."

"So Edward…"

"Is planning to flout that in their own city – the city they've secretly held for three thousand years, since the time of the Etruscans. They are so protective of their city that they don't allow hunting within its walls. Volterra is probably the safest city in the world – from vampire attack at the very least."

"But you said they didn't leave. How do they eat?"

"They don't leave. They bring in their food from the outside, from quite far away sometimes. It gives their guard something to do when they're not out annihilating mavericks. Or protecting Volterra from exposure…"

"From situations like this one, like Edward."

"I doubt they've ever had a situation quite like this," I muttered. "You don't get a lot of suicidal vampires."

The sound Bella made then was quiet, but the pain it spoke of was unmistakable. I wrapped my arm around her in comfort, squeezing her lightly. "We'll do what we can, Bella," I assured her. "It's not over yet."

"Not yet," she said almost inaudibly. "And the Volturi will get us if we mess up."

Something in her voice made me stiffen, pulling away just slightly to look at her. "You say that like it's a good thing," I said incredulously. Bella just shrugged, her face giving her away. "Knock it off, Bella," I said sternly, "or we're turning around in New York and going back to Forks."

"What?" she asked, her eyes too wide and innocent.

"You know what. If we're too late for Edward, I'm going to do my damnedest to get you back to Charlie, and I don't want any trouble from you. Do you understand that?"

"Sure, Alice." It sounded too much like she was just trying to placate me. I still wasn't so sure that I bought the whole "cliff diving for fun" story. I was still inclined to think that there was more to it than she was willing to tell me, and that little comment from her just stirred my suspicions even further.

"No trouble." I pulled back further to give her my best no-nonsense glare.

"Scout's honor," she muttered.

I rolled my eyes, not seeing the point in pushing this further right now. I'd just have to keep a close watch on her from here on out. I was going to do everything in my power to see that she got out in one piece. I could only hope I'd be successful… for both our sakes.

"Let me concentrate now. I'm trying to see what he's planning."

I left my arm around Bella's shoulders, but laid my head back on the seat and let my eyes fall closed. Focusing on the filmy haze running on a stream inside my mind, I tried to bring Edward's future into view. He had a head start on us by several hours, but his layover was going to be longer than ours, so that balanced things out just a little bit more in our favor.

Everything was blurry and indistinct where Edward was concerned. He was plotting his course, and the different scenarios he considered flitted through my mind quickly. Just as soon as one appeared, it vanished to be replaced by something else.

None of the different plans ended well, though. I could feel my anxiety rising by the minute as I monitored his plans while he made them. And if the truth were known, there was a part of me that wanted to wring his neck myself. Didn't he have any idea what he was putting the rest of us through?

I could see Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rosalie all gathered together, sitting in silence with their fear and worry etched plainly on their faces. I could see Charlie pacing in his living room with Bella's note clutched in his hand, lines of anxiety deeply creasing his forehead.

If Bella and I failed now, the consequences of Edward's actions would be much more far-reaching than he had even bothered to think.

With some sudden surprise, I noticed that Jasper wasn't in the vision I'd had of the rest of my family. It had just been the other four. Quickly, I scanned through my visions, searching for him. What I saw made me feel like the bottom had abruptly fallen out of my world.

I'd been with Jasper for fifty-eight years, and I'd seen him through my second sight for twenty-eight years before that. Throughout those eighty-six years, I'd seen him at his best, and I'd seen him at his worst. I'd seen him through victory and defeat, through grieving and rejoicing. I'd seen him shaken, and I'd seen him stumble. I'd seen him falter… but I had _never_ seen him broken.

Not until now.

Even in his worst times, I'd never seen him as anything other than strong. Jasper had always seemed a pillar of strength to me. It was just part of who he was. Seeing him as he was now made me feel like someone had stolen the air from my lungs and made it impossible to breathe.

Jasper was crumpled up on the forest floor with his forehead pressed to the ground. Sobs wracked his body. I could hear his cries. And that was something I'd never… _ever_… heard before. The sound of them now shattered my heart into thousands of tiny fragments. I knew exactly where his fear stemmed from.

He had to know by now that I'd lied.

I could only hope he knew why. And I could only hope he'd forgive me for it.

This was my fault. And there was nothing I could do now to fix it. Only get to Edward and get out before the worst could happen. But the odds of that were almost nonexistent.

As I continued to focus on Jasper, my vision of him shifted by small degrees until it became something out of my worst fears. I'd never been afraid of Jasper before… not even when I'd seen him at his darkest times. But _this_ was like nothing I'd ever seen before. I could only assume that what I was seeing was his contingency plan should I not make it out alive.

The look on his face in my vision was like none before. It made icy tendrils of fear snake their way through my heart. His eyes were cold, black as the darkest kind of night. They were seething with a sinister, murderous hatred.

Flickers of his plans shimmered behind my eyes as he plotted his revenge – and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that _that_ was what I was seeing.

Vengeance. Cold, calculated vengeance.

The background shifted until I recognized the buildings and scenery that I'd been seeing through Edward's plans. Volterra. Unable to breathe, I watched as Jasper strode purposefully through the winding corridors, his eyes – his face – unrecognizable behind the burning hatred raging there.

I fought to stay still, to not betray to anyone around me the terror that consumed me at the scene that I was watching unfold.

Jasper snaking his way into the Volturi palace. Throwing open the doors. The surprise written on the faces of those around. The fragment of an instant where everything seemed to freeze in place… before all hell was unleashed inside the room.

Jasper had spent most of his life perfecting the art of the fight. Throughout all those years, he had _always_ been the last one standing when the chaos cleared. But he was only one man. And he didn't stand a chance here.

I could hear the shrieks and cries of confusion and pain. I could hear the sounds of flesh being torn to shreds. Every infinitesimal detail of the bedlam that was unleashed was burned behind my eyelids as if it was actually happening now. With the blind rage fueling him, Jasper lasted longer than he should have been able to, all things considered, but in the end, it didn't matter.

A single, small figure appeared from the doorway, and one glance in Jasper's direction was all it took for him to collapse to the floor, his body writhing and contorting in unspeakable agony, though not a sound passed his lips. Everything happened quickly after that. His body was dragged away. Fires were kindled until the flames roared.

Helplessly, I watched as Jasper's body was broken right before my eyes… the remnants being cast into the flames. He didn't fight it. He didn't even try. In fact, it appeared that the broken pieces of his body were propelled to the fire from within. This was what he had wanted.

He'd wanted to die.

_No, no, no, no, no.  
_  
The plea was a constant thread in my thoughts as I watched his body burn.

Biting back the scream that was building in my lungs, I forced myself to sit still, some small corner of my mind still aware that there were others around me who wouldn't understand the source of my stark terror.

_No, no, no, Jasper, please no.  
_  
I fought against the vision, but it played over and over again as Jasper continued to make his plans. I couldn't push it away. I couldn't make it stop, no matter how hard I tried. His course was set. His mind was made up.

Panic welled up inside until it was all I could do not to cry out.

_Jasper, please stop this!  
_  
The silent cry was wrenched from the deepest part of my heart. Like a misty haze, the sight of Jasper's broken, burning body gradually evaporated from my eyes, finally disappearing altogether. With an internal sigh of relief, I searched for his immediate future, feeling a profound relief that the horrors I'd just seen were a figment of his imaginings and mine. They weren't real. He was still safe. And with every ounce of strength in my body, I was going to fight to ensure that he remained that way.

With a renewed determination, I turned my focus back to Edward. Nothing really changed from one vision of him to the next… nothing of any significance. He was still planning how best to present his case to the Volturi. And I, of course, could see nothing further than that until he made up his mind.

I was completely unaware how much time passed before I felt a warm hand on my arm and a voice, sounding as if it came from a great distance, interrupting my focus. "Alice," the voice called. "Alice, we have to go."

Slowly my eyes peeled open, reorienting myself to my surroundings as the plane touched down.

"Anything new?" Bella asked quietly, almost hesitantly.

"Not exactly. He's getting closer. He's deciding on how he's going to ask."

As soon as it was permissible to leave our seats, Bella and I rushed through the aisles and down the terminal. With the same urgency as before, we ran to make our connecting flight. I was incredibly grateful not to have a layover between the two. Every moment was precious right now. I couldn't imagine having to sit idly, making no progress, and waiting for the flight.

It would be futile to do so anyway. We were pushing the limits of time far too close as it was.

As soon as the plane was in the air, I leaned back and poured all my focus again on waiting for Edward's decision. He was almost there. Something would have to happen soon.

I watched as Edward's plane landed in Italy. I watched as he walked through the streets of Volterra under the cover of the night. I watched as he met the guard outside and as they escorted him into the Volturi's inner chambers.

With fear and trembling, I watched as Edward presented his case and requested that they end his life.

Icy terror coursed through my veins as they dismissed him to deliberate his case amongst themselves.

Yet when their decision came, it was all I could do not to get out of my seat and dance.

"Bella," I hissed, reaching over to shake her sleeping form awake.

"What's wrong?" she questioned, sleep thick in her voice.

"It's not wrong." I felt my face stretch in a fiercely triumphant smile." It's right. They're deliberating, but they've decided to tell him no."

It wasn't a solution, and the odds were still grim, but at least this gave us a fighting chance – something we hadn't had before.

"The Volturi?" she mumbled groggily.

"Of course, Bella, keep up. I can see what they're going to say."

"Tell me."

From down the aisle, an attendant tiptoed towards us. "Can I get you ladies a pillow?" He asked in a deceptively pleasant tone. His hushed whisper was obviously intended to be a rebuke for our comparatively loud voices.

"No, thank you." I smiled up at him brightly, pouring as much charm into my smile and voice as I could. Dazzling him, as Bella called it. It was a handy trick to have, especially now as he turned and stumbled his way back down the aisle with a dazed expression on his face.

Most of the people around us were sleeping, and I didn't notice anyone nearby having been disturbed by our exchange. Even still, Bella and I lowered our voices to ensure that no one else could hear.

"Tell me," Bella breathed almost inaudibly.

"They're interested in him," I whispered lowly into her ear. "They think his talent could be useful. They're going to offer him a place with them."

"What will he say?"

"I can't see that yet, but I'll bet it's colorful." I grinned just trying to imagine his response. "This is the first good news – the first break. They're intrigued; they don't truly want to destroy him – 'wasteful,' that's the word that Aro will use – and that may be enough to force him to get creative. The longer he spends on his plan, the better for us."

"Alice?" Bella asked softly after a moment.

There was a different tone to her voice, something that was bothering her that I couldn't quite read. "What?"

"I'm confused. How are you seeing this so clearly? And then other times, you see things far away – things that don't happen?"

"It's clear because it's immediate and close, and I'm really concentrating. The faraway things that come on their own – those are just glimpses, faint maybes. Plus, I see my kind more easily than yours. Edward is even easier because I'm so attuned to him."

"You see me sometimes," she whispered, glancing down at her hands. There was something, insecurity almost, that seeped from her words. I wasn't entirely sure where she was going with this.

"Not as clearly," I admitted, shaking my head.

Bella sighed heavily, her eyes sad and distant. "I really wish you could have been right about me. In the beginning, when you first saw things about me, before we even met…"

"What do you mean?"

"You saw me become one of you." She barely mouthed the words.

It was my turn to sigh then, thinking about the future that I'd once been so sure of. The future that had vanished altogether with a single decision from Edward. "It was a possibility at the time."

"At the time," Bella repeated sadly, blinking rapidly, her face a mask of sadness.

"Actually, Bella…" I began, my voice trailing off. "Honestly, I think it's all gotten beyond ridiculous. I'm debating whether to just change you myself."

Edward would be ready to rip my head off for it, but that was a risk I was willing to take. It was more than obvious that the two of them couldn't live without each other, not to mention what this was doing to the rest of the family. We were falling apart at the seams, and if there was something I could do to fix it, then I'd be damned if I wouldn't do whatever was in my power to do.

This nonsense had gone on for much too long. It had caused too much pain. It needed to be over.

Immediately after I'd spoken, Bella froze. Her heart seemed to slow for a split second and then began racing, pounding wildly against her ribcage. I tried to decipher what caused her reaction, but her face was absolutely unreadable.

"Did I scare you?" I asked worriedly. "I thought that's what you wanted."

"I do!" she gasped. "Oh, Alice, do it now! I could help you so much – and I wouldn't slow you down. Bite me!"

"Shh," I cautioned as the intensity of her voice attracted attention, the attendant from before looking in our direction once again. "Try to be reasonable," I scolded quietly. "We don't have enough time. We have to get into Volterra tomorrow. You'd be writhing in pain for days." Not that I remembered that from experience, but I'd heard enough about it from others to know how terrible the process was. "And I don't think the other passengers would react well," I said drily, making a face.

Bella bit her lip. "If you don't do it now, you'll change your mind." Her eyes were worried.

"No." I frowned, still weighing the consequences of such an action. There was far more to convince me in favor of it than not. It had the potential to solve so many problems. Edward had wanted her to have a normal human life, but that obviously wasn't a possibility for someone so danger prone as she was. And once she was changed, what was there to keep him from being with her the way he so desperately wanted? "I don't think I will. He'll be furious, but what will he be able to do about it?"

"Nothing at all." Bella said confidently.

I laughed quietly at her tone. "You have too much faith in me, Bella. I'm not sure that I can. I'll probably just end up killing you." I said, cautioning her, trying to make her understand the seriousness of what we were talking about. There was a very good chance that this could end badly if we did attempt it. It wasn't like I'd ever had reason to practice before.

"I'll take my chances." Bella declared firmly.

"You are so bizarre, even for a human."

"Thanks," she said cheekily.

"Oh well, this is purely hypothetical at this point, anyway. First we have to live through tomorrow," I pointed out.

"Good point."

"Go back to sleep," I urged gently. "I'll wake you when there's something new."

"Right," Bella mumbled, making herself comfortable and eventually dozing off once again.

When she did, I slipped back off into the world that only I could see as yet. Carefully I watched as the Volturi went back to give Edward their decision and as he stormed out when they gave him the answer he didn't want. I made sure to miss nothing. There was too much riding on our success here to overlook even the tiniest detail.

Edward's plans were a blur as he fled from the Volturi fortress. He was angry and desperate, and his thoughts plainly showed that. One thing remained the same in all of them, though – the utter lifelessness in his eyes. He'd given up all hope. He had absolutely no reason to continue fighting through the pain. None that he was aware of, that is.

As the sun started to peek over the eastern sky, I pulled the shade closed, not wanting to see the brightening colors. It just meant that our time was growing that much shorter. My movements woke up Bella from where she sat beside me.

"What's happening?" Bella mumbled sleepily.

"They've told him no," I said quietly, my voice flat.

"What's he going to do?" Bella asked fearfully, sensing immediately that something was wrong – that something had changed from just a few hours ago.

"It was chaotic at first," I told her. "I was only getting flickers, he was changing plans so quickly."

"What kind of plans?"

"There was a bad hour," I whispered lowly. "He'd decided to go hunting. In the city," I explained, seeing the incomprehension that colored Bella's face.

"He wouldn't want to disappoint Carlisle," she mumbled, guessing his reason for deciding against that course of action.

"Probably."

"Will there be enough time?" she asked nervously as the plane began its downward descent.

"I'm hoping so – if he sticks to his latest decision, maybe."

"What is that?"

"He's going to keep it simple. He's just going to walk out into the sun."

It was simple. But it would be enough to expose him.

Bella knew that immediately.

"We'll be too late," she whispered frantically, eyeing the light that was beginning to stream into the cabin.

I shook my head. "Right now, he's leaning toward the melodramatic. He wants the biggest audience possible, so he'll choose the main plaza, under the clock tower. The walls are high there. He'll wait until the sun is exactly overhead."

"So we have until noon?" she clarified.

"If we're lucky. If he sticks with this decision."

Just then, the pilot's voice spoke over the intercom, announcing, first in French and then in English, our imminent landing. The seatbelt lights dinged and flashed as we prepared to land.

"How far is it from Florence to Volterra?" Bella asked, buckling her seatbelt.

"That depends on how fast you drive," I said absently. "Bella?"

"Yes?" She looked at me curiously.

I eyed her speculatively, watching her reaction to my next question carefully.

"How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?"

* * *

As always, thanks for reading! Please don't forget to take a second and let me know what you thought… my birthday is tomorrow, and that's all I want! LOL Leave the birthday girl some lovin on her story, huh? ;)

Until next time!

Nik


	15. Chapter 15

So sorry about the lateness of the update! If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I've started a new full-time job this week (which I love!), but that means that my free time has been severely decreased. I'm trying to find my writing groove with the new schedule, so pretty please with a cherry on top bear with me as I figure out what works for me now.

This chapter is a bit shorter than usual, but this was right where I wanted to end it… and I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer. Enjoy!

All usual disclaimers apply… all recognizable dialogue and themes are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer, and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**Alice**

.

With strict instructions for Bella to stay put at the front of the airport, I raced around to the extended parking area. Running to Volterra wasn't an option, and we didn't have time to rent a car – every second counted right now. That left me with one other alternative. My eyes darted over the sea of vehicles there, looking for the one that promised to be the fastest.

I wanted to cry for joy when one in particular caught my eye – a Porsche Turbo. The darkly tinted windows would block out the sun, and the sporty little car could reach speeds that most others couldn't. It was like it had been left here specifically for my purpose.

Wasting no time, I flashed around to the rear hood and popped it open. Within seconds, I'd been able to manipulate the wiring to hear the sounds of the powerful purr of the engine.

_Thank you, Rosalie.  
_  
I never thought I'd have occasion to be this grateful for the knowledge how to hotwire a car.

Bella was waiting right where I'd left her, pacing impatiently back and forth as her eyes scanned ahead, looking for me. I brought the car to a quick stop a few feet away from her. "Hurry, Bella!" I called through the open passenger window.

She didn't have to be told twice.

I threw open the door for her and she jumped inside, her eyes wide as I sped away with screeching tires. "Sheesh, Alice, could you have picked a _more_ conspicuous car to steal?" She cringed, obviously nervous about my driving as I weaved quickly through the heavy airport traffic.

"The important question is whether I could have stolen a faster car, and I don't think so. I got lucky." I told her as she fumbled with her seatbelt.

"I'm sure that will be very comforting at the roadblock," Bella muttered under her breath.

I laughed, almost amused at her lack of faith. "Trust me, Bella. If anyone sets up a roadblock, it will be _behind_ us." I stepped on the gas a little harder then, driving my point home.

It was quiet then as Bella attempted to find somewhere safe to look – not at the traffic outside as I squeezed through impossibly narrow spaces in between cars… and not at the speedometer that raced towards the right side of the dial as we finally reached the open road.

Visions, fast and furious as the speeds I was racing the sporty car, whirled through my mind. I was still keeping tabs on Edward, who was waiting for his predetermined moment, and the guard as they waited for him to make his move… waiting for the right moment to strike.

"Do you see anything more?" I heard Bella's voice faintly.

"There's something going on," I said, only half aware of her question, too caught up in the sights playing out in my second sight. "Some kind of festival. The streets are full of people and red flags. What's the date today?"

"The nineteenth, maybe?" she said after thinking for a moment.

Her answer served to sufficiently catch my attention. "Well, that's ironic. It's Saint Marcus Day."

"Which means?" Bella prompted, her face confused.

I chuckled darkly. "The city holds a celebration every year. As the legend goes, a Christian missionary, a Father Marcus – Marcus of the Volturi, in fact – drove all the vampires from Volterra fifteen hundred years ago. The story claims he was martyred in Romania, still trying to drive away the vampire scourge. Of course that's nonsense – he's never left the city. But that's where some of the superstitions about things like crosses and garlic comes from. Father Marcus used them so successfully. And vampires don't trouble Volterra, so they must work." My voice was thick with sarcasm. "It's become more of a celebration of the city, and recognition for the police force – after all, Volterra is an amazingly safe city. The police get the credit."

Bella's face showed just how clearly she understood the gravity this added to our situation. "They're not going to be very happy if Edward messes things up for them on St. Marcus day, are they?"

I shook my head slowly, gravely. "No," I said, even though Bella knew that without my confirmation. "They'll act very quickly."

Bella looked away, agony written on her features. "He's still planning on noon?" she asked without looking at me.

"Yes. He's decided to wait. And they're waiting for him." That much I could see clearly. Everything else was still an uncertain blur.

Bella sighed deeply, steeling herself. "Tell me what I have to do." Her voice held no fear, only a firm resolve.

"You don't have to do anything," I said, keeping my eyes on the winding road, spurring the Porsche on to its limit. "He just has to see you before he moves into the light. And he has to see you before he sees me."

"How are we going to work that?"

"I'm going to get you as close as possible, and then you're going to run in the direction I point you." I told her as I zoomed around a small red car. Within seconds, it was only a tiny speck behind us.

Bella nodded, her face pale but lined with determination.

"Try not to trip," I warned her. "We don't have time for a concussion today." She groaned beside me.

We both knew that would be just her luck. It was difficult enough for her to walk across a flat surface without tripping, much less scrambling through the kind of crowd she'd soon be dealing with.

"There," I said abruptly a few moments later, pointing to the castle city atop the closest hill. "Volterra," I announced. My voice dripped with dread, though Bella knew without my telling her what this place was. We could both feel it.

Every second took us closer, but we were still so very far away. And our time was quickly running out.

The higher we drove up the incline, the heavier the traffic grew until finally they were packed much too closely together for me to continue to weave around them. Bella grew even more visibly anxious as the car slowed to a stop. Time was moving much too quickly for comfort.

"Alice," Bella groaned, her eyes darting frantically between the wall of cars and the clock in the dashboard.

"It's the only way in," I tried to assure her, but I was completely unable to hide the strain from my voice. It seeped out despite my best efforts.

One car at a time, we edged forward as the clock seemed to race on. The sun shone down brilliantly, a precursor to approaching death. I noticed many of the people in front of us parking their cars and getting out to walk the rest of the way in. And then I realized that no one was being allowed to drive through.

Bella seemed to make the same conclusion just as I did. "Alice," she whispered frantically once again. Her eyes were wide with panic – the very same panic I was trying so hard to suppress.

"I know." I spoke through gritted teeth. We didn't have time to waste. We had to make some sort of decision soon… we couldn't just sit here. I had an idea, but everything was still too murky for me to be confident in anything. I only knew I had to try. If we couldn't get through now, we might as well just turn around and go back to the airport. There would be no point in going on. We'd be too late.

"Bella," I spoke hurriedly, my voice low and intent. "I can't see what the guard here will decide now – if this doesn't work, you're going to have to go in alone. You're going to have to run. Just keep asking for the Palazzo dei Priori, and running in the direction they tell you. Don't get lost."

Bella nodded, her body rocking back and forth, unable to stay still as the adrenaline surged. "Palazzo dei Priori," she repeated over and over, committing it to memory.

"Or 'the clock tower,' if they speak English," I told her. "I'll go around and try to find a secluded spot somewhere behind the city where I can go over the wall."

She nodded, still murmuring my directions under her breath.

"Edward will be under the clock tower, to the north of the square. There's a narrow alleyway on the right and he'll be in the shadow there. You have to get his attention before he can move into the sun."

Bella nodded furiously.

By this time, we were finally near the front of the line. A man in a navy uniform was directing the flow of traffic, turning cars away from the full lot. When it was our turn, he motioned lazily, not paying attention. That was a mistake. Knowing this would be my only opportunity, I accelerated quickly, edging around him and heading straight for the gate. He shouted something at us, but held his ground, waving frantically to keep the next car from following after us.

The man standing at the gate wore a matching uniform. He stepped into the middle of the street, blocking our path as we drove closer. Ignoring the thongs of people directing their curious glances at us, I angled the car sharply so that, while the sun beat down against Bella's window, I was hidden in the shadows, blocked so that the sun wouldn't expose me.

Too quickly for human eyes to see, I snatched up my bag from the backseat, slipping on elbow-length gloves to hide my hands and arms and grabbing a thick wad of cash to use as my playing card. The guard stalked around to my window, irritation written plainly on his face. He tapped angrily on my window.

It was time.

I smoothed out any hint of anxiety or fear from my features and rolled down my window. I could perform flawlessly, and I could lie so well that no one would think to question. And I would do both now. I had to.

With some satisfaction, I noticed the guard do a double take as he focused on my face. His jaw slacked, and his heart sped – very predictable reactions. We were, after all, the consummate predators, luring in our prey. I had every intention of using that to my advantage right now.

"I'm sorry," he said in heavily accented English, "only tour buses allowed in the city today, miss." He was deeply apologetic now – he didn't like denying me, apparently.

"It's a private tour," I told him, pitching my voice lower and breathier, flashing him an alluring smile.

He blinked rapidly as if dazed, and I reached my glove-covered hand out the window then. His hand was still raised from tapping the window, so it was that much easier to take it carefully in mine and pull it inside the car. His heart raced as I touched him, the glove masking the chill from my skin. Taking full advantage of his stupefied state, I placed the wad of bills in the palm of his hand, and closed his fingers around it. I let my fingers linger over his for a split second, the calculated caress dazing him further.

He stared blankly at the money he now held, the outside of which was a thousand dollar bill.

"Is this a joke?" he mumbled.

My lips tilted in a sultry smile. "Only if you think it's funny."

He looked up then, staring at me with wide eyes. Beside me, I could feel Bella shift nervously as the seconds ticked on.

We had only five minutes left.

Five minutes to get to Edward before everything we were fighting for was stripped away.

Five minutes that were racing away.

"I'm in a wee bit of a hurry," I prodded, my smile never faltering, as the man still stared stupidly at us. He blinked twice, and then shoved the money inside his vest. To my vast relief, he took a step away from the window and waved us on.

Bella and I both slumped with relief as we finally, _finally_ drove inside the city walls.

"Just a little farther," I said for both of our benefits.

Bella's eyes were determined, her hand gripping the passenger door handle as if she was waiting for just the right moment to fling herself from the car.

I could only drive in spurts as people crowded the streets like a human wall. They shook their fists angrily at us as we fought our way through. They called out profanities that I ignored, to focused on getting Bella as close as I could to Edward before all our efforts were too late.

Abandoning the main road, I turned down a side alley that wasn't intended for cars – it was much too small for that, but I didn't care at this point. The people milling about were forced to squeeze into doorways as we scraped by, narrowly missing the rock walls.

Bella's whole body was tense as I stopped the car in the thickest part of the crowd. She had the door open before I could even come completely to a stop, looking quickly to me for direction.

I pointed to where the street widened into a patch of bright openness. "There – we're at the southern end of the clock tower. I'll find a way around – " My breath caught suddenly as I sought out the best angles to approach even as I spoke. What I saw in those visions was anything but reassuring. "They're everywhere – " I hissed, frustrated.

Bella froze, alarmed by the tone of my voice. But we didn't have time for that. I shoved her out of the car, urging her to move. "Forget about them. You have two minutes. Go, Bella, go!" I shouted frantically, climbing out of the car even before she did.

When I glanced back, she was already running, disappearing quickly into the crowd. I skirted my way around, staying inside the shadows and looking for a way to get outside the city walls now that Bella was on her way. I'd gotten her as close as I could, and now I needed to get out. It was too risky for me to be in this kind of crowd with the sun shining so brightly, even if so much of my skin was hidden.

Getting out wasn't easy, though, with the thick press of human bodies milling around and the ominous figures in dark cloaks that were hidden in the shadows. I could see them in my visions, circling closer and closer as the clock ticked closer to noon. They were like vultures circling around, closing in on us.

As I finally found a way out and scaled over the wall, running around to the other side of the clock tower, I kept a close eye on Bella and Edward. She was getting closer, but she was almost out of time.

Visions danced back and forth behind my eyes, teetering on a razor sharp edge. It could so easily fall either way. Either she would reach him a split second before he stepped into the light, or she would be an instant too late, caught in the middle as the cloaked figures descended on Edward's brightly glittering form. I couldn't tell yet… it was much too close.

She was racing towards him, splashing through a fountain in the middle of the square, spraying those around her with the icy drops as she forced her way through.

Edward was standing in the shadows, his eyes closed. The desolation that had covered his features for so long had been replaced by a calm resignation. He knew the end of his suffering was near. What he didn't know was that his savior was so near that he could have heard her calling if he'd just been listening.

I wanted to scream for him to open his eyes… to look in her direction… she was so close. But was it enough?

I danced back and forth, walking a fine line. If I advanced to quickly, he'd hear me before he heard her, and that would be the end. He'd never let us get close enough to stop him. But I needed to be close enough to reach them right after. If we hesitated even a moment in getting out, the Volturi would close in on us.

And that could so easily signal the end for us all.

My stomach dropped to my feet like it had been fashioned from lead as the clock tolled its first chime.

Edward's fingers reached for the first button on his shirt, slipping it from its loop.

Bella called for him, but he didn't hear.

He never opened his eyes.

The second chime sounded and then the third as he slid the ratty shirt down his arms, baring himself to the bright rays of the sun.

The fourth and the fifth as Bella pushed herself to her human limits, yelling for him, racing as fast as she could.

"No!" she screamed, her voice all but drowned out by the pealing of the clock. "Edward, look at me!"

His eyes never opened. A tired smile of resignation played around his lips as the clock chimed again.

He raised one foot to step forward into the sun.

A scream built up in my throat.

And Bella slammed into his chest, gripping him with all her fragile human strength.

Both of his arms reached automatically to hold her as his eyes finally fluttered open. "Amazing," I heard him breathe with wonder in his voice. "Carlisle was right."

Knowing that that was my cue to move, and leaving the two of them to their reunion, I raced around the outside of the walls to the other side of the tower as close as I could get to the two of them while still remaining unseen by the humans gathered around. Quickly, I scaled up the side and leapt down into a shadowed alley. We were far from out of danger yet. The cloaked figures were hovering closer and closer.

We had to get out _now_.

And even now it might be too late.

As if proving my fears, I saw Edward jolt to life just then, snatching Bella behind his back, spreading his arms out protectively in front of her. The reasons for his stance appeared from the shadows a second later – Felix and Demetri.

I kept a close tab on their verbal spat as I drew nearer. Edward was in dangerous territory, defying them and still standing close enough to the mouth of the alley that their confrontation was drawing the attention of those around.

Three heads – Edward's, Felix's, and Demetri's – whipped around as I entered into the dark alley. "Let's behave ourselves, shall we? There are ladies present." I slipped to Edward's side, my voice and stance belying the agitation seething inside. We were running out of time to get out. If we didn't go now, we might not make it at all.

"We're not alone," I reminded them as both cloaked figures straightened. They scowled as they glanced over their shoulders, seeing the attention we were garnering from the humans just outside. A wife was gesturing to her husband, speaking urgently to him, obviously very concerned. Her husband stepped forward then, tapping one of the red-blazered police on the shoulder.

Demetri looked back to us, shaking his head. "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable." The hint of steel in his voice let us know it wasn't really a request.

"Let's," Edward agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

Demetri sighed in frustration. "At least let us discuss this more privately," he said as the crowd outside grew, six more uniformed men joining in, all of them watching us with anxious expressions.

Almost completely hidden behind Edward, Bella's eyes scanned back and forth between all of us fearfully. She understood exactly how dire our situation was, that much I was certain of. But if I had to guess, I'd wager that most of her fear stemmed from the thought of seeing Edward hurt and not for her own safety.

Just then, Edward's jaw clenched, his teeth snapping together audibly. "No," he hissed under his breath. Immediately then, the reason for his sudden concern flickered before me in a vision. I'd missed something – something terribly important… a single decision that changed everything.

"Enough." The disinterested voice came from behind us. With that one word, all of our options were stripped away. They hadn't touched us, but they didn't need to. With the arrival of that one small figure, we were as good as their prisoners.

There was no escaping now.

Felix and Demetri knew this as well, and their postures relaxed, their faces smug. Edward stood from his defensive crouch, his shoulders slumping forward in defeat.

"Jane," he sighed in acknowledgement, his voice resigned.

"Follow me," was her only response. She turned her back and led the way, knowing we didn't dare defy her. With my arms crossed over my chest, I followed her, ignoring the fear that iced over my heart. I fought to keep my face impassive.

A good hunter could sense your weakness, Jasper had told me long ago. And I knew what he would tell me now… hold your head high. And show no fear.

As Edward and Bella fell into step behind me, with Felix and Demetri bringing up the rear, I struggled to suppress my fear. The farther into the dark, narrow chamber we walked, the blurrier the future became. I could see nothing definitively.

And as the mouth of the alley vanished behind us, taking the outside light with it, I had to wonder if we were walking right to our deaths.

With the darkness that clouded my visions, I had no way of knowing if we would walk out of here alive.

* * *

As always, for updates and such you can follow me on Twitter (a) AnEnduringHope. :)

Thanks so much for reading!

Nik


	16. Chapter 16

I'm baaack! And a lot quicker than I'd thought, too! :) Thanks for being patient with me… work is going GREAT, and it's so nice to finally have a job that I enjoy going to everyday!

Based on the lack of response for Chapter 15, I can only assume it was a disappointment for most of you, and I apologize if that was the case. I don't like feeling like I've let readers down. :/ For those of you who did take the time to leave me love, thank you! You know I adore all of you and your sweet comments. Here's hoping Chapter 16 will be more to your liking!

All usual disclaimers apply… I don't own any recognizable dialogues or themes, they're all the property of our lovely queen bee, Stephenie Meyer. ;) Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**Alice**

.

Edward's voice was the first to break the silence as the light disappeared behind us the farther we went into the alley.

"Well, Alice, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here." His voice was casual, as if this were any normal conversation. I knew, though, that was because of our audience – we were both feeling anything but nonchalant right now. We were entirely aware that the three Volturi guards would be listening in to every word we said. It was better to keep our spoken words to a minimum right now. The less they heard the better for us it would be.

"It was my mistake," I told him, matching my tone to his. "It was my job to set it right."

"What happened?" he asked, not allowing even a trace of the curiosity that must be raging inside of him to seep into his voice. Just moments ago, he'd believed that Bella was dead, and yet here she was, clinging to his side like she'd never let go again. He must have had thousands of questions whirling through his mind… and I could only hope we'd have the time left later to answer those questions more fully.

"It's a long story," I began. "In summary, she did throw herself off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days." I threw a glance over in her direction just in time to see her blush, her eyes cast down to the ground.

Not wanting to say anything out loud, both because of the presence of the three Volturi but also because of Bella herself, I ran over the events of the last few days in my mind so that Edward could see them for himself.

I showed him my vision of her cliff diving, of my mad dash to Forks after that, my conversation with Charlie, the talks I'd had with Bella – about her friend the young werewolf, about how she'd cut herself off from all her other friends, about how she'd almost ceased to live after we'd gone. I recalled for him what she had told me about Laurent and Victoria's presence in Forks, much as I hated to tell him that now. I knew he was going to be furious, berating himself mercilessly for leaving her defenseless with them around.

I showed him how frantic she'd been when I'd told her that he was going to Italy to die and our conversations on the plane that followed… minus the promise I'd made to change her, of course. He didn't need to know that yet. Now wasn't the time.

"Hm," he grunted. The careful nonchalance he'd shown before was noticeably gone now, his composure shaken by the things I'd recounted to him.

He didn't have time for any other reaction aside from that as the alley became a dead end in front of us. Without missing a step, Jane lifted the grate covering a drain and leapt down inside. Knowing I had no other choice, I dropped down behind her without hesitation.

"It's all right, Bella," I heard Edward reassuring her, trying to calm her obvious fear. "Alice will catch you."

She crouched at the opening of the drain, her legs dangling down as she sat on the edge. "Alice?" she called, her trembling voice barely more than a whisper.

"I'm right here, Bella." I promised. But that didn't seem to reassure her any.

_Lower her down, Edward. I've got her.  
_  
In response to my thoughts, Edward took her wrists and lowered her down as far as he could. "Ready?"

"Drop her."

Bella fought back a scream as Edward released her. She landed in my arms a fraction of a second later – I knew that had to hurt her with nothing to break her fall… it probably wasn't much better than landing on the hard ground. But she said nothing as I set her on her feet again.

Edward dropped down beside us as soon as I had Bella upright. He pulled her back into his arms, holding her close once again. Saying nothing, just clasping her against his side, he led her forward through the gloomy, dank pathway. Even with him holding her, she still tripped and stumbled in the darkness over the wet, uneven stones. The underground passageway was deathly silent save for the continual dripping of the water from above and the frantic thumping of Bella's heartbeat.

Edward didn't say a word as we traveled farther and farther into the darkness. He just held Bella. And she clung to him desperately. Both of them knew full well that this could be the only reunion they were allowed.

And there was a part of me that envied them that.

I wouldn't have that chance with Jasper… not unless, by some small miracle, they let us go. But I couldn't quite see how that would happen. We were in much too deep for that.

There would be no last moments to hold the other close, to simply _be_ together. There could be no last goodbye, no final caress.

There was nothing.

My heart twisted inside my chest as I saw Edward lean down to press his lips to Bella's forehead, not caring who saw. At least if they died, they would die together.

Now, knowing that my own death could be drawing nearer with every passing second, I wondered if it would have been so terrible to let Jasper come with me.

If he was just going to follow after me if I died and get himself killed anyway, would it have been so much worse to let him come now? To face our end together?

What if I'd waited in going to Forks as he'd asked… what if he'd come with me? What if I hadn't made him promise not to follow? He could have been here with me now. He could have been right here by my side, holding tightly to my hand, easing my fears just by his presence. He could have been here for me to draw comfort and strength from.

But he wasn't. And, even with Edward and Bella just steps away, I felt so _alone_.

Yet there was still a small part of me that was glad he wasn't here… I didn't want him to know how scared I was. I didn't want him to experience that.

And I was _scared_.

I didn't have the faintest idea what to expect. I couldn't see anything no matter how hard I tried. Our futures were a vast, dark nothingness.

And still I knew, no matter how much I longed for the reassurance of Jasper's presence, I couldn't watch him die… I just couldn't. There was no way I could be strong, as I knew I had to be, in the face of that. It would break me.

As the path slanted downwards, taking us deeper into the ground, the sound of Bella's teeth chattering loudly in the silence pulled me from my musings. Realizing suddenly that her trembling indicated cold rather than fright, Edward released her, though he was visibly reluctant to, and pulled away. Bella wouldn't stand for that, though.

"N-n-no," she stuttered, throwing her arms back around him. Grimacing at the thought of causing her any discomfort, he pulled her back into his side, completely unwilling to deny her when they might have so little time. His hand rubbed up and down her arm, trying futilely to warm her with the friction.

When we finally reached the end of the tunnel, there was a grate made of thick iron bars, standing open. We walked through into a larger, brighter stone room. As we passed through, the grille slammed shut with a clang, followed by the sound of a lock. On the other side, through a heavy, wooden door, we stepped into a brightly lit, unremarkable hallway. The only thing overtly ominous about this room was the sound of the dead bolt sliding home behind us.

It was a sound that rang with finality.

The lock alone could never hold us, but it was just one more reminder that our freedom had been stripped from us… our lives placed in the hands of those that held us captive now.

Jane waited for us by the elevators, holding them open with one hand. Her expression remained unchanged, completely apathetic. Once inside the elevator, the three guards threw back the hoods of their cloaks, visibly relaxing now that we were safely inside their domain, away from outside eyes.

Bella wasn't entirely able to hide her fear. She cringed against Edward's side, and he held her protectively close, his eyes never leaving Jane – the one he obviously considered the biggest threat.

The elevator doors opened up to a posh reception area, the complete opposite of the industrial looking hallway downstairs. The palatial room was paneled in rich wood, and the floor was carpeted in a lush, deep green. There were no windows to provide light, but brightly lit paintings of the Tuscan countryside adorned the walls. Pale leather couches were arranged in settings, and glossy tables held crystal vases full of vibrantly colored bouquets.

Anywhere else, the arrangement would have looked rich and inviting. But here the opulence was simply a reminder of how much power our captors wielded.

"Good afternoon, Jane," the human woman sitting behind the high, polished counter, greeted her pleasantly.

Jane simply nodded. "Gianna," she spoke in perfunctory acknowledgment, continuing on to a set of double doors in the back of the room. Felix winked at the pretty human girl as they passed, causing her to giggle.

A single pair of footsteps sounding from the distance signaled the arrival of yet one more guard. This one was almost as unassuming as Jane in appearance, bearing a strong resemblance to her. The young boy, wearing a pearl gray suit came forward to meet us. He smiled and reached for Jane, greeting her with a hug as they kissed each other's cheeks on both sides.

He looked over us with a sense of satisfaction. "They send you out for one," he commented to Jane, "and you come back with two… and a half," he noted almost as an afterthought, glancing at Bella. "Nice work."

She laughed with delight, the sound almost childlike in its deceptive innocence.

"Welcome back, Edward," the boy turned to my brother, standing ramrod straight and silent in front of him. "You seem in a better mood," he observed.

"Marginally," Edward agreed in a flat voice.

He chuckled under his breath and turned his attention to Bella who was still clinging to Edward. "And this is the cause of all the trouble?" he asked, clearly skeptical.

Edward smiled contemptuously for a split second before he froze, the smile melting right from his face.

"Dibs," Felix called casually from behind.

Edward turned to face him, a low snarl building in his chest as his expression transformed to one of sheer menace.

Felix smiled mockingly – his hand raised, palm up; he curled his fingers twice, inviting Edward forward. Edward looked as if he'd be happy to give Felix the fight he wanted. But I could see quite clearly that it wouldn't end well at all… not with the odds we had right now. Force was not the way to get out… if there was a way out at all.

I grabbed his arm before he could attack, squeezing tightly to get his attention. "Patience," I cautioned him.

_That's what they want, Edward._ I directed my thoughts to him when he turned to look at me, his helpless rage seething in his eyes. _Don't give them the satisfaction. If we have any hope of making it out of here at all, you're going to have to control yourself. Think of Bella. Do it for her._

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, bringing himself back under control.

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again." Alec said as Edward turned back to him.

"Let's not keep him waiting." Jane's voice was even, yet there was no missing the threat concealed there.

Edward nodded once, and Jane and Alec, holding hands, led the way down yet another wide, ornate hall. Alec held the door open for Jane, and we followed them inside. The stone antechamber wasn't large and opened into a brighter, cavernous room, perfectly round like a castle turret.

Long window slits threw rectangles of sunlight onto the stone floor below. A handful of immortals were already scattered around the room, engaged in casual conversation, and their faces all turned to us as we entered, registering Bella's human scent.

Aro, in all his ancient glory, was standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by his guard. He fastened his eyes on Jane. "Jane, dear one, you've returned," he cried in delight. He drifted over to her, took her face in his hands and kissed her lips. I fought not to cringe at the sight. _Disgusting_.

"Yes, Master," Jane smiled at him, fairly cooing at his pleasure. "I brought him back alive, just as you wished."

"Ah, Jane," Aro smiled back at her. "You are such a comfort to me."

He turned towards us, and his smile became almost ecstatic. "And Alice and Bella, too." He clapped his hands gleefully. "This _is_ a happy surprise! Wonderful!" He spoke our names casually, as if we were old friends stopping by for a visit.

He turned to our escort. "Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."

"Yes, Master," Felix nodded and went back the way we had come.

"You see, Edward?" Aro smiled indulgently. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"

"Yes, Aro, I am." Edward tightened his arm around Bella's waist, drawing her closer.

"I love a happy ending," Aro sighed happily. "They are so rare. But I want the whole story," his voice gained excitement. "How did this happen? Alice?" His curious milky red eyes turned towards me. "Your brother seems to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."

"Oh, I'm far from infallible." I fought with all my might to keep my fear from my face and my voice, pasting a smile on my features. It was only after I spoke that I realized that my fists were tightly balled up by my side. "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them," I told him.

"You're too modest," he spoke in a distinctly chiding voice, as if I was a child. "I have seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!" he exclaimed.

I looked over at Edward in confusion._ How does he know about me? And _what_, exactly, does he know?_

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we?" he cut in before Edward could respond, having seen my confusion. "It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not." His voice was envious as he shook his head.

"And also exponentially more powerful," Edward added dryly.

_What are you talking about? _Dread pooled in my stomach – a dread I couldn't explain… it was instinctive.

"Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts," Edward explained swiftly, "but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had."

My eyebrows shot up at his explanation. _So he knows everything? Everything you've ever heard from any of us? He knows it all?_Edward inclined his head in a nod.

"But to be able to hear from a distance..." Aro sighed, gesturing towards us, guessing what had just taken place. "That would be so _convenient_."

Before Edward or I could react any further, Felix returned with two other men following after him. Every head in the room turned towards them.

"Marcus, Caius, look!" Aro exclaimed gleefully. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is her with her! Isn't that wonderful?" Neither of his companions looked remotely interested in our arrival.

"Let us have the story," Aro continued, excitement coloring his voice.

Caius drifted gracefully to one of the ancient wooden thrones. The other touched Aro's palm briefly and then dropped his hand to his side. Aro raised one eyebrow, at something he'd seen in Marcus's thoughts I assumed.

Edward snorted quietly beside me, and I turned to look at him, both curious and confused.

"Thank you, Marcus. That's quite interesting." Aro said, shaking his head. "Amazing," he sighed. "Absolutely amazing."

I was frustrated now at being in the dark. I wasn't used to that, and I didn't like it… especially when I couldn't see anything in the future. It left me incredibly ill at ease.

I looked at Edward, unable to completely mask the aggravation from my face. _Would you mind letting me in on what the hell he's going on about?  
_  
Edward fought back a smile at my impatience. "Marcus sees relationships. He is surprised by the intensity of ours." Edward explained.

Aro smiled. "So convenient," he repeated to himself, desire thick in his voice. He looked back at us. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you."

"It's just so difficult to understand, even now," he continued when neither of us spoke. "How can you stand so close to her like that?" He nodded his head towards Bella.

"It is not without effort."

"But, still – _la tua cantante_! What a waste!"

Edward responded with a humorless chuckle. "I look at it more as a price."

"A very high price."

"Opportunity cost," he retorted.

Aro laughed. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you..."

"Waste it," Edward interrupted him sarcastically, biting off the words.

I looked back and forth between them, feeling a bit lost. I knew they were talking about the appeal of Bella's blood for Edward, I could figure that out on my own, but the rest I had no idea about. I'd never in my life heard of "la tua cantante." Singer, I knew it translated to, but that made no sense to me.

Aro laughed again. "Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him – only he was not so angry."

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well."

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

"Hardly," Edward said impatiently. I could tell he was quickly growing tired of their back-and-forth. We were all worried and fearful, not knowing what kind of fate awaited us at their hands. This prolonging of things was wearing on all of us.

"I am gratified by his success," Aro mused. "Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it..._pleases_ me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong."

"But _your_ restraint!" Aro sighed again. "I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again – if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed."

"Just remembering how she appeals to you..." he chuckled. "It makes me thirsty."

Edward stiffened immediately, tensing to protect Bella with his life if need be.

"Don't be disturbed. I mean her no harm. But I am _so_ curious, about one thing in particular." His eyes shifted to Bella, bright interest evident on his face. "May I?" he asked, already lifting his hand.

"Ask _her_," Edward countered.

"Of course, how rude of me!" Aro relented. "Bella," he turned to speak to her directly. "I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent – so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try – to see if you are an exception for _me_, as well?"

Bella looked to Edward for reassurance, fear written clearly on her face. Edward nodded in encouragement. We all knew his question was merely a formality. He wasn't really giving a choice. Swallowing her fear, Bella turned to Aro and raised a trembling hand to him. He glided forward, his features intent. Reaching out, as if to shake her hand, he smiled down into her eyes. Bella didn't look away, appearing to be almost entranced.

A long, silent moment passed as everyone seemed to hold their breath in anticipation. Yet after a moment, Aro's face faltered, the confidence he'd shown before wavering until it transformed into doubt and then into incredulity before he put his mask back in place.

He let go of her hand and glided back a few steps. "So very interesting." He breathed as returned to his composed façade once again.

I chanced a glance at Edward and noticed that he looked rather smug that Bella's mind had been as closed to Aro as it was to him. And I couldn't blame him for that.

The silence stretched on as Aro continued to drift in his thoughts, his eyes flickering between the three of us. Then, abruptly, he shook his head.

"A first," he said, mostly to himself. "I wonder if she is immune to our other talents..." his voice trailed off. "Jane, dear?"

"No!" Edward snarled from deep within his chest. Seeing that his control was wavering, I stepped forward and grabbed his arm, but he shook me off roughly, his vengeful eyes locked on Jane.

Jane smiled happily at Aro. "Yes, Master?"

Edward was snarling fiercely now, the other immortals in the room staring at him with shocked expressions. No one challenged Aro like this. No one.

Felix stepped forward with a gleeful expression, intending to restrain Edward forcefully, but a glance from Aro sent him stepping back.

"I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to_ you_," Aro continued as if nothing had happened… as if Edward wasn't seconds away from trying to tear them both to shreds. His snarls were building in volume, becoming almost deafening. He released Bella to hide her behind his form, shielding her with his body as if that would stop Jane from hurting her.

The visions that flickered into my sight now were absolutely terrifying as all three of them – Aro, Jane, and Edward – decided on their courses. I forced myself to stand still, crying out in my mind for Edward to hold his ground and not attack.

But he didn't listen.

With a ferocious growl, he launched himself at Jane, and a scream finally did break free from my lungs. "Don't!" I cried. But it was too late.

Before anyone could move to react, Edward was on the ground, his body writhing in unspeakable agony. Bella stared at his fallen form in horror, too stunned to move at the suddenness with which he'd fallen.

"Stop!" she finally shrieked, jumping forward, intending to put herself between Edward and Jane.

Knowing that would only make things worse, I threw my arms around Bella, holding her violently trembling form in place. No sound escaped Edward's lips as the two of us stared helplessly at him. No matter how much we wanted to make his pain stop, we were powerless to do anything. It went on and on, and my heart bled at watching my brother's continued torture, his face contorted under the searing pain.

It seemed an eternity, though it was only a moment or two in reality, when Aro's voice called in a tranquil voice, "Jane."

She looked up quickly when he called, still smiling in pleasure though her eyes were questioning.

Edward's body stilled the moment Jane looked up. Bella whimpered pitifully, and I wondered if she was even aware of the sound.

"He's fine," I whispered beside her ear in a tight voice, as much for my benefit as for hers. Even as I spoke, Edward sprang to his feet, his eyes searching over Bella in alarm, a look of horror on his face as he waited for her to fall under the cruelty of Jane's gift.

A moment passed. My arms tightened instinctively around Bella, waiting for her to collapse under the agony, ready to hold her should she fall… and a part of me fearful that I'd fall too. As much sadistic pleasure as Jane took in her abilities, what would stop her from including me in her attack as well?

Yet nothing happened.

Bella cringed back against me, fear but not pain, etched on her face. Edward and I relaxed as one.

Jane, however, was furious. She glared at Bella, her jaw clenching with the intensity of her focus.

Bella shrank back further into me until Edward stepped to her side, taking her back into his arms as soon as I released her.

Aro's hearty laugh echoed through the room. "This is wonderful," he crowed.

Jane hissed menacingly, obviously not sharing his sentiment, leaning forward as if to spring at Bella.

"Don't be put out, dear one," Aro said, comforting Jane, placing his hand on her shoulder. "She confounds us all."

Her glare didn't relent.

Aro laughed again. "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once – just out of curiosity." He shook his head in admiration as he left the rest unspoken.

"So what do we do with you now?" he sighed after a moment of tense silence.

My body tensed, nausea unfurling in the pit of my stomach. This was exactly what we'd been waiting for since the moment we stepped into this room. I scanned through every possible outcome before us, but still the future remained so blurry that it was all but impossible to see anything clearly.

I shot a quick glance at Edward and noticed that his posture mirrored mine. I knew he would have been watching my visions with me, waiting for some sign, some clue how best to proceed to turn things in our favor. I hoped he had a better idea how to do that than I did.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" Aro asked Edward.

Edward hesitated before he answered, not wanting to offend him, not now – not when our future rested in his capricious hands.

"I'd... rather... not," he said carefully.

"Alice?" Aro turned to me with the hope of acquisition in his eyes. "Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?"

"No, thank you," I said, surprised at how even and controlled my voice came out – completely opposite of how I felt inside. I felt like I could be sick.

"And you, Bella?" Aro raised his eyebrows, looking to her. A low hiss escaped Edward's lips, and my eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"What?" Caius spoke up for the first time, disbelief and disgust coloring his voice.

"Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro answered calmly. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

Jane's eyes sparked in indignation at the comparison. She obviously didn't like that at all.

"No, thank you," Bella whispered when he glanced back at her, her voice breaking.

"That's unfortunate," Aro breathed regretfully. "Such a waste."

"Join or die, is that it?" Edward hissed. "I suspected as much when we were brought to _this_ room. So much for your laws." I looked up at Edward in surprise at the disdain in his voice. I could only hope he had an angle that he was playing… some idea how to get us out before we were killed.

"Of course not." Aro blinked rapidly, astonished. "We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you."

But Caius was having none of that. "Aro, the law claims them."

Edward glared at him. "How so?" he demanded.

"She knows too much," he pointed at Bella. "You have exposed our secrets."

"There are few humans in on your charade here, as well," he reminded him.

"Yes," he confirmed in a dispassionate voice. "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not."

Bella began to whisper, "I wouldn't – " but he silenced her with a glare.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us," he continued, looking back to Edward as if Bella had never spoken. "Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only _her_ life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish."

Edward bared his teeth at Caius's words. "That's what I thought," Caius said, with barely disguised pleasure.

Aro obviously wasn't happy with the turn of the conversation. His curiosity and lust for acquisition might actually be our best ally at this point. "Unless...," he interrupted. "Unless you do intend to give her immortality?"

Edward hesitated, eyeing him suspiciously. "And if I do?"

Aro smiled. "Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle. But I'm afraid you would have to mean it." His tone was reproving as he extended his hand towards Edward, wanting to restore the physical connection he needed to ensure that Edward would be telling the truth.

Edward remained motionless, his eyes darting to Bella uncertainly. He'd always been so afraid to take her choices away – to condemn her to an existence he considered worse than death. But that could hardly be a concern now… she would die if he didn't promise… and he would fight if they tried to harm her… and he would be killed… and I would die with him because I _could not_ stand by and watch him be killed. I knew all of that for a fact.

"Mean it," Bella whispered in a desperate, strained voice. "Please."

Edward stared so deeply into her eyes it seemed he was trying to peer into her soul as he contemplated his choices, torn.

The guards grew restless as the silence stretched on, waiting for the moment when they would strike, anticipating a coming fight.

Yet still Edward said nothing.

And that's when I knew what I had to do. If he couldn't make that decision, then I was taking it out of his hands. This wasn't about him or his insecurities now. I knew he had his reasons for his hesitation just as I was sure that he loved Bella more than his own life… but there was too much at stake _not_ to do something.

_No._

His gaze flashed to me in surprise.

_I'm not letting you do this again, Edward. This may be our only chance to survive. And I'm not letting your fears take that away. If you won't change her, I will. I've already promised._

Edward opened his mouth to object, but I stepped forward before he could. The guard moved to stop me, but Aro waved them off, his eyes glinting with an eager, acquisitive light as he met me halfway. He reached for my outstretched hand, clasping his fingers over mine and bending his head over our joined hands. His eyes closed in concentration as he plundered my thoughts.

I'd never before felt as violated as I did now, knowing that every thought I'd ever had was being exposed to Aro's curious mind… and not only his, but Edward's as well. Every thought, every secret brought to light… mine, and what was worse, Jasper's too.

Every time Jasper had taken me into his confidence, every time he'd confided his past, his secrets, and his fears to me, all of it was now being revealed.

I almost felt worse about that than my own invasion of privacy. As private as Jasper was with his innermost thoughts and feelings, I felt like this was a betrayal of him. But I knew without any doubt what he would tell me to do… whatever it took to get out alive. And that's what I was doing.

But I hated it.

As hard as we'd fought for our privacy in such a large family – and one with a mind-reader at that – all our efforts were for nothing as every last word we'd spoken, every touch, every kiss, every whispered endearment, every private encounter was laid bare.

No one moved as Aro scoured the depths of my thoughts, seeing all of that and so much more. I forced myself to remain motionless and impassive, difficult as it was.

The seconds ticked on endlessly before, finally, Aro's face lifted, his eyes blinking open as he laughed gleefully. "That was _fascinating_!"

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," I said smiling humorlessly, allowing none of my disgust to seep through.

"To see the things that you've seen – especially the ones that haven't happened yet!" Aro crowed, thoroughly impressed.

"But that will, " I reminded him, knowing he'd seen my determination to change Bella.

"Yes, yes, it's quite determined. Certainly there's no problem."

Caius didn't like this new direction at all. "Aro," he complained.

"Dear Caius," Aro smiled at him. "Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household..." he smiled benevolently in my direction. And I wanted to be sick all over again. "Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out."

"Then we are free to go now?" Edward asked him evenly as soon as he'd stopped speaking.

"Yes, yes," Aro agreed, clapping his hands together in delight. "But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!"

"And we will visit you as well," Caius interjected. The threat was explicit. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances."

A new scent drifted in from the hallways then – the scent of a small mass of humanity… the concentrated scent of blood. Felix shifted noticeably, his pupils dilating with his sudden lust for blood.

"Ah, Felix." Aro chided, amused. "Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."

"Hmm," Edward's voice had a new edge to it. "In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later."

"Yes," Aro agreed, his forehead creasing. "That's a good idea. Accidents _do _happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind."

"Of course," Edward consented. We'd all agree to just about anything to get out of here at this point.

"And here," Aro added. He motioned Felix forward and unfastened the cloak Felix was wearing and tossed it to Edward. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous." Edward took the cloak from him and slipped it over his shoulders.

"It suits you," Aro sighed as he took in the sight of Edward wearing the colors of the Volturi.

Edward chuckled darkly but cut off quickly, glancing over his shoulder as the noises from outside grew more pronounced as the crowd drew closer. "Thank you, Aro. We'll wait below."

"Goodbye, young friends." He stared towards the exit as we turned to leave, eyes bright, anticipating his approaching meal.

Edward's voice was urgent. "Let's go."

Demetri led the way back into the hallway. Edward pulled along Bella swiftly beside him, trying to get her away before the massacre began.

My face hardened with the realization that we'd be too late. "Not fast enough," I muttered under my breath.

A large number of people were beginning to fill the antechamber, their voices booming in the room. Some were excited. Some were confused. But none had any idea why they were here, no inclination why they had been brought to this room.

Edward pulled Bella's face against his chest, trying to shield her from understanding what was about to happen. Back in the hallway, Heidi was there, staring at us, her expression curious.

"Welcome home, Heidi," Demetri called out in greeting.

"Demetri," she replied in acknowledgment. She eyed the cloak Edward was wearing, her gaze flickering to Bella.

"Nice fishing." Demetri complimented her.

"Thanks," she flashed him a stunning smile, easily distracted from her curiosity. "Aren't you coming?"

"In a minute. Save a few for me."

She nodded, continuing on.

We rushed down the hall so quickly that Bella was almost forced to sprint to keep up. I was almost surprised that Edward didn't just pick her up and run with her to get her away. But even as hard as we tried to get away, the screams of terror started before we'd even reached the end of the hallway.

* * *

OK, here's the deal… Chapter 17 is already done, and how fast you get it depends on your reviews. ;) You all are the determining factor on when it gets posted! Heehee… How's that for motivation?

Remember this?

.

_I had promised Alice that I would protect her – that I would always be there when she needed me. And that promise came back now to mock me in my misery. __I had never deserved her in the first place, but never less so than now. I had failed. I had failed my beloved in the worst way imaginable._

_It was because of my own weakness that I was going to lose her._

_The only small ray of hope that I could cling to was the knowledge that this would come to and end soon. Either by some miracle, the Volturi would decide to be uncharacteristically merciful and Alice would come home to me, or I would end this miserable existence myself. Either way, there was only so long this could last._

_And if Alice died, I would die soon after. There was no doubt in my mind of that fact. I wouldn't live a moment longer than I had to in a world that she no longer existed in. There was no point to a life that didn't include her._

_Time meant nothing now. I was only waiting to know for sure that Alice was either safe or taken from me._

_One way or another, this misery would all be over soon._

Press that little review button to get Jasper up off the ground and get them moving towards that reunion! ;)

Hugs!

Nik


	17. Chapter 17

You all ROCK! LOL Thank you SO much for all of your super sweet comments last chapter. They meant so much to me… you brightened up my week in a major way. And I'm really glad to hear that 15 wasn't the disappointment that I thought it was. I'm a needy little writer apparently… I always need some encouragement and validation… and you most definitely gave it! ;)

You know by now that I'm not Stephenie Meyer and therefore don't own a dang thing here. Anything you recognize (and maybe even some things you don't! :P) belong solely to her and I mean no copyright infringement with this story.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 17**

**Alice**

.

The three of us still reeling from our close encounter, we followed Demetri back into the plush reception area we'd passed through on the way in earlier. The woman, Gianna was still sitting at her post, eyeing us curiously, though she said nothing. Bright, harmless music, in such direct contrast to the terrors we'd just faced, filtered in through the speakers.

"Do not leave until dark," Demetri warned us.

Edward nodded, in acknowledgement, and Demetri hurried away, anxious to get his share of the meal that was waiting for him.

"Are you all right?" Edward asked when he was gone, leaning over Bella, his eyes intent with worry.

Her whole body was shaking wretchedly, her teeth chattering now in fear now rather than the cold from before. She looked like she could barely hold herself upright.

"You'd better make her sit down before she falls," I observed to Edward. "She's going to pieces."

He shot me a frustrated glance, not knowing how to help her. Holding her gently, he led her over to one of the couches on the far side of the room, crooning to her the whole way. "Shh, Bella, shh." He lifted her into his lap when he sat down, cradling her close to his chest. Her body still jerked spasmodically, her eyes glazed and unfocused like she was going to pass out at any moment.

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," I suggested. Wasn't that what humans did in such cases? I didn't really know. I'd never seen anything like this before in person.

Edward shot me an incredulous glance. And I realized that probably wouldn't be the best idea. A blow might crush her face. Humans were ridiculously fragile, after all.

_Don't look at me._ I shrugged. _You're the one who remembers being human, after all._

Edward just rolled his eyes and turned back to Bella, trying to help her calm down. Not having the first clue how to help my distraught friend, I figured I'd leave her in Edward's more capable hands and take care of a much more pressing concern.

Jasper.

He'd been absolutely frantic the whole time I'd been gone, and now I could _finally_ ease his fears. I ached just to hear his voice. It had been so long… or at least it seemed that way.

Crossing over to the other corner of the room, I took my phone out of my pocket and pressed the button to call him. The seconds it took for the call to connect felt like an eternity.

Jasper answered before the first ring had even begun.

"Alice?" His voice was absolutely frantic, a tone I didn't hear from him often at all. He was usually so unshakeable. The sound of that just betrayed the weight of his fears.

"Jasper, I'm here… I'm right here. It's okay…"

"Alice," his voice broke on a sob, "_Alice_… are you all right? Are you hurt? Where are you?"

"I'm fine," I promised, feeling my eyes sting with tears at the sound of his voice so rough with emotion. "I'm safe… we all are. We're still in Italy right now, but we'll be on our way home as soon as it's dark out."

I found myself cradling the phone in both hands as if, somehow, I could reach through the distance and touch him, to wrap my arms around him… to feel his arms wrapped around me. Hearing his voice again made that ache exponentially worse. I needed him to hold me, to kiss me, to make me feel safe again more than I needed anything else in the world.

"God, I was so afraid…" his voice caught again, breaking my heart right along with it.

"I know… I was too. So afraid." I whispered, my eyes clenched shut. "But it's over now… it's all over. And everything's going to be all right. We'll be on our way home soon."

"What happened?"

"Bella got to Edward _just_ in the nick of time. The Volturi brought us back to their palace, but they let us go." And that was a fact that still amazed me even now. "All they asked is that we wait until dark to leave, when we'll be less conspicuous."

"Wait… what?" Jasper asked, incredulity breaking through his relief. "They let you go? Just that easily? But Bella knows everything… they didn't care?"

"Not exactly 'just that easily.' We did have to promise to change her. But Aro was so curious to see how Bella would turn out as one of us. He was intrigued by her ability to keep everyone – including him – out of her head." I sighed, "I guess I should be grateful for his curiosity… it's probably the only thing that saved us."

"And what about you?" Jasper asked, disbelief still coloring his voice as he tried to take all of this in. "They didn't try to convince you to stay?"

That was something we'd discussed before… though not quite in this context. Jasper, with his background in warfare, knew that my precognition would be highly coveted by those that craved power. It could be used with devastating results if applied without conscience. It had always been a fear in the back of his mind that someone from his past would find out about my abilities and try to exploit them. _This_, had they succeeded in keeping me here, would have been far worse than we'd ever imagined.

"They did. But they didn't press the issue when I said no."

His sigh of relief sounded heavily in my ear.

"Jasper, _I miss you_…" My voice was the one to crack this time as I thought about how afraid I'd been that I'd never have the chance to hear his voice again.

"I miss you too, darlin," his voice was husky and thick with emotion. "You have no idea."

"Oh, yes I do." My forced chuckle turned into a sob.

"Alice," his voice caressed my name, and my eyes slid shut at the adoration there. "_I love you_." He enunciated each word slowly as if it were the first – or last time – he'd ever spoken them… and I knew then that he'd been just as afraid as I had been that we'd never again have the chance to say them.

I covered my face in my hand, trying to hold in my sob. "I know you do… Jasper, I know that. And I love you, too… so much."

"Come home to me," he rasped with tears in his voice, "quickly."

"Yes," I breathed deeply to steady myself. "Less than twenty-four hours, my love. I'll be there."

"That's too long."

I almost smiled at the wistfulness in his words. "I know."

A minute was too long at this point… I wanted him with me, holding me, right now.

"But I need you to do something," I told him.

"Anything."

"Go back to the house and tell the others that we're all right. Edward and I need to talk about arrangements, but we have to get Bella home one way or another, so we'll most likely be flying into Seattle."

"I'll be waiting for you there," he promised.

"I hope so. I don't know how I'm going to wait even that long." I sighed, thinking about the long hours that stretched out between us before I was able to feel his arms around me again.

"I know one thing," Jasper said, and I heard the smile in his tone now.

"What's that?"

"It will be nice to have good news to pass on this time. We've all been worried sick."

"I know. But this will all be behind us soon. We've just got to hang in there a little while longer." I sighed deeply. "I should go. I'll call you again when I know what our flight itinerary is."

"I'll be waiting."

"I love you," I whispered again, unable to say it enough.

"I love you, too, darlin. I'll see you soon."

I didn't want to hang up the phone and lose my connection with Jasper, but I knew I really had no choice. He needed to let our family know that we were all right and ease their minds about us, and Edward and I needed to discuss how we were going to get home.

I walked back over to where Edward was holding a much calmer Bella. Tears streaked down her cheeks, but at least she was coherent now.

"And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow," I heard him whisper to her.

"Hopefully," she sniffled.

"The outlook is quite good," I told them both. I scanned through our future again and saw nothing to alarm me. Aro had been sincere when he'd told us we could go… I saw no evidence of deceit on his part to be concerned about. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours," I breathed with a smile.

There was no sign that either of them heard me, so wrapped up were they in each other. Neither was willing to look away from the other's eyes.

"You look so tired," he whispered to her.

"And you look thirsty." She traced the deep purple bruises under his eyes.

"It's nothing," he assured her.

"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice."

"Don't be ridiculous," he held her closer, "I've never been in better control of _that_ side of my nature than right now."

Satisfied that he was telling the truth, Bella leaned back against him, rubbing her face against his shoulder like a cat, content to simply be in his arms again. There was silence for the span of several long moments as we all sat with our thoughts. Edward was the first to break it.

"Alice," he called in a voice too low for Bella's human ears to pick up on. I looked up to see a sincere gratitude warming his eyes. "Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you did. I owe you a debt I'll never be able to repay."

"You're right." A smile played around my lips. I was a little surprised by his gratitude. I'd been prepared for wrath after I'd gone back to Forks when I'd said I wouldn't. But I was glad that wasn't the case.

One corner of his mouth lifted in a crooked smile at my teasing, and he ducked his head. "Is he going to be upset?" he asked, glancing at the phone I still clasped in my hand. I knew immediately what he was referring to. Through my memories that had been unveiled just moments ago, he'd seen the way Jasper and I had parted. He'd seen the way we'd argued, and how I'd deceived him.

I shrugged. "I don't know yet." We had some things to work through, that was for certain. And I imagined that, once his relief faded somewhat, he'd have a few things to say about that.

I'd hurt him. I'd lied to him. I'd betrayed his trust.

He had a right to be upset with me.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Edward asked. "Give him someone to redirect his anger towards?"

I shook my head. "No. But thank you. We'll work things out."

"You always do." His voice held a stark longing as he wrapped his arms even closer around Bella. "Alice…" he whispered in an even lower voice. "Do I still have a chance with her? After everything I've put her through, is she going to be willing to let me try to earn back her trust?"

"I can't tell you that," I told him regretfully. "What I can tell you is that you've got a lot of work to do if you really want to set things right. A lot of damage was done in the last several months."

He flinched, but I continued. He needed to know.

"Charlie hates you. It's going to be an uphill battle from now on to earn any sort of respect back from him. Bella's trust isn't going to be restored easily either. And now you've got her… friend… Jacob Black to contend with." He grimaced.

"I'll do whatever I need to do to make things right… if she'll let me."

"You'll have to fight for her," I warned him.

"I can do that."

"And groveling would be appropriate too," I said, tongue-in-cheek.

He ducked his head, chuckling once under his breath. "I can do that, too."

"But, in all seriousness, if she didn't still love you, I don't think she would have risked her life so willingly for yours the way she did." His eyes grew thoughtful. "You've got a lot of damage to repair. But I still think you can do it given time."

"I hope so." He sighed.

"But, Edward," he looked up at me, a question in his eyes. "If you _ever_ do anything this stupid again, you won't have to go running to the Volturi. I will rip you to pieces myself, and it will be one hell of a long time before I put the pieces back together again. You can bet on that."

He just smiled. "If I ever do anything this stupid again, you have my permission to do just that. Come here." He shifted Bella on his lap and held out one arm to me. I leaned down to wrap my arms around his neck as he pulled me into a hug, kissing my temple. "I missed you," he whispered by my ear.

"I missed you, too." I returned his hug tightly.

"Now," he said, squeezing my waist, "how are we going to get home?"

* * *

**Jasper  
**

I'd had no concept of how much time had passed as I'd lain there in the snow. It could have been hours or it could have been weeks. It wouldn't have mattered to me either way. I only wanted to know that Alice was safe.

Alice was all I cared about.

It had seemed an eternity before the cell phone I'd kept clutched in my hand started to vibrate. I'd wanted to weep with relief when I'd heard Alice's voice carried across the distance. The precious sound served to finally ease the agony that had threatened to destroy me.

She was safe. She was unharmed. And she was coming home.

It was only a matter of hours now until she was safe in my arms again.

It was difficult to hang up the phone and lose even the meager connection it provided, but Alice had been confident in our reunion, and I had every confidence in her.

With a promise to see her soon, I hung up the phone and raced back down the mountain the same way I'd come… a lifetime ago, it seemed. I didn't even take time to dust the snow from my clothes as I flew towards the house where my family waited. My feet didn't feel like they were even touching the ground, so great was my relief.

I burst loudly through the front door, causing four heads to jerk up. All of them wore the same fearfully expectant look in their eyes.

"They're all right." My words came out in a rush. "They're all right, and they're coming home."

A stunned silence reigned throughout the room at first as my words sunk in. Then, in an instant, the atmosphere changed from one of almost a wake to a celebration.

Emmett tossed his hands up in the air, his victory whoop making the walls shake and the windows rattle. Rosalie sagged back against his chest, her relief leaving her boneless.

Carlisle pulled Esme up into his arms and swung her around, their joyous laughter ringing all throughout the house.

As their celebration continued, I slumped against the door, emotionally spent after the events of the last week, until Esme caught me up in a hug. She embraced me tightly, laughing through her tears. Carlisle was there when she released me, and, in the moments that followed, there were hugs all around, laughter and crying as we rejoiced in the news that our loved ones were coming home.

I doubted that any one of us had _truly_ believed that this could turn out well. Now that we knew they were safe, the overwhelming relief made us all giddy.

When we broke apart, each of them began to bombard me with questions. I took a few moments to relay to them what Alice had told me, but I was eager to be on the move. I knew that Alice was going to meet me back in Washington, and that's where I wanted to be.

We gathered our things hurriedly after that, and said a hasty goodbye to our Denali family with a promise to visit again soon, hopefully under happier circumstances. Only a short while later we were in the air again, heading back to Forks.

Heading home.

This flight was worlds different than the last one. This time the blood scented air was nothing more than an aggravation. It wasn't much different than a human would feel about an annoying mosquito – a nuisance, yes, but it was easily squashed.

There was room in my mind for only one thought – Alice.

Every moment that passed was another moment that brought me closer to her… another moment closer to when I could hold her in my arms and kiss her… and never let her go again.

We landed at Sea-Tac and made our way back to Forks. I knew, as we walked through the airport terminals, that the next time I made this trek it would be to reunite with my Alice. And I was counting down the hours.

It was strange to return to our Forks home after everything that had transpired since the last time we were here. It had been almost seven months since any of us had set foot inside this house… any of us aside from Alice. She'd obviously been here.

I walked in the front door and was immediately assaulted by her scent. It was somewhat faded, a few days old obviously, but still… it was her. I clenched my jaw against the longing that flooded me at the familiar fragrance. The ache that hadn't left my arms in all the time we'd been apart worsened with the empty promise… her scent lingered, but she was still halfway around the world… much too far away.

Esme's arm wound around my waist, and I realized that I'd stopped right in the middle of the doorway, unable to move on. "Not much longer," she soothed, gently rubbing my back. "Only a few more hours now."

It didn't take us long to remove the white sheets covering the furniture that had been left behind, restoring the familiar look of our house. Yet, even as we worked, the question burned in each of our minds – would we stay?

We had no real answers yet. So much still remained to be decided. I only hoped that Edward would be reasonable. Surely he wouldn't be able to tear himself away again after only just getting Bella back. No one was that strong. He needed her. They'd have to find a way to work things out.

As the others worked on the main level, I drifted upstairs to the room I'd shared with Alice. Shutting the door quietly behind me, I stood two feet in the room and let all the conflicting emotions inside have their way… I didn't even bother to fight them.

Evidence of Alice's recent presence was littered across the room. A few of her possessions lay haphazardly about where she'd left them when she'd been here before, evidently having been in a hurry. Her scent was stronger here, concentrated in the clothes she'd left behind. And I could smell our combined scents lingering in the bedding.

Her fingerprints were everywhere here – in the bright colors that decorated the room, the feminine touches throughout, the massive closet, filled to the brim, that spoke of her passion for clothes.

I stepped into the closet, almost larger than the room itself, and sank down in one corner, fingering the hem on one of her dresses. I laid my face against the fabric and breathed her in, feeling my eyes sting with the tears my body couldn't produce.

I almost jumped when the phone rang in my pocket, so caught up in my thoughts was I, and then almost tore the fabric of my jeans in my haste to answer.

"Alice?"

"Hi," she breathed, and I heard the longing in her voice that matched mine. "Where are you?" she asked, though I heard a slight note of teasing there… it sounded almost forced.

"You know where I am. And if you hadn't seen it, I'm betting you could get it in one guess." I said as I closed my eyes and imagined that she was here with me, easier now that I was surrounded by her fragrance.

"You're right."

"Where are you?" I asked, repeating her question.

"Too far away from you," she answered without hesitation.

"You've got that right, darlin."

"We're flying out of Rome, on our way to Atlanta," she answered. "Heading in the right direction now, at least. We have a short layover in Atlanta before we catch our flight to Seattle. We should land at Sea-Tac in the morning around 7:20."

"Think we can make it that long?" I asked, only half joking.

Alice chuckled quietly. "We don't have much of a choice, do we?"

We stayed on the phone for a while after that, talking about nothing in particular, not willing to lose even this small connection. I was content just to listen to her breathing on the other end of the line. That sound alone was soothing… comforting.

Alice's declaration at one point caught me by surprise.

"I think I fell in love while I was in Italy," she said.

"Say what?" I asked, completely confused.

I heard her giggle into the phone. "Yes. I, umm, borrowed a Porsche 911 Turbo to get from Florence to Volterra. Jasper, I've never _seen_ such a car before," she enthused. "I didn't notice much at the time, but it really was fabulous."

"You _borrowed_ it?"

"Well, loosely speaking, of course. I turned it back in before we flew out, though, with a nice big monetary offering for any inconvenience its disappearance may have caused."

I clucked my tongue at her. "Grand theft auto, Alice? I'm surprised at you."

"Surprised or proud?" I heard the smile in her voice. "Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing."

"I guess I concede this round. You have a point."

"Edward promised to get me one for Christmas. Guess what color."

I chuckled at her enthusiasm. "Something bright, I'm sure. And loud."

"Yellow," she sighed happily.

Eventually we had to hang up, though we were both reluctant to. Unhurriedly, after that, I picked up around our room, removing the traces of dust that had gathered during our absence. I picked up the few articles of clothing that Alice had left scattered on the floor, putting them back where they belonged in the closet, hanging them as she'd had them before.

I sat down on the edge of the bed when I was done, glancing once again at the clock. It didn't seem to be moving at all.. or at least that's what it felt like.

A tentative knock on the door just then caught my attention. I got up and opened it to see Rosalie standing just outside.

"Mind if I come in for a second?" she asked in an uncharacteristically timid voice.

"Sure," I stepped back and gestured for her to follow me inside. "What's up?"

She fidgeted with her hands, gnawing on her lower lip for a moment. "I just… I wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry for what I did." She took a deep breath and looked at me with undeniable sincerity in her eyes. "I know what this almost cost you, Jasper, and I feel terrible about that. I don't think I ever would have forgiven myself if…"

"I appreciate that, Rose," I told her when her voice trailed off. I'd just as soon not hear her put into words what might have happened. I'd been seeing it in my mind continuously over the last few days. I didn't need to go through it again. "But I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

"I'm going to apologize to Edward… and to Bella when they get back. And Alice, too." Rosalie laughed humorlessly. "I still have quite a bit of apologizing left to do," she said, looking down at her hands again.

"I think that's the right thing to do," I told her. "But you do realize, don't you, that when Edward and Bella get back, you're in just the same situation you were before."

"I know," she conceded quietly.

"Assuming that Bella takes him back, she's going to be in our lives again, Rosalie, and you're going to have to find a way to deal with that. You can't keep trying to make them both miserable in the hope that they'll eventually see things your way. It isn't going to work."

"I know that, too." She looked down, toying with a lock of her hair. "My opinions haven't changed any. I still think they're making a mistake. But they obviously don't agree or even particularly care what I think. So I'll do my best to keep my thoughts to myself unless, by some chance, they ask me."

"Fair enough." I knew that was as much as I could hope for. Rosalie didn't admit her wrongs very often or step back when she'd made a stand for something. "I do appreciate, and accept, the apology, though."

"Thanks." She smiled a bit self-deprecatingly. "See, I'm not always a total witch."

I bit back a laugh. "Not always. You do have your moments… occasionally."

"Gee, thanks," she snorted indelicately.

"Overall you're not so bad. I think maybe we'll keep you around."

"I appreciate that," she rolled her eyes. "Anyway… that was all I wanted, I guess," she said, her awkwardness back in place. "I'll leave you alone now."

She turned to leave, but I called her back. "Rose." She turned around. "Come here," I said, stepping forward and wrapping my arms around her shoulders. She leaned into my embrace for a moment, and I laid my chin against the top of her head.

"I really am glad they're all right," she whispered in a small voice.

"So am I, Rose. So am I."

By the time we needed to leave for Seattle, our home was back to its former pristine state. Everything looked entirely the same on the outside, yet nothing was quite the same as before. We had all changed. The last seven months had left indelible impressions on all of us.

Finally, _finally_, it was time to go, and we loaded up into one of the cars we'd left behind to return to the airport. We'd pick up the Mercedes that Alice had left parked at Sea-Tac in order to have enough seats for everyone to ride back to Forks.

It was difficult to maintain a human pace as I walked with Esme and Carlisle to the terminal where the plane was to land. Knowing that I was so close to seeing Alice, the last few minutes stretched on longer than the previous twenty-four hours put together. When we got there, I stood to the side, a little ways away, and forced myself to stand still as I waited, resisting the urge to pace as I so desperately wanted to.

I could feel my anticipation rising by the second as I stood at the gate waiting for Alice. All the anxiety I'd experienced in the last three days came back to hit me in full force now that I was standing still – all the fear that I would never see her again… the terror that she would be torn from me. Everything.

After what seemed an eternity, the plane finally landed, and the gate was opened.

My anticipation swelled almost to overflowing. It was all I could do to hold myself still. I wanted to run into the plane, lift her out of her seat, and kiss her until neither of us could draw a breath… until breathing became of secondary importance.

It took every last measure of my self-control to stay where I was. Though it felt like forever, my patience was finally rewarded.

As the passengers began to file off the plane, I fixed my eyes on the place where I knew she would appear. And then all the world receded when I saw her precious face moving towards me. Her eyes didn't turn to the right or the left. She knew exactly where I would be standing.

Her eyes met mine, and our gazes locked. The expression on her face – the deep wealth of emotions there – was a mirror imagine of my own as she came to stand right in front of me.

I didn't reach for her. I didn't touch her. Not yet.

I couldn't.

If I did, I knew I wouldn't be able to restrain myself. All the desperation and longing of the last week would come rushing back in a flood, and I wouldn't be able to resist the need to take her in my arms and fly as fast and as far away from watching eyes as my feet could carry us.

She knew that. And she understood.

So, instead, we just stood there, speaking with our eyes what couldn't be said with words.

She was home.

She was safe.

I was whole again.

* * *

Please don't kill me for ending it there! I'll be doing my best to get the actual reunion chapter out at some point in the coming week, but since it's a holiday weekend for those of us in the States, it might be a challenge… we shall see how it goes.

And on that note, you all know we're getting close to the end of this story now. We've either got one or two chapters left depending on how things play out. There'll either be one more short-ish one and one "normal" length one, or either this next chapter will be it and rather long. I'm not quite sure yet. I'm going to let Alice and Jasper dictate that as I write their reunion this week. ;)

As far as future projects go, I'm planning to jump right into Eclipse when this one is over. I know some of you saw my teaser for an AH/AU story that I mentioned in A&A, but I just don't think I have the creativity to carry that one through at this point. I'm going to sit on it for a little while longer, and wait until I'm in a better place to see it through. I think it would just be a source of frustration for all of us if I attempted that right now. Sorry for being a tease!

Anyways, now that I've talked your ears off, I'm gonna shut up now! Please, please leave me some loving and let me know what you thought of the chapter! It will definitely motivate me to write faster… *hint hint hint* ;) Thanks for reading!

Hugs!

Nik


	18. Chapter 18

I hope all of my friends in the States had a wonderful Thanksgiving this week! I have a very long list of things I'm thankful for this year, and all of you most definitely made that list. I appreciate so much those of you who are so faithful with your support and encouragement. I've had a blast writing these stories anyway, but you just add to that in an incredible way.

A very special thanks this time goes to my girls PixieCullen88, Fiercely Jalice, koko23cat, and Bourbon_Rose for their amazing friendship. You give me advice when I need it, shoulders to cry on when I'm stressing, and laughs when I'm down. And, CeeCee, I owe you majorly for putting up with my whining on this one! Love you, girls!

OK, enough with the mush… this is the chapter we've been waiting eight and a half chapters and more than a hundred pages for! Jalice is back together! Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 18**

**Alice**

The last twenty-four hours had been quite possibly the longest of my life. Though, to be honest, the last week as a whole had been one of almost pure torture. Knowing it was so close to being over – that I was so close to seeing my Jasper again – made the last leg of the trip almost unbearable in my impatience.

It didn't help at all that I had to sit behind Edward and Bella throughout the flight, seeing the quiet togetherness of their reunion. He held her, cradling her close to his chest, kissing her hair, her wrists, her forehead. They barely spoke a word, but their relief at being together again, even with all their unknowns, was palpable.

But, seeing them, I had to fight down my jealousy as I counted down the hours until I could be back in Jasper's arms. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the ache that grew in my chest with every moment that passed. It was impossible though. I missed him too much. It had been too long.

I was one of the first ones off the plane when we finally landed in Seattle. My eyes zoned in to where I knew he would be waiting.

He was there… watching for me, just as I'd known he would be. His eyes never left mine. And the emotions churning in their depths matched exactly what I felt inside.

It was all I could do to resist running to him and throwing myself into the safety of his arms. But I didn't.

I knew he was holding onto his control by a thin, fraying thread. I'd put him through hell this week, and his emotions were raw and all too close to the surface. His control was going to crack, and soon, but this wasn't the place for it.

Instead, I stopped a foot in front of him, searching his eyes with mine, communicating with my gaze how terribly I'd missed him… how glad I was to see him. My palms itched to touch him, to assure myself that he was real and actually standing right in front of me. Yet I kept them at my sides.

On some level, I was vaguely aware of the reunions going on around us. Esme and Carlisle were there, though Rose and Emmett were nowhere to be seen – waiting with the car, I'd seen before. Edward refused to let go of Bella even long enough for Esme to properly hug her. I heard her scolding Edward, even in her joy at seeing him again, for all he'd put her through.

But all of that seemed like it was happening miles away. Jasper's intent, unblinking eyes held mine captive, his relief, his love, his recent agony, his torture, all visible to me.

We all had things to work through still. Edward and Bella had many things to resolve before their relationship was made right again, but I knew they would in time. And they'd do it without my help now. I'd done all I could for them. Now I had my own issues to worry about.

Even in the relief of our reunion, I knew that Jasper and I had things we'd have to work through as well.

When the others turned to walk back to the cars, Jasper blinked slowly, as if returning from a daze. He tore his eyes reluctantly away from mine. I kept pace with him, matching my steps to his as we followed behind the rest of our family.

I wanted desperately to reach for him, to touch him in some way, but I knew it was best to let him make the first move. Only he really knew what he could handle right now.

The back of his fingers brushed against mine as we walked, that small touch alone after such a long time without him shot a current of need right up my arm and straight into my heart. His forefinger curled around mine, though his eyes remained fixed straight ahead.

My hand slid into his, palm to palm, and I could have wept with relief at the contact. Our fingers interlaced, locking into place. He squeezed gently, and my eyes slid shut briefly as I leaned into him.

Once we got outside, I noticed Edward's hesitation at seeing Emmett and Rose waiting with the car. Between Esme and Bella's encouragement, he grudgingly climbed in after Bella. It was obvious he wasn't happy about it, though. I knew _that_ drive back to Forks would be a very interesting one.

When we got to the Mercedes, Jasper let go of my hand, and I missed his touch immediately. He opened my door for me and waited for me to slide inside. He climbed in next, joining me in the backseat. I felt cold at the distance between us as Carlisle started the engine and maneuvered through the traffic out of the airport.

I studied Jasper's profile as we drove – his dark, stormy eyes, the taut line of his jaw, the firm set of his lips… lips that still hadn't spoken a word. Tentatively I reached over to lightly stroke the knuckles of his right hand, balled up into a fist between us.

A deep shuddery breath passed his lips at my touch, and he pulled away only to relax his fist and reach for me. He took my hand and drew me over to his side, pulling me onto his lap. His strong arms closed around me, enfolding me against him… just as I'd spent the last week dreaming about.

I nuzzled my cheek against his chest, settling against him immediately, and my hand fisted into the fabric of his shirt. I inhaled his scent greedily after being deprived of it for so long.

Carlisle and Esme murmured in low tones in the front seat, giving us our privacy. Their words didn't register with me, though. My mind and emotions were spinning a thousand miles an hour inside. It had been _so long_ since I'd felt Jasper's embrace around me. And I'd been so afraid that I'd never have the chance to again.

It had been a week since the last time I'd seen him. A week since I'd walked out the door without so much as a final embrace after he'd pleaded with me not to go. Guilt at everything I'd put him through in that time churned inside even in the midst of my gratefulness to be back in his arms.

In the hour it took for us to get back to Forks, Jasper didn't say a word. He just held me, one hand resting on my back, the other threaded through my hair, holding me against him. Neither of us moved as the miles flew by beneath the tires.

I could feel Jasper's restrained need in the tenseness of his muscles, so, when we finally pulled into the familiar tree-lined driveway of our Fork's home, it came as no surprise to me that Jasper lifted me in his arms before Carlisle had even stopped the car. He fairly flew into the house, up the staircase, and inside the privacy of our room before his control finally snapped.

He kicked the door shut, backing me roughly into it as his mouth took mine frantically. I could taste his desperation and his fear in the way that his lips bore into mine, the way his hands grasped my flesh. And I responded with everything I had in me.

My legs wrapped around his waist, my ankles locking together at the small of his back, my hands tangled in the thickness of his hair.

There was a barely restrained wildness in the way his hands raced over my body, running up the length of my legs, gripping at my hips, raking up my torso to twine his fingers in my hair, angling my head so that he could deepen the kiss even further. His chest heaved against mine as our bodies writhed together against the doorframe, trying to meld into one.

If I'd been human, his hands would have left bruises from the tightness of his grip, his arms from where they held me against him like unmovable bands of iron. His teeth clashed against mine, scraping against my lips as our mouths battled together, trying to consume each other.

Jasper had always been very mindful of the differences in our size. He'd always been careful with me… much more careful than he had to be most of the time. But the terror of the last week had driven that from him. And I was glad.

I didn't want tender kisses and soft touches right now. I wanted his raw, desperate need. It matched mine.

So, when he realized how rough he was being, how tightly he was holding me, and attempted to pull back, my hands tightened in his hair, giving it a controlled yank. "Don't you stop," I hissed, nipping a path from his jaw up to his ear. "Don't you _dare_ stop."

His eyes found mine for a brief second, the fire raging there mirrored in mine. He groaned from deep within his chest and crushed his lips to mine once again.

Our mouths ravaged and plundered as our hands raced over as much of each others bodies as we could reach. His hands tore at my clothes, seeking skin instead of the unwelcome barrier of fabric. I couldn't have cared less about the scraps of material that flew to the floor when his hands found and caressed bare flesh. I arched into his touch all the while pulling and tugging at his shirt, trying to rid him of his clothes as well, a task that wasn't made any easier by how tightly he was holding me.

Jasper pulled back just long enough to help me yank the clothes out of the way before enveloping me again in his arms, slamming his lips back into mine. We both moaned as bare skin met bare skin. Fire flared just under my skin where he touched me. Need raged through my flesh, as out of control as a roaring wildfire. I dug my fingernails into the broadness of his shoulders as his mouth devoured mine.

I needed him. Now.

The bed wasn't more than six paces behind us, but it might as well have been across the Canadian border for all the good it did. There was no way we were going to make it that far. Not now.

We tumbled to the floor, and hands and mouths raced over each other, communicating a thousand times better than words ever could how deeply we had suffered from being apart… and our desperate need to be connected again. It had been much, much too long.

I took Jasper's face between my hands and forced his lips back to mine, wrapping my legs over his, opening myself up to him. With a deep, guttural groan, he levered himself over me, and my eyes rolled to the back of my head as he entered me completely with one swift thrust of his hips. I was more than ready for him, and he felt that immediately.

His movements were frantic and rough inside me. He tore his lips away from mine and buried his face in the curve of my neck, my name a constant whispered chant on his lips. I matched the motions of my hips to his and raked my hands down the length of his back, digging my fingernails into his rapidly driving hips.

It didn't take long at all for him to reach his peak, calling my name over and over again as his body shuddered over mine. My breath was coming in rapid, jagged pants as I felt my own release hovering just outside my reach. My limbs were weighted, the coil tightening unbearably in my womb.

I shifted beneath the weight of Jasper's body, rolling so that I was above him now. His eyes found mine, his hands reaching for my hips as he helped guide my movements. My hands went instinctively to his chest, leaning on him for support through the haze of need that clouded my consciousness.

Jasper's eyes held mine as one hand went to the place where we were joined, stroking me in small, focused circles. It only took seconds before my body shattered around him in pulsing, agonizing release.

He flipped me over onto my back again, stroking inside me with deep, slow movements of his hips. The pleasure went on and on as he manipulated my body with his, until I couldn't think of anything else except for the fiery waves of pleasure licking at my flesh. He kept going until I felt the pulsing of his release inside me once again, sending me right over the edge one more time.

Jasper collapsed on top of me as we both gasped for breath, an instinctive reaction as we waited for the haze of pleasure that clouded our minds to clear. I pressed my lips to his shoulder, lingering there for a long moment as I tightened my grasp on his still trembling form. I felt him turn his head to press a tender kiss to my temple.

When sanity finally returned long moments later, Jasper rolled to the side, disentangling his body from mine. He brushed a strand of hair away from my cheek. The wildness from before was gone from his eyes now, replaced with the tender, consuming love that I was so accustomed to seeing lighting his eyes.

He scooped me up gently into his arms, like I might break with his touch, and cradled me to his chest. I felt the soft brush of his lips over my forehead as he carried me to our sadly neglected bed. He pulled the covers back with one hand and gently laid me down in the middle. The mattress dipped as he lay down next to me, gathering me into his arms again.

Jasper's hands stroked over my hair, his lips brushing the gentlest of kisses over every inch of my face. His lips melted softly into mine now, in such opposition to the way he'd ravaged them earlier… as I'd been only too happy for him to do.

There was an aching tenderness in the way he touched me now, as if he was lavishing on me a portion of the love we'd both been so afraid we'd never have the chance to express again… the love we'd been afraid was going to be stolen away from us forever. He caressed me as he'd done on the night he'd taken me as his bride, leaving no inch of skin untouched or unloved.

Hands and lips learned my body all over again, leaving a fire smoldering wherever he touched. This time our loving was all gentle caresses and soft kisses. He spent hours worshiping my body, and I, in turn, did the same with him.

Our love flowed together in perfect harmony now, the cadence rising and falling with each soft sigh, every pleasured moan.

This time when he slowly, tenderly, joined our bodies together, he gazed deeply into my eyes and whispered words of love, low and sweet. He was watching as the slow, steady waves of pleasure pulled me under again, and I felt him follow shortly after as well.

For this one perfect moment, everything that had transpired before was forgotten, no more than a distant memory as we basked in the immeasurable love that was shared between us.

We were both whole again… our hearts right back where they belonged.

I curled into his body when we both lay sated and content for now, resting my head in the curve of his neck. His arms wrapped closely around me, and, for the first time in a week, I felt safe again. His chest rose and fell against me with his deep, even breathing. I could feel his breath whispering against my temple. I was surrounded by him, entangled with him. And I was perfectly content.

But, perfect as it was, it couldn't last forever. We still had things we needed to discuss – difficult things – and wrongs that needed to be set right.

I could feel his emotional withdrawal even before he physically drew away from me, taking his warmth with him. I felt cold as he pulled back far enough away to look at me. The naked _hurt_ in his eyes broke my heart far worse than any pain or indignation that he might have directed at me would have.

"You lied," he whispered in a barely audible voice. "Alice, you _lied_ to me."

Guilt nearly ate me alive at the pain in his voice, the same pain that was etched on his face… the pain of betrayal.

"I did," I whispered in quiet confession, averting my eyes from his in shame.

I saw him shake his head out of the corner of my eye, and he lifted my chin in his hand, making me face him again. "Alice, I have never, _ever_ intentionally lied to you. I value your trust far too much to do that. And I can't for the life of me understand how you could sit on that plane and intentionally, _knowingly_ deceive me. Why, Alice," he whispered through clenched teeth, "why would you do something like that?"

"I had to," I whispered brokenly.

"No. You didn't," he cut in, using a much harsher voice than I'd heard him direct at me in a very long time. "You chose to. And I want to know why."

"It was the only way I could keep you safe."

He laughed once humorlessly under his breath and sat up, propping his elbow on his up-drawn knees and rubbing an agitated hand over his neck. "I don't need you to keep me safe, Alice. Especially not by lying to me. And you didn't just withhold truth either, you made a promise to me that you had no intention of keeping. You made a premeditated choice to deceive me, and that's what hurts, Alice. Whatever your reason, you were wrong for doing that."

"I know that." Tears gathered in my voice, making it crack. "I'm sorry."

Jasper tugged at his hair in frustration. He turned back to face me, giving me no room to hide from the hurt in his eyes… hurt that I'd been the one to cause. "What did you honestly hope to accomplish with that lie, Alice? Did you really think, for even a moment, that if you'd… if I'd… if I'd lost you," his face contorted with the same shade of agony that I'd seen on his face for days before, "that anything in the world could have stopped me from following after you? Did you even think for one single moment that I would have tried to live a life without you? You know better."

"I do. I know that." I sat up, the sheet slipping to my waist as I leaned forward to lay my cheek against Jasper's back, pressing a repentant kiss to his spine. "But, Jasper, if you'd come then, there's no knowing what might have happened. There's no way you and I, or Emmett and Rose, could have sneaked up on Edward. There's no way we could have won against the Volturi if it had turned into a fight… and it would have, Jasper. You and I both know it would have. And I'd have lost you.

"Jasper, I _could not_ watch you die. Not ever… but especially not like that. I had to do something, and that was the only thing I knew to do… the only way I could keep you from being killed. I knew it would hurt you, and I _hated _myself for it. But I would have hated myself more if I'd done nothing and ended up costing your life.

"I'm just sorry that I hurt you in the process."

"You don't know that it would have turned out that way," he protested, though in a much more subdued voice this time.

"Did you really think I would take that chance?"

He said nothing, turning his face away to look out the window at the fading afternoon light.

"What would you have done, Jasper?" I pleaded for him to understand in a low whisper. "Put yourself in my place, and tell me you wouldn't have done the exact same thing. I know you, and I know that there's nothing you wouldn't do – no lengths you wouldn't go to – to keep me safe.

"You'd fight for me, no matter the odds. You'd cheat, steal, kill… you'd lie. No matter how furious I might be with you later, you'd do whatever you felt you had to." He still didn't respond, though some of the stiffness left the set of his shoulders. "Jasper, look at me." I reached around to press my hand to his cheek, nudging his face in my direction.

"Where would you draw the line?" I asked him, searching his eyes with mine "Is there any point where my safety is concerned that you would say 'no, I'm just not willing to do that for you' and walk away. Tell me," I insisted when he remained silent.

Jasper sighed deeply and laid his hand over mine where it still rested on his cheek. He turned his face to the side, pressing a kiss to the inside of my wrist. "No," he shook his head, his voice barely audible. "You know there's not."

"Then can you really be mad at me for doing the very same thing you would have done? You _know_ me, Jasper. You know I'd never do anything to hurt you unless I just didn't have a choice. And I _hate_ that I hurt you now. But _please_ try to understand why I did what I did."

He turned to look at me, the anger and hurt finally eased from his eyes. "I suppose I do. I don't like it, but I can understand it," he sighed, reaching to wrap me up in his arms again, drawing my cheek down to rest on his shoulder. "You're right," he admitted quietly, his fingers playing in my hair, stroking the nape of my neck, "I would have done the very same thing."

"Still, though, I really am sorry I hurt you. Forgive me?" I asked, peering up at him from my resting place on his shoulder.

He smiled and kissed my forehead tenderly. "I'll think about it," he teased, pecking a kiss on my nose.

My head shot up. I hadn't been expecting that response. "Hey!" I said, shoving at his chest. He just smiled and pulled me back into his embrace. He held me silently for several long moments.

But we hadn't resolved everything yet. There were still things I needed to make right with him.

"Jasper?" He hummed in response, stroking the back of one finger against my cheek. "I'm sorry." He looked down at me curiously, and I continued. "For leaving the way I did. For walking out on you when you asked me to wait. For not listening when you were trying to make me see reason. I wasn't thinking clearly, and you knew that. And I'm sorry for everything I put you through. It just about tore me apart when I saw what I'd done to you. You didn't deserve that. Any of it."

He couldn't hide the shudder that wracked his frame at the reminder. His arms tightened convulsively around me, drawing me closer into him. "It's over now," he said, as if reassuring himself of that.

"It's over," I repeated, relieved beyond measure that it truly was.

"You did what you felt you needed to do, Alice. I didn't like it. But I didn't have to. And it all worked out in the end."

"It got Edward back home," I pointed out. "And it got him back with Bella if nothing else."

Jasper snorted lightly. "As long as he doesn't mess it up again by trying to think for her."

"I don't think he will this time. And I've already told him what I'll do to him if he does."

Jasper just laughed under his breath. "Let's hope he listens this time, then."

"Let's hope." I nudged him over onto his back, crawling on top of his chest. "So," I said, tracing a light path over his collarbone. "Am I forgiven?"

He smiled, and I was relieved to see that it reached his eyes this time. "Have I ever been able to stay mad at you?"

"Not yet."

"Not ever," he assured me, stroking his hand down the length of my back. "And, yes, you're forgiven."

"Thank you." I ducked my head, kissing his neck. "So in that case," I traced the outline of his lips as they turned up in a smile, "think maybe we could kiss and make up?"

I felt the deep rumble from his chest beneath me as he chuckled, catching my hand in his and kissing my finger. "I think we might be able to arrange that," he teased.

Jasper took my face tenderly between his hands and drew my face down, caressing my lips with his once again. As the sun set, wrapping the room in a golden glow, we celebrated once again the joy of being together… and the peace that came from two hearts, two souls, that had at last been restored to harmony.

* * *

You wouldn't believe how hard it was for me to get through this one! I was trying so hard to paint both Jasper and Alice's perspectives on recent events… hopefully that came across as intended! I'm very anxious to hear your comments! (And not gonna lie, that lemon dang near killed me! LOL)

And if you haven't already, I'd love for you to check out the one-shot that I posted earlier in the week called _From Darkness to Light_. It's AU and definitely different from anything that I've written before, but I had so much fun writing it regardless!

OK, enough from me… the last chapter is all but done (the vote!) so, again, how quickly you get it depends on you. ;) Review and let me know what you thought! Have a great weekend, everyone! And thanks for reading!

Hugs,

Nik


	19. Chapter 19

I know I said I'd have this out earlier, but it was a crazy week! Good, but crazy! LOL Thanks for being patient with me. :)

And thanks to all of you for your response to the last chapter! It was a very hard chapter to write, but your reactions to it more than made up for the struggle I had writing it! I'm very, very lucky to have such an incredible, supportive reader base. You're all amazing!

On with the chapter now. As always, anything and everything you recognize belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and no copyright infringement is intended. The dialogue from the vote is taken verbatim from New Moon, though I did slip one line in from the movie that wasn't in the book… I wonder if anyone can pinpoint what it is. ;)

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**Jasper**

Hours later, the moon shone through the windows, bathing us in its ethereal light. Alice and I were still tangled together, my cheek pillowed on the softness of her breast. Her fingers traced delicate patterns along my spine as we lay together, replete and utterly content.

I thought this must be what heaven would be like. My body felt warm, weightless, and wholly relaxed. The atmosphere around us was saturated with the beauty of our shared love, the joy of being together again, and the peace that comes from belonging.

Under my cheek, I felt the vibration of Alice's small chuckle. I turned my face just slightly to brush a tender kiss over her petal soft skin. "What's funny?" I asked in a lazy voice.

"Nothing really," she said, the fingers of one hand sifting through my hair. "It's just that I was thinking that we were very lucky that there wasn't any more damage than there was."

I raised my head from her chest, my eyes wide as dread suddenly made itself known. "Damage?" I asked worriedly. I hadn't exactly been careful before, and I knew that. The house could have fallen down around my ears, and I probably wouldn't have even noticed.

Quickly, I surveyed the room, searching for whatever casualties there might have been. Other than the shredded clothes scattered like confetti from one end of the room to the other, everything else seemed to be intact. What was I missing?

"Just the door. It'll have to be replaced now, but that's easy enough to fix." Alice's voice was slightly amused. I wasn't sure whether it was from what actually caused that damage or the horror-struck look on my face.

Sure enough, there was a crack running through the entire length of the door, spreading into the drywall above. "Great," I groaned, burying my face in the pillow. "Just great. I'm never going to hear the end of that, am I?"

Alice covered her mouth with her hand in an attempt to stifle her laughter. "It could have been worse. At least the house is still standing," she said, echoing my earlier thought.

I glanced again, noticing an indention in the door this time… right about where Alice's head would have been. My eyes darted back to her in alarm, but she just rolled her eyes dramatically in response.

"Don't even say it," she warned, poking me in the chest.

I didn't listen. "Did I really smack your head against the door that hard?" I asked, slightly horrified. I knew it wouldn't have actually hurt her, but still, it was the principle of the thing that mattered. It went against everything ingrained in me to lay a rough hand on a woman… especially one as delicate-looking as Alice.

"I didn't notice. Or care. Don't you dare start worrying, Jasper. Besides, it's the door that's broken, not me, remember?" she teased, humor dancing in her eyes.

"Still…" I began, but her lips cut me off.

"Stop right there," she pressed three kisses in quick succession to my lips. "I might have to get mad if you keep trying to apologize for something that I wanted just as much as you did."

"All right, then," I said, reluctantly letting it drop. It obviously didn't bother her, so I wouldn't keep pushing. "But, if I _did_ make you mad," I asked, grinning wickedly at her, "would that mean we'd get to 'make up' again? It might be worth it for that."

Alice threw back her head and laughed, and I reveled in the sound. "You're insatiable," she teased, kissing me again. When her laughter died down, Alice took my hand and brought it to her lips, kissing each fingertip. "We need to get up."

"You're dreaming, darlin," I said as I freed my hand to wrap my arms around her and roll so that her body was sprawled on top of mine. "I have absolutely no intentions of letting you out of this bed for at least a week." Framing her precious face in my hands, I brought her lips back to mine. "I don't want to let you go yet," I murmured around our kiss.

Alice broke away to trail a line of kisses down my neck to my shoulder. "Me either. But we need to have a family meeting. It's only for a couple of hours, my love. I think you'll last that long."

I sighed as her kisses trailed downwards to my chest. "Not if you keep that up, I won't."

She giggled again and raised herself up to press one final kiss against my lips. "Come on. We have all the time in the world for this later. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm counting on that."

With one fluid movement, Alice rolled off my chest and made her way to the closet. She tossed my clothes out to me, landing them neatly on the pillow beside my head.

"Put these on," she poked her head out of the massive closet, her eyes narrowed playfully, "And no whining." I chuckled at the sound of her no-nonsense voice.

When we were dressed, I took her hand in mine and opened the cracked door gingerly lest I do any more damage. From downstairs, I heard Emmett's booming laughter at my cautious movements. I cringed as we descended the staircase, knowing full well that he wasn't going to be able or willing to keep his mouth shut. I was fair game for his teasing.

Emmett was shaking his head when we got downstairs, a devilish smirk plastered across his face. "You have _got_ to be kidding me, man. Seriously? One lousy little crack? That was the best you could do?" he taunted relentlessly, his eyes glinting with evil amusement. "Bro, I think you and I should have a little talk – let me give you some pointers. Looks like you could use them. After all, if the house is still standing when you're done, then you didn't do it right."

I knew it was childish, but I gave him exactly the reaction he was looking for. I leapt at him, smacking the back of his head hard enough to send him sprawling onto the floor.

With a whoop, he was back on his feet again. "You asked for it, Jazz. I hope you fight better than you fu – hey! Ow!" I shoved at his face, effectively shutting him up. I wasn't about to let him finish that thought out loud in front of my wife. I lunged at him then, sending both of us rolling on the floor.

Emmett's foot caught the leg of the table in front of the couch, flipping it over with a loud bang.

"Boys!" Esme scolded at the sound, walking into the room with her hands on her hips. "Cut it out or take it outside. I just got this room cleaned up, and I have no desire to clean up any more messes." Her fussing was only half sincere. Esme's eyes were sparkling now with a life that hadn't been there in months.

Stooping down to right the overturned table, I grinned, unable to help responding to the renewed life that seemed to have pervaded all of us again. "Yes, ma'am," I said as I swooped down to peck her on the cheek. I felt her pleased surprise at the gesture. I didn't often give in to such spontaneous displays of affection. "It's good to see you smiling again," I said in explanation.

The warm, familiar smile that I hadn't seen in so long spread across her face, lighting up her eyes as well. "You as well, Jasper," She replied, stretching up to brush a kiss on my cheek. "You as well. It's been _much_ too long."

Carlisle had been propped in the doorway the whole time, watching our exchange. The emotions seeping from him warmed me through and through – the love he had for each of us, his gratefulness that our family was united again, and his relief that this nightmare was behind us at last.

He walked into the room and wrapped his arms around Alice in the warmth of a father's embrace. "I haven't had a chance to properly welcome you back yet," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm glad you're safe," he said fervently.

Esme enveloped her in her arms when Carlisle let go. "Yes, sweetheart, welcome home." She rocked Alice back and forth, "We were _so_ worried about you," she whispered into her hair.

Emmett was there next, ruffling Alice's hair and earning a death-glare in the process. "Yeah, squirt, I missed you, too. It was way too quiet around here with you gone." In a lightning fast move, Alice slugged him in the side. "Ow! What was that for?" He asked, all wide-eyed innocence.

"You asked for that one," I smirked.

Rosalie just rolled her eyes, shaking her head. But behind her feigned annoyance with Emmett's childish antics was a true relief to see our family interacting normally again. Her smile for Alice was genuine. "I'm glad you're all right, Alice. I was really worried."

"Thanks, Rose." Alice smiled softly back at her.

Alice took my hand then and led me over to one of the living room chairs, gesturing for us all to have a seat. She settled in my lap when we were all seated and took a deep breath. "Edward will be bringing Bella over in just a few minutes. She has something she wants to talk to us all about, but, before they get here, there are a few things that you all need to know."

Alice then proceeded to catch us up on all that had happened from the time she arrived in Forks six days earlier – from when she saw that Bella was still alive, to her conversations with Jacob Black. The thought of werewolves in the area was enough to make my skin crawl in revulsion. The thought of Alice in the same room as one – especially when I was all the way in another state – was infinitely worse. I was glad it hadn't turned into anything ugly… especially since she couldn't see them. Knowing that, I'd undoubtedly be keeping a close watch out for her in the future if we did indeed stay in Forks.

She told us briefly about her visions of Edward – skimming over that quickly, seeing Rosalie's discomfort – and about the plane ride.

Without a doubt, the most shocking thing to me aside from the werewolves was Alice's decision to change Bella herself.

"You agreed to _what_?" I sputtered, unable to believe my ears. "Alice, are you absolutely sure that's something you want to attempt?"

She bit her lip and shook her head, leaning against my shoulder. "No, the very idea scares me to death. What if I can't make myself stop?" her voice was torn. "But, even after all of this, Edward is still going to refuse to do it, and it's what she wants."

"Alice," Carlisle spoke, leaning over to lay his hand comfortingly on her arm, "if that's truly what Bella wants, then, of course, we'll find a way to make it work. I'll be right there to help you if you and Bella are certain that your changing her is what you both want. But, if you don't want to take that on yourself, I'll be glad to do it instead."

Alice's relief was palpable. "Thank you, Carlisle."

It was painful to sit and listen to Alice talk about being in the midst of the Volturi. Even with her sitting safe in my arms, the thought of everything that could have so easily gone wrong made me shudder. I wrapped my arms a little tighter around her, just to reassure myself that she was really here – that she was truly safe.

"I guess that covers it," she said eventually. "They'll be here in just a minute."

"Are you going to tell us what Bella wants to talk to us about?" I asked, curious. None of us had seen her since the disastrous birthday party months before. I figured it had to be something fairly serious for Bella to willingly come back to the very place it had happened.

"You'll see," was the only response she would give me.

Just then, from the front doorway, I heard Edward call out our names, his voice ringing through the house for the first time in more than half a year.

"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" he called for us.

No sooner had Carlisle's name been spoken than he was in the foyer with Edward and Bella. "Welcome back, Bella." Even from here I could hear the smile in his voice. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not purely a social visit?"

"I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important." I felt the strength of Bella's determination, which made me all the more curious as to what she could want.

"Of course. Why don't we talk in the other room." I could hear Carlisle switching on the lights on his way to the dining room where our family meetings were held.

Carlisle seated Bella at the head of the table and sat down to her right. Edward took his place at her left while the rest of us filed into the room behind Esme. As I took my seat, I got my first glimpse of Bella since her birthday when she had lain broken and bleeding just in the next room – because of me. That was an image that would be burned on my brain for the rest of eternity.

My throat registered the unavoidable allure of her blood, but instead of being tempted by it, now I almost welcomed it. Her human presence here meant that our family was whole again. I had witnessed firsthand exactly what depths we had sunk to with her loss. The burning in my throat was a small price to pay, all things considered.

I was filled with fresh remorse for my lack of control when I looked closely at Bella's face. Her features looked older and thinner. There were dark circles under her eyes which bore testimony to her pain during the time we had been gone.

The tension between Edward and Bella was obvious. Edward clearly wasn't happy about whatever this meeting was for. But despite that strain between them, there was no denying the depth of their love for each other. It was even more potent now than before, if such a thing were possible. Edward had yet to take his gaze from Bella. The gaping emptiness that had tortured him for so long was gone from his eyes. Now they were filled with a burning, consuming love for the human girl sitting at his side.

If I hadn't been worried about scaring the poor girl – and my brother – half to death, I could have gladly hugged her. All the pain and sadness that had hung like a storm cloud over our home had dissipated, almost as if the whole thing had been a bad dream. There was a wholeness now, a completeness, that we had sorely missed.

Carlisle nodded to Bella with a smile. "The floor is yours."

I heard her swallow and felt it as she tried to contain her nervousness. I noticed Edward reach under the table to clasp her hand in his. That seemed to help her nerves somewhat.

Alice noticed too, and had to work to hide the triumphant smile that fought to spread across her face.

Bella took a deep breath, "Well, I'm hoping that Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything." Alice nodded.

"And on the way?"

"That too."

"Good," Bella sighed and some of her nervousness dissolved. "Then we're all on the same page." She paused again, presumably to gather her thoughts. "So, I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing – something to avoid.

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She paused to look around the table at all of us. I tried to put an encouraging expression on my face when her eyes stopped on me. She, to my surprise, wasn't displaying any fear around me, but I wanted to reassure her in any way that I could.

"But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not." Esme opened her mouth to contradict that statement, but Bella held up one finger to stop her. "Please let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too."

_Boy, do we._ I thought to myself, causing Edward to shoot me a dirty glance across the table.

"I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me," I felt a stab of pain shoot through her; her face hid it well, though. "Then... I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here_." Her forehead creased deeply, and I felt her anxiety swell at the thought.

_Edward, don't be stupid. Listen to her. You almost lost her once, don't let your stubbornness get in the way again. It's not worth it. Trust me_.

A low growl rumbled from Edward's chest. I wasn't sure if it was in response to my thoughts, and the thoughts that surely must be flying to him from everyone else around the table, or to Bella's words. Perhaps from all of them.

Bella continued, "Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

I noticed Bella's half-smile on the word "vampire." So _that's_ what this was all about. That was the reason for the strain between the two of them. Edward was still hung up on the battle for her soul, and Bella had decided to go over his head, so to speak. I couldn't understand her desire to become an immortal. Any one of us, if given the choice, would have given up this immortality in a heartbeat. But it was undeniably what she wanted.

"Just a minute," Edward cut her off as she gestured for Carlisle to begin the vote. Bella's eyes narrowed at him, shooting daggers. "I have something to add before we vote."

_Of course you do_. I groaned internally. _Edward, really, are you crazy?_

"About the danger Bella's referring to, I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

His expression was more animated than I'd seen since before Bella's birthday party. I thought he was being absolutely stupid in fighting this the way he was, but I was glad to see him looking like himself again. The broken, empty man was gone, and my brother was finally, truly home.

He looked around the table at all of us, grinning. "You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in."

"Which was?" Alice's face was skeptical, her irritation with Edward rising by the second.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's really not a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" He looked down at Bella, and she shuddered. That must be a yes.

"He finds people – that's his talent, why they keep him. Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker – a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the... flavor? I don't know how to describe it... the tenor... of someone's mind, and then follows that. It works over immense distances.

"But after Aro's little experiments, well..." he shrugged, trailing off, letting us draw our conclusion.

"You don't think he'll be able to find me." Bella's voice was flat.

Edward was smug. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on the other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?" Bella asked, trying to keep her irritation at bay.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of hay in a haystack." He and Emmett exchanged a glance and a smirk.

His logic was sound, there was no denying that, and at least this meant that Bella didn't have to be rushed into anything out of fear.

"But they can find you," Bella protested, quickly becoming indignant.

"And I can take care of myself."

Emmett threw his head back and laughed, extending a fist across the table to Edward which Edward reached out to smack with his own.

"No," Rosalie hissed.

"Absolutely not." Bella's voice was obstinate.

"Nice," I murmured in appreciation. He'd obviously given this a lot of thought, and his plan was almost watertight.

Almost.

There were just a few details he'd failed to consider, and they all sat around the table with him.

"Idiots," Alice muttered under her breath.

Esme just glared at Edward across the table, not bothering to say a word. She didn't have to; that look said it all far more eloquently than words.

Bella straightened in her chair, ready to get down to business. "All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider." Her voice was cool and collected. "Let's vote."

She turned her eyes to Edward, "Do you want me to join your family?"

His eyes were hard. "Not that way. You're staying human."

I was pretty sure that Alice and I were thinking the exact same thing now.

_Idiot_.

Bella nodded once, masking the wave of painful rejection his words caused. "Alice?'

"Yes." She answered without hesitation.

Bella looked to me next. "Jasper?"

"Yes." My answer was solemn and immediate – there was no wavering whatsoever in my voice. Bella was a part of our family whether Edward was willing to accept that or not. We had spent the last seven months without her, and it had nearly ripped us apart. I would do anything I could to see that such a thing never happened again.

I felt her surprise at my vote, realizing that, of course, she wouldn't have been sure of me after my inexcusable behavior before. But again, she suppressed her reaction and moved on. "Rosalie?"

Rosalie didn't answer right away, biting on her lip. "No. Let me explain," she pleaded when Bella turned her head to move on. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that... this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. And I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Bella nodded slowly and turned to Emmett.

"Hell, yes!" His grin stretched all the way across his face. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

Bella turned to Esme next. "Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family," she assured her warmly.

Bella smiled. "Thank you, Esme."

But Bella's nervousness was back in full force as soon as she turned to Carlisle.

Carlisle wasn't looking at Bella, he was focused on Edward.

"Edward." Carlisle's voice was grave with the weight of the decision on his shoulders. We all knew that as the head of our family, his vote was the deciding factor, regardless of what the rest of us thought.

"No," Edward growled, his face fierce.

"It's the only way that makes sense. You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice." Carlisle tried to reason with him. "I will not lose my son."

Edward shoved away from the table, muttering profanities under his breath as he stalked into the other room.

Carlisle sighed and turned to Bella with an apologetic smile, "I guess you know my vote."

"Thanks," Bella mumbled, still staring after Edward, feeling rejected anew by his reaction. I wondered if Emmett and I should pull him aside and beat some sense into him. I would have thought he would have learned his lesson by now. He was going to lose her all over again at this rate. And would she really be willing to give him a third chance?

An earsplitting crash sounded from the other room as Edward shattered the new plasma TV in his anger. He and Emmett would have words to exchange now for sure.

Bella flinched, "That's all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too." Bella's voice was ragged with emotion by the end.

Esme was at her side in an instant, rocking her back and forth. "Dearest Bella," she crooned.

"Well, Alice," Bella said when Esme released her. "Where do you want to do this."

Alice's eyes widened and her hand darted out for mine, clenching around it convulsively. She was terrified at the thought of doing what Bella asked her to do.

Edward charged back into the room, rage rolling off of him in waves. "No! _No_! NO!" he roared in Bella's face, his expression twisted with the force of his temper. "Are you insane? Have you utterly lost your mind?" he shouted in her face.

Bella cringed away from him, her hands over her ears.

"Um, Bella," Alice interjected in an anxious voice, "I don't think I'm quite ready for that. I'll need to prepare."

And just how exactly did she plan to prepare for such a thing, I wondered.

"You promised," Bella glared at her under Edward's arm.

"I know, but... Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to _not_ kill you." Alice's voice had gone shrill with panic.

"You can do it. I trust you."

Edward snarled savagely, and my muscles tensed automatically, readying to protect Alice from his fury if need be. Alice was shaking her head, in a panic. I squeezed her hand trying to calm her nerves in a small way.

"Carlisle?" Bella turned to him. If Alice wasn't going to cooperate, then Carlisle was the next most obvious choice.

Edward grabbed Bella's face in his hand, holding her in place, shoving his other arm out, palm towards Carlisle.

Carlisle ignored him and turned to answer Bella, "I'm able to do it. You would be in no danger of me losing control."

"Sounds good." Bella's words were mumbled, because of Edward's tight grip on her jaw.

"Hold on. It doesn't have to be now," Edward said between clenched teeth.

"There's no reason for it not to be now."

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can." Bella's voice was indignant. "Now let go of me," she demanded. Edward immediately dropped his hands from her face and folded his arms across his chest.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police," Edward pointed out.

"All three of them." Bella muttered.

"In the interest of remaining _inconspicuous_, I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house." Edward finished, looking to Carlisle.

Carlisle nodded. "That's a reasonable request, Bella," he told her.

Bella pursed her lips, "I'll consider it," she grumbled reluctantly.

At her words, Edward visibly relaxed, his jaw unclenched. "I should probably take you home, just in case Charlie wakes up early."

Bella looked at Carlisle for affirmation. "After graduation?"

"You have my word," he nodded.

Bella smiled, satisfied with that, and took a deep breath, turning back to Edward. "Okay, you can take me home."

Without another word, Edward took Bella's hand in his and hurried her out the door, eager to be finished with this discussion.

When they were gone, Alice slumped against my side in relief that she wouldn't have to take the life of her best friend into her hands. I knew she would never have forgiven herself if anything had gone wrong. I pressed a soft kiss to her temple as the tension drained from her tiny frame.

With our discussion over, Emmett and Rose disappeared soon after to hunt, and Carlisle and Esme walked into the den to survey the damage.

Esme sighed and shook her head. "Those boys," she muttered in resignation at the mess. "Between the three of them it's a wonder that any house stays standing for more than a week at a time."

Carlisle chuckled. "No, love. Leave it there," he objected as she bent to clean up the shattered fragments. "Edward is responsible. Leave it for him when he comes home."

"No. I'll take care of it. I'm just glad he's home _to_ make a mess." Esme glanced up from her position on her knees as Alice and I walked into the room to help. "Alice," she began hesitantly, fear clouding her voice, "you don't see him leaving again, do you?"

Alice shook her head. "No. He has too many reasons to stay now. Between the werewolves, Victoria, and Bella's own lack of self-preservation he won't be able to talk himself into leaving again." There was no wavering in Alice's conviction of that, and both Carlisle and Esme visibly relaxed at her confidence.

When the den was restored to Esme's pristine standards, she and Carlisle decided to resume their own hunting trip since it had been cut short in Denali.

I stepped up behind Alice and wrapped my arms around her waist. "You know," I began as I bent to rain a trail of soft kisses down her neck, "we have the house all to ourselves now, and we _do_ have a bit of unfinished business upstairs."

Alice turned around in the circle of my embrace, a tender smile lighting her eyes. "Why, Major Whitlock, I do believe you're right."

With that, I scooped her up into my arms and carried her back upstairs to our room. I laid with her on our bed, our bodies molding into each other like two halves of a whole. Desire was shimmering tenderly between us, but, for the moment, I wanted only to hold her.

She was my comfort and my haven, and I wanted to spend this time thinking only of her. Every fear that I had felt while she was in Italy was all too fresh; I needed this time to hold her, to reassure myself once again that it was all over.

But my worries for Edward and Bella wouldn't quiet long enough to let me rest.

No, Edward might not leave a second time, but Bella was _human _– surely there was a limit to how long she would put up with his asinine refusal to accept her wishes about her mortality. Would she eventually give up on him? What would that mean for the rest of us? We would be right back where we started.

"Stop that." Alice's delicate fingers traced the worry lines on my forehead – lines I didn't even realize had formed.

"What?" I questioned.

"You're worrying over nothing. Everything's going to be fine, Jasper. Don't you trust me?" A half smile pulled at her lips.

"Of course I trust you, darlin. But, Edward's another story entirely," I teased and then shook my head as the memory of Bella's fleeting pain passed through my mind. "He's just so stubborn, Alice, and he's blind to what it's doing to her. You don't know how rejected she felt when he said he didn't want her to join our family. I'm so afraid he's going to mess this all up again."

Alice chuckled quietly. "Yes, Edward's about as bullheaded as they come, but he's finally met his match. Bella is every bit as stubborn as he is. And she's willing to fight for him, Jasper. It won't be easy, but it's all going to work out. You'll see."

She was right. I had to believe that she was right. I, of all people, knew how much they loved each other. Edward was stubborn, but he wasn't stupid. And he loved Bella more than his own life. Surely with that love to build on they would be able to work through the problems they would be faced with in the coming days.

"Hey." Alice's gentle voice brought me out of my thoughts. "You're wasting a perfectly good opportunity here. We have the house all to ourselves for once and you're spending the time worrying about our brother. For shame, Jasper." She shook her head in mock disappointment.

"Well, when you put it that way, it is inexcusable, isn't it. How can I ever make it up to you?" I questioned with a kiss to the tip of her nose.

"Love me, Jasper," she whispered against my lips.

"Always, darlin. For all of eternity."

With that, we picked up right where we had left off before.

The past several months had been those of intense tribulation and trial. We'd been placed in the middle of the fire, and left to burn. But instead of being consumed, we'd come out of it stronger than ever before. And, out of the ashes left behind, I knew we'd find a way to rise once again.

We always did.

Our struggles weren't over yet. There was still too much yet to be decided in the coming months. But I knew that no matter what happened we'd be all right.

We were a family, and together we could face anything.

* * *

There you have it… the very last chapter! It's a very bittersweet feeling having a story end, that's for sure. Once again, thank you all so, so much for sticking with me through this story and for investing your time in reading and commenting. That always means so much to me. You don't know how much I appreciate every single one of you!

I hope you'll all be excited to hear that the sequel is already started. It may take me a couple of weeks to get the first chapter up, but I promise I am working on it. I'm really excited about it! Like so many of you, Eclipse is my favorite book (and movie!) I'm eager to see where it takes me! So keep an eye out for _Rising From The Ashes_ in the coming weeks.

And if you haven't already, I'd love for you to check out the one-shot I posted last week, _All Through the Night_. It's a canon Jasper story that I wrote last year and finally moved over here! I've been told, though, that it should come with a tissue warning, so consider yourselves warned should you read! ;)

OK, enough from me for now! I'll be missing you all until next time…

Love and hugs,

Nik

PS… Did anyone notice the line from the movie I mentioned at the beginning? ;)


	20. Sequel now up!

Just wanted to let you all know that the sequel, Rising From The Ashes, is finally up! I'm anxious to get your feedback on it. The link is on my profile page. :)

Happy Holidays to you all!

Hugs,

Nik


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